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BDD Social/Info Booth v.27 - Mugz is a habitual meph-ender

sprained ankle tastic.

was just out and about in the yard about to have some "me" time and potter around a bit and i managed to fall down a pothole and fuck my ankle up nicely.

just on and off icing for now. splifftastic time sounds about right.
 
I slept not one second last night due to my legs, and around 6 am was in agony and all sweaty to boot. At 6 I went ahead and took my 15 mg ms Contin and some apap because that was all I had near my bed and by now I feel slight relef but it still sucks. I have considered upping my dose but do not want to prolong...last month I got through it and felt normal again, I know that will happen again this month.

I think I will just take some adderall and get going for the day. I may try a little sublingually, I was reading in another thread that the d-amp kicks in immediately in this ROA...today may suck, and tomorrow may suck but eventually and soon I will get to a spot where I won't have to deal with this.

I know I have already written a novel, but may I just add that even when I was taking massive amounts of opies, I never had that mental addiction, just heavy physical dependence and faulty logic. If I had that psychological element on top of this, there is NO WAY I could do this...I really feel empathy for those who are struggling with this. It is hard.
 
I just took a huge step guys. Huge. I am truly wanting to get a handle on this opiate thing. Next month I drop down to only 15 mg morphine ER a day. I am almost off. I also get my oxy script refilled. I have gone from getting 180 30mg oxy a month to getting 60 10 mg a month.

To put it in perspective, my entire bottle of 10 mg is maybe 2 or 3 doses of my old habit. I have,made huge progress.

So the big deal is that I asked my husband this morning if he will hold the oxy for me. This month I took my entire freaking bottle in 6 days. I just can't be trusted with it. I am freaked out to give up this control, but I truly want to find out if this is enough to hold my pain long term.

The conditions are these. I take three at once, no questions asked. He works a lot, so he will at all times keep three in a location that I know about. He will see if I take these three. I will ask him for all other doses. He cannot deny me or give me shit about it.

I trust him completely, we have been married for forever. I just want to see how I do for real, right now I do not have the willpower or whatever. I think if I have to ask him it will make me really think about if I need to take it and not just take it if I stub my toe or something.

Is this a good idea? I think it is but it still terrifies me...

Edited to say...I know this may seem more appropriate for TDS or blogs, but y'all are my friends here, so I wanted to say it here. Sorry for the tl:dr bullshit. Just wanted to see what y'all thought about it.
 
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Beachcat said:
Hey y'all
Just rocking the :;:(;()()&&@&)$ leg aches that come with dropping my morphine dose again.... Why the legs I wonder? It is not RLS, they just ache and hurt and feel so heavy...

Other than that, all is well, just hot as HELL here. Kayla so glad you had so much fun on your trip! Sounds like a blast!
Click to expand...

I know quite a few people that get it in their legs too, that's not uncommon. My legs don't really give me too much grief when in WD, i usually get it in my back pretty good though. My hips will kill me but that's legitimately because my hips are fucked up so they hurt anyways, it just makes em worse.


Also, good luck tapering down on your dose. I hope that system you and your husband have works out for you. I don't know anything about your history but I'm assuming these are legit scripts because you do have pain issues? I can understand wanting to get off opiates just as long as you will be able to bear the pain on your own. Living as an addict is rough, but living in constant pain it pretty terrible too. If it is something that you truly feel needs to happen then yes I think it is a very good idea. Best of luck to you!
 
holy smokes, BDD. i have the worst hiccups. i could barely even communicate to get weed this morning.


that is huge progress, Beachcat. i think letting your husband hold them is a good idea. for the reason you stated. if you have to ask, it will make you consider. also, it will separate you from the stash aspect of pill addiction.
 
Thanks guys. Reckless, yes that is one thing I am worried about. I do have legitimate scripts and I have been taking the drugs for severe migraine and several severe back issue. I worry about the pain. But, I have also come to realize that my very severe pain is episodic in nature and not constant. I consistently rest at about a four out of ten, which I think I can handle with epidural injections, exercise and massage. But sometimes I spike up to about a nine out of ten and am bedridden. I think a supply of an instant release drug will work better...that is why I want my hubs to hold my meds....I want to see if this quantity can truly hold me for a month, and if I have it I use and use until it is gone...
 
