I’m sorry you had such a shit experience. That sounds awful
I think your feelings and reaction are normal and valid. As someone who enjoys it though I guess I’d point out obviously it’s best done with someone who knows what they’re doing, has had experience, you’ve talked about it, you trust each other and you have a way to tap out and know your boundaries will be respected. In a proper Dom/sub relationship that is meant to be the basis of the interaction. Being a sub actually holds a lot of power. You only give someone the power to do X otherwise you terminate it the experience, use a safeword etc. (in an ideal scenario, which as I said without the aforementioned trust and communication it doesn’t work and bad experiences happen such as the ones we both talked about before).
A proper Dom is trying to satisfy the needs of his sub just as much as the sub. Personally, I’m very over-controlled in my every day life and at work so while being a bratty sub means I can abandon all that stress, responsibility, overthinking etc. I know I’m still in control of the interaction.... And that’s what freeing- intentionally, purposefully, giving up that control is freeing in the right environment but it’s a paradox, you’re still in control.
Breath play can be literally fatal so it is important to do it right and with the right person. I know I’ve been choked wrong- you’re not meant to put pressure on the larynx just pressure on the arteries on either side of the neck. The intention isn’t to stop someone being able to breathe, it’s to reduce oxygen flow to the brain with pressure on those arteries. You should still be able to gasp air in, but still feel that heady feeling From hypoxia. I know when it’s done wrong to me I can go a week having to take Nurofen before every meal because it’s so painful to swallow- that’s an indication it wasn’t done right so I understand wanting to avoid it (that was the 24/7 Dom guy, wanted me to say I “belonged” to him but I refused so he tried that but I can be stubborn.... I don’t get off on passing out but if my choice is saying something I don’t mean just to please someone then choke me the eff out, I ain’t doin it).
Personally, I find even just a hand around the throat nice alone, squeezing is not even that necessary, just the “threat” of it. I can’t explain it, it’s just nice knowing someone *could* hurt you if they wanted to but they *won’t*. I find it oddly comforting being held down for example. But that’s when I know I can tap out and trust the person- obviously it’s different if you don’t first have that rapport built.
As for the other stuff... sorry this is getting graphic but I want to show that not everyone is the same- I like giving oral, I like facef***ing, gagging...like everyone has their own thing, I know guys super into giving oral and pleasing their partner themselves, but yeah it’s possible to actually enjoy that stuff (a lot of other stuff I’m not into but each to their own). Pleasing others pleases me- it’s actually selfish. I haven’t met a guy that doesn’t like it yet either (although some will have a preference for the sound of gagging or not) and a good blowjob really makes a difference to guys, especially when they’ve gone their whole life with women who don’t like it, won’t do it, and just generally give a weak one if at all. They deserve it!
Anyway yeah that’s my two cents- we’re all different and like different things. Definitely not trying to encourage anyone into something they don’t want to do.
you're a nice sensible sounding man though! 
