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AADD Moderators: Tronica
Bluelight Singles thread "Living without justification" Part 2
- Thread starter BREAKaBEAT
- Start date
Yeh, I guess.'lil leecie said:
Actually, it feels like we are going around in circles and I hate circles. Also, she is on a complete detox from everything and I'm not really ready to do that but she needs me to get through it (her words not mine). She's been taking drugs since she was 16 and she's had plenty of bad experiences which is why she wants to get clean. She wants nothing more to do with drugs and I'm still fairly new to it all, so I'm not sure if I want to stop already.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I'm afraid I'll have to choose between her and sobriety or singleness and debauchery, but saying that, she also realises this and doesn't want to be unfair to me (as in; holding me back from doing what I want) so she realises there is a nasty catch 22.
There are more issues to it than what I've mentioned, but I'd rather not say.
Pop Popavich
Bluelighter
xcidium said:
That was a main underlying reason/cause/symptom of my last failed relationship (which I now realise ended a whole year ago! Wow that was fast). I wanted to be able to do my own thing without having to consider someone else.
The feeling of having to consider her wasn't one she inflicted on me, it was something I felt within myself. To not consider her when I was planning something just felt really slack, but I wanted that freedom to be able to do whatever I wanted without having to let someone know, to be unaccountable.
I know what you mean about feeling like a bad boyfriend, especially when it comes to that feeling of coming to a point where you will need to choose, and knowing that what you want to choose yourself will hurt the other person.
Mind you, in my case, it didn't help that when I was planning to go out and do something fun, I was more inclined to not invite her along, because I had more fun without her. Realising that was a bit of a wake up call.
Rubber_Duck
Bluelighter
^^^ took the words straight out of my mouth!
I felt i just needed time to cut my toe nails so to speak,
I felt i just needed time to cut my toe nails so to speak,
Mary Poppins
Bluelighter
the list returns!
right, so after my little whinge about the lack of list action i was experiencing, i found a likely candidate last night as i was updating my journal.
he is a past list member actually, who has been in japan for the past 18 months. a definite case of "the one that got away".
i had a huge crush on him, predominantly because of his laugh and wacky nature, secondly due to his immense intelligence. he's not heaps heaps heaps attractive, but he's quite cute and like we've gone through in this thread, he became the best looking man alive once my little crush got going.
i have only met him a few times, he's a friend of a friend, but we've always got on well. of course i am far too wussy to actually do anything about it, and then i was invited to his farewell bbq before he went to japan, and it was so sad, and he gave me this huge good-bye hug (yeah so we're like totally going steady
)and i spent the entire night afterwards wondering whether he was sitting at home alone before his flight the next day, and wondering if i should ring him and see if he wanted a last minute australian booty call.
knowing me and my stupid over-analysis, i didn't. and until recently have sufficed with reading his rarely updated livejournal. A few months ago he updated with pics of his new girlfriend (not japanese, though i'm not sure if she's australian either) which made me
now that i've got my own LJ i've alerted him to the fact that i'm lj stalking him, and we've friended each other, and i've started to comment more and more. he comes back to australia, i just hope that bitch won't be coming back with him.
it makes me want to smack myself in the eye for not at least trying when he was in the country - even to know either way.
ah well...
right, so after my little whinge about the lack of list action i was experiencing, i found a likely candidate last night as i was updating my journal.
he is a past list member actually, who has been in japan for the past 18 months. a definite case of "the one that got away".
i had a huge crush on him, predominantly because of his laugh and wacky nature, secondly due to his immense intelligence. he's not heaps heaps heaps attractive, but he's quite cute and like we've gone through in this thread, he became the best looking man alive once my little crush got going.
i have only met him a few times, he's a friend of a friend, but we've always got on well. of course i am far too wussy to actually do anything about it, and then i was invited to his farewell bbq before he went to japan, and it was so sad, and he gave me this huge good-bye hug (yeah so we're like totally going steady
)and i spent the entire night afterwards wondering whether he was sitting at home alone before his flight the next day, and wondering if i should ring him and see if he wanted a last minute australian booty call.knowing me and my stupid over-analysis, i didn't. and until recently have sufficed with reading his rarely updated livejournal. A few months ago he updated with pics of his new girlfriend (not japanese, though i'm not sure if she's australian either) which made me
now that i've got my own LJ i've alerted him to the fact that i'm lj stalking him, and we've friended each other, and i've started to comment more and more. he comes back to australia, i just hope that bitch won't be coming back with him.
it makes me want to smack myself in the eye for not at least trying when he was in the country - even to know either way.
ah well...
Im seriously considering becoming single again.
I long for a relationship as sad and pathethic as that is to admit but I continue dating the "wrong" people. Men that challenge me but I know are not "long term".
I wish I could meet the person that I get along with well enough to challenge me yet associate with me aswell.
I long for a relationship as sad and pathethic as that is to admit but I continue dating the "wrong" people. Men that challenge me but I know are not "long term".
I wish I could meet the person that I get along with well enough to challenge me yet associate with me aswell.
neverwas
Bluelighter
Well ive changed jobs so my male dramas seemed to of been killed with just a change of jobs. I feel a lot better about myself 
Im kind of over the whole saga when it comes to the security guard who likes me thing...its been a few weeks now and im already bored. So...
Moving on...
There's no guys or girls im really interested in right now...actually there is one...but hes already got three girlfriends...i wana be number four badly...i will have to see what unfolds at my birthday :D
Im kind of over the whole saga when it comes to the security guard who likes me thing...its been a few weeks now and im already bored. So...
Moving on...
