bipolar and relationships!

[^Pipit^]

The whole ordeal just made me feel stupid because i didn't see it.

Its pretty common for partners of people with mental illness to have those kinds of feelings or feelings of helplessness/anger/frustration, or to just have trouble coping in general. Its fucking hard, which is why counselling is usually really helpful.

 

[doofqueen]

Well i knew he was bipolar. He told me from the start and only ever played that card when he was down. So it wasn't that that made me feel stupid. It was the fact that i just believed every damn word that came out of his mouth and didn't even expect him to cheat. Didn't even cross my mind. I was even thinking of marrying him

I just feel stupid that i didn't see that he was cheating.

 

[WarmRushes]

I don't play on my illness at all, and I've managed to have a few relationships. One was when I was going through an amazingly fucked up time with my manic depression and it went very sour very quickly. I was out of control and it really fucked the girl up. Since then I had to be carefull not to ever get in a relationship like that again, and I've been with a girl for nearly 2 years and although I've done and said some things I wish I hadn't she's been as understanding as possible.

I'm glad some people havn't decided to just write me off. Being with someone who is understanding makes me hopefully for the future, because I was seriously considering just never talking to a girl again after that fucked up couple of years..

I might add I never get manipulative or lie, well I did lie about taking drugs a few times but fessed up in the end. I never cheated on anyone in my life, I just got in a state where I'd do stupid, impulsive (dangerous things) and get hurt a lot, and get verbal and nasty.

 

[aaybeecee]

It was said best by euphoricnod.

Keep far far away from them.

My girlfriend has some very slight form of the disorder, and it only shows up when she's around her family (except her dad, he's cool). Needless to say , we stay away from her family when possible. They make her crazy. Shit, they make me crazy.
It seems to me like the girl enjoys being around her mom, and creating unheard-of levels of psychotic bitchyness. Do as the man says, stay far away.

 

[mludd]

I actually dated someone with bipolar for 3 years.
She was on medication for most of that period (although near the end she transitioned off her medication. She seemed to be doing just as well without it.). She would fall into hypomania (rather than full-blown mania) and she was very rapid cycling (on the order of a couple hours).

The difficulties?
Well, she had a bad temper and would get quite pissed off at what seemed like little things (often at me). Her anger was sort of global in scope, and it seemed that she would focus her rage on whatever was in the immediate scope of her attention. On the other hand, she would never stay angry, and everything would be fine after 20 minutes (and she'd be apologizing and what-not).

Now...I'm not really sure if her temper had much to do with her bipolar or not.

I also could not console her when she was depressed, which was troublesome.

ebola

This sounds a lot like a girl I know, she'll be happy as ever one moment and the next she'll break down and freak out over something like accidently leaving a fork on the table, and a lot of times something like that, that could be taken care of with no physical effort in no time at all, will be so traumatizing to her that it takes her at least 10-20 minutes to explain what's wrong. I wouldn't say that she doesn't have enough "discipline" but it does feel like if she would just get herself to do those little things instead of lashing out at everyone and everything then it would make her life a lot easier.
I suppose part of why I feel this way is because I used to suffer from depression but managed to sort of "snap out of it" by forcing myself to go outside and actually do stuff instead of sitting inside feeling bad about not doing stuff because I was feeling bad..
Anyway, I do believe that bipolar is very real but I also think there are people out there who, as previous posters have said, assume that there's nothing they can do about it and that really does cause trouble for them.

/mludd

 

[fastandbulbous]

omg i will be VERY careful if i come across anyone with bipolar that wants to date me. The last guy i dated was bipolar and he fucked me over like no one has before. He lied and cheated on me and keapt lying even when i caught him out until he no longer could lie anymore. He lied to the other girl too.

