Boyfriend used to smoke a lot of weed and he's tried a lot of drugs, it worries me?

[pofacedhoe]

^^Vodka at 7:00 am eh?

It's five 0'clock somewhere!

alcoholism rears its ugly head8)

either way OP there is not point in trying to change someone. life doesn't work like that. i can change myself (if i make the effort) but you cannot change me.

the best option is find someone who doesn't place you second after their friends and cannabis sessions

i like getting stoned BUT my boyfriend takes precedence a lot of the time because if i dont make him a priority someone else will...

 

[PurpleKush1]

^^Vodka at 7:00 am eh?

It's five 0'clock somewhere!

Hahahahaha

alcoholism rears its ugly head8)

either way OP there is not point in trying to change someone. life doesn't work like that. i can change myself (if i make the effort) but you cannot change me.

the best option is find someone who doesn't place you second after their friends and cannabis sessions

i like getting stoned BUT my boyfriend takes precedence a lot of the time because if i dont make him a priority someone else will...

I dont consider myself a full blow alcoholic tbh. I will go on drinking binges that last weeks and then i stop and go a few days whitout it. Like right now. Im just used to being fucked up from the moment i wake up to the moment i sleep. Id choose Some Hydromoprhone or H, Xanax,CLonazepam, weed if i could still smoke itr whitout freaking out over liquor whitout a thought. I just have to resolve to liqor atm.

 

[pofacedhoe]

hmm none of that is good because heavy alcohol use and benzo's interfere with leading a normal life. they literally make a person stupid.

maybe you need to sober up...

 

[PurpleKush1]

hmm none of that is good because heavy alcohol use and benzo's interfere with leading a normal life. they literally make a person stupid.

maybe you need to sober up...

While i agree that heavy alcohol use i no good, i need benzo's. As soo n as i get my rx i will be so much better. THey literally make me feel normal and like myself. I can take hevy doses and still be perfectly coherent.

 

[double ewe]

it sounds like you two may want different things out of life and/or relationships right now. there's nothing wrong with smoking lots of pot with your buddies and being a little bit aimless when you're twenty. and there's nothing wrong with wanting a more ambitious boyfriend, who likes to spend more of his time hanging out with you. neither of you are being unreasonable about how you want to live your lives, but i think those differences may make it hard to maintain a healthy relationship.

likewise, i have some experience with lazy and stoned. a great many people who smoke their way through their teens/twenties go on to be very productive people. there's nothing wrong with someone his age not being in a hurry to dive into adulthood. but it can take a LONG time for that to happen (and sometimes it doesn't). so without passing any judgment on him, it's definitely worth considering how long you'd be willing to wait. you're young.

 

[double ewe]

This seems to be the crux of the issue. What you've described is a clear case of a person abusing drugs as a means to try and enjoy a life they don't really feel a purpose in. Unfortunately, everyone has to find their own purpose in life and it's not something you can just talk someone into. For some people it takes years to find their passions and develop ambition, and for others it never happens. Some of the most trustworthy, loyal and most honest people I've known spent their whole lives chasing pleasure without really wanting more out of life. The people who stood by them were the worse for it. Personally, I think you are going to have to make your choice between loving someone who may never get over partying and breaking up with him so you can continue to pursue a life you're working hard towards. What's for certain is that one side will eventually have to compromise. That boils this issue down to one question: do you love this guy enough to potentially give up on the life you want to live?

oh man this is perfect

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

If he doesn't see you that much, and he used to smoke weed all the time - he has problems that being with you will not help. He needs to stand on his own 2 feet and sort his head and heart out. Anyone using ganja everyday is running away from pain, instead of confronting it.

The drugs thing is just naturally experimental - but if he has compulsively smoked weed, chances are he will go into drugs too much as well.

Support him, nurture him, and demand he takes you on his next dose!

 

[pofacedhoe]

While i agree that heavy alcohol use i no good, i need benzo's. As soo n as i get my rx i will be so much better. THey literally make me feel normal and like myself. I can take hevy doses and still be perfectly coherent.

that's called having a tolerance and its not good.

at some point heavy benzo use will catch up with you and when you have to come off them it is very unpleasant, worse than opiate withdrawal. you are in a drug honeymoon. it wont last

 

[PurpleKush1]

that's called having a tolerance and its not good.

at some point heavy benzo use will catch up with you and when you have to come off them it is very unpleasant, worse than opiate withdrawal. you are in a drug honeymoon. it wont last

It has already catched up, i dont take them often because i dont got a rx, but when i had one i too kbig amounts and iknow far too well the hell of benzo wd. Im way past the honeymoon phase. Still i think its healtier eating 6-8 mgs of xanax or klonopin a day then a bottle of vodka a day

 

[DJRolling]

id have to agree, drug use doesn't define who anyone is. if he's loving and caring nothing else should matter. however I do know, from unfortunate experience, that people who live sober or "legally sober" lives tend to find those of us that enjoy the occasional roll or trip to be significantly less responsible than those who do not.

if you love each other you love each other and that's that, personally though, i'd love it if the girl I'm after let me know she had a problem with it and gave me a chance to prove that I am a capable human being instead of just telling me I was a drug addict with no future

 

[Ds]

sounds like you need a fucking man, and not some man that cant keep his lady happy punk ass fuck.

yo i work,got my own place.i smoke weed, i can handle my shit.sounds like ur w,e the fuck cant handle his shit. u don't need shit like that in your life. going to fuck you up later.

