Am I fucked forever?

[WhatIsWrongWithMe]

I did not test it but I got it from a friend who also took it with another friend that and they are both perfectly fine. I mean they could have gave me some contaminated third portion of the mdma but i freakin doubt it.

I did get high, I felt it. My pulse rate was up and a friend said I was kind of pale. But it was a bad high.

 

[Maya]

The last time I took mdma we didnt test the product as well and two of the people I did it with are perfectly fine. People have different tolerance and some people are just sensitive to mdma.. You shouldn't worry too much though since you have not been a long time user you will recover for sure.

 

[ro4eva]

Read this please ;-)

Back in late spring 2005 - June 7th to be exact - I bought some pills off a shady dealer and ate one. I'd say it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I began having some very scary symptoms. Long story story, I thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully I was wrong according to the test results/doctor who treated me. It was diagnosed as my first ever panic attack. I believe they game me Ativan (Lorazepam) to calm me down and kept watch for a few hours, then I was discharged. I actually felt pretty good at this point, but tired (most likely from the benzo, and also I was coming down).

Since it was late, I decided to go to sleep. The next morning, I will never forget. I woke up 12 hours later.

As I tried to get out of bed, I noticed the following symptoms:
- intense brain fog
- difficulty thinking/focusing
- short-term memory issues
- my extremities were tingling at random
- felt like I was carrying something really heavy on my shoulders
- muscles began to ache like I had the flu
- felt depressed, but also anxious
- odd headache/dizziness

As time went by, the symptoms did not improve. Days turned into weeks, months, years.

October 5th, 2005 (4 months later) - I saw a shrink for the first time as the symptoms weren't improving. I was honest with him about everything, every detail, because I was desperate to get back to feeling normal.

For the next 12 months, I was a lab rat. I lost count how many different psychiatric medications - consisting of every non-addictive class other than MAOIs - I was put on. I had been on several different SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs, Neuroleptics, and some other atypical ones such as Trazodone.

Then I was put a combination of Wellbutrin XL 300mg OD + Xanax 0.5mg TID exactly a year after first seeing him. About a week after I started taking this combo, I began to notice the symptoms lessening in intensity and severity. By the beginning of the following year (2007) I was back to normal.

So it took me 19 months to get back to normal.

Later that year in mid July, I rolled again for the first time since the previous devastatingly bad trip. I was really worried the symptoms would come back, but they didn't, at all.

Nowadays, I never roll anymore with testing my pills/powder. I was a fool to not bother with it back in 2005 and it nearly permanently ruined my life.

My message to you - hang in there, don't do anymore drugs, or if you must, stick to pharmaceuticals. Your body will fix itself, given time, trust me on that.

P.S. - I know how you feel and I cannot stress this enough: don't give up. And try to surround yourself with ppl who u know do not use recreational drugs. And if you must use something to numb yourself, all I can say is that Percocet worked very well when I was ready to give up on life. Take care buddy, get well. And if you decide to roll in the future, invest in a testing kit.

 

[WhatIsWrongWithMe]

to ro4eva:

I am very grateful for your response. Although I am scared shitless, it is comforting to see that someone can recover even 19 months after the symptoms came.

One important question I do have...

Do you think I can recover naturally, without the use of medication? In your post you say you took Wellbutrin XL 300mg OD + Xanax 0.5mg and began to recover a week after that. Is it necessary that I do this as well?

I'm just wondering if my brain can recover by itself. I'm so anxious right now ugh...


Edit: btw your post was beautiful, I am being moved to tears. I really want to have my life back again, these past 4 months have been the worst of worst nightmares. I'm sure you can understand how I feel. This never-ending worrying whether I am going to recover or not... it's unbearable. I think I love you man.

 

[futura2012]

ro4eva ^^ Interesting story

So what I'm wondering is, what the fuck happened #1

Sounds like you had either an unknown substance that fucked you up or the dose of MDMA you took was too high.

Brain Fog, short-term memory loss, trouble focusing, NO motivation. These symptoms you describe are classic of low serotonin / damaged serotonin network.

Am I going to heal #2

Yes the speed of this will depend on your future actions. Avoid all drugs/alcohol/nicoteine, have a healthy exercise regime and eat good and healthy food. Consider some suppliments such as Vitamin D, C, Omega 3, 5HTP or Neurozan. Also check out blue light for further supp options.

And if there is anyone out there... anyone who went through this... please tell me how long it took you to recover? #3

Yes I have been through this twice now the first time it took 6 months to recover. Once recovered I would advise never taking drugs again. I decided to ignore this plan and here I am again on another long term comedown

 

[WhatIsWrongWithMe]

Of course man. I was so into drugs before but now I can see how they can ruin lives. I can't believe people would actually do this to other people. This shit is awful and I am so sorry to anyone who has had to go through it.

I will never do drugs again. If I do recover I will only drink alcohol and even then I will space it out at least 2 weeks in between and only have 4-5 drinks MAX at a time.

This makes me realize that I was taking my life for granted, if I recover I will live my life with no regrets and be a beautiful person to others and myself.

