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Bluelight Singles - from begining to end! don't we love the merge feature!

PsychoKitten said:
^^^ you don't like it, you don't read it!

It's bloody amazing how many people can't get that simple concept.


negative comments are unnecessary, thank you - ifr you don't like it well too bad.

oops, sorry. I was just overwhelmed by seeing 180 pages. Is half of australia single? lol
 
^^ There you have it, quite possibly the stupidest post i've written since signing up here.

"Are half of Australia single" hahahaha idiot
 
sydkiwi said:
Cohaa: your a lovely guy and dont listen to these guys.

Id rather date a nice guy who treats me properly over a guy who either physically or mentally abuses me.

yeah for sure...i agree with ALL of that :)
 
Fully agree with that too!
And i'd rather not date anyone than a guy who either physically or mentally abuses me, if the nice guy isn't around.
Does anyone else haev any theories on abuse? My theory on mental abuse (I'm not too sure about physical abuse as I have no experience with this) isn't just started from the beginning. Because I dont think that many woman would go into a relationship, be mistreated from the start, and stay because the strong romantic feelings aren't really there, they form over time. Thus the abuse is gradually phased in, so that to the person being mistreated hardly noticces it. Maybe.
Any thoughts?
 
I am NOT going to read all 181 pages of this shit. In fact I'm not even going to read any of it (for fear I might lose control and read the whole thing). But I will however stay on topic.

I'm single.....yay. Anyone interested? PM's are welcome. Thankyou
 
rasberrywatergirl said:
Fully agree with that too!
And i'd rather not date anyone than a guy who either physically or mentally abuses me, if the nice guy isn't around.
Does anyone else haev any theories on abuse? My theory on mental abuse (I'm not too sure about physical abuse as I have no experience with this) isn't just started from the beginning. Because I dont think that many woman would go into a relationship, be mistreated from the start, and stay because the strong romantic feelings aren't really there, they form over time. Thus the abuse is gradually phased in, so that to the person being mistreated hardly noticces it. Maybe.
Any thoughts?

I was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship for two and a hlaf year a few years ago.The first four months of that relationship i was actually happy and then all of asudden he turned extremely jeolous, insecure, paranoid and basically into a fuckwit.Why stay you may ask? GOOD FUCKING QUESTION hey? 8( Basically he got me to a point where i felt i was lucky that he loved me because no one else would. I was in a different frame of mind to what i am now (changed so much in the past 2 years...especially the last year) and i felt stuck. I broke up with him 13 times and each time he came back proclaiming how he loved me and how he would change and each time i was stupid enough to think he would. I never ever thought i would be one of those women who would stay in a relationship like that but i did.

He treated me like a possesion and his personal whore and i actually let him because it was just easier to deal with it.

It taught me a big lesson though...never give up who i am, never give up my life for another person, never give up my friends, and never let anyone treat me like shit again. I have become very stong and independant because of it and in a way i'm glad i experienced it.

Unfortunatelty though because of this i am very wary of any signs of insecurity and jeolousy and possesivness and i think i'm a little over protective of myself because of it

:\
 
^^^ I'll ditto that!

There is nothing worse than being in a relationship with someone who is abusive... or jealous... I have watched my friends and family suffer at the hands of men and women who treat them badly, and i know that i have the strength to leave someone who doesn't make me feel as though the relationship is worth it.

I think half the trouble is fearing being alone. I used to be like that, and for 2+ years i was alone and going from one fling to the next. When i finally got a self esteem and started to think about myself instead of others, i saw that i felt much better, and i met people who respected me as a result.

