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Anyone else on here childfree?

I am 39. My husband is 34.
I never wanted children and was clear from the beginning. He was neutral. I worried about that in the first few years.
We are filing for divorce in 6 months after 5 years of marriage.
He wants to move back closer to his family and start a family. I do not.
There is no compromise in this situation without one of us losing.
 
:( i'm so sorry, PI. you've kept a really level and logical head through this back and forth with him and i know it's probably helped keep everything peaceful and amicable; i'm just so sorry to hear you two reached an impasse. sending my love your way. <3
 
That's a shame. You guys seemed really good together.

I can't think of many other subjects in life that someone has a right to be so unwavering in their belief. It's a topic that seems to become more important as people get older too. If someone wants kids, really wants kids, they'll never be happy without them no matter how much they try to convince themselves they can do without. Likewise for someone that doesn't want them, nobody can expect them to make such a monumental investment in something their heart isn't into. If there's one disagreement that makes sense to end a long-term relationship over, it'd be this one. Hopefully both of you can find someone new that wants what each of you want.
 
Yeah this indecision on his part has been there since September. If it wasn't for his mental instability I don't think I would have remained so cool about letting this go on so long. I wanted him to feel solid (as did he) before making such a final choice. It feels awful to feel insecure on a daily basis. I hate it. Now I feel sad. Not scared. He was a good first husband overall. We do get along famously. He will be a hard one to top. Not that I have plans to get married again. I hope he finds the calm he is looking for by moving back in with his family. He said he will be gone in 2 weeks so we are trying to be amicable as divorce takes partner work too.

There is no compromise when it comes to children. It is either do or don't want. I fuckin knew I would be posting in the divorce thread again. I think he has known what he wants for a while and was too scared to do it. I have been mentally prepared since October but my heart is broken.

I told him he came into the relationship with nothing he leaves with nothing....he does not feel this way. *sigh* now the battle over money....which he has none.
 
^That sucks :( I hope he sees the light soon and doesn't try to take money from you. I mean, why make a bad situation worse?
 
I don't honestly think he will but I never honestly thought we would be at this impasse.
We have an appt with a lawyer to help draw up a separation agreement with terms we see as fair.
Anger is what makes me what me become selfish about money. I want him to be able to be successful in the next chapter of his life. We plan to file for a no contest no fault divorce 6 months from when he departs
 
PI I am so sorry to hear that <3<3

Personally, I cannot wait to have children, and neither can my boyfriend, but right now is absolutely not the right time. I want to have a stable job, be out of debt, and know my partner is stable and ready as well.

For now, I enjoy taking care of other friends' kids and knowing that they get to go home at the end of the day :)
 
I work pediatrics so I get my kid fill right there. I enjoy watching the growth of a human being I have little to do with. Thank you for your support.
 
Oh fuck, PI.

I don't know what to say, babe. I really don't. I feel terrible that you're going through this, *and* that you've been trudging through it for some time, waiting to make a decision.

I really hope things go as smoothly as can be expected.


(and you know I'm here if you need someone to sound off to)
 
Cyc said:
Maybe a thread specifically targeting people over 30 with no kids would be a little more meaningful.

No offense, but a lot of the people who swear up n' down in their early 20s that they won't have children, completely sell out and have them anyways.
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lol Yep. Also, the men in their 20s who swear they are not getting married until 30 and then they are married like a year later. lol
 
Perpetual Indulgence said:
Yeah this indecision on his part has been there since September. If it wasn't for his mental instability I don't think I would have remained so cool about letting this go on so long. I wanted him to feel solid (as did he) before making such a final choice. It feels awful to feel insecure on a daily basis. I hate it. Now I feel sad. Not scared. He was a good first husband overall. We do get along famously. He will be a hard one to top. Not that I have plans to get married again. I hope he finds the calm he is looking for by moving back in with his family. He said he will be gone in 2 weeks so we are trying to be amicable as divorce takes partner work too.

There is no compromise when it comes to children. It is either do or don't want. I fuckin knew I would be posting in the divorce thread again. I think he has known what he wants for a while and was too scared to do it. I have been mentally prepared since October but my heart is broken.

I told him he came into the relationship with nothing he leaves with nothing....he does not feel this way. *sigh* now the battle over money....which he has none.
Click to expand...

Some of this makes me a little angry, though. I know you say you were being patient, but he should have been straight with you. If you're neutral and now you're so damn insistent on having kids and ruining a great marriage over it, you were never really neutral to begin with. And that angers me, because he was not honest from the beginning.
 
I used to worry about not wanting to give him children. I would say for at least the first 3-4 years of our relationship. I would ask him every few months or so if he changed his mind. It was making him crazy and it was making me feel insecure. He asked me to stop worrying and said he was happy with our life. I have always said if you change your mind, I am not your uterus. When I would see him with his nieces and nephews it would make my heart break. It was obvious to me he loved the idea of children. I love the romantic idea of creating a life with him but the reality bites. It makes me angry too but I understand the right to change. I am solid in who I am. He wasn't or perhaps still isn't. Not my problem. I have been compassionate and patient. I don't want to care if his new medication combo is working.
 
I feel compelled to update this thread too :) After living in CT near his folks for a few months, my husband realized he made a mistake but felt he had to stew in his mistake. He felt no better mentally. He knows his anxiety does not stem from suppressing a desire to be a father. We started talking early May and he moved back HOME June 20th. He now knows his family is me and his home is in Virginia. I am glad we separated. I am glad he made his own decisions. I am glad he is back in my life.
 
Perpetual Indulgence said:
I feel compelled to update this thread too :) After living in CT near his folks for a few months, my husband realized he made a mistake but felt he had to stew in his mistake. He felt no better mentally. He knows his anxiety does not stem from suppressing a desire to be a father. We started talking early May and he moved back HOME June 20th. He now knows his family is me and his home is in Virginia. I am glad we separated. I am glad he made his own decisions. I am glad he is back in my life.
Click to expand...

Good! Now y'all can go back to being happy.
 
Tude said:
I know I won't sell out lol. I'm selfish, and want to do a lot of things before I die. I have a horrible temper, am impulsive, reckless,, and have almost no patience. I know I'm the last person on Earth who should have kids lol.
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^ thats me 2...
 
No kids here.

I'm 21 and the though of having kids just pisses me off. Maybe that view point will change if I ever find a man to settle down with. Doubt it though.
 
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