Anyone dropped out of life?

just read the whole thread, instead of liking every post and clogging up the latest activity with emojis I'll just share how I feel about this
Sometimes, I try to do things
And it just doesn't work out the way I want it to
And I get real frustrated
And like, I try hard to do it
And I like, take my time, but it just doesn't work out the way I want it to
It's like I concentrate on it real hard
But it just doesn't work out
And everything I do and everything I try
It never turns out
It's like, I need time to figure these things out
But there's always someone there going
"Hey Mike, you know, we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately, you know?
You should maybe get away
And like, maybe you should talk about it, you'll feel a lot better"
And I go, "No it's okay, you know, I'll figure it out
Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out, you know?
I'm just working on myself"
They go, "Well you know, if you want to talk about it, Ill be here, you know
And you'll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it
So why don't you talk about it?"
I go, "No I don't want to, I'm okay! I'll figure it out myself
And it never works. Hardest part is finally making a couple steps forward and then being flung back again. And it always seems to get worse each time. But then you plateau again and think, today is the day, lmao, only for someone or something to remind you, nah, that's not gonna work either. So whatever. I've had enough of it really. Finding motivation is a challenge, sometimes you cling to dumb shit. I don't know, whatever keeps you going, drugs mostly.
 
I'm perpetually scared about dropping out of life. I suppose it doesn't do well to obsess over it. Just wishing things would be over too much, and not enough actively trying to solve them at their core. I suppose it's a curse of the reflective person.
 
That is a complex question and I thank you for asking it.
I have definitely dropped out of my social life. My social skills have always struggled and been awkward since I was a child. There was a long period where alcohol and drugs had me feeling like I was part of the social scene. I've never been able to last on the dark side of that scene because I don't like how people behave or treat others. At this point in my life it's because my drug use changed my personality enough that the only people comfortable with me were those darker side folks. Currently, I'm self-aware enough to realize everybody I enjoyed being around knows when I am high on hard drugs.
I have dropped out of relationships in the sense that any good ones I had have been greatly affected by my drug use and I do not attempt to make new ones. There's a lot of good qualities I have that people enjoy being around but those qualities are also mixed with awkwardness and nervousness. High or not high, relationships and social environments take a lot of energy out of me. I feel as if making relationships creates more pain down the road. Why create more pain?
Exercise os a come and go thing. For the most part I have active energy and find ways to use it. If I'm doing the harder drugs, that energy is definitely not used in a healthy way.
As far as work, I am a good employee to the extent I do a job well when not in the scene to deep. I usually have a very good report with my fellow coworkers and supervisors. Obviously, that can be affected by our drug use. I tend to sense their view might be changing of me and find a new job before I get fired.
All of that being said, there is a mass feeling of emptiness when I cut myself off from a social life and relationships. On the positive side, I feel safer. There is something to be said about not seeing the look or hearing the voice of disappointment of the people you care about.
Once again, great question and thank you for the help of some introspective time.
 
I tried to drop out of "life". The federal gvmnt sits there and denies me, the disabled, ssdi because they prefer a slave.
 
I'm perpetually scared about dropping out of life. I suppose it doesn't do well to obsess over it. Just wishing things would be over too much, and not enough actively trying to solve them at their core. I suppose it's a curse of the reflective person.

I prefer to call it dropping out of society. I want nothing to do with this capitalist shithole society. My dream is to live in the outback in Australia way the fuck away from people. I wanna live off grid and grow lots of weed and opium. After seeing how bad people get treated in the psych ward it only made me want nothing to do with this society even more

I really hate the capital city here so i rarely go there unless i really need to. There was a time when i liked cities but not now
 
stopped caring about working
stopped caring about relationships
stopped caring about gym and exercise
stopped caring about social life

I'm not sure if this answer fits the question as it was intended, but I've become increasingly detached from things rather than not caring about them.

