hangyourhead
Bluelighter
It's been awhile since I've had some 4-FA. What's plugging it like?
BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 29 -Yeah! SCIENCE, BITCH!
- Thread starter bronson
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Going to get my hands on some buprenorphine soon hereActually in the form of Suboxone films but hey I have like no tolerance so it'll still do me gooooood.
Be careful man, its strong shit. I take it everyday and dose less than .5mg at a time nasal though. If you are doing SL start with no more than 1mg.
Established myself as a patient with a new PCP. Got x-rays of my t-spine, and MRIs of my c-/l-spine were ordered for the 28th. Thank god the doc gave me a script of .5mg alprazolams to take prior to the procedure. He only wrote 5, but after taking 1 of them today to easy a headache, I'll have the equivalent of a bar to take for it. It's written to take one, but that won't do a goddamn thing lol. My blackout point is friggin' 14-16mg of the shit lol.
How's everyone else doing?
I've always wanted to try ketamine as well. Bummer I live where I live lol. It's hard to find the more common drugs, let alone veterinarian medication lol.
And good job on not speedballing and switching to snorting. I never really got into needles; just shot up the one time, so I can't really relate to how tough of a habit that is to break.
Man I miss diazepam. Those little blue beauties do me wonders - even if I do have to take like 6 of them lol.
Like laCster said, be careful with that shit if you're not tolerant. It'll put your dick in the dirt if you dose too high lol.
Man, I envy you guys with your low tolerances lol. Mainlining 4mg doesn't even give me pain relief, let alone any kind of head change lol.
How's everyone else doing?
^ Enjoy the ketamine, it's a fun drug
I'm really happy with myself, I still haven't bought more coke. I've only been back in London since yesterday, but still. So that means I've been speedball-less for almost 10 days
Plus last night I snorted my H rather than shooting it. Progress progress.
I've always wanted to try ketamine as well. Bummer I live where I live lol. It's hard to find the more common drugs, let alone veterinarian medication lol.
And good job on not speedballing and switching to snorting. I never really got into needles; just shot up the one time, so I can't really relate to how tough of a habit that is to break.
Man I miss diazepam. Those little blue beauties do me wonders - even if I do have to take like 6 of them lol.
Going to get my hands on some buprenorphine soon here
Like laCster said, be careful with that shit if you're not tolerant. It'll put your dick in the dirt if you dose too high lol.
Man, I envy you guys with your low tolerances lol. Mainlining 4mg doesn't even give me pain relief, let alone any kind of head change lol.
smokemctoke420
Bluelighter
^ and to add to that dont let the size of them little fuckers fool you, you really only need a small piece. the more you take the dirtier the high will be IMO, less is more with that shit.
whats up everyone? i just woke up. gonna call my boss and try to convince him to make my start date for march 4th instead of having the possibility of it being the 12th.
@Pagey- thats 2 big steps. keep it up.
and does anyone have any advice for me on this.
edit: just talked to my boss. might not be able to come back for a few weeks cuz we cant mow or do anything yet. i even asked to refill bunkers with sand or whatever but so far its a no go. this god damn weather needs to break
whats up everyone? i just woke up. gonna call my boss and try to convince him to make my start date for march 4th instead of having the possibility of it being the 12th.
@Pagey- thats 2 big steps. keep it up.
and does anyone have any advice for me on this.
edit: just talked to my boss. might not be able to come back for a few weeks cuz we cant mow or do anything yet. i even asked to refill bunkers with sand or whatever but so far its a no go. this god damn weather needs to break
Mugz
Bluelighter
hey everyone, nice to see the social is booming and lots of happy people.
Good luck on the interview Pagey, let us know how it goes! Hope you get it, if you get it will you become a fully fledged brit for a while then?
Decided not to go to my local NA meeting today, did an online one, was pretty good, well actually it wasn't, most of the shares were my people in chronic pain but because they are addicts they cant take narcotic pain killers, so it sucks for them, couple of people were crying but there was a positive message overall that things do get better. Someone shared their 8 year anniversary, another shared they are finally 99.9% Hep C negative after being positive for a long period of time. Anyway enough of that drugs are bad shit.