I spoke with another friend who was dating a biploar woman and he said that she did the same thing.... lied and cheated and lied and cheated but he took her back time and time again and she still keapt doing it.

apparently bipolar people are very sexual and NEED to be loved and wanted so will do anything to have that, even if it means being manipulative and deceptive and lying through their teeth.

he also said that bipolar people live in the moment. I was upset because i felt that the whole relationship was fake, that nothing he said to me was actually real because if he was doing what he was doing behind my back then it couldn't have been. My friend said that "at the time" it probably was and he DID mean it but as soon as he was out the door and with the other woman i was forgotten and the moment he was having with HER was real

i dunno

it's really screwed me over hey and i have no trust left in me anymore

Reading that did make me think he was an unmittigated twat, but knew a lot about his condition and as such was able to twist events so that 'he wasn't to blame, the illness was'. I'm bipolar (type II I think it's classified as - I never get full blown manic episodes, just hypomania), yet I'd never consider cheating on my wife, even during a very rough patch we had 3 years ago when our sex life was non existant for almost a year. Yes, I'd admit that people with bipolar illness most probably do have a more active libido (during that time it was almost like being 15 again I spent so much time 'bashing the bishop'!). Equally, the comment about 'living in the moment' seems so practiced & contrived to excuse inexcusable behaviour. For me, that translates as I can get really caught up and enthused in an activity, moreso than anyone I know, but it in no way means that I don't understand the morality of my actions or the hurt it could cause others; actually for me 'living in the moment' means that I start lots of things full of good intentions & noble ideals, but most of them end up as half completed projects that never get finished - it does not mean that I'll go off and fuck anyone who'll have me.

Basically, your ex and the ex of your friend sound like self centered bastards that have sussed that they can get away with blaming their shitty behaviour on the disease (because it's such strange territory to anyone without the illness). I'll bet that if you were to follow it up, you'd find they use the same excuse to justify being selfish twats to their friends & family as well. The worst thing is though, because of their unacceptable behaviour, they're the examples that stick in people's minds and therefore are mistakenly seen as the model of bipolar illness by a lot of society.

I have had a couple of people in the past try to 'explain' their shitty behaviour away as being an intrinsic part of bipolar illness without realizing that they were talking to a fellow suffer. They ended up being one of the few times where I didn't take my normal 'non-confrontation' path and told them what I thought of them, that it wasn't due to being bipolar, but due to them being callous, self-centred, greedy twats.

If you want an analogy - bipolar illness is like you never grow up and retain that childish, over the top enthusiasm for starting things that you find interesting/exciting. It does not mean that you never develop a sense of right or wrong, or are unable to control sexual impulses - that's something altogether different - sociopathy.

 

[Diacetylus]

Basically, your ex and the ex of your friend sound like self centered bastards that have sussed that they can get away with blaming their shitty behaviour on the disease (because it's such strange territory to anyone without the illness). I'll bet that if you were to follow it up, you'd find they use the same excuse to justify being selfish twats to their friends & family as well.

Thank you. This is exactly what I have been getting at in my other posts. Of course there's people that are innocently suffering from Bipolar, but there are people that will always try to use the illness to their advantage. Or, they could just simply be an inherently evil person that wants his/her affairs as being branded as Bipolar behaviour, so they not only get away with it, but also get alot of unneeded sympathy.

 

[fastandbulbous]

I just said that maybe alot of people that so-called "suffer" from it are really playing on it

I in no way said a lot of people with bipolar illness play on it, just that you remember the ones who do much more vividly. The number of people who 'play' on their illness probably isn't any more than people who play on physical or metabolic illnesses - there's nothing about the illness that makes you more likely to play on it. Your posts make it sound like the majority of bipolar sufferes use it as an excuse, when in actual fact they are a small minority

 

[^Pipit^]

The worst thing is though, because of their unacceptable behaviour, they're the examples that stick in people's minds and therefore are mistakenly seen as the model of bipolar illness by a lot of society.

I couldn't agree more. One bad apple, as they say...