 

[Maya]

Back in late spring 2005 - June 7th to be exact - I bought some pills off a shady dealer and ate one. I'd say it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I began having some very scary symptoms. Long story story, I thought I was having a heart attack. Thankfully I was wrong according to the test results/doctor who treated me. It was diagnosed as my first ever panic attack. I believe they game me Ativan (Lorazepam) to calm me down and kept watch for a few hours, then I was discharged. I actually felt pretty good at this point, but tired (most likely from the benzo, and also I was coming down).

Since it was late, I decided to go to sleep. The next morning, I will never forget. I woke up 12 hours later.

As I tried to get out of bed, I noticed the following symptoms:
- intense brain fog
- difficulty thinking/focusing
- short-term memory issues
- my extremities were tingling at random
- felt like I was carrying something really heavy on my shoulders
- muscles began to ache like I had the flu
- felt depressed, but also anxious
- odd headache/dizziness

As time went by, the symptoms did not improve. Days turned into weeks, months, years.

October 5th, 2005 (4 months later) - I saw a shrink for the first time as the symptoms weren't improving. I was honest with him about everything, every detail, because I was desperate to get back to feeling normal.

For the next 12 months, I was a lab rat. I lost count how many different psychiatric medications - consisting of every non-addictive class other than MAOIs - I was put on. I had been on several different SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs, Neuroleptics, and some other atypical ones such as Trazodone.

Then I was put a combination of Wellbutrin XL 300mg OD + Xanax 0.5mg TID exactly a year after first seeing him. About a week after I started taking this combo, I began to notice the symptoms lessening in intensity and severity. By the beginning of the following year (2007) I was back to normal.

So it took me 19 months to get back to normal.

Later that year in mid July, I rolled again for the first time since the previous devastatingly bad trip. I was really worried the symptoms would come back, but they didn't, at all.

Nowadays, I never roll anymore with testing my pills/powder. I was a fool to not bother with it back in 2005 and it nearly permanently ruined my life.

My message to you - hang in there, don't do anymore drugs, or if you must, stick to pharmaceuticals. Your body will fix itself, given time, trust me on that.

P.S. - I know how you feel and I cannot stress this enough: don't give up. And try to surround yourself with ppl who u know do not use recreational drugs. And if you must use something to numb yourself, all I can say is that Percocet worked very well when I was ready to give up on life. Take care buddy, get well. And if you decide to roll in the future, invest in a testing kit.

This is very inspirational... Another story to take note that it does get better!

 

[Dawglaw]

NEVER stop jackin it!

 

[Maya]

NEVER stop jackin it!

ahahaha!!! fo shiz! lols

 

[ro4eva]

to ro4eva:

I am very grateful for your response. Although I am scared shitless, it is comforting to see that someone can recover even 19 months after the symptoms came.

One important question I do have...

Do you think I can recover naturally, without the use of medication? In your post you say you took Wellbutrin XL 300mg OD + Xanax 0.5mg and began to recover a week after that. Is it necessary that I do this as well?

I'm just wondering if my brain can recover by itself. I'm so anxious right now ugh...

Although I am not a doctor, I believe you will need some medication to help you recover.

From my experience, the first 4 months after what happened to me, I tried to eat right, get proper rest, eliminate sources of stress, exercised, tried taking vitamins and mineral supplements, etc. But all that effort didn't do much at all to address the symptoms I was experiencing.

However it wouldn't surely wouldn't hurt to try the healthy lifestyle first assuming you can motivate yourself - something which was very difficult for me to do.[/quote]

Edit: btw your post was beautiful, I am being moved to tears. I really want to have my life back again, these past 4 months have been the worst of worst nightmares. I'm sure you can understand how I feel. This never-ending worrying whether I am going to recover or not... it's unbearable. I think I love you man.

I'm glad if my words of encouragement give you hope. It's what I was trying to accomplish.

My heart honestly goes out to you, because I remember how hopeless I felt when I was in your position - wondering if my condition was degenerative, wondering if I was slowly dying. But the one thing I didn't have back then was someone - a friend, a family member, even an acquaintance who had gone through what I was experiencing. Someone to tell me that this is not the end. Instead, everyone was saying that they had no idea what I was talking about. That was one of the hardest things I had to endure: the gut wrenching feeling that no one understood me, that there was no one I could identify with.

So when I stumbled upon your thread, I took the time to reply because I know how grim the outlook is, particularly when no one is around to let you know that you're not alone in this, that I do understand, that I've been there, that I'm better now, that I truly believe - in time - you will recover as well.

Again, hang in there. Try to keep your mind focused on something other than your condition. Something which doesn't require a lot of effort or energy. For example, I found that watching a good movie helped me to manage the feelings of hopelessness, depression, etc.

 

[F1n1shed]

hahaha he means masturbating, btw great profile pic

Ahh thought so, and ty seems a lot of people like it

OP i am living proof that you will recover. And i have done LOADS of drugs besides MDMA, who knows if my brain is fully restored from MDMA damage.. it probably isn't.
The good part is the negative symptoms are gone, and i have done wayyy more mdma/ dirty pills than you have. So you'll be feeling good soon.

