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Are you satisfied with your drug use?

My usage? Maybe, I was kind of all or nothing but after several ODs on numerous things Ive learned to take it much more slowly. I have become more tempered with it I suppose, and have become more picky. Its crazy, there are actually few drugs I really like. If my 7/11 could sell pure H and coke I wouldn't have a care in the world.

I may be selfish, but my favorite place in the world to be is enraptured in a delicious nod with some good tunes and some bottled water.

My issues are more of how do I maintain white collar middle class lifestyle and chipping. I hate being burned, and I hate the sorts I have to deal with to get a connection.
 
Some parts of my former drug habits I'm not particularly proud of:

being a lab rat on a totally unknown substance (MMA) and eyeballing it
eyeballing rc's (even if just 2c-b and 2c-c)
tripping/smoking and then being around my family
ever trying opioids
doing clonazepam (one weekend with no memory :( )
mixing downers (ghb+alcohol, clonazepam+alcohol. very low doses, retarded nonetheless).

Seeing as I only trip a few times a year now (LSD or a candyflip), I'm pretty satisfied with this kind of habit.
 
I'm quite satisfied; the only exception to the being satisfied is probably hash; I smoke hash too often and the main problem with that is that is it expensive. I can easily afford it, but if I'd smoke less I'd have more money for other things that I want and it kind of feels like I'm just smoking up all my money occasionally. Other then that I'm satisfied with the hash too, if I didn't like it I wouldn't smoke it this much. Still some day I'll have to cut down heavily, but just not yet.

All the other stuff I'm definatly happy with; I only tried stuff I read into a lot and really fully decided 'I want to try this', and I did, and I feel I made exactely the right choises and I also feel my usage patterns are just about right for me. They are a nice addition to my life but don't obstruct any of the other stuff (and in these amounts do not cause health problems at all, not even a little bit, except for maybe smoking hash being harsh on the lungs), which seems to me like the right balance.
 
After the aftermath its pretty obvious that starting your life over again sucks. You feel left behind and stuck. It takes time to rebuild and if I could do it all over I definitely woulda chilled with the hardcore usage.

But there are some really interesting things happen after you get clean. Suddenly a creator god makes sense and with being more intuitive allows my emotions to pick up on all the little intracacies of this truly beautiful world. I now feel love, not simply understand it. I appreciate everything in life instead of taking things for granted. I feel more confident and powerful.

I took a journey, the road was windy, and when I was through, I was somone far greater than the man who never saw the world
 
naw i tell myself , gunna save this or that for a rainy day, but i always end up shooting the sorbet
 
Last summer/autumn I smoked way too much pot. I felt the urge as my relationship with a girl kind of fell apart gradually, which made a escape from reality more pleasant. I haven't touched pot since, and I really don't feel the urge to either.
Now it's all about psychedelics when time and place accepts it. And yeah, I am satisfied with my relationship with drugs, although I am urgent to try some psychedelics.
 
After jumping off of a 70mg per day methadone dependency (15mnths of use) in March, I was clean for a while. I was very proud of myself that I made it thru the most horrible hell I have ever been thru. Methadone withdrawal, especially at that dose, can drive a man to kill himself I am positive.

Anyways, at this point in time I am not satisfied with my drug use anymore. Since the beginning of May I have been sniffing heroin again and got myself a little habit. Albeit a small one in comparison to how I used to me. (the past three weeks daily, sniffing like 3-6 bags per day. I'd like to nip it in the bud before it gets too too out of hand so I am hopefully gonna procure some suboxone soon so I can just fucking get off of this shit. Again. Alternative I could just say fuck it and cold turkey it, but unfortunately it is the time of the month where I am out of my benzos and soma, and get get a refill until the end of next week. If I have my scripts I can definitely get thru it.

So to answer the question- Right now , I am very satisfied with the 4 bags I just railed :) hehe. But overall I am not satisfied with where I ended up the past couple weeks. It's depressing knowing I fucked up againn.

FAIL> FAIL > MOTHER FUCKING FAIL>

Hopefully that lunatic is right and the world will end tonight.
 
Quite satisfied. I messed up a few semesters of school due to smoking to much weed and it has set me back a good bit in graduating, but that period was the best time of my life. I also couldn't be happier about getting to experience Mushrooms and LSD, they made my life much more interesting and opened my mind to a world that I never knew existed.
 
Very satisfied. I love my life and I love who I am.
If I regretted my past i would be hating my present.
I think I'm a very functional drug user.
I blamed a lot of things on the fact I have had addictions, but if you accept responsibility you can change things, if you blame something/someone, you have given something/someone power over you.

