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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

BDD Social and Info Booth Vs 28 - my dealer told me that this was the last time

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pally it is... i can't find it anywhere, i've searched far and wide for years with no luck..

toz, what the hell are you doing? thats suicidal. don't fucking do that. don't just give up on everything because you slipped up once - everyone does it, we all make mistakes, it doesn't mean we should bask and live in them for the rest of our lives. we learn from them and move on positively instead of moaning and whining about what's happened!
 
Everyone might slip up once, I make it a habit. It's either don't do drugs at all or just fuck it and do em all time, which seems more tempting now at the moment since after I quit all drugs, nothing got better. After going cold turkey of both benzos and subutex / neurontin which I had been using for years, I finally started feeling better. Then it struck me, nerve pain. I had never felt pain in my entire life before. It feels like fire inside me and makes everything intolerable. I believe it's still from the neurontin, but I refuse to take that shit drug again, putting me in withdrawals during the day and making me feel weird. Still I should not have fucking physical withdrawal symptoms after 195 days of beeing free from it and I now think it will never end anyway.

Not going through opiate withdrawal again, fuck no, why should I? I will slip up again 99% guaranteed because of pain. What's the fucking point?

Besides, I have no life now, I did at least when on the drugs. I had a steady income and lots of poeple to hang out with. Now, I'm not homeless, but I can't find anything else that's positive at the moment.

Ironic, getting of maintenance after 6 years, only to experience life as it once was for some weeks, then get struck with the pain from hell, and doctor writes a Rx for opiates. Lovely.

edit: not being too reckless and taking it all at once, will probalby be what i am consuming from today untill tomorrow, will skip the opiates if possible but I doubt it.

I can't handle feeling like this anymore.

should go rant in the dark side instead so you guys can enjoy your highs ;)
 
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lacster, aka slackster, are you on aim? whats your addy?

dude maybe its time to see another doc to get you on proper pain management then. your situation sounds fucking awful.
 
Proper pain management when labled as a heroin addict in sweden, allow me to laugh. I hurt my back a few years ago, had to sit in a wheelchair for 2 months. They refused me codeine/paracetamol pills because of substance abuse issues. The pain was extreme, thankfully some ER doc had mercy and gave me a shot of morphine one day.

I think I was lucky to get a temporary script for tramadol.

My favourite doctor answer when I ask for pain meds is "no, you are too young to be taking this medication" oh yea, so I should lay in bed all day and wait untill I am 80 years old before I can finally get the pills and off myself, since by that time I have probably had enough long ago.

(I do have set up meetings though, i will try, but I am 80& certain it will amount to nowhere)

You don't get pain management in this country unless you are extremely lucky. My father who has MS and trigeminal neuralgia, gets a whooping 400mg ibuprofen and 1200mg paracetamol to deal with his pain. He said it really hurt one day, and got 5mg oxy for 2 weeks. They would not refill them.
 
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i'm not laughing... i am a drug abuser too, and when i had the same problem as you. most laughed at me when i asked for my adhd medication back as i was a drug abuser. however i met this current shrink of mine who i was able to be completely honest to about everything and he's helped me get off the benzos (mentally) - i don't crave them anymore when i used to everyday, he's trying with the opiates and he knows i don't abuse my phets.

you just have to find the right one.
 
synthetix said:
i'm not laughing... i am a drug abuser too, and when i had the same problem as you. most laughed at me when i asked for my adhd medication back as i was a drug abuser. however i met this current shrink of mine who i was able to be completely honest to about everything and he's helped me get off the benzos (mentally) - i don't crave them anymore when i used to everyday, he's trying with the opiates and he knows i don't abuse my phets.

you just have to find the right one.
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i had a doctor like this, he moved away. New doctor came in, took his place, reviewed my meds "oh you should not have this on subutex -snip nitrazepam 10mg (no fucking taper, taken for 4 years 10mg)" "oh let's taper this subutex by 0,4mg week" "ritalin? stratters is a better option for you" that's when I just fucked off from the clinic, I told him where he could stick it and since then I've been without meds
 
LACSTER!! aim?

also, diazepam is helping my flatulence beyond any explanation possible. all that trapped gas from the laxatives is just farting out. fucking heaven each time i fart.
 
