I'm back and I know what fucked up yesterday. It's my usual luck. Appearently I was positive for both opiates and amphetamine? Though I had taken no opiates, or so I would believe. When I first took the speed I was in minor withdrawal from using ketobemidone. Well, I thought I had spilled some of my solution on my desk, so I scraped it up and put it in the spoon. This was not amphetamine, however it turned out to be fucking ketobemidone, I thought that shot felt unusually warm. So, as the hours passed, the ketobemidone and the amphetamine both sent me into the worst hell I've experienced in a long time, couple this with my usual sometimes intolerable nerve pain and you got a real keeper. Well this, and high blood pressure / resting pulse of 154.
So now I'm back to day 1 of withdrawal again, going through it for the 3rd time in what, 2 months? I don't accept this any longer, no more withdrawal, it can all go to fucking hell. I think it's time not to choose life, I'm sick of it.
No more, I've had enough. Time to fuck all this, 6 months I was sober and what did it get me? Nothing, just more pain. I'd rather chase heroin all day than lay in bed only thinking about how much pain I am in and how much I want the day to end and the next day not to exist.
Murphys law, never forget, ever. Everything goes to hell, always. Once I got struck by lightning even. God is fucking with me. So fuck him and fuck life.
Now it's time to get high and forget about all this bullshit.
@above temazepam feels like sugar too me
Let's start with flunitrazepam, clonazepam, a botte of vodka and then move on to the speed and opiates. Today, I simple don't care, I'm never gonna live a sober normal life, I don't know what I have been thinking this last year, once a junkie always a junkie. No reason to fight the invetibale anymore.