But i understand that it is hard to go outside one's comfort zone - i think this is why people stay in such relationships: they fear what they do not know. "it is better the evil you kow than the evil you don't... "

:\
 
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaw hun, you know that when we both hit 30 I'm taking you to vegas and we is getting hitched :)
Don't you remember that?
 
my friends in a particularly bad relationship right now, similar to what doofqueen described. its not nearly as abusive, but theyre both still together cos its easier than breaking up.

i live with them so i see all the intricacies, even though i've never been in a relationship like that myself. there's no trust on the guys side, and on the other, no tolerance....and on both sides, no love.

i cant see why such relationships even exist. as cosmic mist says, i understand that its the fear of being alone. but it doesnt even enter my mind as an option, that u should be scared to not have someone by ur side, no matter how much that person doesnt suit u.

it baffles me, and i want to give them both advice, but i know not to butt in, and who am i to advise them on their relationship? i cant tell them to break up, even if thats what needs to happen.
 
I cant even begin to try to explain what it is like to be in a mentally abusive relationship. Looking in from the outside it seems so obvious and easy to just end it and walk away.. but thats one of the main things about a mentally abusive relationship, your entire self-esteem gets broken down so even tho you *know* what you should do, the prospect of actually doing it is terrifying and its just so much easier to stay the way things are and try and enjoy the few good times. It turns you into an emotional retard. You don't see things like everyone else does, even when you know what you should do.. you just cant.

Its terrible and when you get out of it you wonder how you ever put up with it, but its coz at the time you just cant see that getting out of it will make your life so much better.

stace.
 
hmmmm...well shes moving to melb soon after me and hopefully that will change things. though there is "talk" of him coming with her, i cant see it happening, cos i know shes gonna move no matter what and i dont think hes ready.

i'm just hoping she'll find someone more on her level when she moves.
 
Sin Girl

Get back with my fiance'.
Then she fucks some other guy.
That's not so nice.

So a'join'in the ranks.
Where do I sign up?
:(
 
I have to echo everything stacyrox said.

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is one of the most difficult situations - both to stay in, and to leave. It's so easy to let someone tread you badly when you "love" them. And because it's easier to choose to ignore the problems, you tend to get into an abusive relationship routine - if you're being emotionally blackmailed and criticised for a long time, it sets up a really awful standard for relationships down the track (if indeed you get out of the abusive one and seek a relationship somewhere else).

I was in an abusive "relationship" (I use the term lightly) for about 18 months. Although I knew what was happening, and everyone around me knew what was happening, I shut my eyes to it because I didn't want to be alone.

Here's an excerpt from the journal I kept during that time:

That's why this is different.. because if I'm feeling really terrible and angry and I TELL him, he doesn't bite my head off and tell me to fuck off. He's the sort of person who can't say "fuck off", walk away, and not come back.. like me. He can't hang up the phone angry and not talk to me for three days, he'll always call back. So although our official relationship may be unstable and a bit unorthodox, our FEELINGS seem not to be.. I feel secure in how he feels about me. When he tells me he loves me, I now believe him and those words fix everything because I know he means it.

So whether or not he thinks **** is cute, or enjoys the attention, or isn't sure whether we should be officially "going out" right now, I know that he cares about me enough to keep on trying even when he's decided to give up. That's what means the most. He's always prepared to give things with me another go.


I believed everything I wrote and I truly believed he was doing the things he did because he loved me. But you don't abuse the people you love. You hurt the people you love unintentionally, because you care too much, but you don't abuse them. You don't make them scream out to you in pain and beg you to be good to them, and then just do it again and again.

And it's so hard to move on. I think sometimes we actually miss the drama that surrounds an abusive person. When I finally, finally moved on from the aforementioned asshole, I looked back and thought "I can't believe I did that for so long". But even so, a very small part of me wanted to call him up and plead with him to take me back. Even nearly 3 years later, there's a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, TINY part of me that wants to call him up for coffee.

People like that stay with you forever, in the worst possible way. It's not an easy thing to overcome and it's not easy to be strong in that situation. And it's so hard for anyone who hasn't experienced it to understand - but when you have, and you're on the outside, it's so freaking blatant that it hurts you desperately and you think you should write a self-help book or something, but you know.. you can't help these people. They need to help themselves. All you can do is be there to catch them.

