belisimo
Bluelighter
that is very wise advice right there from the mr_fluffy, and i'm taking that advice.mr_fluffy said:
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AADD Moderators: Tronica
Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!
- Thread starter Adz-O-Rama
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Cohaagen
Bluelighter
seriously, it is much easier said than done. if i want to i could act and pretend to be somebody i'm not, but making a BEST FRIEND just like that, out of the blue, it is not an easy thing to do. (but i have done it, so its not impossible)
sometimes i feel a bit down and depressed. for many years i lived a very introverted life. i would rarely go out and i would never just go over to a friend's house (of the few i even had) just to say hi, and i never ever ever (i still don't) would just call somebody to say hello. i regarded these things as un-necessary. but then suddenly i realised the error of my ways when i started working. i had money now and i realised that money and status were not what people really sought. i was a fucking fool for many years. i am trying very very hard now to correct my mistakes, but it is the hardest thing that i have ever undertaken.
i know exactly what you are saying tho. recently i have had exposure to people who are not happy and to be honest i don't wanna be around them. i have changed a lot as a person over the last year and a bit, and i am now much more able to express myself emotionally in ways i could not have imaginged possible this time last year.
really, i am a happy person, i realise the fortune i have received during my life and am thankful for it. but this still does not eliminate the fact that there are things that other people have done in their life that they see as just matter of course, but for me seem like impossibilities. i really don't want to go back to the old way i was, because it will mean i end up a sad old man one day. i could already feel it happening to myself.
when i am around people i love i can let my true self out. i don't know how many of you have experiencecd that yet, maybe a few only when i was at elixer 4 that time, talking absolute shit. believe it or not that is my standard self, well to a bit of a lesser extent. but yeah...
anyways... i am not the type of person either to go around having casual sex with people... i mean yeah it might be fun but i don't wanna be holding anything back, and if i don't truly know the person i am with then i cannot by myself. its not real.
anyways... just some of my thoughts. thanks for putting up with my bitching and moaning tho. i do feel like "what the fuck have i done wrong?" sometimes. i really don't know why i have to wait this long, but i'm trying to look for reasons and work it all out.
i hope the old adage "good things come to those who wait" is true... it fucking well better be!
i do agree with what was said, but i am not the type of person to just sit back and let things happen. it just isn't me! what i need to do is assume every girl has already got a boyfriend and just talk to them like they are unavailable, this will probably work (except then i'll not make any moves and they will think i don't like them) catch 22!!! its soooo hard, where the fuck is the MANUAL?!?!?!?!
anyways... i'm off to a BBQ with some friends. should be a good day. yay!
Cohaa.
sometimes i feel a bit down and depressed. for many years i lived a very introverted life. i would rarely go out and i would never just go over to a friend's house (of the few i even had) just to say hi, and i never ever ever (i still don't) would just call somebody to say hello. i regarded these things as un-necessary. but then suddenly i realised the error of my ways when i started working. i had money now and i realised that money and status were not what people really sought. i was a fucking fool for many years. i am trying very very hard now to correct my mistakes, but it is the hardest thing that i have ever undertaken.
i know exactly what you are saying tho. recently i have had exposure to people who are not happy and to be honest i don't wanna be around them. i have changed a lot as a person over the last year and a bit, and i am now much more able to express myself emotionally in ways i could not have imaginged possible this time last year.
really, i am a happy person, i realise the fortune i have received during my life and am thankful for it. but this still does not eliminate the fact that there are things that other people have done in their life that they see as just matter of course, but for me seem like impossibilities. i really don't want to go back to the old way i was, because it will mean i end up a sad old man one day. i could already feel it happening to myself.
when i am around people i love i can let my true self out. i don't know how many of you have experiencecd that yet, maybe a few only when i was at elixer 4 that time, talking absolute shit. believe it or not that is my standard self, well to a bit of a lesser extent. but yeah...