I work in disability services and it really pisses me off the way that people apply stereotypes to illness, both physical and psychological. All the time I see people struggling to maintain their independence, cope with the difficulties of their disability - they don't need the added hassle of ignorant prejudiced fucks making assumptions about them with little or no understanding of what they're actually dealing with.

 

[lavish]

all with bipolar disorder are not like what you think... that get all crazy... want to fuck everyone without condom, order trip to china to make a big super gigantic business deal, spending family money... theres also people with my ... who have bipolar-(doctors dont exactly know what the exact bipolar diagnose).. for me its like im depressed long perios of the year... 2-3 times a year... since i was diagnosed i have been "mini"-manic 2-3 times... since 2003... some short or longer periods im "normal"... im a male.

 

[Diacetylus]

Your posts make it sound like the majority of bipolar sufferes use it as an excuse, when in actual fact they are a small minority

Tell me, how do you know it's a small minority? Remember, I sad ALOT. Nearly every single so-called bipolar sufferer I have met (and trust me, there's been quite a few), whenever they have one of their bad episodes, they like to make you feel at fault. Alot of them actually look for an excuse to argue or, in some cases physically fight.
And then... 2 days later they ring you up and apologise for putting your sore ass in hospital and for all the hurtful things they said to you.
"Ohhh, it was the bipolar." they say.
Sounds to me, like there's a good reason to get a diagnosis of Bipolar for alot of people.

It's like a pedophile blaming his actions on his illness, "yeh, I know what I did was wrong... but I can't help it, it's the pedophilia, please don't lock me up!"

Hey, I've got an idea... why don't we just say all the murderers, rapists, child molestors and criminals suffer from Bipolar. That would solve alot of problems.

 

[kittyinthedark]

I'll let the mods edit this because I'm not going to hold my tongue this time...


You are a fucking disgusting, insensitive bastard, and I hope that every person you ever meet with a mental illness shits in your shoes and punches you in the face.

 

[Ghettotastic_bong]

Tell me, how do you know it's a small minority? Remember, I sad ALOT. Nearly every single so-called bipolar sufferer I have met (and trust me, there's been quite a few), whenever they have one of their bad episodes, they like to make you feel at fault. Alot of them actually look for an excuse to argue or, in some cases physically fight.
And then... 2 days later they ring you up and apologise for putting your sore ass in hospital and for all the hurtful things they said to you.
"Ohhh, it was the bipolar." they say.
Sounds to me, like there's a good reason to get a diagnosis of Bipolar for alot of people.

It's like a pedophile blaming his actions on his illness, "yeh, I know what I did was wrong... but I can't help it, it's the pedophilia, please don't lock me up!"

Hey, I've got an idea... why don't we just say all the murderers, rapists, child molestors and criminals suffer from Bipolar. That would solve alot of problems.

As an admitted bi-polar pedophile, i have only one thing to say to you. Self-restraint is an important skill, and i hope your clear and glaring lack of it brings you comfort. You've got nothing but negativity to contribute to people suffering from mental illnesses and are trying to live with it. I can only hope you'll find what's legitmately comming your way, to provide a more polite verson of kitty's comentary.

 

[Diacetylus]

^Huh? Tell me exactly what it was that set you off? Or is it the "Bipolarism"?
I don't know why you have to get your panties in a knot. Why and the fuck is everyone ignoring the fact that I didn't say "all of bipolar sufferers are like this"?

I have a little cunt of a brother that apparantly suffers from ADHD and it's almost the same deal. He treats my mum like shit, tells her he hates her, has attempted to hit her, steals, lies constantly (not to get himself out of trouble either, it's to cause trouble), swears to strangers, walks around the house in the nude and plays with his cock in front of my mother... I could sit here all night.

Whenever me or my other brother try to discipline him, he spills up this "ohh, but I have adhd, I can't help it", and so do the parents.
He doesn't have adhd, he knows perfectly well what he's doing, he just obviously hasn't been disciplined and is a spoiled little prick of a thing.
I guess what point I am trying to make is that some people are just devoid of any love and enjoy being arseholes to people and get kicks out of this. Just inherently evil, as I said before.
Not all, but around the western world people are constantly getting misdiagnosed for things, just to glorify their rotten behaviour and to look for excuses.

