A little embarrassed posting this but then i remember my drug days and realize i have no shame

I just tried anal sex with my boyfriend, im in my mid 30's so im late to the party but addicted lol
My question is how often is it safe? I used Google and read horror stories of "leakage " and i definitely don't want that lol
Anal is safe so long as you take the necessary precautions. For people with horror anal stories, it is likely they didn’t use lube, didn’t use a condom, engaged in forced entry (not waiting for the anus to relax/become aroused), or they were not psychologically prepared.
If you want to do anal play, make sure you have a ton of lube and that you’re prepared to engage in plenty of foreplay so that the muscles and sphincters of your anus can relax properly. Spit is not enough and I can’t stress that enough. Spit dries quickly and you’d need to be consistently drooling in someone’s anus to have a semblance of proper lubrication. The skin within the anus is relatively thin so it can tear easily and cause much more intense pain or discomfort if you are not prepared to engage in anal.
It is best to use a condom so as to prevent infection from occurring within your partner’s penis (fecal matter is relatively unsafe to consume or have enter your blood stream as it can make you sick). Wearing a condom also protects you from getting infections/diseases via fecal matter entering small cuts or tears in the lining of your anus or potential diseases/infections your partner(s) could carry.
Stories of men and women contracting HIV/AIDS back in the 70’s, though serious and legitimate, often involved lack of protection, forced entry (despite mutually consented arousal), multiple partners (unprotected), and lack of hygiene upkeep.
If you’re worried about small pieces of feces coming out, you can douche with mild/warm water but otherwise a shower should suffice. Also if you plan to do oral stuff on the anus, dental dams (or cut up condoms) work fine as protection from fecal matter entering your mouth.
Also to make sure it isn’t uncomfortable, attempt to defecate before having anal sex so there’s less risk of “leakage”, accidental poops during sex, or discomfort.
What augustaB said is true, but leakage usually occurs after forced entry and is accompanied by an inability to control the external sphincter. Leakage does not occur when you are properly relaxed. The anus’ plasticity is amazing and regular (well-practiced) anal play can improves your anus’ elasticity thus preventing you from needing things like adult diapers.
Just stay safe, lubed, properly relaxed, and mentally aroused with your mind not preoccupied on anything stressful and you’re likely to have a good ol’ Time!
Hopefully this helps.