I still work, exercise (sometimes), maintain my relationship with my wife and immediate family (no friends to maintain), but just as the moon moves away from the Earth a few centimetres every year, I feel like I'm gradually floating into the void.

It seems that I need to address The Issue (or major depressive disorder, as have called it) that has been tugging on my sleeve for the last 25 or so years, but I believe if I really tried to do that (by getting off all drugs and meds and letting my neurological nature run wild) I would not be able to participate in society. The reason I care about that is if I 'dropped out' and stopped trying to prop myself up, I am sure I'd lose my job and, more importantly, that unleashing all that stuff inside would be a frightening burden on my family.

It's a balancing act to exercise responsibility to myself but also to the outside world.
 
I prefer to call it dropping out of society. I want nothing to do with this capitalist shithole society. My dream is to live in the outback in Australia way the fuck away from people. I wanna live off grid and grow lots of weed and opium. After seeing how bad people get treated in the psych ward it only made me want nothing to do with this society even more

I really hate the capital city here so i rarely go there unless i really need to. There was a time when i liked cities but not now
Just not trying to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Things can suck, a lot even, yet there's opportunity to rise above it and be a good person, which is what I'm going for.

I mean we crave socializing as part of our basic DNA structure. It hurts when we don't do it often enough, maybe at first seeming relieving, but in the end causing a lot of misery--basically hoping you have others to live with you, if you decide to be a hermit or the like. Sounds romantic though, to live amongst nature, growing your own stuff. Nature exposure too is very healthy for people.

The psych ward is a pragmatic institution devoted to numbers too often. It definitely is prone to certain abuses, I've been there. Quite so. Never for longer than two months though. I'm trying to find the middle way between extremes. I think there's a place for me living with others and being happy. Personally.

Maybe you feel you've grown out of it in a way? I don't prefer cities ether, been a while since I've been to one, living in the country mostly, still with others around though.

Just stirring the pot a little I guess.
 
I tried to drop out of "life". The federal gvmnt sits there and denies me, the disabled, ssdi because they prefer a slave.
Honestly, I've been on SSDI for 10 years at this point. I'm 48 years old. I have an education, had a good career, raised 2 children, and completely lost whatever life I had or wanted. Going on disability has probably been the worst thing I've ever done. Unfortunately, I have a few health issues that make it so I don't know how I'm going to feel on a day to day basis so sticking to a work schedule is impossible. It's gotten so bad at times that I don't see the point in anything anymore. I don't get out of bed, don't shower, don't do much of anything. I wake up and wait to go back to sleep. What else do you do when you don't work, your partner of 6 years disappeared one day after telling you he wanted to break up and that's literally all he said (poof), your kids are grown, no family around, a very small support system, you have nothing to do, no where to go, no vehicle, no money, there's tons of snow outside, it's freezing, and you just don't see the point anymore.
I opted to try to make some changes. I left the state I lived in (NH) and went back to where I grew up (FL). I tried to create ties to my family since I hadn't lived around them for over 20 years. I kind of drifted around for a while, not setting any one place. I stayed with different family members or friends. I ended up so depressed and unstable I checked myself into the hospital because I had thoughts of suicide. I would never actually do anything to hurt myself but if something happened to me and I died, that was fine. It's strange because the hospital only did stabilization, mainly just adjusted meds. And ever since I've been out, (May, 24) my life has completely fallen apart a few times. Its strange though because I'm able to just roll with it. No depression, no suicidal thoughts, I'm social, went back to NH for a few weeks and I'm currently in VA visiting a friend. Sometimes life is weird.
 
Here's an update to my earlier post in this thread.

I really don't think this life is going to work for me, but I have little financial agency to change it.

What do I observe? I engage with the activities of life in an obligatory way and I'm counting the minutes until I can be alone again. Then when I'm alone, I hate where I am. So the core issue is that I need to be alone somewhere that is sustaining. I would really just go into monastic life if it were possible here in Canada, but it's not, except through fucking Christianity which, no thanks. And I kind of tried that before with the Buddhists for 2 years. The religious dogma and obligation becomes a new kind of burden after a while.