^i know dat feel. bzd's smooth out the gut muscles which will be helping you pass gas. i've had some nasty stomach cramps, and soon after a small dose of diazepam they've cleared right out in the manner of some righteous farts! felt so damn good and the relief is beyond words lol

laCster said:
fuck yah everything went excellent at Dr office
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please explain?

i slept so damn well again last night! like a baby minus the shitting and pissing and crying. i don't think i moved from the position i fell asleep in. flat on my back.

i woke to dad bringing in bags of shopping - perfect timing! i'd just shot up 200mg morphine and eaten 25mg valium! so then i gpt myself a nice healthy breakfast! a few nice big slices of watermelon, a quartered apple, some cherries and lychees a coffee and the healthiest thing on the menu...a cigarette! which was then followed by a few cones of weed. i've got a bottle of homemade staminade to sip on sitting on my bedside table. i'm set for a while. imma thinkin' bout cooking the strudel dad purchased but better off leaving it for desert so i'll probably hook into one of the magnums out of the box of 8 he got. nomnomnom.

toz, i'm sorry to hear how you're feeling so down and out, man. why don't you join us on aim for some cheering up and some one on one advice. your idea of posting in TDS is a good one as well as there's some great people in there who'll be able to help you out and give you words wisdom! give a thread in there a go, mate. you definitely won't regret it that for sure and you'll have no regrets, nor will you feel like you're being judged in the slightest.

how are all you fuckers today? missed me i take it seeing as i've got invites coming in left, right and center :P

<3 my BDD homies!

imma just browse and reply to a few threads on BL and i'll sign onto aim and join you fellows that are online.
 
yeah man, my stomach is so grateful that i took the diazepam its unreal. i thought my insides would explode from all the trapped gas, but the diazepam has literally unclogged the gas and i can fart it all out. whenever i do it's like a little piece of heaven and euphoria.

yeah man i'm waiting for you on aim you lazy ass. get on.
 
i'm just about to jump on.

i'm still having problems with my internet as a result of the local floods. it keeps cutting in and out intermittently. hopefully should be good for the most from now on!

see ya'll soon.
 
Chillen with a BLer, we met up today at 4:20pm. Been hanging out at my house enjoying some high grade bud, some moonshine, and some other things :)

Happy we finally managed to meet up. First time meeting BLer irl :)
 
^ lol, your a funny character tent ;)

im feeling good af.. just slammed i guess like a half of bottle of wine maybe a little more and then i smoked a bowl. the cig afterwards was delicious

kickoff for the superbowl is in 17 hours and 25 minutes.. i cant wait. GO RAVENS

ive always wondered, when i smoke weed some times and i leaned over coughing (such as when im smoking in the car and my seatbelt is fastened, putting pressure on my waist/abdomen or any pressure around the stomach area in general) ill get a sharp pain sometimes and i will barely be able to walk around due to the pain but when i sit down, lie down mostly, it will go right away. it doesnt always happen but it happened a little while ago after i chugged the wine and smoked a bowl. for instance, right now im still coughing a little from that bowl and when i inhale its a mild pain in my rib cage area. its not that important but since im feeling aight i figured i would write it out .

its happened at work at my summer job (golf course) and it hurt so bad i couldnt push in the clutch to shift, much less get out and dig. i smoked weed all day there but i couldnt even puff cuz it hurt so bad to cough, but after a while it went away when i burped and farted so i figured it was gas. ive had this happen for awhile now but cant figure out why.
 
Hahaha I wouldn't mind hanging with a BLer. A good amount of people here seem pretty chill and cool.

laCster ! Dammit. Every time you want to go on AIM I'm not home and now that I am and I'm on BL you're goneeee. I PMed you my email address. Use that to add me on AIM, my username on aim has a space in it and I don't think it would work trying to add it....

Plugged 10mg of Adderall IR like 45 minutes ago. Not really feeling to much as expected, someone gave me 0.5mg of Ativan at work which was around 6 hours ago. Didn't really feel the lorazepam but I'm pretty sure its dampening the effects of the Adderall. Oh well, still have 10mg left over for some other time. I'm still a bit speedy and am enjoying perusing BL :)

So I've done methadone twice this week now. 10mg on Monday, then 15mg Thursday night. Thats 72 hours in between so I shouldn't of had any in my system the second time I dosed. There wasn't any noticeable tolerance difference. As a matter of fact, I started nodding so much after a few hours (the 15mg dose was plugged instead of oral) that I was worried I was close to OD. I was trying hard to not nod and stay awake, reading shit on BL but I just kept falling forward and then snapping out of it. I decided to walk downstairs, grab a drink, and then give in to the nodding. Seemed to subside though when I decided I'd actually let myself fall asleep though, of course... I still fell asleep no problem but it wasn't like the crazy nodding 15 minutes before then.

I'm going to take the other 15mg of methadone Monday night I think. That's 4 days or 96 hours later, definitely no methadone in my system at all. Might notice a tolerance difference this time though as its my third dose in a 7 day time span. Opinions on which ROA I should go with ? I like that plugging comes on way faster. I found the BA though is about 10% less than oral. Considering how much faster it comes on though I think plugging would in general would produce more euphoria.
 
tentram said:
^who was it? can you say? or were they a total douche bag ;) :P

have a good time? ;)

*wink wink nudge nudge*
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Opiodmaniac, me, and my friend from high school :D

We just broke out some MXE it's going to be a fun night!
 
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