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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 29 -Yeah! SCIENCE, BITCH!

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lol why's everyone so jealous of MXE. I used to have that shit everyday, no one was jealous then. Now when I haven't had it for 2 months it's funny a bunch of people want it.

And good for you Captain H lol.
 
Pagey said:
That's an interesting analogy actually. I will definitely keep it in mind, thanks.
Well, I gave in. I called him up and did a really big short of heroin and coke :( I felt so guilty afterwards I immediately flushed the rest down the toilet...I don't even care about the big waste of money though, I'm just hoping this means it won't set me back too much. Not proud of myself :(
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I have thrown away thousands of £'s worth of drugs over the past few years under exactly the same circumstances, I would always give in to my urges to buy, then I used and felt guilty/let down with myself, and then, I would promise myself never again and bin the drugs. Many times I would find myself in the front garden a few days later head first in the wheelie bin rummaging around trying to pull out packs of Benzos, Oxy or Poppy Pods etc!!!

This was absolute comfiration that I was a serious drug addict.

I actually have a very strong desire to use today, as I always do on Fridays, I still have DHC here (Which is tempting fate) and I was offered some Diazepam yesterday which is extremely easy for me to access. As much as I'm glad to be clean, I do worry if my mindset will ever change, and if I will ever rid myself of Anxiety without choosing substances to escape those feelings... :(
 
Hey everyone in BDD...how's everyone's day going? Just picked up 15 norco 10s (they're malli's, but w/e), and gonna drop 80-100mg in the next 30 to 45 minutes.

How's everyone else doing?
 
The day of reckoning has cometh...

My parents have found out about my latest bender as I failed for coke and opiates on a drug screen. The sad thing is I knew it was coming yesterday and already had plans in place to use my friends pee. The thing is I knew that if I passed the test than I would've kept on using till god knows when. So the shit hit the fan, my dad threw me out of the house. Luckily I have tons of supportive friends and family so I'm probably going to live with my grandparents for a while who got nothin better to do than drive me to college and meetings, so hopefully this will be a good change. My mom and sister are real supportive my Dad is just so old school he's not talking to me at all. He paid off all my credit cards and all my past insurance bills then cancelled all my cards and dropped me from all of his insurances so that was a real eye opener. Luckily he is leaving for the weekend so my mom's gonna let me chill at the house for the next few days until I go to my grandparents sometime this weekend. I really can't be mad at my dad because he told me all along that he will give me money, support my bills, get me a car and evrything but if I choose to use with all that support he's going to wipe his hands of me. It's so awkward being in the house with him because we're talking like nothing happened, real friendly, but then my mom will come in and be like your father cut you from the insurance and took your laptop and keys and says you can't be here when he gets back on sunday. Oh well, I choose to abuse all their love and support, it comes with the territory. Just bothers me that my dad thinks since i've gone to treatment that I'm cured and that a relapse should never ever happen. Nobody else has those expectations on me.

Hope you guys are having a better day
 
Mass08 said:
Just bothers me that my dad thinks since i've gone to treatment that I'm cured and that a relapse should never ever happen. Nobody else has those expectations on me.

Hope you guys are having a better day
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It's unfortunate that some people just dont understand the way addiction works.

Best of luck with everything. ;)
 
Mass08, I feel your pain. I went to rehab in November, was clean for a month + then anhedonia and PAWS really got to me physically and emotionally. My heroin habit has came back with a vengeance and I have no job, except for odd jobs and being the middle-man most of the time. I also sense a little IV cocaine habit forming... sigh

Going to the city to my dude's place with a couple friends to scoop some diazepam. Dude with diazepam script wants me to hangout and shoot some seriously raw dope with him, for bringing business and he's a good friend of mine. He, like myself, doesn't like to down drugs, while leaving a buddy sober or dopesick. That's the case with most of my friends. "Everybody gets to eat" ya know?
 
Hey guys, just slept 15 hours and feel fucking great. My grandfather is back home and he's doing the best I have seen him in years. Won't shut up for 2 seconds...heard a bunch of war stories.....he's a total bad ass mofo.

Browsing vendors, going to order some mxe, 25x, etizolam, and some 4-meo-pcp on Monday. If I can't find some decent opiates I might get some kratom too. Wish I hadn't fucked up my morphine connection as I have been craving a nod.
 
what's up fuckers?

perfect weather for opiates here today; it's overcast with showers on and off. so i'm nicely doped up just chillin' in my bed listening to some Isis :) i took 2 days off dosing my morphine, so i was starting to w/d early this morning, and had a fix just before - 200mg. it gat damn took my breath away and made me sit down straight away haha. i was already rushing halfway through the shot so was really having to concentrate the last couple of mL's.

think i might browse around BL a bit then watch some chris rock re-runs. booyeah.

pally pete said:
Back when I had no Opiate tolerance I took around 1mg of Buprenorphine and felt like I was at deaths door for about 15 hours! I've never vomited so much in all my life.
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i have a mate who's extremely opiate naive and i used to dose with him sometimes. i'd give him no more than .1mg of bupe and he would be either spewing for a few hours and then nauseous for hours on end after or just extremely nauseous. it was extremely hard for him to get his dosing right because even 100mg slow release tramadol was enough to make him sick and spew as well. extremely sensitive to the opiates, though, he could neck back his xanax prescription and drink like a fish on top.

i remember one night after picking him up from work we had necked some valium and xanax and started drinking. few hours into it i'd passed out and so had he. then i woke up to some noise in the lounge where we were crashed out. the silly fucker was pissing in one of his mums vases she had set up next to the TV. they were some wild nights through that period lol.
 
