BL/TDS Self-Harm Support: Thread 4

[rangrz]

I'm glad you got it to close up!

 

[S.M.F.G]

I have stomach problems due to my condition, and eating can be verypainful. At it's worst, it prevented me from eating for 5 weeks.

Am myself having and have been for a while, having trouble eating, stomach problems are a part of it due to high anxiety, I'm lucky to have a coffie in the morning, no breakfast, pills in the morning chased with a few drinks...If i get lucky i may feel like something by the afternoon. But have had some degree of concern about this for some time, I'm slim built but from a lack of training and exersise, I starting to get real self consious of my looks especialy my midsection and my face that seems to be growing older and sicker everyday.... I wonder if im on the verge or actualy have some kind of eating disorder, My diet is so fucked go for three days without eatin, then sometimes binge out till i feel sick. other times il eat a little when absolutly nessacary. What would that be defined as i wonder...

 

[Doomed2pain]

If you have pain which prevents you from eating, you need to get it checked out. I've had a few tests done which found nothing so it's looking like my crps has advanced to stage 4 and started affecting my internal organs, I have problems with my kidneys and reproductive system too because of it. And there is no cure. At the minute I am taking meds or my stomach but they aren't really helping so I either go without food for days, or force something down. If it hurts too bad I get complan from my dr which is a nutrition milkshake they give to I'll people who can eat. Comes in strawberry, choc, vanilla and banana and is very yummy and packed with nutrition. Give it a try, your body needs fuel.

Hope I've been some help

 

[n3ophy7e]

Am myself having and have been for a while, having trouble eating, stomach problems are a part of it due to high anxiety, I'm lucky to have a coffie in the morning, no breakfast, pills in the morning chased with a few drinks...If i get lucky i may feel like something by the afternoon. But have had some degree of concern about this for some time, I'm slim built but from a lack of training and exersise, I starting to get real self consious of my looks especialy my midsection and my face that seems to be growing older and sicker everyday.... I wonder if im on the verge or actualy have some kind of eating disorder, My diet is so fucked go for three days without eatin, then sometimes binge out till i feel sick. other times il eat a little when absolutly nessacary. What would that be defined as i wonder...

Well it certainly is a disordered pattern of eating (meaning, it's not normal), and if you're concerned you should definitely speak to your doctor about it. Do you reckon you might do that?

 

[Doomed2pain]

Just had a thought, anxiety can cause ulcers, maybe get some tests done for them, mine were clear of ulcers and various other stuff.

 

[tremours]

why is it that your veins are so close to the surface when you shoot, but they always seem to dive down when your cutting

 

[Doomed2pain]

Body's defines mechanism. Please try and meditate instead of cutting Hun, it really helps me get through it alot of the time

 

[S.M.F.G]

D2p & N3o thanks for the tip my therapist suggested like a protien shake, I mention my eating hassles to my doctor and hes just thrown me some b12 injections though im thinking my current state of mind has alot to do with it also,
I will ask my doctor next time i see him and complain of my eating, to pls maybe run some tests and not stop till they find out whats wrong, although its pretty obvious...
I'm just wasting away to nothing and been doing nothing i need to snap out of it but its just real hard with all the shit i got goin on up there and my emotions running wild, the dealing with what ive recently learned and the fear of loseing someone whom i love so so much, Job people and doctor have taken one look @ me and written me off work for the holidays.
My gf & kid are the only things i have to revolve around atm and im sending the kid off and the gf is working alot shes here for me when she can be but it pains me to see her upset seeing me suffer. I probbably just repeated what i just wrote im in a mess talking about things just seems to make it worse sometimes,,, Like all i wanted to do today was wake up nxt to my gf and have a nice snuggle for an hour, but i fucked that up by waking straight into fucked up thoughts and worries was in tears when she woke. such a fail
Im woried about the holidays i really gotta get out htere and make good of the time i have, just tough is all when ur hurtin bad.

 

[Doomed2pain]

Hun I know how you feel. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. Voice inflections only need to slightly rise and it sets off my seizure weird pain stuff. I also repeat myself constantly so don't worry. The hurti see in my families eyes devastates me so much. You need support from medical professionals and you need it NOW.

I am just aboutkeeping myself out of the psych ward. I nearly ended up in there 30 hours ago and it would have made my condition worse.

