Assaulted or deserving?

[EA-1475]

The difference between being knowingly, blatantly offensive in a neighborhood known for violence versus trusting a friend to do the friendly thing and not rape you should be apparent enough.

A neighborhood known for violence? What if the guy was known for raping people? Would that make a difference?

What if you were drunk while walking through Compton in blackface? Shouldn't they then be able to understand that your motives might not have been what they might appear?

Anyway, getting off track here. My point is that just because someone didn't do anything "wrong", doesn't mean that she wasn't very irresponsible.

Rape is a horrible and traumatic experience. But so is flying through a car windshield which is why I fasten my seatbelt whenever I drive.

 

[brainslookfunny]

I could make a fair claim that I have been "wronged" but I am not totally absolved from guilt.

If rape is something you would like to see less of in this world, letting the OP completely off the hook is not the thing to do.

I think she is entirely aware that she shouldn't have trusted the guy. She was out having fun with him and didn't expect that he would rape her. The only irresponsible thing she did was be in a position where this could happen.

But as for the Assaulted vs. Deserving...

YES she was assaulted. She said no and he ignored her and forced the sex. No matter how irresponsible she was, NO she did not deserve it. Anyone who thinks otherwise needs to have their head checked.

OP please do not think that you deserved any of this. Sure you slipped up by making yourself vulnerable, but nobody ever deserves to be raped! (well, except maybe the guy that did it to you )

 

[mooncaller]

A neighborhood known for violence? What if the guy was known for raping people? Would that make a difference?

It would certainly be quite the red flag. However this girl had no red flags from this guy, no reason to believe he was going to rape her.

What if you were drunk while walking through Compton in blackface? Shouldn't they then be able to understand that your motives might not have been what they might appear?

If you were drunk and in black face in front of a black friend I suspect that he would would be more easy going then if you were stumbling around the ghetto in front of random people. If this girl was cockteasing random guys at a bar then your analogy might hold more water.

Anyway, getting off track here. My point is that just because someone didn't do anything "wrong", doesn't mean that she wasn't very irresponsible.

Having some amount of trust that your friend that you've known for a year or so isn't going to forcibly violate your body is irresponsible?

 

[Edvard Munch]

Men would have sex with a manequin doll if they had the chance, and if the mannequin would have the chance, she would feel like she would have standards and wanted to be courted properly by another mannequin, preferably a mannequin at the Gap, and not to hobo mannequin at Julie's Hair Salon. Are you a mannequin? No, mannequins cannot type, which is why I suspect not, so stop acting like one and start wearing name-brand clothes while saving 25% off on our Red Dot sale!

 

[IncorrigibleHulk]

You really haven't thought about this until now? Is it possible that your memory is playing any tricks on you (especially with a large amount of alcohol involved)? But regardless, I really think you should talk to a therapist. It was sex that you didn't really want, and that is traumatic whether rape or no. You obviously have issues related to this incident, and they probably won't go away until you talk it out with a professional. I really hope you get the help you need and can move past this to a happier future. Good luck.

 

[KingKoopa]

As a guy, this is why I avoid crap like that. If a girl I know whats to fool around, I can wait until she sobers to see what the case is. If its something we should be doing we can always get together later. Drugs and alcohol should loosen you up a bit, not be the sole reason you're doing something.

 

[EA-1475]

Having some amount of trust that your friend that you've known for a year or so isn't going to forcibly violate your body is irresponsible?

Making out with a guy who you know has feelings for you and allowing him to fingerbang you when you have no intention of having sex with him...while drunk...with no supervision....

...is irresponsible.

So to answer your question: yes.

 

[facelessgirl]

assualted or deserving

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=370982&page=4

You really haven't thought about this until now?

i dont think i said i hadnt thought about it. rather i havnt talked about it. i have thought about it on and off since it happened. but its not something that;s easy to think about and i dont enjoy it.

