As above -be it merely comical or actively scary..
I'm asking partly because I'm a bit traumatised by having around with being a "sub" with my very violent ex. One thing I've learned the hard way is that BDSM and is unlikely to be "play" if the other person actually bullies/beats you in non-sexual contexts. So would be interesting to hear from anyone who's been there ...anyway here is some context:
Before my life sort of went to shit for various reasons, I was a university lecturer/scholar in literature and cultural studies.
In 2009, shortly before a total nervous breakdown, I published one little paper about men who love Real Dolls, which led to me being briefly being positioned as a sort of "leading expert" on the phenomenon of men falling in love with latex lumps.
In a small way, this was a brush with fame ... and ordinarily I would've been delighted. But at the time I was too addled by divorce/anxiety/boozing to even answer my phone or check my emails ...so I missed out on hot-shit experiences like going on breakfast television etc ....
Two years later, I was flat-arse broke, but still getting occasional phone calls from journalists and radio shows about doll fuckers. Clearly there was a demand for pseudo academic opinions about such loud and proud Internet "perverts", so I spent some months trying to write a book on this subject.
As soon as I was doing quite well with this, I got involved with my (now ex-) partner. Now that it's over, I'm depressingly persuaded of every cliche going about "malignant narcissists"...but of course (in accordance with said cliches) initially I was utterly charmed.
Which brings me to my "personal" interest in BDSM bloops/horror stories. He persuaded me to explore BDSM first hand - while making it bloody hard, incidentally, to continue with my "pervert book" project...there wasn't time for anything except the spurious "intensity" of The Relationship ...congratulating ourselves on how special we were ... how much we LOVED each other...how much we DESPISED each other ... LAST WORDS, AVOWALS, WEEPING, TALKING BEATING, COPS and LOVE again ... all of it very much in capital letters, which left no time for writing or even sleeping.
I'll reserve the details of how it all BDSM went very wrong for me for whomever might want to reply to this post, but my general gist is this:
A "Dom" who is also a genuine sadist is incapable of erotic, "playful" deployment of sadomasochostic/ BDSM dynamics. I believe my ex cultivated my harmless little masochistic kinks in order to indulge his own far-from-harmless sadism.
Anyone have a similar experience? I'd be interested in a (very discreet and private and respectful) conversation.
I'm asking partly because I'm a bit traumatised by having around with being a "sub" with my very violent ex. One thing I've learned the hard way is that BDSM and is unlikely to be "play" if the other person actually bullies/beats you in non-sexual contexts. So would be interesting to hear from anyone who's been there ...anyway here is some context:
Before my life sort of went to shit for various reasons, I was a university lecturer/scholar in literature and cultural studies.
In 2009, shortly before a total nervous breakdown, I published one little paper about men who love Real Dolls, which led to me being briefly being positioned as a sort of "leading expert" on the phenomenon of men falling in love with latex lumps.
In a small way, this was a brush with fame ... and ordinarily I would've been delighted. But at the time I was too addled by divorce/anxiety/boozing to even answer my phone or check my emails ...so I missed out on hot-shit experiences like going on breakfast television etc ....
Two years later, I was flat-arse broke, but still getting occasional phone calls from journalists and radio shows about doll fuckers. Clearly there was a demand for pseudo academic opinions about such loud and proud Internet "perverts", so I spent some months trying to write a book on this subject.
As soon as I was doing quite well with this, I got involved with my (now ex-) partner. Now that it's over, I'm depressingly persuaded of every cliche going about "malignant narcissists"...but of course (in accordance with said cliches) initially I was utterly charmed.
Which brings me to my "personal" interest in BDSM bloops/horror stories. He persuaded me to explore BDSM first hand - while making it bloody hard, incidentally, to continue with my "pervert book" project...there wasn't time for anything except the spurious "intensity" of The Relationship ...congratulating ourselves on how special we were ... how much we LOVED each other...how much we DESPISED each other ... LAST WORDS, AVOWALS, WEEPING, TALKING BEATING, COPS and LOVE again ... all of it very much in capital letters, which left no time for writing or even sleeping.
I'll reserve the details of how it all BDSM went very wrong for me for whomever might want to reply to this post, but my general gist is this:
A "Dom" who is also a genuine sadist is incapable of erotic, "playful" deployment of sadomasochostic/ BDSM dynamics. I believe my ex cultivated my harmless little masochistic kinks in order to indulge his own far-from-harmless sadism.
Anyone have a similar experience? I'd be interested in a (very discreet and private and respectful) conversation.