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Sorry to hear that Mass...I know what you mean about knowing a drug test is coming up and choosing to fail. I did that at my sub doctor on the 1st because I knew if I didn't I wouldn't admit to him I relapsed and I needed to be honest with him so I could get back on the right track.

Now I just have to manage to actually make some positive changes in my life. I never thought the day would come where hitting a vein would be harder then copping dope. When I first started the only thing limiting me was my supply, but I unfortunately found a very reliable source.
 
congrats to Cromaphobia and Venrak on the mod positions! i haven't read so much of Venrak's posts' but have great respect for the time Chromaphobia puts toward the comprehensive and informative posts i'm always reading :)

enjoy the gig, guys! it's a good one.

are both of you in one of the american time zones?
 
Just took 10mg diazepam sublingual. Feeling good, would've liked to dose tagament beforehand.

Now, more heroin and we might go score some crank.

Hopefully tonight keeps improving. I love this diazepam!

Who's on a good combo tonight?
 
^Ugh I could do with some benzos right now. I don't know if it's because I'm too drunk or I've already finished them but can't seem to find them anywhere in my room. Had a great night out but I'm coming down from MDMA right now and this + H WDs are not a great combo :|
 
ugh, screw taking mdma knowing you're going to be or are already dopesick :| you should have passed it up and saved it for when you were well, pagey. i hope you had an enjoyable night, though :) and i hope lucks on your side and you find your pills. usually it takes getting back to the stage where you hid them to remember and find them haha. it's happened to me countless times and it sucks ass!

i wasn't feeling like any valium today but after a second shot not long ago it has me wanting to take a reasonable dose. nothing over 30mg, and just to assure i do get to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight. i haven't really slept the last 2 nights while i took my quick break and am feeling run down but have just been unable to get in a comfortable position and drift off to sleep for more than 30-45min intervals :| they're the worst nights because you've likely gotten enough sleep to function but the disruptive pattern just drains and takes it out of me and leaves my mind just a little rattled. then again not dosing is going to do that when you're dependent so i sort of predicted it to an extent.

normally by now i'd have one or two days of pills left until refills on wednesday day but am only one morphine pill short from the extra shot before and am on count with my valium! fucking woohoo! no running out early this fortnight having to rely on either codeine or imodium with a shit load of extra pain on top. just gotta keep it up...
 
Been doing a lot of MXE lately. Prob too much. Not the insane amounts of some BLers, but still... the game change when I discovered IMing it haha. Multiple times a day, for days on end. Some very weird experiences, some even unpleasant. But always go back. I hear it calling me... it's calling me man! haha

Anyway in the spirit of chilling with MXE for at least a little bit, I made some Kratom tea tonight. It was VERY bitter so I think it would be good. Take some etizolam, top it off with a little it of bud and maybe I can resist the temptation to shoot MXE into my leg tonight lol
 
that sounds like a nice, relaxing night you've got planned. very relaxing indeed. it's that kind of day isn't it?

btw, i really hope you're using a micron filter IM'ing the MXE. you never know what contaminents/adulterants, etc may be in it even though you may be buying from an online vendor; they're just as scrupulous as any other drug dealer ;)
 
i'm sure your gal would take good care of them for you if you so asked, right ;)

definitely save them, brother, sounds like you'll need them tomorrow. i was in the position of getting dope sick this morning before having my shot, and wisely taking those couple days off to assure i had the right count, and when i did get around to it just about 4 hours ago (i'm still high as shit) it was well worth the couple nights of fuck all sleep and extra pain. it damn near knocked me on my ass from a rather intense rush :D

what you got planned this weekend, mate?
 
hatrix said:
lol why's everyone so jealous of MXE. I used to have that shit everyday, no one was jealous then. Now when I haven't had it for 2 months it's funny a bunch of people want it.

And good for you Captain H lol.
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^ I have never done MXE nor care to; I would only do ketamine, not MXE, just me personally.

I actually ended up having an amazing day; words only begin to describe how awesome it was. %)

I also just finished listening to one of my favorite noise tracks by Merzbow, so I'm feeling amazing at the moment. =D

Mr.Scagnattie said:
What's up all?

Guzzling bourbon here.. trying not to do the 2 bags I have saved for the morning.. :\ I'm bored and anxious but without those bags tomorrow morning I'm going to be sick as a dog..
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Forgive me if I forget your background with ORT, but I am pretty sure you've been prescribed Suboxone in the past (correct me if I'm wrong). Have you ever tried methadone or considered giving methadone a chance? Just wondering.

I know some people genuinely enjoy using heroin but it's nothing I enjoy anymore, it lost its fun so very long ago to me and I'm thankful to be away from it in life, and to be in a place where I would turn it down even if it was free.
 
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