Addiction simply is not worth it. Don't get me wrong, I had a fuck ton of fun along the way; but I am now a very sad person generally speaking, dark, lost many things I loved.....
I'll just name the things I lost for the sake of making a point about addiction: Broke (blown so much money its stupid), lost my girlfriend of 7 years (it fucking hurts so bad dude), parents's trust, family's trust, cars (3, a fucking large infiniti luxury sedan brand new earlier this year), a job, been in so many psychiatric wards and rehabs, stuffs lots of stuffs (used to do photography, was really talented), some of my intelligence is just gone (don't get me wrong, Iq tested 135 this year, but god I used to be so bright, my family is full of some of the most successful people in the country or people that are about to come up and you'll probably be able to find them on wikipedia in a positive sense, not bragging, fact, I won't be able to get to where they've gotten on raw intelligence anymore), education (i've blown so many good educational opportunities getting high), almost lost my dog to institutionalization
Things I have left (just so this isn't so awfully negative): inheritance if I don't keep royally fucking up and a job at the family business, my dog thank the lord, my family doesn't hate me in fact the love me they just don't trust me, I can live with my parents, my brother is my best friend and my sister still hang out with me sometimes, my brother's finance to be likes me, my ex doesn't hate me, I'm on good terms with people in my life and my friends sort of understand what happens with me enough to not hate me, I have hobbies and interests, I want to live at least for a little while longer which is new (dark but its better than when I drove my infiniti into a tree in April trying to kill myself), sort of healthy besides my left leg being bad (I walk with a cane but fuck it, right, its getting better), my anxiety is not so debilitating that I can't do anything at all, I have community (here, reddit, other places, magic the gathering, etc...), my psychiatrist loves working with me twice a week for a hour and a half each time (I'm lucky to get old school psychotherapy), the medication sort of helps
You get the point I haven't lost everything, but fuck it hurts thinking about the things I've essentially thrown away.
I started with pot for years, had clean time, but you forget how to cope with reality after awhile of enjoying the highs and then the lows make you dig in deeper until the hole is so large it is relatively unbelievable. Bars, Bags, Blunts, Binges, Bennies, Bottom... Random drugs have fucked up my life, research chemicals, phenibut literally almost killed me (I seized out in an OD, died on the table twice, serious serious stuff surprisingly ruins lives), kratom controlled me for awhile, pain pills, benzos, you get I hope
Please don't do this to yourself. It is fun, I know. Sampling is so fun. But sampling leads to binges, leads to mistakes, leads to regret, leads to drowning it out, leads to addiction, leads to losing things you didn't know how much you loved and cared about.
Best of luck to all
I'll be alright, I've got great support ultimately