Recovery An Honest Review on Methadone Withdrawals

[F.U.B.A.R.]

@Fungus_Am0nguz

You're doing brilliantly mate. Kudos to you!

You now really need to stop counting the days as that just becomes another habit you don't need.

Try to forget about your past addiction, you are now a different person. Obsessing over the amount of time clean is just setting yourself up for a fall (IME anyway).

Stop counting, ignore that monkey on your back and he'll eventually just slither away.

When you can't remember when you stopped, that's when you've really cracked it...

ATB!

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

How was the beach afternoon event sober? guess thats Sunday tho. Have you been looking to cultivate some friends that no longer use. It may require less effort and be more peaceful to hang most of the time with a crew where you are not routinely tempted.

Hey @neversickanymore yeah the beach party is this Sunday. Most of my junkie friends have turned the page, although two of them died in 2022, one of them was very close to me, a true friend in this shitty drug game, anyways when i say turned the page i mean they have families, steady jobs, companies, some are totally sober, some drink and some smoke weed or both. The thing is my friend that im going to this event with has been saving some mushroom cookies and hes been chilled but as soon as he saw me he goes lets go to this party, eat these boomers, u are already in the vip list and im like fuuuck, i know im gonna take those shrooms, i know it. I mean shrooms in the afternoon watching the sunset with friends good music girls, doesnt sound bad, what im afraid is what might come next, the Molly, the kane, u know how it is. I have to stay very vigilant, which is hard 2 do on boomers lol. Lets see how it goes.

Funghi out

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

@Fungus_Am0nguz

You're doing brilliantly mate. Kudos to you!

You now really need to stop counting the days as that just becomes another habit you don't need.

Try to forget about your past addiction, you are now a different person. Obsessing over the amount of time clean is just setting yourself up for a fall (IME anyway).

Stop counting, ignore that monkey on your back and he'll eventually just slither away.

When you can't remember when you stopped, that's when you've really cracked it...

ATB!

Thats a great advice homie, thanks. I used to go to the meetings way back in the day, tried it so many times but it never clicked but i guess that habit stayed lol. Take care.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Thats a great advice homie, thanks. I used to go to the meetings way back in the day, tried it so many times but it never clicked but i guess that habit stayed lol. Take care.

Ignore that meeting bollocks mate. There is no higher power - It all comes from within.

I've been clean from heroin for over 10 years now, and clean from methadone for 6, 7, 8 years? I really can't remember - but I've never looked back.

Fuckin soaking up alcohol like a sponge mind you, but that's a different story...

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey @neversickanymore yeah the beach party is this Sunday. Most of my junkie friends have turned the page, although two of them died in 2022, one of them was very close to me, a true friend in this shitty drug game, anyways when i say turned the page i mean they have families, steady jobs, companies, some are totally sober, some drink and some smoke weed or both. The thing is my friend that im going to this event with has been saving some mushroom cookies and hes been chilled but as soon as he saw me he goes lets go to this party, eat these boomers, u are already in the vip list and im like fuuuck, i know im gonna take those shrooms, i know it. I mean shrooms in the afternoon watching the sunset with friends good music girls, doesnt sound bad, what im afraid is what might come next, the Molly, the kane, u know how it is. I have to stay very vigilant, which is hard 2 do on boomers lol. Lets see how it goes.

Funghi out

Mushrooms, to many, are an example of a positive drug and people have and are using them as a weapon against addiction and “addict thinking”.

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

Ignore that meeting bollocks mate. There is no higher power - It all comes from within.

I've been clean from heroin for over 10 years now, and clean from methadone for 6, 7, 8 years? I really can't remember - but I've never looked back.

Fuckin soaking up alcohol like a sponge mind you, but that's a different story...

Yeah i never vibe with the powerless thing and high power. I havent been in a meeting in over 10 years easy. Watch it with that Alchohol, i once in a rehab/insane asylum i was in a dude in DT slash a staff member in the face totally out of it. And i thought kicking dope was hard (it is but damn ill never forget that dude kicking alcohol)

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

Mushrooms, to many, are an example of a positive drug and people have and are using them as a weapon against addiction and “addict thinking”.

Yeah maybe it will help calm my demons inside of me, although the purpose of this trip is just not have fun w some friends in a nice setting. I aint taking no hero dose....i think lol. Hmm maybe i should start microdosing Iboga, i still got a ton of it.

 

[neversickanymore]

Yeah maybe it will help calm my demons inside of me, although the purpose of this trip is just not have fun w some friends in a nice setting. I aint taking no hero dose....i think lol. Hmm maybe i should start microdosing Iboga, i still got a ton of it.

