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Been Clean off dope for 3 months

Sounds like you're on a good one. Don't let it get the best of you when you fall.. because we all do, and all the time, but you already know this. Keep up the good work.
 
Thanks man! Man my dad sure knows how to make me feel like shit. I get another hair cut and cut it all off this time and hes like you just got a fucking hair cut and hes always bitching about money like i know your having a lot of fun spending all my damn money and its like okay im doing something fucking right for once and you bitch at me. Im sorry im not locked in my fucking apartment and not doing shit. And hes all bitching about how much ive been eating and im like sorry im not strung out and only eating a meal a day anymore? wtf.. hes such a selfish cock sucker about his money and the worst part is i would of had a damn job right now if he didnt tell me not to get one and focus on school. So i tell him that and he says quit being a smart ass. Its like what the fuck do you want from me? Im actually being productive for a change and i still get your ass complaining to me. Fuck off!
 
That thing with the cop happened to me on the way home from work today. And even though I had nothing to hide (and haven't for months), I felt the most sickening sense of dread! Began to pull over, thought better of it and the guy put on his lights. Pulled over, and he whizzed past me and snagged some BMW Alpine that had been cutting people off for I swear the past seven miles. So it's all good... glad it was for you, too! =D

Anomaly, wanted to ask you a question (it's alright if you don't feel like discussing this, though):
From reading your posts, I understand you have a sponsor. What kinds of things have you been doing with him/her? Is it daily phone contact? Daily contact coupled with literature studies? Sounds like the two of you have a decent relationship, nonetheless...
 
Yeah man he lives like an hour away but i still manage to see him on the weekends and tonight hes bringing like 3 car loads of people to the meeting i go to and all my sponsee brothers. Its gunna be a blast! Cant wait! :D Hes pretty badass. I love him :p We talk on the phone everyday. I swear i wouldnt be where i am today without him and all my sponsee brothers <333 Ive been so busy with school i havent really had time to pick up the literature and read much. I am on step one and know what i am going to write about just havent really had the time to put pen down to paper. I need to though. But its not a race or no dead lines or nothing so hes pretty chilled out about the whole thing. I just dont want to not work the steps and not work the program cause i hear if you dont u dont recover and ur just clean and miserable. So i dont want that to happen! i want to change :p
 
I just wanted to share what i wrote for how my life became unmanageable when i was using.. Kinda deep shit. But at least i dont feel that way anymore. Hah. I finally am starting to get my spirit back and it feels really good. Life became unmanageable when I was using by a number of things. One was that I could no longer function without being high first. I could not do well in school and never really cared about anything but being high. I could not go about my day if I didnt have a drug there to change the way I felt. I didnt see a point in waking up unless there were drugs to be consumed. The only thought process I had was about finding ways to get more, and I did about anything I could think of to get my fix. I had suffered a spiritual death and was no longer happy with life when I was using and especially when I wasnt using. The cravings and urges to get more was all that was keeping me going. I no longer cared if I lived or died. Matter of fact, I would of probably been happier dead then where I had gone. At least then I would be at peace and the pain and torture would be gone. My options were getting smaller and I couldnt see a way out. I felt like an old man. It felt like my life had come to an end. I was miserable.. but most of all I was tired. I couldnt live life with or without drugs. I noticed I was more depressed, lost, and hopeless than I had ever been. I was living in my own hell that I created for myself. Nothing satisfied me. I always wanted more. More, more, more, and more. It was a never ending cycle of bullshit. I was at the lowest of the low. Scum of the earth. I thought i would never get out of this whole i created for myself. There was no light. Just darkness. Nobody to guide me. My morals, self respect, self esteem, everything was long gone. I was officially numb. I had no feelings. No care in the world. I was hallow. I hated myself. I hated what I'd become. I was filled with hate and anger. I couldnt even manage to fake a smile anymore. I wanted to die. It was the only thing that seemed reasonable. My only answer out.
 
^i can certainly relate. It really helps to read your own notes like this when times get tough. I need to really start reminding myself, that no matter how long I've been clean, how good I feel, etc, it can all come crashing down again with a single relapse.

No high is worth this.. Ever.
 
Yeah... this is what keeps me clean. I dont ever want to be like that again.. I cant believe I got that low :\ but at least i can look at it like man fuck that i dont need that shit.
 
Not even, need. You don't want it. And if you ever think you want it, read those reminders and ask yourself how you possibly could.

There is obviously nothing further to gain from it.
 
Hello everyone. Great thread. I am brand new to Bluelight. (Sort of. I just joined back up today after a two or three year hiatus) Anyways, I am actively addicted to opiate based pharms and heroin. I am using 1mg of suboxone nasally daily, and either Opana or Heroin nasally (rarely IV) on the weekends. I'm definitely looking to make a few good friends going through the same shit I'm going through. Also interested in talking with some older members for guidance and help. I'd be happy to Private Message or meet here. Thanks for reading! Hope everyone has a nice night. :D
 
Man went to the skatepark today. Havent been in years. and man im surprised how quickly i got back in it and still got my old skills. Still busted my ass a lot but im excited to go back and get better!! next weekend im going paintballing :D cant wait! 28 days clean today. FUCKKK YA!
 
Whoohooo!! That is so awesome Anomaly!! Congrats on 28 days, that is so inspiring to me <3
When you say skate park, do you mean skateboarding?? That is so cool man :) I always wanted to learn how to skateboard but I was so retarded at it, so I just gave up :(
 
So happy for you!!! I can't believe it's been 28 days! I bet you are starting to feel so much better. It's so cool to see how much ambition and time to do all of these things you've been doing in the past month. Like camping (you don't have anything holding you down from going on a trip), and skateboarding,paint balling. You were an awesome inspiration to me in the beginning just from reading your thread and it is such a greater inspiration to see how far you've come. <3
 
n3ophy7e said:
Whoohooo!! That is so awesome Anomaly!! Congrats on 28 days, that is so inspiring to me <3
When you say skate park, do you mean skateboarding?? That is so cool man :) I always wanted to learn how to skateboard but I was so retarded at it, so I just gave up :(
Click to expand...
lol
Please do us all a favor and don't ever pick up a skateboard.
 
Ya man. I just loosened up the trucks on mine recently. I can carve on street. It's like snowboarding :D

Isn't it funny that when you get sober, and stay that way, things like this actually matter again?
 
30 days tomorrow, Anomaly... as I'm sure you've been told by those sober people in your life, that is one of the most intense accomplishments on the road to recovery.

You have my respect :) I hope you have your own respect, too. You must realize the magnitude of what you've accomplished so far, because you deserve to be sober, and you deserve to be happy.

DexterMeth said:
Isn't it funny that when you get sober, and stay that way, things like this actually matter again?
Click to expand...

It's REALLY funny, dude! And by 'funny' I mean it's a fucking trip to care about anything other than the next fix again. The biggest, most refreshing breath of fresh air ever...

~ vaya
 
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