🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 CD social V the future is here

[Stephy]

So.... when you hear the idiom, you need to realize that when a person says it takes a village to raise a child, they mean that the parents are incapable of raising a civilized person without help. It seems like you think the village references a complete set of parental figures, when in actuality the saying is completely excluding them and rendering them irrelevant.

So no. I don't think it takes a village. Oftentimes I find myself thinking fuck the village. Point in case? Every time I turn on the TV I'm catching a news report, commercial or PSA pushing some kind of trans agenda onto our youth. There are cases where I don't want the village having a damn thing to do with my family.

Also, I find it funny that your first direct response to me is a misunderstanding and an attempt at one-upmanship.

You may have some reflecting to do, Stephy. I've been open and ingenuous with every post, and the way you choose to respond is.... indicative of your ex being on to something. I'm curious what his side of the story would be if he were to stumble upon this forum.

I don't know what mom guilt is, but I'm extremely familiar with guilt in general and I know oh so well how it comes to be.

Best of luck in this struggle. I'm gonna go ahead and bow out of this thread unless I end up tagged.

I'm sorry I did not mean in anyway degraded. However I feel that the parents are just another cog in the village and absolutely part of it...i mean when you refer to the city you live in do you not count your self a part of it?? I feel it's the same thing. But i can not force you to agree and if i were to do that then you would never really agree with me. Your opion is by all means your right. I'd rather persuade you to feel the same than to make you feel bashed over the head. i do believe that every person is better in some other way than everyone else. I don't mean to say I'm one upped better than you... just different. Let me re-read what I have said to see where it could sound that way that made you feel bad. Everyone is intitiled to their own opinion, but let me tell you... nobody is perfect. No parent can possibly be perfect and it's not necessarily incompetent or incapable... but more that we all have our own..... crap what do you call.... special talents...ex...I would have never made it through physics and chemistry with out my uncle... yes the true NASA Rocket scientist... because there was never a chance in hell my parents could have tutored me. So what should they do? What should I do?? I would prefer not to fail... yet I still barely passed. LOVED THE CLASSES... still not one of my strengths... and doesn't mean my parents were incapable. They were very capable with their own strengths, but math and science weren't theirs. I'm sorry I re-read what I think the post you were referring to and I don't see where I degraded you or one- upped you. I'm sorry you feel that way. I absolutely did not feel any ill will to you...a difference of opinion of course and I hoped you would agree that we all have different gifts to give because we are not all super brains.((sorry I think this was someone else... I asked where you were...I assume British or surrounding area because of the cool housing and unemployment you get.... we don't get guaranteed housing in texas... we have to fight for low income housing And my ex is an anal retention narcissist... I struggle with keeping everything together... which is why we fight. ))((I'm very ADHD and absent minded... out of sight... out of mind for sure for me!!))My ex has never been on anything except alcohol in his youth. My guilt is WAY WORSE than regular guilt because we try so hard in every way to teach our children well.... and we constantly worry not only about what we screw up, but how our child's life might go to hell in a hand basket through fault of absolutely no one just stupid luck. No...I absolutely appreciate your input...I guess more than I conveyed or less maybe than you realized and I never want to make you feel any less of the wonderful social person you are who cared enough to answer my post with your personal views. Without you I would have no one to talk to... but myself. And that's not nearly as much fun. So stick around...I don't mean to offend... my family always said I should be an attorney...I come from a family of teachers so maybe that's where you're feeling.... like I think I'm better or something... no I'm not. Believe me...I am no better than any other man, but sometimes the teacher in me from my family comes out. I'm actually very self reflective...i practice self reflection quite frequently....I'm sorry but please feel welcome. Sick around we like you here.



Stephanie

 

[Stephy]

@Stephy - hey, I understand what you're saying. And you don't seem to be doing anything wrong here. Everyone has interpretations, knowledge to offer, blind spots, you know this, I know this - please don't feel unwelcome here because of posts like the above one, I find value in your posts and I'm sure I'm not the only one

Thank you

 

[emkee_reinvented]

No parent can possibly be perfect and it's not necessarily incompetent or incapable...

