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Bluelight Singles thread "Living without justification" Part 2

I keep waiting for the perfect moment to show them, but it never seems to be the right time.

Add to that it might be seen as kinda weird if I show her something like that after a handful of dates. Idunno.

It is good though, I look back through other pictures I have done in the past and see in the pictures exactly what I saw in the girls at the time.
 
^^ omg 8o marry me... ;) hehe, seriously dude that is amazing work :)

the last guy i dated was 5 years older then me, and yeaher, it sure as hell didn't stop him from acting like an immature bastard at times.

but i think the oldest guy that i ever dated was 28 when i was 18.

i definitely used to have a thing for older guys when i was younger... not so much anymore. i've had some amazing coversations with people who are younger then me and some aweful ones with people who are a lot older, and visa versa. so yeah you just never know.
 
that is fucking awesome shnouz. and i reiterate yarni's point.

seriously. show her.

if she doesn't like it then you've lost nothing. if she does, you've gained a partner, imo.

seriously.

that's really nice news, and i really like the picture too. the red-head thing is cool :)
 
I don't know much because I've been drinking since before Home and Away started... but maybe it's enough to know that you understood that person in the time that you knew them. Well, understood enough of what they showed you. I think, perhaps, no-one wants to really know the impression other people have of them because it will never live up to the expectation of the impression the person wants you to have of them.

I don't think that statement is so relevant to Shnouzer's situation due to the abstract nature of his artistic description but still...

Adam, you're silly for hiding a part of you which makes you more attractive to the people that matter. :)
 
^^^ i don't agree with the first part; i think it's a cop-out.

perhaps i'm personally biased, perhaps i'm too impulsive, or perhaps i'm actually right, but i'd rather find the one person who has an opinion of me that i actually value - entirely regardless of what i want them to think - and build on that connection rather than search for something that might be comforting but ultimately false. i realise that comfort isn't always built on falsities, but comfort is always something that has made me somewhat uncomfortable. i'm a cynic, i guess, but it's not always such a bad thing.

we get a bad wrap.

anyway: i am drunk and also listening to "two times" by ann lee, which could quite possibly totally invalidate my opinion :)
 
Your opinion is never invalid.

I just think a vast majority of the population would rather feel loved than actually be loved. Fuck, I fall into that category as well. And when it comes down to it... what's the difference.

People would rather hear what they need to hear rather than know what they hear is the truth.

My typing is fine my logic is probably dodgy...
 
i clamber precariously between both of those categories, i guess. but if the world was perfect, my explanation fits (imnsho).

but sadly, we all have egos, and sometimes they come before what we actually want deep down in our non-existent but heartfelt souls.

your logic is fine.

and sure, most of the population would like that, but i've never been most, and most (heh) of us here have never been most either.

so that doesn't matter.

i just find that the moments when i feel worst are the moments when i realise that i've spent all this time seeking validation on my own terms when all i really need is for someone to say they like me; say they love me; and mean it...and for me to actually believe them.

pretending to be happy can get you through in the short-term, but that's all, i think.
 
What happens when that person that says they love you and you believe them.... isn't subject to the same feelings back? Those situations happen allll the time.

Emotions are like drugs. When your in your lovey dovey honeymoon zone with someone you lose perspective and life begins to revolve around this person who inspires such pleasurable feelings. The catch is, when you are not round them you don't go back to base level, no, you go to a level of craving. You think about that person and those feelings - you want that emotional fix back. It is for this reason that we often stay with those we LOGICALLY know we shouldn't stay with. Emotional addiction. I have most definitely been a victim and although in the end i got screwed around and loss a great degree of self esteem in the process, i wouldn't trade that experience for anything. I mean i would have done it differently but i know that its a valuable experience nonetheless.

It is for this reason i find myself keeping my emotions in check. Anytime i feel myself heading towards a significant emotional attraction i hold it back, pace it, take my time. In the initial stages i don't want emotion clouding the logical things i should do if i want this person. Is that wrong? What do you guys think about keeping your emotions under control?

Adikkal
 
Marry me Addikal? That is quite possibly one of the most intelligent things I have ever read on here and I relate 100%
 
Yeha, adikkals words of wisdom in here always put me back in my place.

I think, about keeping emotions under control... is depending on the situation. Sometimes over-analysing of things can dent situations, when its really not needed.

I dunno. I spose most girls just want to be swept off their feet. its different for everyone, and different for the same person, at a different stage in their life.

EVERYTHING IS SITUATIONAL.
 
I think I am about to infact give up on finding that right person.

All the guys that are absolutely awesome to me, and treat me so nicely, don't interest me in the slightest. Yet it seems when I finally let myself have some form of emotion for somebody, they screw me over completely and leave me in tears.

I do agree with what Adikkals said, but generally once I find myself heading towards that emotional point, although I am aware of it, there is no return and I can't stop myself.

I hate people who will say "I do like you...but". Meh you either want to be with me or you don't, theres no buts about it. I'm angry right now. I want to feel absolutely nothing. I'm thinking why didn't he just roll over and go to sleep like a normal person, rather than spending the night making me think he cared. Then I am expected to just wait around while he decides whether he wants me or not, if you expect that as far as I'm concerned you've already decided. Really I wish people would just be honest with others and themselves.