I mean you seriously think you can't do anything about addiction? getting a job? breaking a relationship?

No, you lie to yourself tell yourself its not your fault.

Every single thing that has gone wrong in my life is my fault :D And i fucking love it :D

c'mon would you want your life any other way? :D
 
sidthesloth said:
Very satisfied. I love my life and I love who I am.
If I regretted my past i would be hating my present.
I think I'm a very functional drug user.
I blamed a lot of things on the fact I have had addictions, but if you accept responsibility you can change things, if you blame something/someone, you have given something/someone power over you.

I mean you seriously think you can't do anything about addiction? getting a job? breaking a relationship?

No, you lie to yourself tell yourself its not your fault.

Every single thing that has gone wrong in my life is my fault :D And i fucking love it :D

c'mon would you want your life any other way? :D
Click to expand...

I love you
 
gaktattack said:
My usage? Maybe, I was kind of all or nothing but after several ODs on numerous things Ive learned to take it much more slowly. I have become more tempered with it I suppose, and have become more picky. Its crazy, there are actually few drugs I really like. If my 7/11 could sell pure H and coke I wouldn't have a care in the world.

I may be selfish, but my favorite place in the world to be is enraptured in a delicious nod with some good tunes and some bottled water.

My issues are more of how do I maintain white collar middle class lifestyle and chipping. I hate being burned, and I hate the sorts I have to deal with to get a connection.
Click to expand...

This is no longer true as I massively ODd and fucked my hearing and partially paralyzed my arm. Now I am half assed trying intensive outpatient treatment, but because of my income I get no breaks from the man and they are charging me 200 an hour, it is coming out to 1000$ for like 12 hours of counseling. Im refusing the NA meetings, I dont need to hang out with those scumbags, besides Im atheist and the book is like reading genesis. "In the beginning we were helpless useless diseased dickwads and then he said, let their be coffee and bitching... and it wasn't good"

In a way I hope I look back at my OD as a positive turning point, I have thought often...
"can I really keep up this chipping without losing control?" Now Im thinking, can I live life and never know that feeling of a perfect smack dose.

I semi regret doing the od, but if it hadnt happened it would have just been another time I got high and wasted a bunch of time and money.

C'est la vie, now all I have is porn and my old standby. "This aint a holiday, but it always turns out this way, here I am with my HAND!" Pixies-Holiday
 
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I regret not starting earlier.

I'm also highly bitter over their illegality which, as an intellectual and someone who believes in freedom of mind, I see as a huge infringement on human rights and probably the single most important issue in today's modern world that has not yet been addressed (I guess we are after civil rights for women, blacks, and LGBT). Would love to see a psychonaut take the issue to the SCOTUS under freedom of religion. Because why the hell should an officially state-sanctioned church like the Native Americans' be able to use but those of us who use for other spiritual purposes cannot? Doubt it would find any leeway with those old and largely polemical curmudgeons.

Would have started earlier too if I weren't lied to by law enforcement and the government. North Korea of the mind.
 
---^With a few exceptions I wouldnt alter my history. Inhalants and alcohol in excess as well as my caffeine sleep deprived teenage years contributed to my now very mild seizure disorder. I am who I am today because of drugs, it hasnt been all unicorns and rainbows, mostly shitty times. But it has led to a lot of introspective discovery and made me more open minded. I love heroin, it feels... so divine. But we werent meant to be together. Shes too needy and self serving. Its the only drug that feels more like a relationship than just a high... delusions perhaps?

What really gets my goat is how will I explain it all to my kids when I have them... I dont know how Ill cross that bridge when I come to it.
 
I think the dissatisfaction and craving you get after using cocaine is dangerously motivating.
 
No.

I usually talk about opiates on here, but I truly do hate them and hate my life while on them. I blew 30mg of oxy a little bit ago. I hated that I wanted it earlier. I hated that I craved it. I hated that I let myself talk myself into buying it. I hate how the WDs are still awful even though they're really not that bad (compared to many other times when I've had a worse habit).

I hate all the money I wasted on opiates. I hate thinking about all the time I wasted being too high, trying to get high, being sick, worrying about being sick, just wasting time because I'm craving or feel shitty from using.

I really, really miss being off opiates. Hopefully I can get there again soon. :\
 
In a perfect world-- I would love to swap (every few days or a week out of the month!) my love affair- addiction-must have all the time, never ending craving for opiates for something else.... I still dont know though if I could give it up forever. If only I could enjoy smoking pot instead.. or maybe being at peace with being sober?!
 
im never satisfied with my drug use, because its never enough. if i could go back i would of NEVER picked up the needle. i would of just stuck to the smoking.
 
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