Nicely worded, I wasn't a perfect parent. neither was my Mother or my Granny. Just as long as you learn from your mistakes. My ex though is a bad parent, not a abusive manipulative one. She just gives our kid's a bad example, and a stressful youth imo. Do you see your kid's from time to time?

My ex-neighbour had a dog, animals that are way more sensitive then us, but unlike cat's dog's stick around human's all the time. It was so noticeable that the dog would get wild if we talked loud and exstatic. While when we were calmly talking it would directly be noticeable, the dog would calm down to.

To bad only I noticed it. His dog almost killed him a few weeks ago, could hear it through the walls, horryfing. His Mom saved him with a cooking pan. Moral learn from mistakes, be like a donkey never bump to the same rock twice. Humans have a tendency to doing the same shit again and again, well I do/ did. Different aproaches offer more option's, sorry for getting metaphoric. Had bad conversation recently with my own ex, useless but painful.

 

[Jibult]

I'm sorry I did not mean in anyway degraded. However I feel that the parents are just another cog in the village and absolutely part of it...i mean when you refer to the city you live in do you not count your self a part of it?? I feel it's the same thing. But i can not force you to agree and if i were to do that then you would never really agree with me. Your opion is by all means your right. I'd rather persuade you to feel the same than to make you feel bashed over the head. i do believe that every person is better in some other way than everyone else. I don't mean to say I'm one upped better than you... just different. Let me re-read what I have said to see where it could sound that way that made you feel bad. Everyone is intitiled to their own opinion, but let me tell you... nobody is perfect. No parent can possibly be perfect and it's not necessarily incompetent or incapable... but more that we all have our own..... crap what do you call.... special talents...ex...I would have never made it through physics and chemistry with out my uncle... yes the true NASA Rocket scientist... because there was never a chance in hell my parents could have tutored me. So what should they do? What should I do?? I would prefer not to fail... yet I still barely passed. LOVED THE CLASSES... still not one of my strengths... and doesn't mean my parents were incapable. They were very capable with their own strengths, but math and science weren't theirs. I'm sorry I re-read what I think the post you were referring to and I don't see where I degraded you or one- upped you. I'm sorry you feel that way. I absolutely did not feel any ill will to you...a difference of opinion of course and I hoped you would agree that we all have different gifts to give because we are not all super brains.((sorry I think this was someone else... I asked where you were...I assume British or surrounding area because of the cool housing and unemployment you get.... we don't get guaranteed housing in texas... we have to fight for low income housing And my ex is an anal retention narcissist... I struggle with keeping everything together... which is why we fight. ))((I'm very ADHD and absent minded... out of sight... out of mind for sure for me!!))My ex has never been on anything except alcohol in his youth. My guilt is WAY WORSE than regular guilt because we try so hard in every way to teach our children well.... and we constantly worry not only about what we screw up, but how our child's life might go to hell in a hand basket through fault of absolutely no one just stupid luck. No...I absolutely appreciate your input...I guess more than I conveyed or less maybe than you realized and I never want to make you feel any less of the wonderful social person you are who cared enough to answer my post with your personal views. Without you I would have no one to talk to... but myself. And that's not nearly as much fun. So stick around...I don't mean to offend... my family always said I should be an attorney...I come from a family of teachers so maybe that's where you're feeling.... like I think I'm better or something... no I'm not. Believe me...I am no better than any other man, but sometimes the teacher in me from my family comes out. I'm actually very self reflective...i practice self reflection quite frequently....I'm sorry but please feel welcome. Sick around we like you here.



Stephanie

I don't think you degraded me. I noticed an emotional response and decided that I wasn't the right person for you to be speaking with, because when emotions get involved in MY thought processes the conversation will go bad. There's no saving it, there's no talking me down.


Best of luck, Stephy. I hope you get the help and advice you're looking for.

 

[Stephy]

I don't think you degraded me. I noticed an emotional response and decided that I wasn't the right person for you to be speaking with, because when emotions get involved in MY thought processes the conversation will go bad. There's no saving it, there's no talking me down.


Best of luck, Stephy. I hope you get the help and advice you're around. You're always welcome here I did just notice a typo I made...I accidently said MY guilt when I meant MOM guilt....