(Yet for some reason I still want to see him again :| )
 
Faerie your post reminds me of something that is helpful for us ALL to know. There is a difference between attraction and liking someone.
Attraction is not a choice. It is a chemical reaction which arises from the way someone behaves towards you. There are many aspects to attraction but a very basic one is that you are more attracted to those who pose a challenge. You like more what you have to work for.

This explains why we often feel more attracted to those people who don't want us but flirt like hell, creating the idea in our mind that there is a possibility. We then begin to analyse "why would he/she flirt like that if they didn't have some interest, i want to be with them!". What is actually happening is that the person is triggering all the right things for attraction to take place regardless of whether you initially LIKE this person.

Think about it, you can be attracted to someone and not actually really like them. You might find someone an asshole but for some unexplained reason, still want to be with them. It's because attraction isn't a choice, it's a chemical process.

Liking someone on the other hand is more when our concscious mind comes into play and notes that this person has alot of similarities, treats us well, is interesting to talk too and fun to be around. It says "This person is nice!". The problem is, this nice behaviour fails to evoke that attraction that is necessary for you to be physically drawn to them and hence results in situations like "I do like you...but".

This is commonly seen with the "nice guy" syndrome and alot of 'nice guys' seem to take offense at the thought they need to act like an asshole. You don't have to act like an asshole, just quit acting like a little bitch! Haha. As in, don't always do everything for your lady, she's not a queen, she's just the same as you, don't ALWAYS be available, your life doesn't revolve around her. Switch the sexes and the same applies. Bam!

Attraction is about MUCH MORE than looks.

Adikkal
 
dude...relationship psychologist? You should have a column 'Agony Adikkal' where you analyse everyones relationship issues. BRILLIANT
 
Top post adikkal.

Nothing was ever quite as exasperating as hearing 'Rui I'm not going to sleep with you - you're too nice...'

I mean WTF??? :\
 
I'm single and sick of it.

I go out with friends,NOT to try to pick up,but to have fun.Of course I wouldn't mind meeting someone but it doesn't happen.

I've met various girls at various places egs: work,pubs,TAFE in the past,clubs,raves,etc,etc....)and they generally are either already taken or if single NOT interested.Or they just want to be 'my friend' and go off with some 'jerk'.The 'jerk' that they deserve of course,he,he,he,he,he................ ;)

I'm picky to a degree egs: I have to be attracted to them,they can't be stupid,reliable,honest,NOT conservative and/or a non-thinking sheep,be caring,be funny and fun to be with,non - game playing when it comes to romance,etc,etc.............

But,I give girls a chance to see if they are anything like this.It's a shame, I've meet too many girls, that don't seem to be as open to give me a chance :(.

Anyway,I'll say something NOT politically correct and I won't be shocked if many people(especially girls here :p ) flame me for it :p .NOT that I should be, with 'guy' stereotypes like 'men don't want relationships' NOT being flamed :p

For the girls complaining about being screwed around by a guy/s:-

In most cases the guys do the asking out and the girls do the choosing.So, if you get screwed around,the girl has choosen badly(Especially if you don't give other guys a chance,that have asked you out).

Also,if you are a girl that only gets asked by guys that turn out to be duds.Then trying ask out guys if you don't already.The decent nice guy,could be closer to you then you think..................
 
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my dad always told me i came on too strong and freaked boys out, and that i really needed to be more aloof. so i tried doing this. and sure, it worked- boys here, boys there, boys everywhere. only problem was they were all complete and utter wankers. i found out that if you *need* to treat them very casually to keep their interest, it's more than likely not actually worth it.

that and the guy i was seeing for ages this year grew increasingly frustrated by me acting this way. he told me to stop listening to my dad so much.

so i compromised. i gave up looking and trying, but when i met people i did actually like, i didn't pretend otherwise.

so there was never any confusion!! =)=)

(note: when i say i didn't pretend i didn't like them, i don't mean i wrote love letters, sang songs, cried on their doorstep or followed them to their car after work- however, i did perfect my 'damn right i'm perving on you, i know you know, and i'm just going to keep on looking' stare)
 
Haha leecie! Yeah i've learned alot about the psychology behind attraction because it interests me. It comes down to the fact that there are certain rules and psychological principles that determine whether or not we are attracted to a person. The reason why girls often go for the jerks is because he hits all those right buttons to trigger attraction but being the asshole that he is, he gets the pussy then bails, leaving the girl high and dry wondering what the hell happened.

All you nice guys out there, instead of whinging about getting screwed around and how girls only seem to like you as a friend - start to think about WHY this is! You have great mental connections with them, they love spending time with you, but aren't attracted to you sexually.... this is NOT because of the way you look (ok it may be in some cases, but its only a small part of it) it's because of the way you ACT.

So for the sake of everyone, nice guys of the world unite and learn HOW to cause attraction. If you can combine the best parts of jerk and nice guy world you'll have women knocking down your door!

In terms of communication, this concept has really cemented in my mind

"The meaning of your communication is the response that you get"

So if you continually get the same result, it is your behaviour that is causing it. If you're not getting the result you want, do something different. Don't keep banging your head into a wall trying to get through. It comes down to dedication and effort, if you are genuinely sick of it then make an effort to change.

I'm gonna cut myself off before i get too fucking self-help and wanky.

....

Adikkal
 
nah addikal. you are undoubtabley the MAN
your advice is right on the money everytime.
keep that shit up!

definatley down for the addikall help thread
 
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