• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Am I on the Road to Addiction?

D

DerDiebKommt

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 11, 2016
Messages
134
Location
Los Angeles, California, United States
Hello everyone, my narcotics use started in the beginning of the summer of 2015. I never have really experienced addiction to any of the multiple drugs I've tried which are supposed to be very addicting. I've only suffered withdrawals from one drug one time, which I've stopped using completely due to the shitty withdrawal. Due to the rise in my use of drugs some of my friends suspect I will become drug dependent or already am. I feel like I can quit ALL drugs anytime I want, but why would I? They're fun and interesting as fuck. I don't think I'm addicted, but am I on the road to become addicted, or will I try something new and become addicted to that? Here is how my drug use started:

Alcohol:
I started drinking underage in the beginning of the summer of 2015, it was my first drug and was very fun when I started using it. My mom was a former alcoholic that used to drink two bottles of wine a day and was in and out of alcohol rehab, so at first I was a little scared I'd become addicted to alcohol. However after months of drinking liquor I was able to stop myself whenever and restart whenever I wanted. I stopped drinking once summer ended and school started back up, I stopped for a month until football season started and friends and I would get wasted at games. Eventually football season ended and I haven't touched alcohol since then, but am always open to.

Tobacco:
I actually started smoking cigarettes once school started. I loved the head rush and still love it to this day. When I first started I'd smoke about three a day, but after seven months I'm down to about one every other day. I was also scared I'd get addicted to these. My mom has smoked a pack a day since she was 13 years old and as much as she wants to quit she can't. But, I don't feel addicted at all, I just do it for the head rush and have cut down on my use. After not getting addicted to nicotine I started to feel like I couldn't get addicted to anything, so I continued trying new things.

Cannabis:
I started smoking bud in the middle of football season at a game. I'm a big fan of it now. I used to get crossfaded as fuck at football games. This is the only drug I've increased use with over time, but once again I can stop anytime I want. I started off smoking bud about once a week. Now I'm up to about two times a day everyday for a week or two, then stopping for a week or two and restarting. Due to the great cannabis feeling I decided to try a new drug with some friends.

Dextromethorphan:
In January I decided to chug a bottle of Robitussin with a few friends. This became my new favorite. But, I've only done this about five times due to the absolutely terrible taste of the drug. Didn't feel addicted to it whatsoever, but I've decided I'm going to do it again in a week.

Cocaine:
By now I felt invincible and just wanted to try every drug. So I went to cocaine, I tried it once. I much rather smoke pot than spend $80/gram on this shit. Never again. Effects weren't that good, so not addicting whatsoever for me.

Concerta/Ritalin:
The first drug I actually felt a withdrawal with. I started doing them in March at 27mg and 40mg doses at school for the focus and euphoria. Nice drug, not addicting at all it seems. Recently I did 80mg of it and got the only withdrawals I've ever had which involved extreme anxiety. Decided I'd never do it again due to the withdrawals, the effects aren't worth it enough.

Xanax:
Apparently also very addicting, did it twice and didn't really see the point of it. Forgot half the stuff I did on it anyways. Planning on trying Valium soon though.

Diphenhydramine:
Another OTC drug like DXM. I did about 250mg of this Benadryl twice and experienced a pleasant feeling of relaxation. Will probably do 300mg soon, want to experience the vivid hallucinations at least once.

Oxycodone:
Did around 15mg a couple weeks ago, going to do 25mg next. Love opiates now because of this, if I don't get addicted to this I plan on trying heroin once.

I want to try a lot of other drugs though for the experience.
I still have my rule if I experience withdrawals that I won't do the drug again.
Any signs of addiction and I plan on not using the drug too.

But, do you think I'm on the road to addiction?

Thanks for any help you can give.
 
Based on what you posted, yes it does sound as though you are especially said you said how you love opiates, and that you plan on trying heroin.

Also where you posted that you seem to have the mentality that you are invincible and can't get addicted to anything despite having a relative that is an alcoholic.

I'm not sure how old you are but you are playing with fire.

Stay safe.
 
Last edited:
Addiction is not necessarily a quick process. I started with alcohol and found that for many years I could easily quit alcohol if I wanted. I tried several other drugs and was not addicted, and felt impervious to addiction. It was all fun and games until it wasn't, and eventually I found myself with an addiction that required two rehab stays and several years of hard work to quit.

If you don't want to be an addict, put the drugs down. Addiction is not fun, and as it already runs in your family, your chances of addiction are higher. Quit while you still can.
 
Addiction tends to creep up on you slowly, largely unnoticed. By the time withdrawal effects start happening and you begin thinking you might have a problem, you are actually much further down the rabbit hole than you'd realised.

I would recommend you read the many accounts on this forum of the misery, the danger and the seemingly interminable struggle that addicts find themselves facing.

Then at least you will get a sense of how seriously you need to approach your quest for drug experiences.
 