anyways... i am not the type of person either to go around having casual sex with people... i mean yeah it might be fun but i don't wanna be holding anything back, and if i don't truly know the person i am with then i cannot by myself. its not real.
anyways... just some of my thoughts. thanks for putting up with my bitching and moaning tho. i do feel like "what the fuck have i done wrong?" sometimes. i really don't know why i have to wait this long, but i'm trying to look for reasons and work it all out.
i hope the old adage "good things come to those who wait" is true... it fucking well better be!
i do agree with what was said, but i am not the type of person to just sit back and let things happen. it just isn't me! what i need to do is assume every girl has already got a boyfriend and just talk to them like they are unavailable, this will probably work (except then i'll not make any moves and they will think i don't like them) catch 22!!! its soooo hard, where the fuck is the MANUAL?!?!?!?!
anyways... i'm off to a BBQ with some friends. should be a good day. yay!
Cohaa.
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belisimo
Bluelighter
cohaa you may find the trick is in not thinking about things too much, if you feel like calling someone to say hello, just do it you don't have to think much when it comes to friendship. and don't analyse reasons why u might be single...Cohaagen said:
"i do feel like "what the fuck have i done wrong?" sometimes. i really don't know why i have to wait this long, but i'm trying to look for reasons and work it all out."
dont look for reasons it will only send you CRAZY*** YOu are right ppl dont want to hang with sad sacks, sad sacks have no friends; so be stupid, be positive and have fun at your bbq.
Cohaagen
Bluelighter
hmmmm... not think about things? this is very hard for me to do, i am in a constant state of whenever i am alone i am daydreaming to one extent or another or i am talking to myself. i cannot stop thinking, the only time i am able to stop thinking and rushing thoughts through my head when i am alone is when i am creating something or doing something worthwhile.
only when i am around other people where i am listening and learning from them can i not be running a constant stream of thoughts through my mind. i don't know if this is the same for everybody else, i assume it is. i need to find a focus badly.
Cohaa.
only when i am around other people where i am listening and learning from them can i not be running a constant stream of thoughts through my mind. i don't know if this is the same for everybody else, i assume it is. i need to find a focus badly.
Cohaa.
bisKi
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2002
- Messages
- 992
No one's saying make a best friend suddenly 
.
Back to the married bit, I said what I said I wondered what's the justification and validity of getting married and then splitting up 40 years later. Though I do agree on some parts that being married is also an announcement of love for your S/O. So Mp3 - you're kinda right too.
anyways back to singles, there's good and bad. what matters is what we do with it
*waits to be clobbered*
concentrate on work, or find another hobby or something. there are a million things out there to focus on. go pick one.
. Back to the married bit, I said what I said I wondered what's the justification and validity of getting married and then splitting up 40 years later. Though I do agree on some parts that being married is also an announcement of love for your S/O. So Mp3 - you're kinda right too.
anyways back to singles, there's good and bad. what matters is what we do with it
*waits to be clobbered*
concentrate on work, or find another hobby or something. there are a million things out there to focus on. go pick one
.
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stacyrox
Bluelighter
I think one of the main problems when people think of marriage is that they instantly think of divorce as a necessary by-product of that.
Not all marriages end in divorce.
Yes, a whole lot do now, but thats for a lot of reasons.... some most definately justified.
I think the real thing is.. if you're not ready to spend a significant period of time (say the rest of your life) with your S/O.. then for godssakes dont get married! Half my old friends are quite happily married now and I know for sure that they wont get divorced. Why? Coz they dont sit around every day thinking "maybe theres someone else out there better?". They're madly inlove with each other and dont feel the need for anything else.
I see the problem as the fact that no one is happy with what they've got anymore, and I dont mean settling for second best. If you've got something darn good, then why try and find something better? Theres a good chance you'll end up with less.
Another problem I see is that a divorce nowdays is just so easy and option. Marriage takes a whole lot of effort, and no one can be fucked putting in that kind of effort anymore.