The city I live in is very loud. It is getting louder by the year, mostly because of how insufferably large the population is now. So I spent most of my time trying to avoid overstimulation caused by other people's idiocy. A good example... yesterday I commuted to a forest, took me a while to get there. Only to find that that neighbouring beach had a soft-brained person blasting Nirvana on a giant speaker attached to his truck. We're talking concert-levels of sound. No regard for anyone else on the beach or forest who might be seeking peace. No police doing anything about it. And if I walked down there and threw his speaker into the ocean, I would be the one in trouble. I hate this place, I really do. Every square inch of space is becoming monetized. They would monetize breathing if they could.

So I guess I'm just a modern day hermit at this point. I have some friends, but most are becoming tedious. They fulfill my need for human interaction, but I cannot talk at a truth level like this with most of them. Most either still strive to play the human game or they are heavy duty into some kind of delusion that I can't be bothered to shake them out of because it would probably make their whole life unravel. I have a fellow hermit friend who lives in Portland, OR who I talk to off and on. He gets it. We're not exactly suffering. It's just... when you know the truth that this world is a manifest illusion and that your core being is always free, you just want to sit with that, and not pay bills for made up egos.

I have been a monumental failure at the human world, and not for lack of trying. I have three degrees, worked in the work force for some time before becoming disabled, traveled the world, learned other languages, even did some great clinical work for a while, did "all the right things." It just.... didn't work. I was never granted prosperity by life. Then the lack of prosperity led to stress which made me seriously ill for the better part of 10 years. I was supposed to die but... didn't? I was offered MAID even. My mind-body clung uselessly to life, because now what? The society I live in is utterly parasitic. It preys on good will and compassion. And now the glass ceiling for things like homes, security, stability is so high that I'll never reach it because the societal planners shifted the goalposts right when I was in the middle of aiming for those things. So now I just have to try and be okay with perpetual free fall.

There is no reason for anything, is best I can discern. I find the society surrounding me to be full of madness and nothing more than an intricately managed reality. At first I had hope to shed light on this for others but... it was a fool's errand. You either see it or don't and I don't for the life of me know what determines which kind of person you are, because knowledge and communication sure as hell doesn't change people. And if you do see it... there's nothing good to be done about it. Become a philanthropist? In this society that is so full of madness?

I'm gradually arriving at the irrevocable conclusion that my efforts are futile and I just need to check out. Not sure if that means suicide or simply absconding into obscurity. All I know is that I don't want to be here anymore in this asylum but my options are few for leaving it. I've warned my friends and family that this situation is a ticking time bomb. They talk to me and comfort me but I don't need validation. I need out. But where to go? I've been to 20 different countries. Humans are shitty everywhere. The same ridiculous system is everywhere. Even if it's not, you have to be tribally one of them for them to accept you because petty human prejudice is still rife everywhere.

If someone gave me a big chunk of money tomorrow, I'd go make a cabin off the grid. Off the grid because I don't want to pay property tax to anyone. I want to be totally disconnected from human society save for getting my supplies. I would probably spend my time writing and raising animals.
 
Here's an update to my earlier post in this thread.

I really don't think this life is going to work for me, but I have little financial agency to change it.

What do I observe? I engage with the activities of life in an obligatory way and I'm counting the minutes until I can be alone again. Then when I'm alone, I hate where I am. So the core issue is that I need to be alone somewhere that is sustaining. I would really just go into monastic life if it were possible here in Canada, but it's not, except through fucking Christianity which, no thanks. And I kind of tried that before with the Buddhists for 2 years. The religious dogma and obligation becomes a new kind of burden after a while.