I don't know what your problem is with me KITD, but your above post just proves to me that you are a very angry, bitter, frustrated young girl that feels the need to take out her personal issues on a complete stranger. I don't know why you choose to do this as I never personally attacked you or made accusations I just brought up a well-known fact: alot of people play on their illnesses.
I suffer from depression myself and I agree that there's alot of lazy people out there that just wanted to be branded as depressed when they're in-fact just quite content to bleed off the government and their parents.

I, however do genuinely suffer from depression and I am not accusing all people that have a mental illness to be playing on it. Of course though... it never hurts to help yourself.

I was never hostile to you and never reverted to name-calling and childish insults, so I expect you to be mature if you are going to attempt to engage in any discussion with me. What you said above was totally uncalled for and extremely childish, so I will ignore that for now. But, I still don't see why you decided to just spontaneously carry on like that.

 

[kittyinthedark]

There's a big difference between saying a lot of people play on their illnesses and saying that almost all bipolar people do. Get some of the condescension and ignorance out of your posts and I'll get the vehemence out of mine. You apparently know nothing of what it's like to live with a mental illness when there are assholes like you walking around, even though you claim to be depressed. It's not pleasant, I'll tell you that much. Do you really not suffer the slings and arrows of other like I, and plenty of others, have? I find it hard to believe.

Also, I'm not a young girl. I may be bitter, but only because my 21 years on this planet have been full of assholes.

 

[Diacetylus]

^I plead you to carefully reread my posts again. I am not accusing ALL people who are branded as Bipolar to be playing on their illnesses, I merely said that it sounds like, alot of the time it has been misdiagnosed.
Just like fastandbulbous said before, there are people that have been diagnosed with physical ailments that do the exact same thing.

I am either a.) coming off as being insensitive and ignorant, or b.) people aren't reading my posts carefully and taking what I have written out of context.

I will sit here now and tell you that I am not a.), seen as that I have an extended history of mental illness (anxiety and depression and if you don't believe me you need only to read some of my posts in other drugs in the past where I have stated that I am on Citalopram, an SSRI), and have a few friends that have suffered from a whole plethora of different mental illnesses, not to mention my interest in the human mind, I am definitely very far from ignorant on the matter.

All I was doing in my previous posts was making pure speculation on Bipolar Disorder based off the people I have met diagnosed with it and even from discussion with some mental health professionals (even my former psychiatrist admitted that alot of people are misdiagnosed with psychological illnesses such as ADHD, depression, Bipolar, etc... and for some doctors, psychiatrists, etc... it is a quick "false solution" by saying, "ohhh that sounds like so-and-so, just take this pill and come and see me in another 6 months if things don't get better").

I really didn't intend to come off as being trollish, or come across as being insensitive KITD. I apologise if I did. But, that seriously wasn't my intention. I was just trying to point out that I in all honesty, feel that whether it be adhd, PTSD, depression, or whatever. There are alot of misdiagnoses and some people that have been branded as being Bipolar, perhaps don't actually suffer from said illness and just are lacking in any emotion, what-have-you.
That's not to say I think that you don't have Bipolar though...

 

[fastandbulbous]

Hey, I've got an idea... why don't we just say all the murderers, rapists, child molestors and criminals suffer from Bipolar. That would solve alot of problems.

Because only an ignorant, bigoted fuckwit would believe such a thing. Bipolar illness, in the up phase causes you to act impulsively & without following through on that initial idea. I can only put your experiences down to one of a few things

1 - The people you know/hang around with are generally manipulative, amoral whingers that don't take responsibility for their actions, just you've singled out the ones with bipolar illness as something completely separate from the rest of your acquaintances with the same personality

2 - You're so blinded in your dislike of people with bipolar illness that you take something that is part of everyone's personality to some degree (who never trys to pass the buck in a blame situation - nobody; everyone's done it at some point), but blow it totally out of proportion when dealing with people with bipolar illness.