Maybe marriage is being phased out.. but I think its more coz of our selfish, hedonistic culture nowdays which is doing it. We're not satisfied with our lot anymore, we always want more and we're easily bored.
stace.
Not all marriages end in divorce.
Yes, a whole lot do now, but thats for a lot of reasons.... some most definately justified.
I think the real thing is.. if you're not ready to spend a significant period of time (say the rest of your life) with your S/O.. then for godssakes dont get married! Half my old friends are quite happily married now and I know for sure that they wont get divorced. Why? Coz they dont sit around every day thinking "maybe theres someone else out there better?". They're madly inlove with each other and dont feel the need for anything else.
I see the problem as the fact that no one is happy with what they've got anymore, and I dont mean settling for second best. If you've got something darn good, then why try and find something better? Theres a good chance you'll end up with less.
Another problem I see is that a divorce nowdays is just so easy and option. Marriage takes a whole lot of effort, and no one can be fucked putting in that kind of effort anymore.
Maybe marriage is being phased out.. but I think its more coz of our selfish, hedonistic culture nowdays which is doing it. We're not satisfied with our lot anymore, we always want more and we're easily bored.
stace.
rasberrywatergirl
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2001
- Messages
- 1,296
So i'm back, here to stay for a long while upon my insistence of course. Yes, I'm down about it - I'll get it over it. I mean, I was quite happy actually before i met him all those yonks ago, and I will be happy again to be on my own.
Now to add something (mildly) useful to this... in another post when I'm less cynical - bahahahaha!
Now to add something (mildly) useful to this... in another post when I'm less cynical - bahahahaha!
Cohaagen
Bluelighter
okay... seeing as i've been wingeing on here for ages, maybe i should ask for some advice instead.
(dunno if this is the right place, but i can't be fucked posting in SLR cos the articles there make me far too depressed)
there is a girl back in melbourne who i absolutely ADORE!!! i can't get her off my mind, i always think about her and i think i am obsessed with her. she is somebody i know and i have a feeling she likes me too.
now, how should i go about this. we've done a bit of stuff together but it has always been with other people (namely her girlfriends and my mates) so we have never spent any time alone. she does photography and i asked her if we could have lunch sometime in the city cos i wanted to see her folio, and she said yes, but then she ran out of time and it didn't end up happening.
i decided whilst i was up in sydney i wouldn't push the issue at all cos i'm out of town. the thing is, i really feel i must ask her if i at least stand a chance with her, but i dunno how she will react. i've never really asked a girl out before face-to-face, and i have absolutely no idea how to do it. i don't wann fuck up, that is the primary concern.
does anybody have any ideas on what approach i should use?
Cohaa.
(dunno if this is the right place, but i can't be fucked posting in SLR cos the articles there make me far too depressed)
there is a girl back in melbourne who i absolutely ADORE!!! i can't get her off my mind, i always think about her and i think i am obsessed with her. she is somebody i know and i have a feeling she likes me too.
now, how should i go about this. we've done a bit of stuff together but it has always been with other people (namely her girlfriends and my mates) so we have never spent any time alone. she does photography and i asked her if we could have lunch sometime in the city cos i wanted to see her folio, and she said yes, but then she ran out of time and it didn't end up happening.
i decided whilst i was up in sydney i wouldn't push the issue at all cos i'm out of town. the thing is, i really feel i must ask her if i at least stand a chance with her, but i dunno how she will react. i've never really asked a girl out before face-to-face, and i have absolutely no idea how to do it. i don't wann fuck up, that is the primary concern.
does anybody have any ideas on what approach i should use?
Cohaa.
You always need to try things, You can't fuck up, If she says yes then you'll be happy, if she says no then you can always forget about it and move on, It'll be hard but thats what u have to do......There's nothing wrong with trying
That's where we all get our experience from
Goodluck!
Josh
That's where we all get our experience from
Goodluck!
Josh
Fuck relationships in general!
