Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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BUTTfailure

it's not so much that I'm envious or jealous of him I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE IN LOVE ANY MORE ALRIGHT GOD DAMN IT

I just want to forget about liking ppl and stop loving myself so I can discard my human shell ALRIGHT IS THAT TOO MUCH TO FUCKING ASK FOR

is that like TOO MUCH TO ASK SANTA FOR god damn

I can't help but think I USED TO NOT CARE, I USED TO BE A SHALLOW CALLOUS DRUG USER AND NOW I'M SOBER AND GROWING THESE FUCKING [censored] HEARTSTRINGS AGAIN FOR ANOTHER GUY [ewwww, feelings...] *cringe*

I have to keep waking up to reality and realizing I can do better every day until I choose to try for that and fail at it or just give up all together

I would have an easier time if I didn't NEED FUCC like so much
 
JOSE WHERE ARE YOU BRO

I need advice on how to cut out the heart strings

ghost& said to just beat him up but I think that's immoral BUT NO JUDGMENTS ON ANY OF YOU DOGGOS ya'll live ur lives <3

fucc me how do I get out of this

if I didn't care about the extant reality I would just off myself now WHY DO I CARE WHY DO I FUCKING CARE SOMEONE TELL ME WHY AHHHHHHHHHHH

this is when I should take meds and calm TF down but that doesn't work when CHINA TOO MY BENZOS AND RELEASED COVID TO US ALL FUCK YOU CHINA WAR ON CHINA
 
if I was worth my weight in sawdust I would at least be able to get a sugar daddy

but gay ppl die before they get old, evidenced by a phenomenal lack of older gays (drug overdose, AIDS, suicide, does it matter? fuck life fuck love)

so now I am gonna have to grandma it up

I wonder if their skin wrinkles jiggle a lot when their legs are in the air and trembling
 
I CANNOT GET OVER THE FACT HE SAID HE DOESN'T HAVE 'MANY' PPL like you can't say it's not just me but maybe you are just making urself seem more important WHO CARES I don't even want sex w/ other ppl ughhh

he's such a manslut and it takes a real whore to upstage my manslut level
 
i used my dick to get into this situation maybe i can fuck my way out of this situation

WHY DOES THE HATEFUCK MAKE ME LOVE HIM MORE

truegheybedroomconfessionals sometimes he hits me pretty hard because we'll be drunk and i'll be fucking hard and he gets this look in his eyes like NO and instead of saying words or pushing me off he starts hitting me as hard as he can...i don't care, it isn't a deterrent and i stay hard and just keep fucking after i get him to snap out of it

@jose ribas da silva

do 60 year old women put up much of a fight? just curious TTYTT, don't think I can manwhore myself out like jose

jose is like... ass with class

i'm just an ass :(
 
i think we coincidentally ruined sex for each other. he might like being a whore but he has admitted to me the sex is basically the best with me, why he comes over every night

it's like if I can snort heroin i'm not gonna go out of my way for a percocet

and most ppl are just percocets to me

this is the worst most dejected lonely life i could imagine and it makes me deeply suicidal when i realize the depths of depravity being suctioned around me like a blowjob from satan in the depths of hell
 
then again he did share w/ me one of his exes leaving him without qualms or reserves after years for someone else really broke his heart so i can preemtpive pussy strike his ass if i need to

i have always held upper hands in relationships mostly because 0 fucks given and rich inner world and ppl need that DADDY validation that I don't require

then again I'm totally taking advantage of him in that way - DOES THIS MAKE ME A BAD PERSON probably DO I DESERVE EVERYTHING I AM RECEIVING yes DO I NEED TO STFU yes WILL I yes when the alcohol works
 
if CAPTAIN was someone else

CH UR BEING LITTLE BITCH WHERE ARE UR BALLS BRO
man up and LEAVE his ho ass
you don't need a 1 on 1 YOU NEED A NEW MAN IN UR LIFE
fucking COME ON bro
dry up ur PITY PARTY TEARS with a BOUNTY SUPER PICKER UPPER paper towel, resell some toilet paper, get your stack of $$$ and go get a younger thinner thing and make him supe jelly
he's a poseur who uses traditional social media THEFUCC you care about how he feels/what he wants
UGH CH is such dumbass
 
it's not like we're using labels or words on this phenomena it's just like we're ignoring it, like trump is covid

i should just pretend like he doesn't exist

2 days ago he hit me up first and i knew he wanted that D and he was cumming like a race horse last night for it ugh i should just know he likes it and he is just playing with my feelings because he is a callous bitch

if he had anyone else he wouldn't be over here nightly he'd switch it up more

i do not want this life anymore pls let me cash out @ the casino, i have that slot machine paper slip to trade in for my soul/karma points pls
 
i am beginning to realize i only care because the rest of my life is a massive fuckupfailure rightnow [BUTTFAILURE]

and if i didn't have a pile of corpses haunting my mind (so many lost loved ones in 2019, then illnesses, covid, fun fun fun)

u know what cpt stop caring

get drunk

blast bad pop music

 
the hatred will pass
it will stop
i will stop caring
the incapacitating dizziness and blacking out sensation will overtake me
and all of the nonsense, the extant reality
will fade into the noise
none of this really matters
death mattered and i neglected it for so long
life is my coffin and it's time to close the lid
sexy-death-calendar-10.jpg
 
i have thoroughly upset my love interest at least several times

i think he's womanly and has girly feelings though but maybe i have already won the game

and it feels like a loss because i have issues

so i just need alcohol to feel like a winner

THAT'S OK ISN'T IT
 
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