Well thank you for clarifying that. I'm glad you came back. I'm sorry that happens to you and I thank you for coming back around..... hope you where able to get through that entire long post... sorry I can be long winded sometimes... and a pain sometimes....

I did see a typo of my own on this reread...I wrote MY guilt when I meant MOM guilt.

NOT( My)(should be(MOM)) guilt is WAY WORSE than regular guilt because we try so hard in every way to teach our children well.... to grow up to be a happy, well- rounded, SUSCESSFUL ADULT....and we constantly worry not only about what we screw up, but how our child's life might go to hell in a hand basket through fault of absolutely no one just stupid luck.... me reason to me of why having a village for my son is so important to me. However I respect your views.... I bet your a pretty successful guy compared to me....happy trails!!

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I don't think you degraded me. I noticed an emotional response and decided that I wasn't the right person for you to be speaking with, because when emotions get involved in MY thought processes the conversation will go bad. There's no saving it, there's no talking me down.


Best of luck, Stephy. I hope you get the help and advice you're looking for.

Venting your thought's is enough. Stephy is the one that finally will make the decisions.

And opening your thought's to other's does help. But essentially you can only change and help yourself. We are simply offering support , advice (good or bad) or venting our own experience's.
You btw are a very kind person, otherwise you would not posted these replies

 

[Jibult]

Well thank you for clarifying that. I'm glad you came back. I'm sorry that happens to you and I thank you for coming back around..... hope you where able to get through that entire long post... sorry I can be long winded sometimes... and a pain sometimes....

I did see a typo of my own on this reread...I wrote MY guilt when I meant MOM guilt.

NOT( My)(should be(MOM)) guilt is WAY WORSE than regular guilt because we try so hard in every way to teach our children well.... to grow up to be a happy, well- rounded, SUSCESSFUL ADULT....and we constantly worry not only about what we screw up, but how our child's life might go to hell in a hand basket through fault of absolutely no one just stupid luck.... me reason to me of why having a village for my son is so important to me. However I respect your views.... I bet your a pretty successful guy compared to me....happy trails!!

Success boils down to degrees, I think. While I may be more satisfied with my career (and I'm not even saying that I am, I just know that I'm relatively happy with my job and enjoy the benefits that come with it) I can almost guarantee my social life and emotional intelligence is probably in shambles compared to yours.

It's part of why I enjoy these forums so much.

Venting your thought's is enough. Stephy is the one that finally will make the decisions.

And opening your thought's to other's does help. But essentially you can only change and help yourself. We are simply offering support , advice (good or bad) or venting our own experience's.
You btw are a very kind person, otherwise you would not posted these replies

100%

I'm not here to tell anybody what to do or how to act.

I'll forever maintain sovereignty over how I conduct myself and the people I choose to interact with, however.

I've always felt the best I can offer a person is a perspective they may not yet have considered. "Outside-the-box" thinking. There's something intriguing to me about discovering how a person thinks, how they approach a problem, and then presenting them with a perspective that seems absent from their thought processes.

At the end of the day it seems like I'm a contrarian, but really I'm not trying to go against the grain for the hell of it-- I just like to attack a problem from all angles and then I have fun with thinking of new angles. Before you know it I've been on the fence for three days and still can't figure out which why I lean, then somebody pokes fun or speaks sideways and my already-rattled brain instantly hones in on a new threat that's so much clearer and easier to confront than it is to deal with my chaotic mind.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my anxiety in a nutshell.

(I also want to point out that I think this is a self-growth moment, emkee. I've never put those thoughts into words before. Now that I have and they're sitting here in front of me, i've read over what I just posted countless times in a sort of reverence, just amazed at how true they ring and how, for the first time I've ever experienced, this idea specifically was so clear and simple to write out.

That doesn't happen often, man.)

 

[Stephy]

100%

I'm not here to tell anybody what to do or how to act.

I'll forever maintain sovereignty over how I conduct myself and the people I choose to interact with, however.

I've always felt the best I can offer a person is a perspective they may not yet have considered. "Outside-the-box" thinking. There's something intriguing to me about discovering how a person thinks, how they approach a problem, and then presenting them with a perspective that seems absent from their thought processes.