So, now I need a stiff drink.
 
stacyrox said:
I cant even begin to try to explain what it is like to be in a mentally abusive relationship. Looking in from the outside it seems so obvious and easy to just end it and walk away.. but thats one of the main things about a mentally abusive relationship, your entire self-esteem gets broken down so even tho you *know* what you should do, the prospect of actually doing it is terrifying and its just so much easier to stay the way things are and try and enjoy the few good times. It turns you into an emotional retard. You don't see things like everyone else does, even when you know what you should do.. you just cant.

Its terrible and when you get out of it you wonder how you ever put up with it, but its coz at the time you just cant see that getting out of it will make your life so much better.

stace.

Word both to anna and stacy. One thing about such relationships is that you're always made to feel you're the intrusion/stupid one. The other thing about such relationships is - even after the end of it, you still get abused emotionally - wondering if you did the right thing etc and it won't be until a few months later when your self-esteem (or maybe years) and confidence is returned to where it was before you started that relationship.

The worst thing ?? The ex still tries to abuse you mentally whenever he/she can. :X So be prepared to be around for your friend for a while - she'll need all the help and support when this happens.
 
*sighs*

i havent opened this thread for a while now...but tonight i feel like i wana hug....i had a really great day yday for my birthday and today aswell...but it ended real REAL bad...i have glass shards throughout my bac and cant lay don now...some f*&K wit (a five yr old kid aparetntly) threw a brick through the train window and glass cut this chicks face i was sitting next to and my back got glass all over it and in it and it hurts like all hell.i had to sit at Canterbury Station with cops and ambos having shards pulled out of my back...and the lil ones bout the size of splinters they missed are still there...apparently they will work out but i am goin to go see doc and get xray monday if they still there...

i get really insecure and loose my independace when i am in pain so i thought i would drop in here...cause i always find some form of support in here =D

back on track...

...well yeah...this november it will of been a year since i last had a 'commited relationship'... not that i am complaining...but hey...everyone gets those feelings of loneliess that can only be cured by a loved one :\ this time last year there was a guy wlaking in my house dorr with a dozen apricot roses and and a box of choclates for me...its funny how life has its own little suprises and takes a turn and goes on by itself.

i guess im just lonely for company right now... and no matter how many people you have in your life you cant cure the longing for 'the other half'

*sighs*

i dont want another relationship even though i long for one...why?

cause what i need and want in a guy i have only ever found in one guy who i love to death and is my best friend...and no one could ever match him or replace the joy and spice and support he brings me.

he is everything i have ever looked for in a quality guy...he keeps me interested, on my toes, makes me laugh and is as silly and crazy and weird as me. he also is down to earth and has a good head on his shoulders...

my father rekons i am weird cause i have found in my best friend what i have always wanted in a guy...yet wont accept a 'committed relationship' if it happens to stroll my way :\ which will not happen in a long shot...
 
^^ I cannot add anything to help out your situation but you are one unique and fucking cool chick.

Stay chill, repair the damage and I hope things fall into place for you soon :)
 
*starfalls69* said:


cause what i need and want in a guy i have only ever found in one guy who i love to death and is my best friend...and no one could ever match him or replace the joy and spice and support he brings me.

he is everything i have ever looked for in a quality guy...he keeps me interested, on my toes, makes me laugh and is as silly and crazy and weird as me. he also is down to earth and has a good head on his shoulders...


*sighs a long and exasberated sigh*

he is everything to me and that is all that matters :) i dont really mind if i stay single out of a non committed relationship for a while...i still have him and he is my angel :)
 
i guess im just lonely for company right now... and no matter how many people you have in your life you cant cure the longing for 'the other half'

yup... too true..

i'm currently enjoying(??) the single life, but no matter how many girls u see, it still never cures the lonelyness of having someone who understands you completely (something i have only ever really experienced twice in my life, once at uni and once with my ex-fiancee :( )

but hey, i spose i'll enjoy the fun of the search... =D
 
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