I'm sick and tired about trying to "act" a certain way ... and then trying to just be me ... and not having anything go my way!
Don't act too keen;
Don't get too drunk and all silly;
Don't always go running if he invites you somewhere;
Make sure your always smiling;
Wait until he calls first;
Don't tell anyone about him until it's serious;
Don't go sleeping with him too early;
Don't talk too much;
Ask him this;
Talk about that ....
BLAH BLAH BLAH...
Why can't I just be me? I'm nice enough aren't I?
Why are men so hard to please?
/me morphs into a size 8 body, size D cup, long blonde hair and starts putting out ....
That better?
(whinging mood - apologies)
I'm sick and tired about trying to "act" a certain way ... and then trying to just be me ... and not having anything go my way!
Don't act too keen;
Don't get too drunk and all silly;
Don't always go running if he invites you somewhere;
Make sure your always smiling;
Wait until he calls first;
Don't tell anyone about him until it's serious;
Don't go sleeping with him too early;
Don't talk too much;
Ask him this;
Talk about that ....
BLAH BLAH BLAH...
Why can't I just be me? I'm nice enough aren't I?
Why are men so hard to please?
/me morphs into a size 8 body, size D cup, long blonde hair and starts putting out ....
That better?
(whinging mood - apologies)
Fetish Jester
Bluelighter
Cohaagen: Asking someone out is a simple and painless exercise. The more you make an issue of it, the worse it is for you. Repeat these lines: "Do you want to go somewhere together?" Replace "somewhere" with a location of your choice for added effect. In my dealing with things such as these, open and blatant honesty works wonders.
For example:
"My friend told me you think I'm cute. Just like to tell you that this goes both ways. I'd really like to get to know you." This ended me up in bed with the said person.
--
Well, I've found out in the past few weeks that the fact that I "won't settle" has cost me the chance to go out with many a person. I think I should rage against my own shallowness.
Is it so hard to find an intelligent & articulate person who I'm also attracted to? How does one go about being more accepting of other people?
For example:
"My friend told me you think I'm cute. Just like to tell you that this goes both ways. I'd really like to get to know you." This ended me up in bed with the said person.
--
Well, I've found out in the past few weeks that the fact that I "won't settle" has cost me the chance to go out with many a person. I think I should rage against my own shallowness.
Is it so hard to find an intelligent & articulate person who I'm also attracted to? How does one go about being more accepting of other people?
BopGirl said:
Bopgirl,
I think a lot of the above 'advice' is as much designed to protect you should things not work out, as it is to help foster a relationship between the two of you.
I think it's always important to hold something back when you're dating or beginning to date someone, if for no other reason than if you pour your heart and soul into every guy who looks like a possiblity to you, you'll a) scare him off and b) end up an emotional wreck.
I guess you simply can't afford to expend that much emotional energy on random dates, because things often don't work out and can go either way at a drop of a hat... it'll end up killing you in the long run.
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candyflip said:
I'll admit to a lack of sensitivity in my last post (apologies and much love to anyone offended) but it only comes out of frustration at watching the same person talk themself into the same circle of self-pity and misery. It's depressing when you know there's nothing you can say to change the way they view their circumstances, that's in their hands.
Anyone I cast a lazy eye over? I think you give me too much credit.
As for belonging in this thread, I sleep alone. I just don't feel the need to remind the world every day just how unbearable it is.
Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
Wow - this thread is over whelming... 8)
FJ: I have to admit that the way you talk about sex and etc would be enough to scare a lot of potentials off - you may not realise it, but sometimes you come across pretty strong...
Bopster: The right person for you is the one who ultimately accepts you for how you look like and who you are - fuck everyone else who has a preconceived notion of how you should look. From what i have seen in your pics, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your appearence - it must just be that people can't appreciate the stunning person you are.
Cohaa: I think the problem is that you try too hard. As concerns relationships, people who smack of effort are instantly unappealing to me (I don't know about the rest of you) therefore i would never choose to be with someone who didn't seem to be genuine (which is how i perceive people who try too hard - because they're never relaxed, and always worried about what the other people are thinking...)
