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Been Clean off dope for 3 months

It's sooooo helpful wanting it this badly, isn't it? I can remember the first time I seriously attempted to get clean, I did, but I lasted just under three years before relapsing because that time around I think that a lot of it was pretty much handed to me. I was incubated a lot in a rehab and then the rooms of NA/AA, and though I still am a member of the 12 step program today, I definitely allowed myself to drift into complacency over those three years.

I'm pretty sure this is because I didn't feel like it was a privilege to be sober... I was happily sober for much of that time but the feeling that I'd been handed sobriety too early in life, without having yearned for it as painfully as I craved those hits when none were to be found, caught up with me and I lost appreciation for what I'd achieved.

Don't everrrr forget the way it was. That'll take you down so, so fast.

Keep up the progress, Anomaly :) This is all nothing but great news!!

~ vaya
 
I'm not trying to start an argument here Vaya, but are you implying obtaining sobriety (once a junky) has to be VERY hard? I believe I understand what you're saying, just looking for some clarification.
 
Yeah, ive heard stories of ppl being a few years clean and then kinda thought they stopped needing the program then relapse.. Idk. I just feel so done with this shit for real. Even if im young. Im looking forward to the better things in life :p Today i shared about how im so hard on myself and how i always bring myself down and am always in this depressive state and sometimes i dont even notice that im being negative and bringing others down too. So thats one thing the program has taught me is to be grateful for being alive and not to take the little things all of us take for granted every day.. and to take a damn compliment. hah. everyone has been saying how proud they are of me and its like wtf im just doing what any normal person would do... Also i see change in my attitude and behavior already but when i think of change i want like a whole different person type of change and the way i look. not to be like a stoner / burn out everyone has labeled me. So i just believe it now. Idk... ive got problems. haha. & im still working on it all..
 
Wow you guys are rubbing off on me, im so close to throwing this meth down the drain. The one drug i thought id never touch, im doing it daily now mixed with benzos. Someone just smack some sense into me and fucking tell me to get rid of it, i keep holding my self last minute... uurhhgg
 
^Quit while you're ahead. I assume you've already admitted you have a problem, especially with that post there. It only gets worse... far worse. What's the point of paying to get a lot less high and damage not just your health but your mind? Hey all, lets pay to get raped in jail!
Anomaly88 said:
Yeah, ive heard stories of ppl being a few years clean and then kinda thought they stopped needing the program then relapse.. Idk. I just feel so done with this shit for real. Even if im young. Im looking forward to the better things in life :p Today i shared about how im so hard on myself and how i always bring myself down and am always in this depressive state and sometimes i dont even notice that im being negative and bringing others down too. So thats one thing the program has taught me is to be grateful for being alive and not to take the little things all of us take for granted every day.. and to take a damn compliment. hah. everyone has been saying how proud they are of me and its like wtf im just doing what any normal person would do... Also i see change in my attitude and behavior already but when i think of change i want like a whole different person type of change and the way i look. not to be like a stoner / burn out everyone has labeled me. So i just believe it now. Idk... ive got problems. haha. & im still working on it all..
Click to expand...
"sometimes i dont even notice that im being negative and bringing others down too"
Most don't ever..
That whole if there's a weak link in the chain thing is all too true.. even on a global and universal scale. Mind blowing? Ya I guess.

You're doing good man. It's good to read of someone younger than me that already has in on the "ness". lol

Keep it up
 
Yea im glad i stumbled onto this thread even though i never go TDS, without thinking of how high i could get tomorrow i just ran to the sink and flushed all the shards down the drain. I'm not even an amphetamine person, but meth is just too much pleasure.. fuck that. Now for the real task, not picking up more from my friend who hooks me up. I just have to remember it isn't worth it in the long run
 
It's not even worth it in the short run imo. After just a few days I stop recieving most any positive effects from it other than being overly alert. I don't need a drug for that personally.
I've flushed a lot of meth down the toilet in past. Been clean from that shit for years. I relapsed (one time, on a single day) IV'ing some with heroin a few years ago, and ya the rush was great, feeling flying etc, but in just a couple hours it felt like the same bug crawling shit. No thanks.
 
Yea its toxic shit, in every aspect. Just curious dex, iv seen you in tiny chat a few times you seemed to be pretty fucked up on stuff : P
What do you do now a days, you clean off everything?
 
I was probably on [a lot of things (I'm a polysubstance abuser to no end)] I still trip on the ocassion, but I don't consider responsible psychedelic exploration drug use, and certainly not an addiction.

Believe me..I've tried to abuse psychedelics. It does not physically work.
 
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DexterMeth said:
I'm not trying to start an argument here Vaya, but are you implying obtaining sobriety (once a junky) has to be VERY hard? I believe I understand what you're saying, just looking for some clarification.
Click to expand...

Nope, at least that's not where I was coming from, but I can see how it could come off that way. Not everyone needs to be dragged through the dirtiest mud to get clean, and many happy and sober people have bottoms that were waaaaay higher than mine (and lower, as well). In my life I had to want it as badly as I think Anomaly wants it (not to put words in your mouth, Anomaly, this is what I took from your message). And also that, for me, it was really really important to realize for myself what worked before and what didnt - that is, what I believe set me up for relapsing eventually. which was, to the best of my understanding, forgetting why I got sober in the first place because it wasn't a decision that I myself made initially.

So, while for me it had to be difficult, that (thankfully!) doesn't apply to everyone. Or even half of people who want to get sober, I'm sure. What I will say, though, is that staying sober takes a lot of work - and that statement applies more ubiquitously than saying that obtaining sobriety has to be "VERY hard" for everyone.

Thanks for pointing that out, I wouldn't want anyone to think I was saying anything else.

~ vaya
 
Alright, that certainly makes a lot more sense. I thought you were essentially saying this.
Vaya said:
that statement applies more ubiquitously than saying that obtaining sobriety has to be "VERY hard" for everyone.
Click to expand...
qft
 
Todays good. 20 days clean. Just got finished working out and running 2 miles. Bout to much down and hit the books before class starts!
 
Ya I need to go for a run today still. I do my push ups, jumping jacks and situps after I run actually.
 
It has very little to do with that. If it did, I'd be shooting steroids like Guido.

My muscles have gone to jelly from heroin. It's simply not even comfortable to sit in a chair anymore. There are only advantages to being in shape.

-I know you're just kidding anyways.
 
Well todays been awesome! Meeting was really good. Im having such a good day and never thought this life was possible and then when im driving home im doing 70 in a 65 and i see a cop so i turn off cruise control and he pulls out onto the highway and im like fuckkkkkkkk. thats the last thing i need, once everything is going good. & i started getting really pissed at myself and was like mannnnnn. But i remembered what this guy said in the meeting and so i was like whatever im just gunna blow it off and not have it ruin my day cause i thought it was a for sure deal like i pulled over to the far right lane and slowed down waited for him to turn on his lights and the next thing i know hes not behind me anymore and im just like wtf??? Hah. I cant believe it.
 
It helps not looking suspiscious either..since you no longer have anything to hide.
 
Yeah i wasnt worried about that hahah i just thought i was getting a ticket for sure -_- and i know my dad woulda been pissed since i just got one a few months back. So i was bummed. Thank god that shit didnt happen man! Ive been too fucking lucky. But i always go 70 in a 65. Usually no cops really care but i know there are some dick head cops out there... I need to obey orders more. I speed to much... hah. At least i wasnt hauling ass using my slap shifter or i woulda been fuct o_O
 
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