At the end of the day it seems like I'm a contrarian, but really I'm not trying to go against the grain for the hell of it-- I just like to attack a problem from all angles and then I have fun with thinking of new angles.

AND THIS... MY DEAR..... is the point... the holy grail of why I believe we need a village... you have hit the nail on the head on the wonderful reason the bigger the village, the better the child will learn admittedly sometimes worse not better. But your outside the box opinion and perspective welcomes innovative ideas.

Thanks
Stephanie

 

[Jibult]

AND THIS... MY DEAR..... is the point... the holy grail of why I believe we need a village... you have hit the nail on the head on the wonderful reason the bigger the village, the more the child will learn admittedly sometimes worse not better. But your outside the box opinion and perspective welcomes innovative ideas.

Thanks
Stephanie

I don't think that's relevant. The phrase at hand is referring to raising a child into a productive member of a civilized society.

I think I've reached that milestone, so I'm..... I'm just gonna leave that there and not run with the implication.

But no, I honestly believe that idiom is bullshit. If it were up to the village I would've gone through school in Special Education classes and probably still be on some kind of government assistance program.

We put it in my family's hands, however, and.... well.... my situation's been a bit better than what 12 years of riding the short bus would have foretold. It's still been a rough road and there are a few relatives that have been left a little less wealthy simply due to the fact of my existence, but hey man..... sometimes these life lessons cost a couple uncles' bank accounts form of lawyers, yeah? lmao

[EDIT: As I'm thinking about this, though, I think I need to clear up some possible confusion-- I'm not saying it's shameful to need help! What I mean when I refute this is that I think an intact family unit is more than sufficient to raise a child into a decent human. No more, no less. I'm not talking about baby-sitting and chaperoning, I'm talking about molding the desired morals and ethics into your children.

My problem here isn't that single parents may occasionally need help-- it's clear as day to me that they're going to need help at one point or another given that they're already at a handicap in the fact that they don't have a whole, intact family unit. I'm also not saying that there are no alternatives.

I'm just of the opinion that-- at the bare minimum-- the healthiest environment to raise a child is a home that has two parents.

There are absolutely other ways to raise a child, and I'm not educated enough to debate why they're good or bad. My response is more visceral.]

 

[Jibult]

ay yall.... i don't mean to keep postin' this shit.... I really don't....

but it's like.... it just feels RIGHT.....

if you fuck with battle rap and you ever watched an episode of DBZ, Naruto or Bleach when you were a kid, you might appreciate this:

 

[emkee_reinvented]

100%

I'm not here to tell anybody what to do or how to act.

I'll forever maintain sovereignty over how I conduct myself and the people I choose to interact with, however.

I've always felt the best I can offer a person is a perspective they may not yet have considered. "Outside-the-box" thinking. There's something intriguing to me about discovering how a person thinks, how they approach a problem, and then presenting them with a perspective that seems absent from their thought processes.

At the end of the day it seems like I'm a contrarian, but really I'm not trying to go against the grain for the hell of it-- I just like to attack a problem from all angles and then I have fun with thinking of new angles. Before you know it I've been on the fence for three days and still can't figure out which why I lean, then somebody pokes fun or speaks sideways and my already-rattled brain instantly hones in on a new threat that's so much clearer and easier to confront than it is to deal with my chaotic mind.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my anxiety in a nutshell.

(I also want to point out that I think this is a self-growth moment, emkee. I've never put those thoughts into words before. Now that I have and they're sitting here in front of me, i've read over what I just posted countless times in a sort of reverence, just amazed at how true they ring and how, for the first time I've ever experienced, this idea specifically was so clear and simple to write out.

That doesn't happen often, man.)

Thank's you for sharing this moment with me and everyone else.

Its inspiring, and ring's notes of recognition. Makes me feel like I am not alone. Maybe keeping a diary came up immediatly while reading your text. Saw documentry about Edward Munch who, if I am correct, had year's and year's of his life on paper. Many other's have done this to. But I never got why. But writing does offer an different perspective.

May electricy fall out, and Bluelight end's , our pen written story's still excists. Btw @Stephy I also miss a big part of my tribe. Unnecessary and sad how the world has become in 3 generation's over here. My Granny 97 has witnessed it, the turning point allready on its way.