Don't get me wrong, effort and forethought are good, but there is a line between throughfulness and trying too hard...
As for marriage - i see it as a way of showing one's absolute commitment in the public eye. I didn't believe in marriage until i recently attended my father's 2nd marriage - for the first time i understood how it is not so much the ring on the finger, or the piece of paper, or even the changing of the name if you do that, but rather the idea of celebrating your mutual love for the other person,a nd having everyone around to witness it.
I also don't believe in the permanency of marriage - people grow and change, why can't divorce be a natural part of life, just like death and birth?
*waits for someone to decide that i don't understand the difference betweeen divorce and death*
FJ: I have to admit that the way you talk about sex and etc would be enough to scare a lot of potentials off - you may not realise it, but sometimes you come across pretty strong...
Bopster: The right person for you is the one who ultimately accepts you for how you look like and who you are - fuck everyone else who has a preconceived notion of how you should look. From what i have seen in your pics, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your appearence - it must just be that people can't appreciate the stunning person you are.
Cohaa: I think the problem is that you try too hard. As concerns relationships, people who smack of effort are instantly unappealing to me (I don't know about the rest of you) therefore i would never choose to be with someone who didn't seem to be genuine (which is how i perceive people who try too hard - because they're never relaxed, and always worried about what the other people are thinking...)
Don't get me wrong, effort and forethought are good, but there is a line between throughfulness and trying too hard...
As for marriage - i see it as a way of showing one's absolute commitment in the public eye. I didn't believe in marriage until i recently attended my father's 2nd marriage - for the first time i understood how it is not so much the ring on the finger, or the piece of paper, or even the changing of the name if you do that, but rather the idea of celebrating your mutual love for the other person,a nd having everyone around to witness it.
I also don't believe in the permanency of marriage - people grow and change, why can't divorce be a natural part of life, just like death and birth?
*waits for someone to decide that i don't understand the difference betweeen divorce and death*
Queen Beat
Bluelighter
If those are the rules then I don't know how I ever got a date. And even if acting that way did help you meet someone, it has a very small chance of becoming a relationship because the people you'd attract wouldn't be compatible with who you really are.BopGirl said:
And still nothing I've read has proven that marriage is a necessary (or beneficial) part of our society. It just seems to be such an afterthought these days. People meet, move in together, maybe start a family and then think 'well we might as well get married'. It just seems to be a day for the rest of the family rather then for the happy couple. A day which has been long touted as the 'best day of your life' when I just can't believe it would be anything of the sort. What is the use of a public declaration of your love? To me, love is a very personal, a very private thing that I don't 'hide' as such but that I don't need to scream from the rooftops.
I think some people marry because they feel that there is still some respect for the institution of marriage which would make their partner more likely to try and work through a problem rather then just leaving. Getting divorced just sounds so much more serious then breaking up.
I would think that very few people actually get married thinking they'll probably break up at some point in the future. I'm sure 'till death do us part' rolls off the tongue quite easily and with no trace of guilt or uncertainty.
It's not so much the dedication to another person that I dislike (as unnatural as it may seem to me) it's the public nature of it. It's the need to get a piece of paper to 'prove' your love?
Bah. Anyways, I've rambled enough.
Fetish Jester
Bluelighter
Of course I realise it! It's the perfect tool to scare off potentials. If I actually like someone enough I am waaayy toned down in that department. It's the perfect thing too, they are scared off thinking I'm not a desired partner, and I don't have to deal with the guilt of telling them "nah, sorry, I'm not looking for anyone."
The perfect passive-agressive approach to relationships.8)
muzby
Bluelighter
meh.. not really replying for any great reason.. just wanted to get post no 4000 in this thread...
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Queen Beat
Bluelighter
He means the 4000th post in the Singles thread. Not in his personal tally.