I have to echo everything stacyrox said.
Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is one of the most difficult situations - both to stay in, and to leave. It's so easy to let someone tread you badly when you "love" them. And because it's easier to choose to ignore the problems, you tend to get into an abusive relationship routine - if you're being emotionally blackmailed and criticised for a long time, it sets up a really awful standard for relationships down the track (if indeed you get out of the abusive one and seek a relationship somewhere else).
I was in an abusive "relationship" (I use the term lightly) for about 18 months. Although I knew what was happening, and everyone around me knew what was happening, I shut my eyes to it because I didn't want to be alone.
Here's an excerpt from the journal I kept during that time:
That's why this is different.. because if I'm feeling really terrible and angry and I TELL him, he doesn't bite my head off and tell me to fuck off. He's the sort of person who can't say "fuck off", walk away, and not come back.. like me. He can't hang up the phone angry and not talk to me for three days, he'll always call back. So although our official relationship may be unstable and a bit unorthodox, our FEELINGS seem not to be.. I feel secure in how he feels about me. When he tells me he loves me, I now believe him and those words fix everything because I know he means it.
So whether or not he thinks **** is cute, or enjoys the attention, or isn't sure whether we should be officially "going out" right now, I know that he cares about me enough to keep on trying even when he's decided to give up. That's what means the most. He's always prepared to give things with me another go.
I believed everything I wrote and I truly believed he was doing the things he did because he loved me. But you don't abuse the people you love. You hurt the people you love unintentionally, because you care too much, but you don't abuse them. You don't make them scream out to you in pain and beg you to be good to them, and then just do it again and again.
And it's so hard to move on. I think sometimes we actually miss the drama that surrounds an abusive person. When I finally, finally moved on from the aforementioned asshole, I looked back and thought "I can't believe I did that for so long". But even so, a very small part of me wanted to call him up and plead with him to take me back. Even nearly 3 years later, there's a tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny, TINY part of me that wants to call him up for coffee.
People like that stay with you forever, in the worst possible way. It's not an easy thing to overcome and it's not easy to be strong in that situation. And it's so hard for anyone who hasn't experienced it to understand - but when you have, and you're on the outside, it's so freaking blatant that it hurts you desperately and you think you should write a self-help book or something, but you know.. you can't help these people. They need to help themselves. All you can do is be there to catch them.
So, now I need a stiff drink.