you want a man damnit, what the fuck is the shit coming to? chicks yo, dump dey ass, n find guys out there working.making a living, that can provide for YOU,shit as long as YOUR happy i could give 2shits about me.You'v been wearing my jacket all along. its yours girl.
see, dudes gotta step the fuck up. now u know what kind of guy i am, and i didn't have to hear about some guy/girl im to high to break up with.

refrain from using racist terminology

 

[PurpleKush1]

sounds like you need a fucking man, and not some man that cant keep his lady happy punk ass fuck.

yo i work,got my own place.i smoke weed, i can handle my shit.sounds like ur w,e the fuck cant handle his shit. u don't need shit like that in your life. going to fuck you up later.

you want a man damnit, what the fuck is the shit coming to? chicks yo, dump dey ass, n find guys out there working.making a living, that can provide for YOU,shit as long as YOUR happy i could give 2shits about me.You'v been wearing my jacket all along. its yours girl.
see, dudes gotta step the fuck up. now u know what kind of guy i am, and i didn't have to hear about some guy/girl im to high to break up with.

This is exactly why i rather be single and have fuck buddys then a gf, because in their mind you are there to support them and make money to make them live, its alright if you work your asss off 14 hours per day and they dont do shit, and they want control as usual over you, if you aint got no cash you aint never getting a gf. Say what you want but its the way it is. Manipulation is their nature .

 

[seaofmonsters]

If I were you I'd be worried that he was cheating on me. I'm sorry but doing MDMA and coke out with his friends and never telling you about it? The fact that he hid this whole aspect of his life from you is a major red flag to me. Especially given that you don't see him very often -- just once a week? It seems to me like both of you have different expectations of what a relationship should be like.

The whole relationship as described in this post just seems doomed. OP wants a real relationship and growing into adulthood together. Boyfriend seems to want partying.

 

[EmLee]

WOW some of you guys are so fucking judgmental haha. Others are helpful, so thanks. Basically it's not a massive issue I was just pretty pissed off when I posted this. My partner knows and accepts that he has a psychological addiction to cannabis therefore it's not just about him being a normal rebellious teenage guy who isn't quite sure where he wants his life to go yet. He's admitted to me that he dropped out of sixth form, and then college, basically because he couldn't be arsed - he'd rather get stoned every day. It's not about 'partying' for him. He also told me he used to be addicted to mcat. Some of you seem to think drug addiction is okay but in the opinion of both me and my boyfriend, it's not. I just want him to grow up and realise there's more to life - and more to him, because he is truly amazing - than blazing every day.

We went to a music festival together last week and had an awesome time. I tried ketamine (first drug I've ever tried other than alcohol, cannabis) with him and I really enjoyed it. I have no problem with recreational (and occasional) drug use, but I do have a problem with drug addiction.

 

[EmLee]

Also the guys in my A Level classes are not nerdy lol. I go to a college that's mainly for school/sixth form dropouts and they all take drugs haha.

 

[EmLee]

ALSO he is not cheating on me. I trust him so much and I have never EVER thought even for a second that he might be cheating on me. I just dislike secretive behaviour between a long-term couple. Am I wrong for that?

 

[rickolasnice]

Does he want to give up cannabis?

If not there is really nothing you can do.

As for him occasionally taking other drugs.. just let him know you don't have a problem with it so there's no need to hide it.

 

[Lysis]

OP, honestly, I hate potheads. They are annoying. The thing is that you can't change an addict. The addict has to want to quit, so all your kicking and screaming won't do anything.

If you need more time and attention, it's time to tell yourself he's a loser and move on. I totally understand your point about wanting to be with him more, but I also think it's a sign if he wants to be with his friends more than you.

There are so many fish in the sea, and you can do better if this guy just plays video games and smokes weed. There are plenty of men who will go out and have fun with you. Let him find a stoner to sit and talk about stupid shit with him, and you can find someone fun!

 

[double ewe]

Basically it's not a massive issue .... he dropped out of sixth form, and then college, basically because he couldn't be arsed - he'd rather get stoned every day.

i would say this is a pretty big issue. there's a difference between "spends too much time smoking pot" and "is failing at life because he won't stop smoking pot." as many successful, ambitious smokers have said, marijuana doesn't turn people in to losers - losers are drawn to marijuana because it makes doing nothing with their lives more bearable.

I just want him to grow up

unfortunately, there's really nothing you can do about it. i would suggest you take the advice of the people on here who are old enough to have seen this scenario play out a few times - he may get his shit together, but it could be YEARS before that happens, and it's just not worth you wasting your life watching him wallow in failure until that times comes.

 

[PurpleKush1]

OP, honestly, I hate potheads. They are annoying. The thing is that you can't change an addict. The addict has to want to quit, so all your kicking and screaming won't do anything.

If you need more time and attention, it's time to tell yourself he's a loser and move on. I totally understand your point about wanting to be with him more, but I also think it's a sign if he wants to be with his friends more than you.

There are so many fish in the sea, and you can do better if this guy just plays video games and smokes weed. There are plenty of men who will go out and have fun with you. Let him find a stoner to sit and talk about stupid shit with him, and you can find someone fun!

Not all ''potheads'' fit the playing games and eating all day stereotype. I became more outgoing and social when i started smoking weed. Just as in some people it fucks up the motivation, in others it dont.