I miss drugs, and keep getting tempted to order something, especially as it's my birthday on Saturday and we are going out and stuff, would love some meph or something for the end of the week.
Good luck on the interview Pagey, let us know how it goes! Hope you get it, if you get it will you become a fully fledged brit for a while then?
Decided not to go to my local NA meeting today, did an online one, was pretty good, well actually it wasn't, most of the shares were my people in chronic pain but because they are addicts they cant take narcotic pain killers, so it sucks for them, couple of people were crying but there was a positive message overall that things do get better. Someone shared their 8 year anniversary, another shared they are finally 99.9% Hep C negative after being positive for a long period of time. Anyway enough of that drugs are bad shit.
I miss drugs, and keep getting tempted to order something, especially as it's my birthday on Saturday and we are going out and stuff, would love some meph or something for the end of the week.
Hold strong mugS
Pagey good luck!
Doug, I love valium, one of my favorite benzodiazepines, close tie between temazepam and valium. I might like valium a little better
For me 10mg valium feels like .75-1mg of Xanax or klonopin
Pagey good luck!
Doug, I love valium, one of my favorite benzodiazepines, close tie between temazepam and valium. I might like valium a little better
For me 10mg valium feels like .75-1mg of Xanax or klonopin
smokemctoke420
Bluelighter
lol i forgot to put in the paragraph. its whats written below. i have no self control
i dont think i mentioned this before but my whole family knows im doing oxy now. my mom called me out after i ran out of my stash last week or whenever it was. she says i need to stop doing what im doing and all this other shit. she told my sister and my brother in law and my brother in law, who has 5 years clean said he doesnt want me doing this either and that i can come to him and talk to him and he will keep it secret, unless im a immediate danger to myself or someone else. ive gone back to oxy use in the last 9 months and i couldnt stop picking up when the refill is here every 3 weeks. i wanted to talk to someone but i felt like i couldnt. he said that hurt him cuz i could have talked to him the whole time but i didnt want to disappoint him.
so pretty much my whole family knows ive been fucking up but its also been pointed out that im not back where i was in 2007-2010, rehab, detox, OD and all that shit, and im not where my sister is right now but i could very well be there. i gotta straighten up while i still got the chance.
i talked to a friend of mine for about an hour last night about this since he knows my whole using situation. ive also got his support which is nice.
i dont wanna go through this next 8-9 months of work with nothing to show again. im getting roxis when the refill gets here on the 4th. my mom will be gone for that week anyway and ill be using most of them at work. he can call me out at home and even tho he works with me, he doesnt think im blantant enough to do oxy at work, shit he doesnt even know i blaze at work or he would get me fired cuz im always driving equipment or working with heavy machinery. my boss supervisor knows but doesnt really care that i blaze since he knows i dont act like a fool after. anyways, ill be able to get away with using the oxy at work and some at home as long as i dont blantantly nod face in front of him.
ive also got it drilled in my head that im saving a certain amount of loot everytime i get paid. with all my expenses recreational money i will have very little to get oxy with. no more then 5 every 3 weeks. ill be skipping weeks to. i dont have to worry about getting my coworker that has a bad back, roxis to since he has my dudes number now. so if i dont wanna pick up i dont have to be tempted by getting him some.
idk, im not gonna be using oxy like i was when i worked there last summer, ive also lost the one connect i had at worked for norcos so thats good.
i didnt mean to have this be this long but i had to get it off my chest.
......................................................................................................
if i dont get much advice here i might post in TDS sometime soon.
Hold strong mugS
Pagey good luck!
Doug, I love valium, one of my favorite benzodiazepines, close tie between temazepam and valium. I might like valium a little better
For me 10mg valium feels like .75-1mg of Xanax or klonopin
Oh, it's absolutely my favorite lol...and doesn't valium metabolize into temazepam lol? Man, I remember back about a year ago, 1 of those little blue Teva 10's would have me drooling passing out lol. So much more sedating than the others that are indicated for anxiety (even alprazolam). Now I could probably take 100mg of them and be just fine lol. It also kicks the shit out of clonazepam in terms of anxiety in my opinion.