Lets hope for the next one, i must admit the city I was born in, changed in a good way. In 10 year's time.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I don't think that's relevant. The phrase at hand is referring to raising a child into a productive member of a civilized society.



[EDIT]: As I'm thinking about this, though, I think I need to clear up some possible confusion-- I'm not saying it's shameful to need help! What I mean when I refute this is that I think an intact family unit is more than sufficient to raise a child into a decent human. No more, no less. I'm not talking about baby-sitting and chaperoning, I'm talking about molding the desired morals and ethics into your children.

My problem here isn't that single parents may occasionally need help-- it's clear as day to me that they're going to need help at one point or another given that they're already at a handicap in the fact that they don't have a whole, intact family unit. I'm also not saying that there are no alternatives.

I'm just of the opinion that-- at the bare minimum-- the healthiest environment to raise a child is a home that has two parents.

I do think it's relevant. And raising a child to become a productive member of a civilized society.

Ok civilizing our society would be a good first step. But raising my kid's to become part of the destructing system you call productive. The ones that change thing's for the better are out numbered. I hope my kid's will be part of the the ones aiming for change. School atm is total crap, I bet a kid could learn at least 4 times as much when left to choice self. And living in a tribe/ community there is alway's a teacher around. One with real life experience.

"the healthiest environment to raise a child is a home that has two parents."
May I extend on that a bit?
Two parent's that are at least mentally/ psychelogically suited for parenting, and work out conflict's among each other, not in front of the kid's. Creating an oiled machine.

Untill recent people lived in group's of about 30/ 40 people. In some area's in the world this evolved in a very connected village like form. Here it evolved into divorced parent's, religion based exclusion, family's seeing each other not even on birthday's, disconnection with a large part of the population and the friend's you lost along the way.

For me a tribe seem's superiour. Though being open to other's help's too.

 

[Jibult]

I do think it's relevant. And raising a child to become a productive member of a civilized society.

Ok civilizing our society would be a good first step. But raising my kid's to become part of the destructing system you call productive. The ones that change thing's for the better are out numbered. I hope my kid's will be part of the the ones aiming for change. School atm is total crap, I bet a kid could learn at least 4 times as much when left to choice self. And living in a tribe/ community there is alway's a teacher around. One with real life experience.

"the healthiest environment to raise a child is a home that has two parents."
May I extend on that a bit?
Two parent's that are at least mentally/ psychelogically suited for parenting, and work out conflict's among each other, not in front of the kid's. Creating an oiled machine.

Untill recent people lived in group's of about 30/ 40 people. In some area's in the world this evolved in a very connected village like form. Here it evolved into divorced parent's, religion based exclusion, family's seeing each other not even on birthday's, disconnection with a large part of the population and the friend's you lost along the way.

For me a tribe seem's superiour. Though being open to other's help's too.

Expand all you want, the core concept remains the same.

I'm tired of this culture of splitting hairs, to be honest.

It's kind of getting to the point where i'm just going to have to repeat the same phrase over and over again.

I honestly thought this conversation was done with. I thought there was nothing new to add, and this hasn't been in my thoughts for quite some time. If you really want to debate why I don't think you need to rely on other people to raise your children, give me a little while to sober up and clear my head and i'll gladly go toe-to-toe against the idea that it's up to teachers and neighbors to fill the role that you're supposed to.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Expand all you want, the core concept remains the same.

I'm tired of this culture of splitting hairs, to be honest.

It's kind of getting to the point where i'm just going to have to repeat the same phrase over and over again.

I honestly thought this conversation was done with. I thought there was nothing new to add, and this hasn't been in my thoughts for quite some time. If you really want to debate why I don't think you need to rely on other people to raise your children, give me a little while to sober up and clear my head and i'll gladly go toe-to-toe against the idea that it's up to teachers and neighbors to fill the role that you're supposed to.

Fine let's end it, as we probably think the same, Probably something goes wrong during the interpretation. Of each other's post's, I am a bit limited in expressing its not my native language. And my head is a chaos.

And both me and stephy don't see our kid's anyway.