Addiction isn't predictable and the chance of it occurring varies from person to person, the more frequently you expose yourself to a substance the more likely you are to become addicted to it. I mean l would consider myself to be a very intelligent, self aware person and l am an addict. It sneaks up on you. No one consciously decides to get addicted, so please be careful.
 
Ruby Slippers said:
Addiction isn't predictable and the chance of it occurring varies from person to person, the more frequently you expose yourself to a substance the more likely you are to become addicted to it. I mean l would consider myself to be a very intelligent, self aware person and l am an addict. It sneaks up on you. No one consciously decides to get addicted, so please be careful.
Click to expand...

Exactly. Based on what the original poster wrote it sounds as though he or she is an addict already.
 
Thanks for your responses. I originally posted this in homeless and it got moved to Other Drugs. I just realized it was also here.

After hearing stories people have told me I've decided to not try heroin.

However I can now acquire 80mg Oxys for $20, so I will not yet discontinue my opiate use and plan on making it a weekly thing. At any sign of addiction I plan to stop immediately.

Thanks again everyone.
 
Stop while you are ahead OP. At first sign of addiction you are hooked. And since OP insists upon screwing around with Diphenhydramine and this is HR. Beware there is no reversing agent nor antidote for Diphenhydramine.
 
DerDiebKommt said:
Love opiates now because of this, if I don't get addicted to this I plan on trying heroin once.
Click to expand...
After going through addiction with opiates, I can now understand how crazy this sounds expecting to try it once. Because theres no real way for u to expect how it to feel, and if u like it your guna LIKE IT ALOT. Renigging any chance of trying it once. The only ppl I've seen responsibly use it are ppl who it isnt their DOC.
 
Be careful with opiates (Vicodin, Percocet, Oxy, Ect..) usually by the time you notice addiction symptoms it's too late and let me tell you the withdrawls are the most horrifying thing in the world.
 
DerDiebKommt said:
Thanks for your responses. I originally posted this in homeless and it got moved to Other Drugs. I just realized it was also here.

After hearing stories people have told me I've decided to not try heroin.

However I can now acquire 80mg Oxys for $20, so I will not yet discontinue my opiate use and plan on making it a weekly thing. At any sign of addiction I plan to stop immediately.

Thanks again everyone.
Click to expand...

You will need to be very vigilant to keep your usage under control, and to spot the early signs of addiction. If you find your weekly use creeping up into anything more regular then that is the time to get out fast as it is one of the first signs of addiction.

I wish you all the best, I hope you value your health, happiness, finances and relationships enough to tread with the utmost care on what is very much a dangerous path.
 
Mazzy in Europe said:
You will need to be very vigilant to keep your usage under control, and to spot the early signs of addiction. If you find your weekly use creeping up into anything more regular then that is the time to get out fast as it is one of the first signs of addiction.

I wish you all the best, I hope you value your health, happiness, finances and relationships enough to tread with the utmost care on what is very much a dangerous path.
Click to expand...

Well, I'm not saying you are just like me...in any way, buuut, I started my drug use the exact same way you did. Smoking when I was 12, then smoking weed when I was 14. After all that, came the alcohol, and partying which led to a full on addiction to any prescription pill that was probably labeled "DO NOT CONSUME WITH ALCOHOL" Oddly enough, I ended up stopping the alcohol consumption, and pain pills became my everyday life. 2 years later, I am 43 days clean, and on Suboxone. Maybe instead of trying heroin, you should go to an IOP program (Intensive Outpatient Program) and try the Subs. It will take that addiction aspect out of your head. That, and I'm not saying that pills are minor by any means but H is the devil and that gamble with the devil might make you a lifer.
 
You may well not be addicted right now, but you ARE playing with fire. Don't for one moment think you can't become addicted, that's a sure fire way to wind up addicted. As others have said it's not a straightforward process. You can be fine for a long time before finally becoming addicted without realizing. MANY addicts have been at your stage, exactly as you describe. You are definitely on the road to addiction. I personally suspect you will not heed our warnings. Consider that for a moment, with all out warnings, why not quit now while you're ahead.

Given what you've said, I think you probably won't become an alcoholic. Being prone to addiction doesn't always mean you will become addicted to everything. I've been a heroin addict a long time now and still don't have a problem with alcohol. Some people do some don't. Be careful with opiates. I tried a lot of drugs before opiates, like you, but things started progressing pretty fast once I found them.

Also, I strongly recommend you not bother with diphenhydramine. Virtually noone enjoys dileriants like it. And if you insist on experiencing it, there are still better choices. Perhaps you should try some psychedelics first. See what you think.

Good luck man, be careful and stay safe. You are playing with fire. If you don't decide at some point to just stop, it's very likely you will wind up addicted if you're not already.
 
It does sound like you are on the road to addiction. The reasoning being it sounds very similar to my story. At this point you are going to do what you are going to do quite honestly. But I do want to say, steer as far away from opiates as possible. It sounds like for you once old lady heroin gets involved...8( not a good thing. Trust me, ADDICTION SUCKS, you are losing everything in your life that you love, and you still can't stop. I would just proceed with caution. Best of luck to you my dude! PM me if you have any specific questions or just need to talk to someone who is an example as to why this isn't the path you want.
 