Nothing wrong with that. My days of hero doses are over. I don’t think I have anything left to learn there. No reason a nice comfortable dose can’t have positive effects.

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

Nothing wrong with that. My days of hero doses are over. I don’t think I have anything left to learn there. No reason a nice comfortable dose can’t have positive effects.

Yeah thats what i was thinking, imma be surrounded by friends, beautiful setting and girls, good music, the sunset, im like shit, if there ever was a good time to take boomers after a looong time (last time i had about 10g and i split it with a friend in a festival, we saw NIN, Alice in Chains, Depeche Mode, Pearl Jam, Queens, and many others tripping balls, had a phenomenal time....seen Tool many times like that since your avatar pic is from Alex Grey, ive experienced some powerful shit with his art. Anyways i hope i dont go over th3 mushrooms and take it easy but im also kinds pumped u know?? Lets see how it goes.

 

[neversickanymore]

I think an important milestone in my recovery is when I was able to look back at the many, many, many debacles, I and the long standing crew always glorified, and with a non judgmental mind set realized it was insanity. I had all the cash, all the free time, and all the connects and a long standing group of friends that were also insane. But looking back with honest judgment we went so clown stupid overboard with the drugs that we would have had a much better and fulfilling time had we kept the drug use to 10% of what we all did. Like for instance I used to glorify that I dropped into browns canyon on the Arcansaw at flood level, solid class 4 water at that level, after I kayaked three other rivers the three days before and hadn't slept in over a week. looking back it was just stupid. I would have had such a better time if I hadn't mixed a zip of marching powder with kayak season. So many of the raging stories show a form of insanity that for some reason was the norm and fully acceptable. I only have a few regrets, but I no longer pedestal the insanity. My life would have been even richer if the drugs were toned way down and sometimes I wonder what it would look like. But thats slipping into the past and the hell with that useless day dream. But I think realizing that our (my crews) behavior was often insanity, not the good kind either, allowed me to let go of thinking I was missing out In the new life. It ruined some lives and ended some as well. We should have done it different.. shoulda coulda woulda only amounts to regret and resentment. The debacles have ended and I'm grateful for it.

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

I think an important milestone in my recovery is when I was able to look back at the many, many, many debacles, I and the long standing crew always glorified, and with a non judgmental mind set realize it was insanity. I had all the cash, all the free time, and all the connects and a long standing group of friends that were also insane. But looking back with honest judgment we went so clown stupid overboard with the drugs that we would have had a much better and fulfilling time had we kept the drug use to 10% of what we all did. Like for instance I used to glorify that I dropped into browns canyon on the Arcansaw at flood level, solid class 4 water, after kayaked three other rivers the three days before and hadn't slept in over a week. looking back it was just stupid. I would have had such a better time if I hadn't mixed a zip of marching powder with kayak season. So many of the raging stories show a form of insanity that for some reason was the norm and fully acceptable. I only have a few regrets, but I no longer pedestal the insanity. My life would have been even richer if the drugs were toned way down and sometimes I wonder what it would look like. But thats slipping into the past and the hell with that useless day dream. But I think realizing that our (my crews) behavior was often insanity, not the good kind either, allowed me to let go of thinking I was missing out I the new life. It ruined some lives and ended some as well. We should have done it different.. shoulda coulda woulda only amounts to regret and resentment. The debacles have ended and I'm grateful for it.

Jesus dude, i couldnt have put it better myself. Its a copy paste of my old insanity days w the crew to the T and how i feel about it now, the parties the deaths and shoulda coulda woulda. Well put my man, excellent.

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Back at it again, rigs, spoon the whole works. What a fucking loser, almost 3 weeks of total destruction. And EVERYONE noticed and called me out and im like nah im cool, just a bit tired with my pinpoint eyes and groogy voice. Lost the confidence and trust of my folks and real friends. Today is day 3 clean, back on this fucking but yesterday took a .40 cal out put in my head "dont be a pussy, this wont hurt a bit"....but a pussied out cause im still here. Today i got a meeting with this supposed psychology expert mfer, yeah like i havent talked to dozens of those but whatever, god fucking dammit, i cant believe this shit, and i know i know relapse is part of this shit but ffs i thought this was going to be the one.

Funghi wishing i was out for good.

 

[neversickanymore]

Don’t beat yourself up.. doesn’t do any good and drives use.

What are you going to do differently this trip around?

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

Don’t beat yourself up.. doesn’t do any good and drives use.

