Chapter II: The Abyss is Eternal !

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The shrill cries of a baby continue to echo in the temporal chamber of your coffin. WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE CHILDREN. Why do they like living and not dying? Am I not but a screaming ball of fat and skin, waiting to grow up and shrivel like a raisin of time, desiccated by the dry air and indifference of others? We are all corpses in the making. An illusion of dust and air before its disintegration point.

Tears of joy in the hospital. Tears of anguish and despair in the graveyard. Did you get to enjoy the trip? Was it too intense?

WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE EACH OTHER. Power is an illusion. Life is an illusion. We're all death in action. Dying in disgrace. What do you want, why do you want it? Why want at all? There is no dignity in death. There is no dignity to life. my continued existence is worse than death yet i still live on All excerpts from the remains of the dead western culture indicate that life is the common secular lie. I have yet to read a convincing argument why life is meaningful or worthwhile. My continued existence is a testament to the affirmation that life does not matter. I am an impermanent incomplete desecration of life and I don't wish to see the meaningless end.

WHY DO I CARE ABOUT ONE PERSON. I do not. I think I have experienced so much sexual joy with them that I have convinced myself that I do and I really do not and need to shake the delusion.

I felt the ultimate despair watching lifeforms more worthy than any human face down due to the plague. It crushed my soul. I wish with all my heart that we could just leave this world behind... rise like two angels in the night, and magically... disappear.
 
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It'll be alright.

What you smoking tonight?

I just roasted a lil bone.
dabs

am tired of living life

THIS IS THE LIFE I CHOSE because I'm not shooting meth

and haven't for a long time

and the depression comes back and I have nothing to change my stubborn suicidal mind [am pretty sure w/o my family i'd have ended it already not even love would have stopped me at this point...]

that's why as much as I was like U DON'T HAVE TO BRO i was 100% understanding of your desire to use and am not gonna tell you you're WRONG for it, that's something you determine for yourself etc. and I <3 you just the same

i think if i was stupid or dumb or not caring this wouldn't matter but too many thoughts and i can't stifle like JUST ONE OR TWO of them with drugs right now... not able to (like because of my stubborn self not letting me use i guess, literally nothing is stopping me)
 
notes for captain heroine
you're mentally sick bro rob a pharmacy for some bzd's ok
and then chill the fuck out bro you're gonna be ok you're acting like the covid patients when they go on the ventilator UR FINE

you're gonna get to hatefuck tonight and it'll be hot
just fucking CHILL bro

i tried date raping myself but i'm too fat
 
i think i need another beer.... 1 isn't enough

i was too drunk last night and FUCC'd like rock star but did not cum and I had him close to the point of blacking out from how good it was he literally went "ok... you win..." LUL
 
Haha, you're the fucking captain.

;) sex
yea like 1 hour 15 mins of sex last night wasn't enough wtf

when I was on my MEDS I wasn't this horned up

if this is NATURAL I need to find a latina and make a family while this NATURE shit is working because fuck... man... why do i look at girls on the street sometimes

i can't help it

i'm not always into staring at guys sometimes if it looks good but mostly there's hottie latinas in shorts out there with nice asses and i can't help it and girls flirt w/ me a lot

I HAVE CONVINCED MYSELF THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO GET BACK AT HIM FOR MY HEARTSTRINGS; FUCK A CHICK

i am gonna call it OPERATION: VAGINA
 
i might as well live life up these next few months before i die

dopeM knows how to have a good time

why I can't just tap into his KARMIC THERMAL and fly like the wind to success and happiness is unbeknownst to me

all part of determinism i guess, puritanical xtian style i am bound to go to hell

my continued existence is worse than death yet i still live on
notes to ch
listen to ur fuckin record bro
get over ur shite ok drink moar
 
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