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Am I fucked forever?

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WhatIsWrongWithMe

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 22, 2013
Messages
78
Okay I'll try to make this short. This is my first time on bluelight.


So about 4 and 1/3 months ago I took 200mg of MDMA (it was my first time). Okay whatever, the high sucked and I got really anxious went back to my room and passed out. I didn't feel right for the next several days and then I went back to normal. Then like 2 weeks after the day i took molly I had a huge ass depressive breakdown and suddenly got erectile dysfunction. It really freaked me out. Soon after many symptoms came but I think the biggest ones have been ED, Brain Fog, short-term memory loss, trouble focusing, NO motivation... and other weird stuffs. I can't quite explain it perfectly, but i've felt very off for the past 4 months, like I've been in a dream.

So what I'm wondering is, what the fuck happened #1

Am I going to heal #2

And if there is anyone out there... anyone who went through this... please tell me how long it took you to recover? #3
 
You'll heal, but take months away from MDxx and related drugs. Exercise, eat healthy. Get a test kit so next time you take it months from now, if you want to again, you'll be able to tell if it was MDxx or not.
 
Hi WhatIsWrongwithme, I am on month 5 as well of a bad comedown.. but I think technically I should say month 4 since I only started taking care of myself after that month.. There are other people who recovered who had similar symptoms to yours I can post it here if you like
 
omg you guys are so positive I love it. You guys really think I can recover from this? even after 4 months of it being like this? So optimistic lol

yeah I have been staying the EFF away from drugs ever since that one night with mdma. I did drink 2 shots of alcohol one day just to see... but it sucked because I was really sensitive to it and it just made me feel anxious.

Jonnavi that would be absolutely great if you could show me some posts that are similar to me. I've been really struggling these pasts 4 months as you know :)
 
thanks Jonnavi, this really gives me hope. I want to believe that I will get my life back

I will never do any drugs again ever again... only alcohol but I will wait a long time before I do that.
 
Surfer's remaining symptom is dp/dr and he has mentioned in his last post that he is getting better :) It just takes a lot of time
 
thank you so much Jonnavi. I still have hope that I can recover. We will see.

Is it weird that I have erectile dysfunction though?
 
I think this is related to serotonin/dopamine being low at the moment due to mdma intake.. This should get better within a few months time.. Have you been to a doctor lately? If you haven't it's also good to get tests done so you can eliminate other worries
 
Jonnavi said:
I think this is related to serotonin/dopamine being low at the moment due to mdma intake.. This should get better within a few months time.. Have you been to a doctor lately? If you haven't it's also good to get tests done so you can eliminate other worries
Click to expand...

It hasn't gotten better, and it's been about 4 months :(

I have not seen a doctor yet, I think I'm going to wait a couple more months before I see one. If it is possible to recover naturally, that is what I would want ideally.
 
Have you got a hobby, something to make you happy when you succeed at it/generally pleased or to keep you busy etc?
I don't know, it just might be good to get high off life.

Otherwise, follow the rest of the advice given and welcome!
 
MrPorter said:
Have you got a hobby, something to make you happy when you succeed at it/generally pleased or to keep you busy etc?
I don't know, it just might be good to get high off life.

Otherwise, follow the rest of the advice given and welcome!
Click to expand...
This.

Eat better if you aren't. Get the processed foods out of your life and maybe even start juicing too. Real juice, not 'roids. Stay active and eat right, remain positive, you can do it!
 
You will get better. Time heals wounds, not Yuna from FFX, so you will be fine.

Talk to your doc about the ED. Been there done that.

Just keep your chin up.

Calm, cool, and collected.
 
In the first few weeks of my comedown, I couldn't get it up. It was directly linked to the massive influx of anxiety that I was experiencing.

Took a few months for the panic/constant anxiety to go away. After that, I was stuck with fluxuating levels of DP, DR and sometimes both. While the direct "anxiousness" of anxiety subsided, I dealt with the secondary symptoms of anxiety for months afterwards: spacienes, blurry vision, lethargy, apathy, DP, DR, etc. Once I got used to my sympoms and quit obessing with the idea of a comedown or being stuck in a dissassociated state for the rest of my life my life markedly improved.

I am fine now. I still get waves of DR every once in a while but I am so used to it I can barely tell. It is usually when I am hung over or am stressed out. I think I got these before my comedown and only after fretting about it and paying so much attention to my consciousnesses for those shitty eight months did I become hyper aware of every little change.

You will be ok. Seriously the best thing you can do is get off of BL and the internet and forget you even had a comedown. Force yourself to go outside and have fun. Force yourself in social situations and pretty soon you will forget that you need to be anxious about something.

It will pass but you have to make sure you dont make your anxiety worse by diagnosing yourself with some terribly and scary illnesses from some of the experts on these forums. I refused to believe my doctor at first (I thought he didnt know what he was talking about) but guess what: HE WAS RIGHT! I didn't have brain damage, I didn't have a stroke, my neurons were not rewiring, I didn't have neurotransmitter problems. Rather it was drug/stress induced anxiety and it would go away if I worked on myself. I worked on myself and it went away.
 
^^This.

You will be fine. It's a long road and people on bluelight are living proof that you will get better. I am in month 3. Took the exact dose you took (my third time). Had constant panic attacks, anxiety, sleep problems. Things are getting much better for me. The things that have helped me are:

1. Time - Time is your best friend right now. Be patient and be proud of your progress no matter how slow.
2. Nutrition - Incorporate omega 3s, complex carbs, protein, antioxidants, magnesium, B vitamins (try to get this from actual foods for better absorption as opposed to pill supplements)
a) Omega 3 - helps your brain heal - wild salmon, flaxseed oil, Chia seeds, soy milk, walnuts
b) Magnesium - natures muscle relaxant - spinach, bananas, almonds
c) Melatonin - natures sleep aid - bananas, walnuts
d) Tryptophan - mood enhancer - dairy, eggs, meat
3. Exercise - Cardio is best. Something rhythmic like jogging or biking helps me more than strenuous sprinting or basketball.
4. Live life - I make sure to get out and socialize and occupy my mind everyday with work and other things
5. Support - My family is around to help. When things get rough I like coming onto Bluelight to talk to other people recovering or those who have already recovered. Positivity heals. Just don't obsess and search bluelight for hours. Get what you need and then move on.

Good luck, there are plenty of supporters here for advice.
 
Okay thanks. Do you guys think I abstain from whacking it? Cause it might overload my serotonin/dopamine receptors? Or is it NBD
 
So you didn't really get high, just anxiety yet you still got long term effects?
That's kind of weird, it doesn't really seem like you burned up serotonin / dopamine if you weren't high. I don't know what you mean by whacking it, just stay far away from MDMA.
 
WhatIsWrongWithMe said:
Okay thanks. Do you guys think I abstain from whacking it? Cause it might overload my serotonin/dopamine receptors? Or is it NBD
Click to expand...

hahaha do what you want, but ED is very much related to anxiety and stress, stop worrying.. whack it when you feel like it, not like a sport and you will be fine..
although i have had a long come down, 2.5 years, and have been sober since.. but according to BL seems like a healthy clean lifestyle is the only way to do it


F1n1shed said:
mean by whacking it, just stay far away from MDMA.
Click to expand...
hahaha he means masturbating, btw great profile pic
 
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