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April Getting/Staying Sober and/or Clean vs Not Fooling Around.

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I see a lot of hope and progress on this thread. That is great everyone!

I'm 9 months off amphetimine and 2 months off chipping opiates. I finally let go of nicotine last week; went from cigs to the gum 2 months ago and finally dropped the gum last week. It was easy dropping the gum, once I realized the nicotine gum was giving me panic attacks.

Thank god for the gym and my running shoes - lifting weights and hitting the pavement are the only things keeping me sane, BUT I can tell that everything is getting better little by little. I'm only depressed if I go a day without exercising.
 
Thanks simco. I appreciate it. I put a lot of thought and effort into who i picked after observing everyone who regularly attends meetings. It's strange, someone i know who attends AA and who has several years of clean time sponsors my friend who 'tricked' me into going to NA after relapsing herself after having over 5 years clean.

We all work together, so today i told my friend's sponsor that i had picked a sponsor and she said "OMG did she tell you!?" .. turns out she had told my friend the night before that i needed the guy i picked and my friend hadn't said a thing because she knew if she told me that's who i should pick, i wouldn't have picked him... but i independently came to the same conclusion on my own.

I made my first check in call on the way to work today. 1 down 29 to go. I might be new to the boards and new to sobriety but definitely not new to addiction and i think i'm going to lean on you people and offer my support and experiences to anyone who cares to listen like it or not :)
 
olypen said:
I made my first check in call on the way to work today. 1 down 29 to go. I might be new to the boards and new to sobriety but definitely not new to addiction and i think i'm going to lean on you people and offer my support and experiences to anyone who cares to listen like it or not :)
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nice work on the call. though i haven't found a sponsor yet, i've been trying to call people... always kinda awkward, at least for me.

i'll certainly be listening. and maybe asking for your help, too. sounds like you and i may in in similar spots on our recovery. feel free to PM me if you ever wanna talk. or 'share' ;).
 
Im doing ok for now i guess
Its gonna take some time til i start having money again
It kinda depressing to always be broke again but hopefully in a couple months ill be good
3 months next week!
 
heyy everyone!!

still using here, but desperately wanting to get clean... as always lol... just having a hard time actually doing it! that is the story of my life lol I swear. all good though, maybe I'm just not meant to be right now... I believe that everything is the way it is for a reason and that things happen for a reason, and I have faith that I will pass this life test sooner rather than later. things are finally starting to come together in my life again, despite my addiction... but it's still causing problems where there doesn't need to be any. And I've been over it for a WHILE now!! I've got everything I need to get clean... the right meds, the right attitude, a support system, things to focus on and be distracted by, ideas of what to fill my life with to replace the time I currently spend using and acquiring and being sick, a strong hatred of this drug and my addiction, plenty of good reasons for why I should just stay clean... the only thing that's stopping me really is fear of withdrawals. I'm REALLY kicking myself for not doing it BEFORE I started at this job. It's pretty difficult to work full-time and be in withdrawal... but it's also hard to work full-time (or do anything that's productive and responsible at all for that matter) and manage a full-blown addiction... so, you know, there's that. lol.

Currently waiting until I have a few days of vacation time saved, as we only accumulate like 2 hours per pay period. So it takes about 4 months to even get a full day. I can't wait another seven months, so I'm just gonna wait until I have two saved, then take a Monday and Tuesday off (I already have weekends off). That will give me four days.

I feel bad posting in this thread, what with not being clean yet and all lol, but I love this thread because it's so motivating and because you guys are awesome... and because I haven't posted on here in a while... so I wanted to come in and see everyone's progress and to say hi!! I'm proud of ALL OF YOU, you guys are awesome. Thanks for the motivation... keep it up everyone!! Can't wait to join you in the ranks of sobriety <3
 
simco said:
nice work on the call. though i haven't found a sponsor yet, i've been trying to call people... always kinda awkward, at least for me.

i'll certainly be listening. and maybe asking for your help, too. sounds like you and i may in in similar spots on our recovery. feel free to PM me if you ever wanna talk. or 'share' ;).
Click to expand...

Calling people i don't know is always awkward for me too. 3/4 the time i don't answer the phone for people i do know. Actually approaching people in real life and/or speaking in front of them or sharing my feelings? Sober?! That's living a nightmare! Fuck, lets be honest here, just experiencing feelings or emotions is horrible and generally something i try to avoid at all costs.

Hiding behind keyboard pseudo-anonymity is one thing, but actual interaction is completely different. Feel free to message me anytime kind sir (or ma'am) and I'll definitely do the same.
 
I'm having awful using dreams again. I had a dream I relapsed. I haven't had any of these types of dreams since I was in withdrawal, which is odd. Almost 9 months off Heroin.