Is it possible that your memory is playing any tricks on you (especially with a large amount of alcohol involved)?

nothing will ever be 100% for sure unfortunately

when you're being held down and being forced to have intercourse everything stops

no i wasnt held down, which is a major thing in my mind which complicates the situation. however i did say no & was distressed so, should that be enough to stop a friend from violating you? furthermore, its not like he was wearing a condom. and no matter what happens ~ not getting pregnant and not getting an std is important to me so why didnt i kick him in the balls and run away. i dont know and it annoys the hell out of me to this day.

Rape is a horrible and traumatic experience. But so is flying through a car windshield which is why I fasten my seatbelt whenever I drive

Man, if girls had to tip-toe around their male friends, always suspecting them of about to attempt assault them.. well we may as well all stay inside the with door bolted. {Well, thats pretty much what i do now, but let me tell you its no way to live}
Every girl gets drunk, every girl is at one stage alone with a guy, every girl kisses or goes to second base with guys that she's not gonna fuck. I knew this dude for aaages, i had reasons to trust him like i said in an earlier post. looking back i guess he was a bit of an opportunist, not just with me but in other areas of his life. But he was mate, ya know.

Men would have sex with a manequin doll if they had the chance, and if the mannequin would have the chance, she would feel like she would have standards and wanted to be courted properly by another mannequin, preferably a mannequin at the Gap, and not to hobo mannequin at Julie's Hair Salon. Are you a mannequin? No, mannequins cannot type, which is why I suspect not, so stop acting like one and start wearing name-brand clothes while saving 25% off on our Red Dot sale!

interpreter please!!??

 

[KingKoopa]

Its irresponsible in terms of being a jackass, but you shouldn't be risking RAPE in doing that. If that went down like she says, it wasn't even gray area "How drunk WAS she?" sex, but flat out rape. Sobbing is a good indicator that its time to stop.

 

[EA-1475]

Its irresponsible in terms of being a jackass, but you shouldn't be risking RAPE in doing that.

I agree 100% that it SHOULDN'T be risking rape. But there's a lot things about this crazy topsy-turvy world that shouldn't be but are.
Problem is that doing the above described IS risking rape. Especially with alcohol involved.

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

^I agree completely.

 

[KingKoopa]

I don't think so. Not with any sane guy. Even black out drunk, I don't RAPE women. I can get pushy sometimes and angry enough to storm out if I'm ultimately rejected, but rape? Never EVER crossed my mind. Never known anyone to do it either. Remember, this wasn't a dubious rape involving her level of intoxication, but flat out rape of a sobbing victim.

 

[EA-1475]

I don't think so. Not with any sane guy. Even black out drunk, I don't RAPE women. I can get pushy sometimes and angry enough to storm out if I'm ultimately rejected, but rape? Never EVER crossed my mind. Never known anyone to do it either. Remember, this wasn't a dubious rape involving her level of intoxication, but flat out rape of a sobbing victim.

A woman arrives home at her apartment complex, gets out of her car and starts walking to her apartment. As she is fumbling through her purse for her keys, some guy jumps out from behind the bushes, covers her mouth, forces her to the ground, hikes up her skirt, pulls down and starts banging away.

THAT, my friend, is a flat out rape.

When you're drunk as fuck with your pants off and underwear around your ankles... That is NOT the appropriate time to be deciding wether you want to have sex with the dude who is whipping out his cock in front of you. That decision should have been made loooooooooong before.
I agree that if everything went down as the OP describes, she was IMO raped. But to allow yourself to get to THAT point with a guy you have no intention of having sex with is profoundly irresponsible.

 

[KingKoopa]

Thats where communication comes into play. A lot of people like to just pretend sex isn't a factor until the last possible minute and then just try and bumble through it. This works about as well as you'd think and can lead to some god awful nights, but no one is expecting to get RAPED for their sexual ineptitude, especially when among friends.