There's no guys or girls im really interested in right now...actually there is one...but hes already got three girlfriends...i wana be number four badly...i will have to see what unfolds at my birthday :D
ruski
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2000
- Messages
- 2,440
Leprechaun said:Hehehe... I am newly single. I think either way, your always looking for something, so make the most of the moments you have.
More oldschool BL posting, wtf. Must be boredom. Sorry to hear it (the breakup, not the posting on bluelight, albeit I'm not sure which is worse sometimes) Pete, but as usual you're always looking at the positives
smart-e said:
I think women like yourself have to realise that 'no one is perfect'. No offense,but plenty of guys think most/many women are 'far from perfect'.But,we realise this and look at the good in the person, and face something called:-
REALITY
Ask yourself where did you get this the idea, of this ideal person from?
How do you expect to find this person? Will you even find this person?
From my experience, women are far too judgemental of men and want the 'perfect guy'. A shame these same women seem to ignore that they THEMSELVES are far from perfect,yet expect the guy to be 'perfect' or close too. A very selfish and hypocritical stance most women seem to have.
Finally, I know I could be seen as judgemental towards women and hypocritical.But,I'm pointing out 'how judgmental women seem to be towards men' and thus I'm being 'judgemental' of people(women) being 'judgemental' - A paradox I'm in.But,I'm making an observation and can't really see how I could get away from the paradox without making my above statements.
^^
I have no idea how you got that I was being judgemental from my statement. I was basically saying I want someone who I can talk to who understands and appreciates the samethings I do. Yes I want a man to challenge me but I can't see how that makes me judgemental.
I have no idea how you got that I was being judgemental from my statement. I was basically saying I want someone who I can talk to who understands and appreciates the samethings I do. Yes I want a man to challenge me but I can't see how that makes me judgemental.
smart-e said:
It came across to me, as you expecting a man to be those things, and 'judging' if a man is like that or NOT.Hence being judgemental.
Also, NOT accepting no one is perfect(Such as yourself.) and that it MAYBE hard too find someone like that.
Expecting the man to have both those qualities,if NOT then the man NOT being good enough.
I never in my post said I was perfect nor did I say I was looking for perfection.
I really think you are reading into what im saying way to much. No I do not think wanting to find someone who understands me is too much to ask.
I really think you are reading into what im saying way to much. No I do not think wanting to find someone who understands me is too much to ask.
anna!
Bluelight Crew
Goodness me.
Yes, all women should learn to just settle in the way men do.
8)
I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect someone you might have a relationship with to have similar interests as you and cause you to keep learning about yourself and life in general.
A relationship dies in the arse when that's gone. IMO there's just no point in trying to make a go with someone who doesn't challenge or interest you beyond "hey, we both like music!"
I missed the judgment in your post too, smart-e.
Yes, all women should learn to just settle in the way men do.
8)
I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect someone you might have a relationship with to have similar interests as you and cause you to keep learning about yourself and life in general.
A relationship dies in the arse when that's gone. IMO there's just no point in trying to make a go with someone who doesn't challenge or interest you beyond "hey, we both like music!"
I missed the judgment in your post too, smart-e.
up all night
Bluelight Crew
Wacky is just bitter, don't worry about it smart-e.
The VAST majority of women are not 'too picky'. Why should anyone settle for someone who is less than everything they want? That doesn't mean anyone is looking for perfection though. If you really like someone their faults are forgotten or the importance of those flaws lessened and you'll appreciate them for what they are. No-one is perfect but I think the best partner for a person is someone whose flaws you can put up with.
The VAST majority of women are not 'too picky'. Why should anyone settle for someone who is less than everything they want? That doesn't mean anyone is looking for perfection though. If you really like someone their faults are forgotten or the importance of those flaws lessened and you'll appreciate them for what they are. No-one is perfect but I think the best partner for a person is someone whose flaws you can put up with.
Mary Poppins
Bluelighter
^ exactly. i wouldn't go so far as to say that you are blind to their faults (not that you said that UAN, just another tack I was going on ) but the people I love the most, their faults are just as endearing as their good qualities, and I wouldn't have them any other way.
Now, to find someone who will exercise the same rationale over my fault-ridden personality
) but the people I love the most, their faults are just as endearing as their good qualities, and I wouldn't have them any other way. Now, to find someone who will exercise the same rationale over my fault-ridden personality
up all night said:
You say that the VAST majority of women are not 'too picky',then say why should anyone settle for someone who is less than everything they want.
Well it really depends on the "everything they want"?
Some people are NOT realistic(Mainly,women from MY experience.) and I'm pointing this out.They also,appear to judge others without considering themselves and that they are FAR from perfect.
Anna! you crack me up as always 8) . I won't bother going over all your lack of logic points.Just one for example: Of course you should have similar interests.NEVER said people shouldn't
. Etc,etc.............. Finally, Mary Poppins agree with what you said and I guess it also proves some guys are too judgemental.
anna!
Bluelight Crew
And ironically, MP was saying exactly what the rest of us were saying. Astounding!
Of coarse guys are judgement, just like the next person. If anything from my experience, and guys are *more* judgemental. And even prolly more out in the open about there judgement, especially around mates and other males.
IF anyone can say they are not judgement in terms of a relationship, they have failed at the first hurdle, by lying to themself.
IF anyone can say they are not judgement in terms of a relationship, they have failed at the first hurdle, by lying to themself.
In most cases men are still expected to do the asking and women the choosing.I've heard some of the lamest reasons girls have rejected some guys - If it wasn't the real reason,then they are just a lame liar.deeCee said:
I'm talking about people being too judgmental,expecting too much and NOT being realistic.