Very odd I was having dreams about crack, which I have not used in 10 years. I can never get the drug to not crumble, it falls out of my hand - I can't find a bathroom to use in, up out on the street with the sun coming up … and all that rigmarole of trying to get high and I can't. I don't think I've ever been able to get high in a dream which is probably for the the best :)

Well, I didn't use and am sober today… just a dream so it's okay. The dreams are just so very vivid and disturbing. I'm beginning to remember a lot and dream more often too which could be a part of it.
 
totach said:
Im doing ok for now i guess
Its gonna take some time til i start having money again
It kinda depressing to always be broke again but hopefully in a couple months ill be good
3 months next week!
Click to expand...

I am 100% on your level; I just came into some money and it's all gone.

But the good thing is I didn't spend it on drugs :) (other than shatter, and some alcohol)

most of it was on food, and other non-drug stuff :)

xburtonchic said:
heyy everyone!!

still using here, but desperately wanting to get clean... as always lol... just having a hard time actually doing it! that is the story of my life lol I swear. all good though, maybe I'm just not meant to be right now... I believe that everything is the way it is for a reason and that things happen for a reason, and I have faith that I will pass this life test sooner rather than later. things are finally starting to come together in my life again, despite my addiction... but it's still causing problems where there doesn't need to be any. And I've been over it for a WHILE now!! I've got everything I need to get clean... the right meds, the right attitude, a support system, things to focus on and be distracted by, ideas of what to fill my life with to replace the time I currently spend using and acquiring and being sick, a strong hatred of this drug and my addiction, plenty of good reasons for why I should just stay clean... the only thing that's stopping me really is fear of withdrawals. I'm REALLY kicking myself for not doing it BEFORE I started at this job. It's pretty difficult to work full-time and be in withdrawal... but it's also hard to work full-time (or do anything that's productive and responsible at all for that matter) and manage a full-blown addiction... so, you know, there's that. lol.

Currently waiting until I have a few days of vacation time saved, as we only accumulate like 2 hours per pay period. So it takes about 4 months to even get a full day. I can't wait another seven months, so I'm just gonna wait until I have two saved, then take a Monday and Tuesday off (I already have weekends off). That will give me four days.

I feel bad posting in this thread, what with not being clean yet and all lol, but I love this thread because it's so motivating and because you guys are awesome... and because I haven't posted on here in a while... so I wanted to come in and see everyone's progress and to say hi!! I'm proud of ALL OF YOU, you guys are awesome. Thanks for the motivation... keep it up everyone!! Can't wait to join you in the ranks of sobriety <3
Click to expand...

stay strong x! You'll make it one day :)

I'm just so glad to see you check in, been worried about you!

Smoky said:
I'm having awful using dreams again. I had a dream I relapsed. I haven't had any of these types of dreams since I was in withdrawal, which is odd. Almost 9 months off Heroin.

Very odd I was having dreams about crack, which I have not used in 10 years. I can never get the drug to not crumble, it falls out of my hand - I can't find a bathroom to use in, up out on the street with the sun coming up … and all that rigmarole of trying to get high and I can't. I don't think I've ever been able to get high in a dream which is probably for the the best :)

Well, I didn't use and am sober today… just a dream so it's okay. The dreams are just so very vivid and disturbing. I'm beginning to remember a lot and dream more often too which could be a part of it.
Click to expand...

Smoky!! <3

I have these dreams all the time (oddly enough about shooting meth normally; rarely shooting suboxone, whereas suboxone was the problem drug for me?) - they will pass!

you're doing GREAT!
 
8 weeks clean yesterday. . I am still going crazy. Paws are a bitch... After abusing opiates for 6+ years I would have thought about a month I will be ok its been over 8 weeks now and I can't wait till I am 100% still energy level is 50-60% and my stomach is still not right. Only going 3-4 times a day now.. I guess it's better than every half hr. Like the first week or so.
 
Smoky said:
I'm having awful using dreams again. I had a dream I relapsed. I haven't had any of these types of dreams since I was in withdrawal, which is odd. Almost 9 months off Heroin.

Very odd I was having dreams about crack, which I have not used in 10 years. I can never get the drug to not crumble, it falls out of my hand - I can't find a bathroom to use in, up out on the street with the sun coming up … and all that rigmarole of trying to get high and I can't. I don't think I've ever been able to get high in a dream which is probably for the the best :)

Well, I didn't use and am sober today… just a dream so it's okay. The dreams are just so very vivid and disturbing. I'm beginning to remember a lot and dream more often too which could be a part of it.
Click to expand...

I normally have these dreams, or remember those so vividly when I wake up too many times.
It's was actually related to waking up more often than usual. It could be stress..
Just a phase, you really did it!
It was just a dream :)
 
i figure: one last post on the april thread for me.

am really craving tonight. seriously thought about copping yesterday and today. ... but i didn't, so that's good. no way to get into too much trouble.

that will give me 12 days clean tomorrow (end of April). man i hope these fucking cravings slack off.

good luck, everyone. :)
 
Thank you Captain, Erik ! ! Congratulations to you both as well… <3

And everyone doing the best they can another day. :)
 
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This ones in the book.. Nice work and congratulations to everyone who made positive progress against thier addictions and or in their lives.

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