 

[WhatIsWrongWithMe]

Thank you so much ro4eva, your posts truly give me hope.

What medications do you think would be best? I have no idea about what medications could help for this condition.

 

[xxxyakinikuxxx]

Whatswrong, I was wondering if you still have your libido? That could be tied to the ED. I know, for me, that I haven't felt a strong attraction to girls since this comedown started and that has affected my performance. I just can't get in the mood. I had to break up with my last girlfriend because every time we made out it felt like I was kissing a fish. I.e the physical sensations were there but none of the sexual excitement. Anybody else experience this?

 

[HarrytheHead]

^^ it sounds mental. A comedown is really a period of high stress, physically and mentally. So hence low libido. If you had a bunch of exams next week, or someone you love left you, or you had a near death experience (i.e. high stress), you wouldn't be in the mood for sex either. Once the anxiety and stress symptoms fade, I would think the libido would come back and all the OP's parts will work as usual.

 

[Maya]

^^ it sounds mental. A comedown is really a period of high stress, physically and mentally. So hence low libido. If you had a bunch of exams next week, or someone you love left you, or you had a near death experience (i.e. high stress), you wouldn't be in the mood for sex either. Once the anxiety and stress symptoms fade, I would think the libido would come back and all the OP's parts will work as usual.

Yes this is what I had in mind as well.. I think these are all stress related.. Nope never had a problem like this

 

[HarrytheHead]

Although I am not a doctor, I believe you will need some medication to help you recover.

From my experience, the first 4 months after what happened to me, I tried to eat right, get proper rest, eliminate sources of stress, exercised, tried taking vitamins and mineral supplements, etc. But all that effort didn't do much at all to address the symptoms I was experiencing.

Whatiswrongwithme, if you can manage your symptoms without medication go for it. If they are truly unbearable and you see zero progress, then talk to a doctor about medication.

At the beginning of my comedown my panic attacks, sleep problems and depression were unbearable. My doctor put me on Paxil and Xanax. While things started improving, I was wary about becoming dependent on the medication. Also, psychologically, I did not want to attribute my improvement to a pill... Because I was working really really hard, exercising, eating great and going to therapy.

Behold, I quit the medication (tapered off) and I am doing even better now. Ill take a 0.25mg xanax (which is almost nothing) to take a nap every once in a while when i really need it. If you can stand it... work hard, be patient and try therapy and meditation.

There are people on this forum who recovered from mdma problems with and without antidepressants. It's up to you to gauge how you feel and determine if the benefits outweigh the risks. Do your research.

 

[xxxyakinikuxxx]

^^ Good advice
I would also add it doesn't have to be all or nothing. It's not like you have to choose between complete abstinence or complete dependence. If you feel like you need something to snap you out of your funk, you could try something and always get off it later. The only ones I would be cautious with are SSRIs since they affect the same system we may have potentially damaged.

 

[ro4eva]

Thank you so much ro4eva, your posts truly give me hope.

What medications do you think would be best? I have no idea about what medications could help for this condition.

That's a difficult question to answer because - as you probably know - we all tend to respond differently to medication, especially psychotropic prescription drugs.

The way I always went about it was that I attempt to find a way to manage the most bothersome, the most distressful symptom - which was severe anxiety.

I had become very anxious, and easily agitated or frustrated due to not finding any concrete answers, due to not being able to understand what exactly was the reason for the long term consequences of my decision to pop an untested ecstasy pill without giving it a second thought.

After that, it was a combination of brain fog, difficulty concentrating and no energy, or motivation.

After a year of trial and error, I lucked out. The Wellbutrin XL took care of the concentration/energy/motivation. Oddly enough, the Xanax - apart from being extremely effective towards any anxiety, somehow got rid of the brain fog.

That being said, personally I think that it would be a better idea to have your doctor prescribe you what he/she thinks may work best.

Whatever decision you go with regarding treatment, I hope you have a speedy recovery. And when all this is past you, you'll be a stronger and smarter person for it.

BTW - I know this is an especially difficult time in your life for many reasons, so if you need someone to talk to, send me a PM, I'll be glad to offer what support I can, bye for now.

 

[Dawglaw]

I did not use anti depressants. I powered through my comedown with CBT, social booze and keeping busy.

I did not have any prior history of mental illness nor do I believe I have any mental illness now that I am better.

IMO it is not HR to be asking people on this forum what drugs you should take to feel better. I do not know much about antidepressants but I think that they work on an individual level. Some work for some people others work for others.

I do not think there is a magic pill that can fix you. Drugs may make you feel more comfortable but in my experience, a bad comedown is something you just have to ride out.

If you feel you need drugs to make you feel better then that is a discussion you need to have with your doctor.

 

['medicine cabinet']

op did you test your chemical(s)?

that was my first thought, maybe it was some weird rc that you had a bad reaction to. wish you all the best in your recovery.