I'm not sure what I could say that would help you in this situation. You keep talking about a refill date; are you talking about your dealer's refill date? Only you can decide to not buy oxy. Doing what you said and limiting yourself to 5 pills every 3 weeks is a great start. If you really need to, and have good insurance, go to a psychiatrist that prescribe subutex or something like that (I just know subutex is cheaper than suboxone).
I hope you're able to accomplish what you're wanting to do (not sure if you're wanting to be completely clean or just limit your oxy intake). Will yourself to not go get any if that's what you want. It seems like you're not dependent on them, so it would probably be best to quit while your ahead.
Good luck man.
Edit: Just wanted to add, that the best way to get clean is to have a good distraction. When you have downtime keep yourself busy with a hobby, like reading, playing video games, journaling, playing sports, hanging out with friends - something to keep your mind off of the oxy. You should probably limit your bluelight time significantly, and get on as little as possible. This is often the worst place you can be to take your mind off of drugs lmao. Drugs are like all this site is about with the exception of the lounge and a few other sub-forums. Like I said earlier, good luck in whatever you're trying to accomplish.
Doug
Smokemctoke , how old are you?
Doug, yes diazepam is oxidized into temazepam and oxazepam, but the temaz and oxazepam are oxidized at a greater rate than which they are produced, so temazepam really doesn't contribute much to the feeling or high or buzz or w/e of diazepam . Mainly just diazepam and desmethyldiazepam ...
Yes valium is much much more sedating than Xanax or klonopin. I don't even bother with Xanax any more, its so boring and bland and doesn't work that well for anxiety. I'd buy a little klonopin maybe , but the only benzos that have somewhat recreational effects when combined with bupre are valium and temazepam (out of the benzos I have tried) . I'm sure nitrazepam would blow both temaz and valium out of the water, but for the time being nitrazepam is hard as fuck to find on the streets and my pdoc wouldn't prescribe me it lol. Diazepam is still lovely and I am happy with my decision of choosing valium over kpin. Now all I need is Pregabalin, and to get vyvanse switched to dexedrine which is probably going to happen the next time I visit the doctor which is in two weeks
How you holding up dougie fresh?
Doug, yes diazepam is oxidized into temazepam and oxazepam, but the temaz and oxazepam are oxidized at a greater rate than which they are produced, so temazepam really doesn't contribute much to the feeling or high or buzz or w/e of diazepam . Mainly just diazepam and desmethyldiazepam ...
Yes valium is much much more sedating than Xanax or klonopin. I don't even bother with Xanax any more, its so boring and bland and doesn't work that well for anxiety. I'd buy a little klonopin maybe , but the only benzos that have somewhat recreational effects when combined with bupre are valium and temazepam (out of the benzos I have tried) . I'm sure nitrazepam would blow both temaz and valium out of the water, but for the time being nitrazepam is hard as fuck to find on the streets and my pdoc wouldn't prescribe me it lol. Diazepam is still lovely and I am happy with my decision of choosing valium over kpin. Now all I need is Pregabalin, and to get vyvanse switched to dexedrine which is probably going to happen the next time I visit the doctor which is in two weeks
How you holding up dougie fresh?
I'm alive lol. Pain is getting worse and worse. I've lost yet another inch (that's three so far); I was 5'10'' at one point and at the doctor's office I was 5'7''. :/
See, I'm the opposite. Clonazepam doesn't do a damn thing for me, recreationally or therapeutically. Alprazolam, however, is the best thing for me when it comes to panic attacks. It works so quickly and has the punch I need. It might not be recreational to many, but I find having diminished anxiety to be recreational lol.
I know what you mean about wanting to switch the stimulant you're on. I currently get Vyvanse 40mg, Qty. 30 per month, but I'd really like it if i got switched to Desoxyn 5mg, Qty. 60 or 90. Hell, I'd be happy to get switched to Adderal XR 20-30mg, Qty. 60. What I really need though is a benzodiazepine (I would love Valium, but they don't make them big enough, so Xanax 2mg, Qty. 120) for anxiety, and a decent pain killer (MS-Contin 60 or 100mg, Qty. 3 or 2 respectively, with an equivalent of 60-100mg of morphine in IR rescue meds).