Wow, I have lots of stims, I'm not going to do them all though, this peevee is good stuff though, makes the uk street phet seem like a benzo, lol. Is very stimulating to say the least. I'm gonna have to send most of it away though as I will end up psychotic otherwise. Ethylphenidate arrived today too, not even going to think of touching that as it's nothing compared to the other two options, even got some IAP to consider aswell.

I think I'll stick to the peevee from now on and send the rest away to a friend I'm going to visit next weekend, I don't want to end up in a psych ward at the end of this binge, although I have got better at convincing myself that there are no spies or hackers or cherry pickers at my window. It's a big step as I used to not stop believing that there were once I had started, it's happened so many times now though that I know it is just in the head.

Am enjoying watching 24 and playing poker and downloading films ;) and talking on TC, multitasking like a pro :D
 
Mugz said:
Wow, I have lots of stims, I'm not going to do them all though, this peevee is good stuff though, makes the uk street phet seem like a benzo, lol. Is very stimulating to say the least. I'm gonna have to send most of it away though as I will end up psychotic otherwise. Ethylphenidate arrived today too, not even going to think of touching that as it's nothing compared to the other two options, even got some IAP to consider aswell.

I think I'll stick to the peevee from now on and send the rest away to a friend I'm going to visit next weekend, I don't want to end up in a psych ward at the end of this binge, although I have got better at convincing myself that there are no spies or hackers or cherry pickers at my window. It's a big step as I used to not stop believing that there were once I had started, it's happened so many times now though that I know it is just in the head.

Am enjoying watching 24 and playing poker and downloading films ;) and talking on TC, multitasking like a pro :D
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What's ethylphenidate like? Can you tell us the difference you find between it and methylphenidate? Looking at the pharmacology it seems to be similar in effect to d-methylphenidate (Focalin). Haven't tried any of them except methylphenidate which is anxiety in a pill to me so I'm looking forward to cleaner/smoother -phenidates.
 
Beachy! You're so great!
I'm sorry you ever have pain...
but think you're doing amazing considering!
yup..i read the novel;)

Hang in there.<3

hi Bdd! have a good day!

~token
 
Dammit, a family party... What would I do without my nice stock of alprazolam and clonazepam ? Probably lose my fuckin' mind that's all haha.

How is everyone this weekend?

I've felt like shit all day, so I'm sure I'll end up doing nothing on a Sat. night and feel dead inside.
 
Thanks for reading, token. You rock. I just needed one person to read and care. You all rock.

I just have had a shit day. I had so much to do. I took a big dose of adderall for me ( I rarely take it) drank a red bull and usually that would rock my socks off, but no. I sucked the whole day. My hubby took the kid out on the boat a couple of hours ago. I went and took two naproxen and three ibuprofen for my leg pain and the made a really hot tub and turned on the jets. It was heaven, why have I not done this yet? I let the jets massage my legs and let the meds kick in. I feel somewhat better.

I decided to take a third of a trazadone tonight....last time I took a whole one and it kicked my ass and sedatedme the whole next day, but maybe a third will work, and turn off the iPad and tv and try to go to bed early. Maybe tomorrow won't suck as bad. I have already taken my morphine allotment for the day, so no more of that...
 
^^
anytime..;)

i think you must have a good man..
lean on him..

i hope the trazadone helps tonight..
i used to take it..it did help w/sleep..

<3token
 
does sound like a good man.


i just took the last of my oxy. immediately got asked if i wanted more. i said no because i've been spending a lot of money on it. but it's killing my buzz. making me nervous i should have got more. so expensive.

edit:
psh, i caved. so glad i did.
 
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werd up guys

haven't posted in here for fucking ages for some reason 8( whats everyone up to?
 
anyone tried Methylmethaqualone?

I accidently vaped a few doses and snorted a line over the last 12 hours, looking at the ADD thread it seems I should be fine seizure wise and I took a bit of etizolam to help any seizure risk. I picked up the wrong bad, was meant to be MDPV, but it wasn't

I liked it vaped to be honest, but not sure how much was pv hype placebo, it was weird to be nodding from it slightly though, I put it down to being tired naturally.

Answer msn naon ;)
 
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