I have a fairly solid case of social anxiety disorder. I've had a "block" type stutter my whole life and i'm pretty sure a major source of the anxiety is due to the stutter and the fact that I got picked on a lot for it and was never really socially accepted. I smoked weed for quite a few years in high school, everyone did it it was the thing to do, and i did have friends who i had a lot of fun with. But i found that while i was high i would get very quiet and would just want to go home and watch a movie or something, which i quite often did. It would make me feel like i was being judged by everyone. It got to the point that my i would spend my nights at home watching tv and smoking weed, cause i liked smoking weed but not with people. It felt good and relieved stress, but exacerbated social stress.
So now i've quit weed, haven't smoked it in probably a year, and i feel much better, but the social anxiety is still there, i had it long before i ever smoked weed though. When i go out i drink and that helps but i never get to the point where i lose all my fears and inhibitions, i just get to a point when i my body sais "i dont want anymore" and then i stop. When i take opiates i feel more comfortable around people, i wont be outgoing or lively but i'll be comfortable. And that's only a short term thing. Uppers can go either way, make me excited and outgoing or edgy and paranoid. Psychedelics are a definate social NO-NO, makes me way too exposed, some things are meant for quiet, comfortable settings.
E (MDMA) is a wonderful drug, unfortunately i live in a place where we were taught that it is public enemy number 1 and that it is the most dangerous drug ever and WILL put holes in your brain. No one i know will touch it neither will they do their own research to find out the real truth behind it. So i have no one to do it with. But when i do it around people i get very outgoing, and happy, more of in an Upper sense cause everyone else is usually drunk and i can't connect with them on the plane that my head is on. How great it would be if it was more accepted...
But when i do E by myself at home, i find it very therapeutic and healing. And after the trip i find myself with less social anxiety. Which leads me to the fact that social anxiety is not fixed by using drugs in social situations. Social anxiety is a disorder that reaches deep into the subconscious and the root of the problem must be found. You have to accept yourself before you can let others accept you. MDMA is a wondeful tool for this type of subconcious exploration. Other psychedelics do this too, but my experience with them is that they are WAY too intense, revealing way too much too fast for you to handle which leads to a psychotic state. Which makes accepting yourself that much harder, and increases social anxiety. I've had some bad trips on things like acid and mushrooms. I find MDMA is fixing the problems the other psychedelics made for me.
I still have social anxiety disorder but i find with every experience i get that much more open and the problem becomes a little bit less every time. So for me MDMA is a short term social lubricant but it is also a long term psychotherapeutic tool if it is used the right way. Too bad it can't be gotten in pure measured dose form with a doctor's prescription