Man I hate my tolerance so much lol; I go weeks without taking ANYTHING (other than my Vyvanse, Tramadol, Lyrica, and Vistaril in their prescribed doses), and my tolerance never goes down. It just steadily rises lol.
How have you been recently, laCster; I haven't spoken with you in a while. I need to do a couple of school assignments tonight, but we should aim soon; I think I still have you in my contacts.
I need to go pick up my medications though, so I'll be back later.
See, I'm the opposite. Clonazepam doesn't do a damn thing for me, recreationally or therapeutically. Alprazolam, however, is the best thing for me when it comes to panic attacks. It works so quickly and has the punch I need. It might not be recreational to many, but I find having diminished anxiety to be recreational lol.
I know what you mean about wanting to switch the stimulant you're on. I currently get Vyvanse 40mg, Qty. 30 per month, but I'd really like it if i got switched to Desoxyn 5mg, Qty. 60 or 90. Hell, I'd be happy to get switched to Adderal XR 20-30mg, Qty. 60. What I really need though is a benzodiazepine (I would love Valium, but they don't make them big enough, so Xanax 2mg, Qty. 120) for anxiety, and a decent pain killer (MS-Contin 60 or 100mg, Qty. 3 or 2 respectively, with an equivalent of 60-100mg of morphine in IR rescue meds).
Man I hate my tolerance so much lol; I go weeks without taking ANYTHING (other than my Vyvanse, Tramadol, Lyrica, and Vistaril in their prescribed doses), and my tolerance never goes down. It just steadily rises lol.
How have you been recently, laCster; I haven't spoken with you in a while. I need to do a couple of school assignments tonight, but we should aim soon; I think I still have you in my contacts.
I need to go pick up my medications though, so I'll be back later.
smokemctoke420
Bluelighter
no im not currently dependent on them, my tolerance has been stuck at 20mgs since ive started. i used oxy from 06-09 when i could get it but not everyday cuz i didnt have the resources for that. i overdosed summer of 2009 when i found the combo to my moms safe and ate 120 mgs of oxy on top of 5mgs of ativan because my sister came down at 8am and knew i was wrecked. she told my mom, so i ate everything in my pocket before she searched me. i was barely breathing, couldnt respond, was running into walls. she asked to call an ambulance but i told her i would die before i went to the hospital and looked like a fool.
after that i went to a detox even tho i wasnt w/d'ing and i got subutex then i got out and went to a halfway house for 3 months but i left after i relapsed and a month later i was doing some work for my dad and he gave me money. i bought a 40 mg OC and that night he asked for the money back and he would repay me tommorrow (obvious trap) i told him i spent it on cigs but couldnt show them so i confessed. back to detox and then a rehab center who thought that god is the only answer to your problems and they dont even get into your drug use. i was there till april 2010.
i got out and stayed clean for a month then i started dabbling and i met a dealer who was always stocked and i was buying off him for a year spending all my money when i could until dec 2011 when i got fired from my job cuz i was on benzos and opiates and blacked out for 3 days. i ended up leaving halfway through my shift and came bak and wrote myself in for the whole night while still blacked out the next morning for my 11am shift. i got fired after 5 years (3.5 on 2 off, 1.5 on) for something i dont remember doing nor am i that type of person.
i stayed clean for a little while then i was using very seldomly. may of 2012 i found the connect i got now. he is a friend of mine (we met through a mutual friend). he works with a lady that gets 120 roxi 15s every 20 days. he goes to her and brings them to me as long as i smoke a bowl with him or something.
im sorry to go off track if i do. anyways, my coworkewr from the golf course was on pain management for a broken back but lost his insurance in his divorce. he now goes through my connect. back in the summer i was getting them for him and at 1 point i wanted to slow down and told him i couldnt get them for him and he guilt tripped me into getting them and of course i picked up for myself. i have nothing to show for last summer. i was getting 30-40 15s and would eat them in a matter of less then a week. mostly cuz i was always moving at work so i could dose more.
well now he has my connects number so if i wanna stop it will be a little easier.