Surprised this thread is still getting replies in August. Havent checked in Bluelight in a while.

But, for an update I'd like to tell everyone I did never try H or got addicted to opiates even after doing more Oxycodone, Hydrocodone, and Hydromorphone. I never made it a daily thing though as I couldn't have even afforded it if I wanted to, and I didn't really want to anyways.

But I did find the recreational value of Xanax and binged on it for probably two weeks or more, but I never really thought I was addicted to it at all even after consuming 4mg daily. I've since stopped and when I stopped I luckily didn't experience any withdrawals.

I also went further into Diphenhydramine with a 400mg and 2 500mg doses, which were insane but not 'bad'. Strangely however after my 400mg dose for the next days I felt like I needed to do it again, like something was calling me back to it. In fact I felt more 'addicted' to this than any other drug. But I'm probably going to keep it monthly.

Once again thanks for all your help!
 
your defiantly playing with fire. Please don't do the dxm or Benadryl I promise it isn't worth it.it isn't like acid or shrooms your gonna be sick and in delirium.as for cigs there easy to quit ((for me)) its all genetics.alcahol and benzos both are highly addictive and I would limit there use I don't have much experience with opioids. You didn't like coke so no problems there its a shitty drug if you ask me as far as Ritalin and Adderall/vyvanse are concerned I abused these for a year and loved it and had no problem quitting but everyone's different I know friends that are sill speeding with no end in sight. Your mileage will vary. try your best to be responsible and not get addicted withdrawal is not fun and sometimes ((GABAergics)) deadly. Welcome to bluelight your in the right place.
 
DerDiebKommt said:
I also went further into Diphenhydramine with a 400mg and 2 500mg doses, which were insane but not 'bad'. Strangely however after my 400mg dose for the next days I felt like I needed to do it again, like something was calling me back to it. In fact I felt more 'addicted' to this than any other drug. But I'm probably going to keep it monthly.
Click to expand...

I think you need to be cautious here. If you are finding a pull towards dipenhydramine, which is not physically addictive, I think you may find the physically addictive drugs mighty hard to deny.

You mentioned before that you would stop at 'the first sign of addiction'. Addiction is an overwhelming need to take a drug despite probable poor outcomes. A hint of that and its already too late. I really hope that I one day can live without thinking about opiates multiple times a day. Addiction is not romantic or interesting in anyway, it is like living in a body that you suddenly realise you are less in control over than you'd like to think. For me, my drug seeking behaviour was ridiculous and absolutely constant, I knew I was being a lunatic but I simply could not make myself. You cannot have a 'sign' of such a feeling; the feeling itself is the sign that you are addicted.

It is definitely possible to use physically addictive drugs and not get addicted, but the more you use in more varied contexts, the more likely it is that you will get addicted. I use addictive drugs despite not having a distinct 'active addiction' but I am constantly teetering on the brink of something shit. Its not worth it.
 
Yes, yes you are. With enough self-awareness to ask the question, and that knowledge of self will haunt you someday when you realize you fucking knew better the whole time. I say this from experience, lol. Good luck, and don't approach this like any of it is an accomplishment, drugs are not achievements to be crossed off of your personal trophy-list. Most of those won't expand your world but will actually reduce your world to a very small, very finite little shithole. Eat good clean acid and run around the forest, smoke good herb. Keep things healthy mentally and physically.
 
crazybollweevil said:
Good luck, and don't approach this like any of it is an accomplishment, drugs are not achievements to be crossed off of your personal trophy-list
Click to expand...

That's definitely true. When I was younger and just starting my drug career, age 14, I got really enthusiastic and fascinated by drugs and absurdly proud of what I had taken. I thought it made me cool and tough or something; I struggled desperately for identity as a youth and drugs became a huge part of it for me. The more exotic things I took, and more often, gave me a sense of accomplishment and I felt like it made me somebody special in the eyes of others. I'm 33 now and realise how silly and dangeorous that kind of thinking was, how fruitless and hollow. From something I thought was cool and worldy to something that addiction warped into a terrible burden that I still struggle with. Whilst my drug use doesn't compare with the past, its still something that often lurks in my mind, and desire to use is a very common reaction in many different, positive and negative situations.

To some degree, I still understand the trophy aspect. Whilst I do not experiment anywhere near as much as I did after having gone through an RC phase of trying as many exotic chemicals as I could concluding 4-5 years ago, I still like the idea of belonging to a sort of underground culture, taking things that are untested, taboo, illegal and rare. I have not tried a new drug for a while, and have no real desire to, but am glad I've had the chance to do the stuff I have and still reflect on the interesting times I did have. Its still an empty 'achievement' though, I simply chose to do this through no virtue or particular skillset of my own. Drugs can very quickly go from something exotic, interesting and different to everyday, boring and burdensome.

Live and learn. :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top