What are you going to do differently this trip around?

Talk to the Psychologist, went well at the beginning then he started talking about NA for 30min, all shit ive heard before. Talk with my moms and she wants me outta here (even though must of the week im in a different house) she wants me back in Europe, called me all kinds of names....you know that saying "eyes that dont see, heart that doesnt feel". Ive been thinking that maybe with the money i got left i could get a room near the spot (which is mayhem town, i mean u wont believed this shit, makes the tenderloin look like disney) sell the car since ill be in walking distance (not the first time i shot up a car into my veins) and just ended there....until the money rans out before i OD or theres always the other option. I feel so defeated and ashamed. Its crazy how fast u loose everything u gained in months of hard work. Fuck this shit.

 

[neversickanymore]

Give yourself a break already!! Stop holding yourself to the standards of some god. So take a breath, dust your ass off and get back at it. You haven’t lost anything you can’t get back in a minute or two. You still have those months.

From following this thread you tried to ride that rail of not using while still living a lifestyle that frequently brought you in contact with the people places and things of the using days. Those days are done Fungus .. nothing left there but misery.

You have to get a new life, you don’t have to quit surfing or anything like that, but you have to find and hang with a pretty clean crew.

Start a whole new chapter

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

Jesus christ, i guess or either i inspired a few plp bluelighthters with my thread or plp really cared about me, witch is even better. The amount of support that ive been getting throughout here or private dm or whatsapp is truly mind blowing. Thank you for not giving it up of me, i have a plan a get clean this week. I just cant believe im in this position again. U know? Neverbeensickanymore dude ur msg touch my soul. I mean im still fucking but everytime u write to me i feel it in my soul. Thank u for real homie. And all the others, theres so many to name but u know who u r.

Funghi out, still alive and kicking

 

[Fungus_Am0nguz]

Ashamed. Ivebeen shooting speedballs all day. How do u upload a pic??

 

[neversickanymore]

You can use an anonymous account on something like Imgur. Please make sure to use nsfw tags witch are w out the red [nsfw*] text/picture [/nsfw*] and denote that the image is potentially triggering.

While you are coming up with your plan to detox again I would consider also coming up with a strong recovery plan made of uncomplicated easily accomplished tasks. People always focus on the the detox, because its immediate and rough. In the long run it ends up being the easy part. Coming up with a strong recovery plan greatly reduces the odds of ending up dragged back to the start of detox. If you progress deep into the addictive cycle or end up using then look at what led to or caused the use and adjust your plan accordingly to prevent it from happening again. With a plan broken into simple easy accomplished steps its simple to add something or adjust something.

The cycle gets so beat.. trick is to learn to manipulate the addiction cycle to skip the fucking misery bullshit.

NSFW:

This is what you have to beat..
and your opponent is yourself, so you are not up against some slacker you can underestimate.

NSFW:

​

Fungus you obviously have a wealth of addiction and recovery knowledge. One trap we can fall into has its roots in "black and white thinking."
This type of thinking is a symptom of addiction and it comes from an older more powerful part of our brain that enjoys even more executive power in addiction. Its the limbic system and largely works on a good or bad system. Before we evolved, at least a little bit right, this system grouped experiences into positive (we need and should be driven to do find and do these) and negative (this is not fucking good and we need to avoid or fight and flight.). It records and groups sensory input with learned outcomes. As we reprogrammed drug use into our major life sustaining drives now we are driven to use and we can easily get triggered of an opportunity to use.

This antiquated, but fully functioning system, can and does influence higher levels of modern thought. The reason I bring this up now is it can influence negatively where we draw from and find all the weapons we need against addiction. My take is that when battling addiction we should use any and all weapons we find. Bipolar opposite thinking or "black and white" thinking can discourage this. For instance we might completely scrap all the amazing and useful tools that can be found in the fellowships because we couldn't deal with the religious aspect or the brain washing.

When you design your recovery plan please consciously be aware of our tendency to think this way initially and scoop from all that you can find from all the resources that you have or can find.

Another thing to possibly watch, is that knowing about a concept or technique of addiction or recovery does nothing for us unless we implement and use what we know actively.

Your doing great.. just need to get back to it!!

Be safe.. pull out of this fucking tailspin

Just keep moving forward.. no matter what!!

 

[neversickanymore]

@Fungus_Am0nguz How are you? Please check in $.

You can always return to methadone or switch to Suboxone. No shame in that as these medications are paramount to many peoples recovery!

 

[neversickanymore]

@Fungus_Am0nguz hey money.. you surface yet?