The city I live in is very loud. It is getting louder by the year, mostly because of how insufferably large the population is now. So I spent most of my time trying to avoid overstimulation caused by other people's idiocy. A good example... yesterday I commuted to a forest, took me a while to get there. Only to find that that neighbouring beach had a soft-brained person blasting Nirvana on a giant speaker attached to his truck. We're talking concert-levels of sound. No regard for anyone else on the beach or forest who might be seeking peace. No police doing anything about it. And if I walked down there and threw his speaker into the ocean, I would be the one in trouble. I hate this place, I really do. Every square inch of space is becoming monetized. They would monetize breathing if they could.

So I guess I'm just a modern day hermit at this point. I have some friends, but most are becoming tedious. They fulfill my need for human interaction, but I cannot talk at a truth level like this with most of them. Most either still strive to play the human game or they are heavy duty into some kind of delusion that I can't be bothered to shake them out of because it would probably make their whole life unravel. I have a fellow hermit friend who lives in Portland, OR who I talk to off and on. He gets it. We're not exactly suffering. It's just... when you know the truth that this world is a manifest illusion and that your core being is always free, you just want to sit with that, and not pay bills for made up egos.

I have been a monumental failure at the human world, and not for lack of trying. I have three degrees, worked in the work force for some time before becoming disabled, traveled the world, learned other languages, even did some great clinical work for a while, did "all the right things." It just.... didn't work. I was never granted prosperity by life. Then the lack of prosperity led to stress which made me seriously ill for the better part of 10 years. I was supposed to die but... didn't? I was offered MAID even. My mind-body clung uselessly to life, because now what? The society I live in is utterly parasitic. It preys on good will and compassion. And now the glass ceiling for things like homes, security, stability is so high that I'll never reach it because the societal planners shifted the goalposts right when I was in the middle of aiming for those things. So now I just have to try and be okay with perpetual free fall.

There is no reason for anything, is best I can discern. I find the society surrounding me to be full of madness and nothing more than an intricately managed reality. At first I had hope to shed light on this for others but... it was a fool's errand. You either see it or don't and I don't for the life of me know what determines which kind of person you are, because knowledge and communication sure as hell doesn't change people. And if you do see it... there's nothing good to be done about it. Become a philanthropist? In this society that is so full of madness?

I'm gradually arriving at the irrevocable conclusion that my efforts are futile and I just need to check out. Not sure if that means suicide or simply absconding into obscurity. All I know is that I don't want to be here anymore in this asylum but my options are few for leaving it. I've warned my friends and family that this situation is a ticking time bomb. They talk to me and comfort me but I don't need validation. I need out. But where to go? I've been to 20 different countries. Humans are shitty everywhere. The same ridiculous system is everywhere. Even if it's not, you have to be tribally one of them for them to accept you because petty human prejudice is still rife everywhere.

If someone gave me a big chunk of money tomorrow, I'd go make a cabin off the grid. Off the grid because I don't want to pay property tax to anyone. I want to be totally disconnected from human society save for getting my supplies. I would probably spend my time writing and raising animals.
I've started to hate cities as well, can definitely relate to the part of how obnoxious the incessant noise is.
 
I've started to hate cities as well, can definitely relate to the part of how obnoxious the incessant noise is.
Schopenhauer would be having a fucking conniption fit if he had to endure a modern city interior. He lamented the sound of whip cracks on horses.. imagine having to deal with revving cars and subwoofer systems lol.

We take it for granted. My mother grew up in the countryside, so planes flying overhead or a new distant road bypass really irritates her.. but for me it is just background noise. The times I've been up mountains or far away from the hubbub, it's incredible. It's not even just the noise, but I swear I can feel masses of people. When there's bank holiday, my area has this tranquillity to it yet the noise levels aren't all that different. The atmosphere feels calmer.

We're not supposed to live like this. And if we are, then why do all the elites always choose to live miles out into the countryside on giant estates or next to the ocean in secluded spots.
 