 

[Jibult]

Fine let's end it, as we probably think the same, Probably something goes wrong during the interpretation. Of each other's post's, I am a bit limited in expressing its not my native language. And my head is a chaos.

And both me and stephy don't see our kid's anyway.

I meannnnnnnnnnnn

i really meant to come back, ready to go, hands up and on-guard like

my first question was just why do you think two parents might be inadequate? where might they require help?

but i meannnnnnnnnnnn

we can let this float away. I prefer it. I was surprised it even came back on me. fuck a debate, man, let's just agree to disagree and stay friends

 

[emkee_reinvented]

we can let this float away. I prefer it. I was surprised it even came back on me. fuck a debate, man, let's just agree to disagree and stay friends

Sure you can, but you gave it such a weird spin. Opinion's are not debate's. Why debate anyway with someone who's opinion you don't respect.

Any way you can let it float away, we still be friend's. Its just you loose your debate and ignored your own preference. Tempted to upload my 'FU-CHICKEN' bro. You inspired me to wright a journal, different perspective

 

[MedicinalUser247]

Speaking of spin... The pot I get makes you feel like your on a Ferris Wheel because it's so potent.

 

[Jibult]

Sure you can, but you gave it such a weird spin. Opinion's are not debate's. Why debate anyway with someone who's opinion you don't respect.

Any way you can let it float away, we still be friend's. Its just you loose your debate and ignored your own preference. Tempted to upload my 'FU-CHICKEN' bro. You inspired me to wright a journal, different perspective

"FU_CHICKEN?"

I'm not sure what that means, but I'd like to direct you to a tiny little snippet of yours that, in my opinion, makes the rest of your essay irrelevant. It's the golden nugget that I'm trying to show you, and you've already found it, brother. You held it in your hand and then offered it to me as if it was helping to make your point.

Separation of a kid of one or both, capable, parent's is damaging.

Why do you think that is?

I'm of the opinion that, what you just said? Right there above this? That's another proof positive that the healthiest environment to raise a child is in a home with two parents. I'm gonna go even further and modify that this time thanks to the insights provided in your last post: "a home with two loving, capable parents"**

You also go even further, though. This next one caused me to use my imagination a little bit, and I admit that sometimes that can be a problem.

And instead of a two parent situation. Looking back and 'fantazing'

I'm not going to interpret this publicly because I actually like you and don't want to start a war. This last line leads me to believe that this is extremely personal to you and you're coming to an emotional conclusion based on your specific experiences, not realizing that your specific experiences might not necessarily be what human history would consider "normal."

You posed a question somewhere towards the end. I've had partners, I've been around children. Currently, though?

me, myself and I, and three dogs and my brother and his wife and their two nieces [errrr, their DAUGHTERS and my nieces], and also a deaf cat. Best part is? The house isn't in ANY of our names! Fuckin' equal footing, dawg.

I would have a fish tank still but dude, 60gal was a lot of work.

On top of that, my job has me visiting around a 100 homes daily and in and out of SO MANY BUSINESSES.

I may not have a dog in the fight but I've seen enough to be able to place some pretty solid wagers.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

"FU_CHICKEN?"

I'm not sure what that means, but I'd like to direct you to a tiny little snippet of yours that, in my opinion, makes the rest of your essay irrelevant. It's the golden nugget that I'm trying to show you, and you've already found it, brother. You held it in your hand and then offered it to me as if it was helping to make your point.

FU-CHICKEN was a work of art I send to my ex, but I doubt you see the fun in it but feel offensed.

Separation of a kid of one or both, capable, parent's is damaging.

Why do you think that is?

Because its in "The Right's of Children" of Unicef, as I wrote before.
You don't give away anything when asked direct question's, do you? Edit: re-read it and you did, my excuses. I was wrong.

Steph your thread is derailing sorry, but had to clear my throat. He is using the N.... word.
Off course this is based on personal experience and it was ab-normal, thought that was clear. PLUR Jibult.

Edit: for you, stephy and ... I'll try to upload an uplifting photo manipulation. Let's call it 'Furry Fish'.

 

[Mr. Krinkle]

so i used to shop at **please no referencing sites that sell product or paraphernalia** but they're not around anymore....