idk how to get over this mental mindfuck. ive had a muscle thinhg in my upper back for a year and when it hurts really bad or i keep getting spasms it screams "go get roxis". i cant go to PT or the orthopediac doc anymore since i dont have health insurance either. ive been to the point (if im doing hard labor or even having to ride on a mower for hours) that im in tears and i dont ever cry over physical pain. this is not the full reason why i cant stop tho. it just brings back cravings a little.
its just a mental mindfuck. i cant fucking say no. my sister is currently hooked on it again. my whole family knows now. i cant really use like i did (unless at work). i dont even know where im going with this anymore, all i know is i wish i could say no and mean it. i wanna be released from these cravings so bad but i give in almost every time
as of now my of attack is that when i go back in 2 weeks or whatever it could be im saving 250 every check plus i got a small amount of rent and my cell to pay. all this adds up to $500. i usually dont make over 600 every 2 weeks, its usually about 550. with that im left with 5 pills i could possibly get every refill.
ive got it set in stone and drilled in my head that 250, no matter what, goes in the bank. i wanna get to the point where i dont even think about the refill, which makes me crave even more. i just wanna be free and a normal member of society. im not even physically addicted and its completly fucked me ever since i can remember. makes me wanna blow my brains out of my skull on occasion but i wouldnt do that to my family. i just tend to not wear my seatbelt and hope we get hit on my side.
fuck. well, ill be buying 300 mgs of oxy next sunday but after that its chill time. hopefully once i start saving i wont wanna stop and can continue it next winter when i go back on unemployment.
blah. guess ill go burn some weeds and shower up.
if you read this, then thanks and all replies are appreciated. sometime soon ill be snipping parts of all this and making a post in TDS.
@ lac- ill be 24 in august.
@douggie fresh (lolz)- yeah i do need to find a hobby. i can golf for free when i work at the golf course. i liked it but that and work is what fucked up my back in the first place. i golfed all the time from last march to may and i stopped after my back thing came up. i even got my own bag, maybe ill try to get back into that with my friend this summer. i do need to limit my bl time. its just hard to do.
i just gotta break the fuking cycle. easier said then done
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Oh cool smoke, I thought you were younger but its all good. I hope you are able to make the right choices ahead of you, good luck man, opiate dependency and addiction is no joke.
Been really good, had a chance to smoke weed and forbthe past three weeks I've been smoking and ive been in heaven. I have been procrastinating the community service I have to do and gotta find a job, so I'm about to go apply online to some places ans look up places to do community service
Been really good, had a chance to smoke weed and forbthe past three weeks I've been smoking and ive been in heaven. I have been procrastinating the community service I have to do and gotta find a job, so I'm about to go apply online to some places ans look up places to do community service
helium-4
Bluelight Crew
Fuck yeah, I got the job I interviewed for. I got a sick place to live and the job I applied for. super happy. Life is starting to fall back together for me.
Good to hear cloudy! Have you been sober or still using? Your hard work will pay off, the rewards might not.be instant like drugs, but they will show if you keep up a hard work ethic. Hang in there man!
"the harder I work, the luckier I get"
-thomas Jefferson
"the harder I work, the luckier I get"
-thomas Jefferson
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Wait, what interview? Haha
Glad to hear you're sticking to NA Mugz, good for you. Hope you have an awesome bday on saturday but be careful with the meph yeah?
I'm confused...
Yeaaah congrats!
Mugz
Bluelighter
Wait, what interview? Haha
Glad to hear you're sticking to NA Mugz, good for you. Hope you have an awesome bday on saturday but be careful with the meph yeah?
I'm confused...
Yeaaah congrats!
Make sense now?
Thanks Pagey, I hope Saturday is good too and also hope that I can stop myself indulging too much, feeling pretty weak right now so can imagine that I will end up doing something or other.
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
Yeah but you said 'Good luck on the interview Pagey' 
Or I'm imagining things...which is possible...
Haha anyway, good luck with YOUR interview hangyourhead!
Or I'm imagining things...which is possible...
Haha anyway, good luck with YOUR interview hangyourhead!
Mugz
Bluelighter
because you said you had an interview tomorrow morning at 10am at Chipotle, or was that you buddy having an interview?
hangyourhead
Bluelighter
Mugz, that was ME with the interview! haha, but thanks anyway I think I pretty much got the job
I think I pretty much got the job- Status