Please, please get some support off someone, you're family need it too, it is too much for loved ones to cope with, my mum looked like an old woman last night, she and my sis arrived at 1am.

I am setting up counselling for everyone who is involved in my care. If they get ill, the guilt literally will kill me I am sure of it.

Peace to you, use here to vent and pm anytime about anything you want, it helps heal me if I can offer the smallest bit of hope and comfort. You are loved and you have friends here

 

[Mugz]

so the other day I kind of cut myself, not for the pain though, I cut a symbol into my knee that I have been seeing and am using as the starting basis for a new language that I am creating.

I only really realised today that it was self harm, and I'm not sure what to think of it, or what the doctor will think of it, especially as she will most likely ask to view it, and it will most likely still be there.

I've never cut before, this didn't feel like traditional cutting but it was still cutting if I think about it.

 

[eukaryote]

I can not condone you cutting yourself. However, I must say. Cutting your self for cultural or aesthetic reasons is not the same as doing it for the sake of harm or other impulsive reasons. Case in point;body modification, tattoos and scarification are not normally considered self harm.

But I hope you will refrain from this in the future!

 

[n3ophy7e]

so the other day I kind of cut myself, not for the pain though, I cut a symbol into my knee that I have been seeing and am using as the starting basis for a new language that I am creating.

I only really realised today that it was self harm, and I'm not sure what to think of it, or what the doctor will think of it, especially as she will most likely ask to view it, and it will most likely still be there.

I've never cut before, this didn't feel like traditional cutting but it was still cutting if I think about it.

Mugz, as eukaryote said above, there are different types of cutting and self-harm and many different reasons why people do it. I guess if we were to look at it really objectively, cutting is cutting, regardless of the original intent, and a lot of people have difficulty distinguishing the difference between cutting for self-destruction or cutting for, say, body art. Whether or not the fact that you cut yourself the other day is a problem for you is really something only you can answer. In my opinion self-harm becomes a problem when the person is using it as a way to numb their emotions, or for self-destructive purposes, or specifically to get the endorphin rush. If people cut for these reasons they are not dealing with their negative emotions effectively and thereby perpetuating their problems. There are many, much more effective ways of dealing with our problems.

Mugz, what will you tell the doctor if she sees it/asks about it? Do you think you will cut again?

 

[Mugz]

hmmm. well i did reinforce the cuts with a sterile needle last night to make them bleed sot the doc will see them.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Fair enough. Were you reinforcing them so that the scar will be more prominent, or purely so the wound will be more noticeable? What do you think the doctor will say?

 

[eukaryote]

Mugz? Why did you re-injure the cut? When you see your Dr, do think you can be honest with her/him as to why you cut yourself?

 

[Mugz]

Fair enough. Were you reinforcing them so that the scar will be more prominent, or purely so the wound will be more noticeable? What do you think the doctor will say?

Mugz? Why did you re-injure the cut? When you see your Dr, do think you can be honest with her/him as to why you cut yourself?

I'm not really sure why I reinjured myself, or why I did the first one. I think doing it again to actually draw blood was so that I have something to show the doctor when I have my appointment on the 5th of Jan, as I'm not sure whether or not she would believe that I ever did it if there was no evidence.

Unfortunately if felt kind of good to do it aswell which worries me slightly. It does look pretty cool though, almost like bloody scab art, although I don't think that doing art on myself which involves making myself bleed is a good thing to do.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Mugz- i don't think a doctor needs evidence to believe you've s/h'd, there are loads of self destructive behaviours that don't leave scars and they get taken seriously. its really not worth it- reopening the skin increases chance of infection and may (i've been told) increase the chance of a more permanent scar- i constantly reopened all my injuries when i was self harming and have been told this contributes to me still having raised scars over 11 years later (dunno if you saw my forearms when we met, prob not as the discolouration has finally gone!). you don't need to risk having to walk round with these forever just to be taken seriously by a doctor.

my suspicion is that you want to be taken seriously by your own head too.... but i wont go into that cos if i'm wrong it oculd easily be offensive.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I just made a 1.5 inch gash 1cm deep in my calf almost up to the bone. Luckily I had someone who cared to help me work through my problems. I was tempted to continue destroying myself, taking all the pills I have and finishing myself off. I love you my dear, and I couldn't have stopped myself with out your support.