 

[Doppelganger]

I can get pushy sometimes and angry enough to storm out if I'm ultimately rejected, but rape? Never EVER crossed my mind.

I can't believe a loser like you has used this thread as an opportunity to ride the high horse. You may a cut above a physical rapist, but you still reside in the domain of scum!

You think it's okay that you get angry enough to storm out because a chick refuses to have sex with you?

If you were my boyfriend (and I can assure you with an attitude like this, you never would be), I wouldn't feel like a had a lot of choice in the matter.

You may not be forcing my physically, but that is a total mental and emotional manipulation of those who are vulnerable enough to become submissive towads you.

I can understand being sexually frustrated and calmly and appropriately trying to lure your partner into the mood with a hint of sex appeal (maybe by providing a massage to get them undressed and turned on or whatever) - but cracking the shits and storming out? Only a loser would do that. Just like physical rape, you're scaring and dominating people into having sex with you, who have previously told you they don't want to.

Sure in this situation, they can get out of it... but you're going to make sure you scar them (not physically) for choosing this avenue. It's still ABUSE. Plain and simple.

 

[Chaos Butterfly]

Anonymous reply merged in ^^^^^^^^^^

 

[*=Regulator=*]

When you're drunk as fuck with your pants off and underwear around your ankles... That is NOT the appropriate time to be deciding wether you want to have sex with the dude who is whipping out his cock in front of you. That decision should have been made loooooooooong before.
I agree that if everything went down as the OP describes, she was IMO raped. But to allow yourself to get to THAT point with a guy you have no intention of having sex with is profoundly irresponsible.

By that fucked up logic no-one should ever expect to 'just' go to second base with someone without being raped. What if someone only wants to be 'fingerbanged' or have oral sex or just make out? Are they being 'irresponsible' for wanting to do this without having sex? If I am getting a tug from my 18 year old girlfriend is it her fault for being 'irresponsible' if I decide to rape her?

Bull-fucking-shit.

 

[drugfukkdrockstar]

Most girls will get themselves into awkward situations from time to time. Especially while at a young and immature age. The key is to learn from said experiences and grow from them. And move on.

Now she knows to not lead on a guy who obviously wants to fuck her. It's just not worth it. Women love getting attention, but we're not always wise about how we go about getting it.

I think the OP needs to seek professional help, and start moving forward from it. Locking herself in her home is not the answer, and like she said - it's no way to live. It's time to put it down as an experience, and carry on with life.

 

[KingKoopa]

You may a cut above a physical rapist, but you still reside in the domain of scum!

You think it's okay that you get angry enough to storm out because a chick refuses to have sex with you?

You miss my point. When you throw copious amounts alcohol into the equation, for the most part, you're talking about people at their very worst. I have yet to meet a drunken saint. I know what it looks like when I'm black out drunk or close to and I know never to be there again. My point is though, that even at that stage, which is so far beyond "scum" that you can't even imagine, I wouldn't have raped the girl.

If you were my boyfriend (and I can assure you with an attitude like this, you never would be), I wouldn't feel like a had a lot of choice in the matter.

If we were dating, hopefully we'd have a healthy sexual relationship without the need for getting sloppy drunk. And no, you wouldn't have a choice in the matter. If I have doubts about a girls intent, everything is off, no matter what she says. I'm going to leave or go to sleep. We are NOT having sex and after that treatment, I'd probably hesitate to attempt again.

Sure in this situation, they can get out of it... but you're going to make sure you scar them (not physically) for choosing this avenue. It's still ABUSE. Plain and simple.

The right not be be assaulted doesn't give you the right to act freely without rebuke.

 

[EA-1475]

By that fucked up logic no-one should ever expect to 'just' go to second base with someone without being raped. What if someone only wants to be 'fingerbanged' or have oral sex or just make out? Are they being 'irresponsible' for wanting to do this without having sex?

While drunk, unsupervised, with a guy who they know has strong feelings for them, yes.