So I don't want a girlfriend. I'm a senior in college and have way too much burdens on me right now to take care of a girl and give her the time she deserves. But at the same time I do want one. I think about sex everyday and I just can't stop but feeling envious and bitter when I see couples together. I look at the guy and think to myself "what the fuck is so great about him, I'm just as handsome and charming."
I then feel this deep anger and bitterness towards the girl for choosing another man who is not me. I don't know if this is an ADD thing, or a spiritual thing, or just a normal male feeling. But it's rooted in fear and insecurity and I really feel ashamed for feeling this way. I'm 27 and have had over 10 lovers, and one relationship that lasted 4 years. I've had girls tell me I'm cute, but it's never enough. I sometimes get these feelings that I'll never find my spouse and to just say "fuck women, their all golddiggers, to hell with them."
I live in a very prosperous city in California. I can't help but notice all these materialistic highly attractive women with rich men. I feel a lot of pressure to graduate college and make money so that I can have sex again "breed." Being 27, broke, living at home with no car, it's so easy to blame my lack of a love life on my lack of money, and not my personality or who iam as a person. I know there are down-to-earth non-materialistic girls out there who are attractive but not golddiggers or shallow/vain. I have dated wonderful girls in the past who didn't care what car I drived or how much money I had. I have a wonderful mother and sister that aren't like that.
Than why do I feel this bitterness towards women when they don't make eye contact with me on the street or are on the arm of some other guy. What does he have that I don't? Why do I sometimes want to just write these california girls off and focus on my own life and spending money on myself. Live the bachelors life for example. I see these girls my age with these guys in their 30's and 40's and it makes me really angry. These guys probley have good jobs and homes and educations and all this shit that I don't.
I can't help but see the whole mating game on a very animalistic level. Girls instinctly want to marry/mate with alpha guys who can provide the highest level of security or comfort. I never see beutiful blonde women on the arms of blue-collar poor guys. What happened to loving someone for who they are, not what they have? I guess because I'm so low on the totem pole I feel threatened/insecure/ and fearful the older I get.
Money/owning a home/ a steady job, never used to matter when it came to relationships but all of a sudden it's a big effin deal. My generation just seems so vain and materialistic that they are all trying to find a guy who can take care of them. And I get that, it makes sense.
I have been single going on 2 years now and don't want a relationship right now and haven't pursued anyone but still I feel this insane need for attention. It's like without my good looks I'm nothing. I'm also working so hard running/exercising/ saving money, etc. because I feel I need all these things to be an eligible bachelor. I walk around stinking of desperation and have very low self-confidence.
I then feel this deep anger and bitterness towards the girl for choosing another man who is not me. I don't know if this is an ADD thing, or a spiritual thing, or just a normal male feeling. But it's rooted in fear and insecurity and I really feel ashamed for feeling this way. I'm 27 and have had over 10 lovers, and one relationship that lasted 4 years. I've had girls tell me I'm cute, but it's never enough. I sometimes get these feelings that I'll never find my spouse and to just say "fuck women, their all golddiggers, to hell with them."
I live in a very prosperous city in California. I can't help but notice all these materialistic highly attractive women with rich men. I feel a lot of pressure to graduate college and make money so that I can have sex again "breed." Being 27, broke, living at home with no car, it's so easy to blame my lack of a love life on my lack of money, and not my personality or who iam as a person. I know there are down-to-earth non-materialistic girls out there who are attractive but not golddiggers or shallow/vain. I have dated wonderful girls in the past who didn't care what car I drived or how much money I had. I have a wonderful mother and sister that aren't like that.
Than why do I feel this bitterness towards women when they don't make eye contact with me on the street or are on the arm of some other guy. What does he have that I don't? Why do I sometimes want to just write these california girls off and focus on my own life and spending money on myself. Live the bachelors life for example. I see these girls my age with these guys in their 30's and 40's and it makes me really angry. These guys probley have good jobs and homes and educations and all this shit that I don't.
I can't help but see the whole mating game on a very animalistic level. Girls instinctly want to marry/mate with alpha guys who can provide the highest level of security or comfort. I never see beutiful blonde women on the arms of blue-collar poor guys. What happened to loving someone for who they are, not what they have? I guess because I'm so low on the totem pole I feel threatened/insecure/ and fearful the older I get.
Money/owning a home/ a steady job, never used to matter when it came to relationships but all of a sudden it's a big effin deal. My generation just seems so vain and materialistic that they are all trying to find a guy who can take care of them. And I get that, it makes sense.
I have been single going on 2 years now and don't want a relationship right now and haven't pursued anyone but still I feel this insane need for attention. It's like without my good looks I'm nothing. I'm also working so hard running/exercising/ saving money, etc. because I feel I need all these things to be an eligible bachelor. I walk around stinking of desperation and have very low self-confidence.