Splat I am so grateful for the friend you have, as I wish you wouldn't feel compelled to do this to yourself but I am so glad someone was there to help you when you needed it the most

I'm not really sure why I reinjured myself, or why I did the first one. I think doing it again to actually draw blood was so that I have something to show the doctor when I have my appointment on the 5th of Jan, as I'm not sure whether or not she would believe that I ever did it if there was no evidence.

Mugz, while I understand why you re-injured, because I have done that countless times on myself, why do you feel that you need to make physical indicators to your doctor about your mental state? Do you feel that your doctor isn't taking you seriously now, without visible signs of your distress? If he/she isn't listening to you or taking you seriously as it is, you should possibly consider seeing a different doctor who will take you seriously without you having to resort to self-harm.

Because this is only the second time you have self-injured, you may not realise the slippery slope you're potentially heading down. I started self-harming at age 12, and 15 years later it is still something I battle with every now and then. It very easily and very quickly becomes an addiction in itself. I'm still using Bio-Oil to try and reduce the visibility of scars on my arms and legs that are 13-14 years old, and those are just the smaller scars. The larger scars I will have for my entire life, no amount of scar treatments will get rid of them. And where did cutting get me?? Absolutely nowhere. What purpose did it serve? None. I still had all the same problems and all the same negative emotions after the wounds healed, nothing changed. Except that I now have permanent scars to carry around with me, to try and explain to people who notice them and ask what happened, which created a new source of anxiety and depression in itself.

It's not worth it mate, please get the cutting idea out of your head now, while you still can.

Take care Mugz

 

[Mugz]

Mugz- i don't think a doctor needs evidence to believe you've s/h'd, there are loads of self destructive behaviours that don't leave scars and they get taken seriously. its really not worth it- reopening the skin increases chance of infection and may (i've been told) increase the chance of a more permanent scar- i constantly reopened all my injuries when i was self harming and have been told this contributes to me still having raised scars over 11 years later (dunno if you saw my forearms when we met, prob not as the discolouration has finally gone!). you don't need to risk having to walk round with these forever just to be taken seriously by a doctor.

my suspicion is that you want to be taken seriously by your own head too.... but i wont go into that cos if i'm wrong it oculd easily be offensive.

I didn't see your forearms but thanks for the advice. I will try to stop the urge to reopen it again, I think I did it because I wanted it to be a perfect line, just like the symbol when drawn with a pen. I don't know. I really don't understand my motives. Maybe I did want to get it taken more seriously by a doctor, maybe I wanted it to seem more real in my own head. I honestly don't know

Mugz, while I understand why you re-injured, because I have done that countless times on myself, why do you feel that you need to make physical indicators to your doctor about your mental state? Do you feel that your doctor isn't taking you seriously now, without visible signs of your distress? If he/she isn't listening to you or taking you seriously as it is, you should possibly consider seeing a different doctor who will take you seriously without you having to resort to self-harm.

Because this is only the second time you have self-injured, you may not realise the slippery slope you're potentially heading down. I started self-harming at age 12, and 15 years later it is still something I battle with every now and then. It very easily and very quickly becomes an addiction in itself. I'm still using Bio-Oil to try and reduce the visibility of scars on my arms and legs that are 13-14 years old, and those are just the smaller scars. The larger scars I will have for my entire life, no amount of scar treatments will get rid of them. And where did cutting get me?? Absolutely nowhere. What purpose did it serve? None. I still had all the same problems and all the same negative emotions after the wounds healed, nothing changed. Except that I now have permanent scars to carry around with me, to try and explain to people who notice them and ask what happened, which created a new source of anxiety and depression in itself.

It's not worth it mate, please get the cutting idea out of your head now, while you still can.

Take care Mugz

Thanks for the reply. I don't want it to become another addiction, will cut it out (pun not intended)

To be honest, I think that I don't need to see a doctor but have been advised by friends that I should see one, so I have made an appointment for the 5th of Jan. The scratching the symbol into my knee was one of the things that I was going to bring up as one of the reasons for me going, I'm trying to make a list with some of the other things that people are concerned about to take to the doctors as I don't really want to go but am going to make some people feel better about my mental health.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I don't want it to become another addiction, will cut it out (pun not intended)

That is so good to hear mate, good decision

Good luck with the doctor on the 5th. It's great that you have such caring friends who are concerned for your wellbeing I hope you get something worthwhile out of the appointment.