3 - People who aren't bipolar say that they are and then use their imaginary illness to try and excuse themselves for totally unacceptable behaviour

As I said, bipolar illness is characterized by poor impulse control & determination to follow through. As such, things like turning up late, planning something than not carrying through with it etc are typified by the illness. Being a selfish shit has nothing to do with being bipolar (there no mention of it in the DSM-III criteria for diagnosing the illness), it has everything to do with maladaptive personality traits or something more serious like sociopathy/psychopathy and the fact that those traits also go hand in hand with being manipulative and being convincing liars

I have a little cunt of a brother that apparantly suffers from ADHD and it's almost the same deal. He treats my mum like shit, tells her he hates her, has attempted to hit her, steals, lies constantly (not to get himself out of trouble either, it's to cause trouble), swears to strangers, walks around the house in the nude and plays with his cock in front of my mother... I could sit here all night.

Whenever me or my other brother try to discipline him, he spills up this "ohh, but I have adhd, I can't help it", and so do the parents.
He doesn't have adhd, he knows perfectly well what he's doing, he just obviously hasn't been disciplined and is a spoiled little prick of a thing.
I guess what point I am trying to make is that some people are just devoid of any love and enjoy being arseholes to people and get kicks out of this. Just inherently evil, as I said before.

There you go, you've just backed my arguement. In the same way, people are not misdiagnosed, they lie and say they have been diagnosed bipolar so that when they behave like twats they have something to blame it on to wriggle out of any responsibility. For all the ones that you say blame their shitty behaviour on being bipolar, how many do you know for definite have a clinical diagnosis for it (and I don't mean that they or their partner say they are, but have something more conclusive like a cupboard full of meds used for treating bipolar illness - things like lithium, carbamazepine, sodium valproate etc)? I'll bet once you get down to the people with proven bipolar illness, you've suddenly removed a great percentage of the arseholes you've mentioned.

Just because someone says they have an illness doesn't mean that they do - some people do things like that so they set up their excuses beforehand. You should take that into account before making sweeping condemnations of a certain group.

 

[Beatlebot]

I'm not going to edit this thread at this point since all concerned parties have seen the posts and you seem to be handling it well yourselves.

Can I please remind everybody to try and remember their manners and not to take anything anyone says on a message board too personally. Hopefully we can all learn a little more about the realities of mental illness through this thread.

I think that F&B makes a good point in that there are plenty of people without mental illnesses who lose control of their feelings and take them out on other people at times, I know I have and I've certainly tried to shift blame from myself before. Surely you have as well Diacetylus? Why not give people who have an actual illness a break when they do it then? If 'normal' people aren't perfect then we can't expect perfect behaviour from people who have mental illnesses.

 

[guineaPig]

man, im bi-polar and i dont abuse ppl like that when my mood swings...its not JUST the bipolar man, its the person as well...when my mood shifts abruptly from good to bad for no reason, usually i just become real quiet, keep my mouth shut, and smoke cigarettes...i USED to wig out and get violent and whatnot...but iunno...i think all the pot calmed me down a bit...more than any medication has ever done anyways

 

[Cosmic Mist]

I was with a bi-polar chick for almost a year and it was pretty much good times for the time that it lasted. She cheated on me, but i forgave her because i felt i understood her and wanted to support her. We later broke up due to distance, but we have remained close ever since. I simply cannot agree with all the people who wish to try and tell me that all bi-polar people are terrible people, becausei know better than that.

It's like saying that all islamic people are terrorists, we all know it's not really true, but people are willing to believe it because it's easier to believe a falsehood than it is to make the effort to understand what is going on. I am sure that, just like with terrorists, 95% of bi-polar people are good people who just need a little support. Marginalising them because of their condition is only bound to make it worse for them...