Schopenhauer would be having a fucking conniption fit if he had to endure a modern city interior. He lamented the sound of whip cracks on horses.. imagine having to deal with revving cars and subwoofer systems lol.

We take it for granted. My mother grew up in the countryside, so planes flying overhead or a new distant road bypass really irritates her.. but for me it is just background noise. The times I've been up mountains or far away from the hubbub, it's incredible. It's not even just the noise, but I swear I can feel masses of people. When there's bank holiday, my area has this tranquillity to it yet the noise levels aren't all that different. The atmosphere feels calmer.

We're not supposed to live like this. And if we are, then why do all the elites always choose to live miles out into the countryside on giant estates or next to the ocean in secluded spots.

I absolutely sense the proximity of masses of people. The bank holidays are so incredibly peaceful. Everyone leaves the city to go to other places so the population density is noticeably less. The people that remain in the city are all chilling out.

The day-to-day grind is palpable in the general population. When everyone shuts the fuck up for a day, you can feel the decompression by proxy.

Nature is the only place that I feel sane. Obviously rich people are going to buy property in remote natural places. No one wants to be in the human ghettos who can afford it.
 
I also don't care about doing anything "cultural" in the city anymore like going to concerts, museums or high end bars or whatever. Over the last couple years this desire shut off entirely and all I care to do is hike, surf and basically be as far away from society as possible.
 
I have not dropped out yet but I often think about it and are close on some things. The older u get the more jaded you can become.

I have one friend, well friend of a friend. He hasn't worked for 20 years. Never had a relationship. Lives lone in a tiny flat with his pet cats and smokes weed. Only leaves house to buy food. I am not close enough with him to ask about his mindset. My friend thinks he's ok and chill. I saw him once and he is white and gaunt.
He didn't really drop out because he's never done anything.

I have anther friend who s female and on the cusp. 50 years old. She is a completely lost soul. dropped out of work, no friends, no relationship, estranged from family. She is not happy. no good mentally. refuses to take any type of medication.

But I can see how people get to a point where they give up... especially with relationships and socialising etc. Getting dumped by someone you love, being let down in some way by friends etc

I am intrigued by this and also people that hermit.
That one friend first mentioned one, thats me partly a description of me, except he has a friend mine s were fakes.

Did have a job though 20 years ago, so did work 16 years full on. Had girl s, a ex-wife with 2 kids.
Which was the best i did and my greatest mistake.
The kids the greatest my ex-bitch the mistake. But thats live. Lost my cat bad choice, sad loss, as it was for a rip of of a Detox.
That ment getting rid of the sweetest thing around, got no friends or ... would could take care while i was gone.
So she is gone, missed not forgotten. And that medieval addiction treatment no in slightest worth it.

Idiots, dimwits and ass-holes with no knowledge just prescription power. For which i gave up, be it unknowingly something precious.
Dumb ass move, no turning back time or i would.

Distrust can take a large shape when f8cked up to many times from every angle around.
 
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11 major episodes so far. Last one was in early July.
Episode 12 will prove fatal. No more of this nonsense, I have my will and last testament written, and my Advance care Directive AKA "living will" signed by the GP, with both myself and my social worker holding copies.

I'm fed up past the eyeballs with this shit. Figuratively, it's basically stick in arse, someone else's boot on end of stick, dick in vise, someone else's hand on the tightening handle, two freshly sharpened pencils being held by someone within an inch of my eyes.

It's not looking good for me. Soon to be over it seems.

I honestly don't think I'll see one more year. I pray to God and all and sundry to prove me wrong, but I just know where this is headed. I know this just keeps on happening, an active problem that just doesn't understand what the words "fuck off and don't come back" mean.

I guess it's game over in relatively short order, in all manner of speaking. It sucks, but I've tried everything bar seeing a rheumatologist to rule out autoimmune disease, and if that doesn't help, trying to convince my GP to prescribe blood thinners and vasodilators. Because if this ever happens again, it's over. It really is over.
 
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