You hear a lot about the double standard when it comes to a man's sex life versus a woman's. It is always discussed that if a man is very sexually active and has several women he is seeing, he is some how a stud and gets a lot of respect. But for a woman to have that life style, she is considered a slut, whore, you name it. Many women, if not most or all, have a problem with this as they should. However, it seems to me that they tend to partially agree with it as well. What about the guy that does not get attention from women. Not only do men look at them as losers but so do women. In fact I've heard much worse from women than men in the 22+ years out of the 36 years of my life I've spent trying to find someone that would have some sort of interest in me.
I have been trying with no success to find friendship, love or just plan mutual lust/sex litterally for years with no success. I am not a virgin. Out of the thousands and thousands of rejections I've experienced in my life, I have gotten "lucky" twice and met a woman that was vulnerable at the time I happened to approach them. Both times they were women that had been recently dumped and cheated on. But the problem with that, is as soon as their confidence was back and they felt better about themselves they bolted. One was a little more respectful about it. She didn't string me along treating me like shit while cheating on me. She had the decency to talk to me and let me know everything that was wrong with me before she left me for another guy. So in retrospect, I think lucky is the wrong word to use. Those experiences were very painful.
I'm 36 years old and I look back on my life and see so much that I have missed out on. I have difficulty going to sleep at night. Not only from being dreadfully lonely but I think back on the experiences that I observed eveyone else having. I would literally think back on my entire life and remember as a child seeing boys having girls that had a crush on them and wishing I had that experience. I think back on my teenage years and recall other guys experimenting sexually with girls and me wondering what it was like, what happened, what does that mean, how did it feel? I think back on my college days witnessing guys hanging out with girls, just having fun, laughing and talking. Having them sneak into their dorms and just simply being cared about and desired. I think about my life now. I've never had a girl/woman tell me she loves me. I've never experienced someone fighting for and working for my companionship or just wanting my presence. I've watched friends grow in their relationships and matured into men that are now married with kids. All while making some major mistakes yet somehow holding on to the love that an amazing woman has for them. I've never experienced that. I'm 36 years old and I am still curious about sex, lust and love.
This is a scary feeling. I have anxiety attacks because I all I can see is my life passing by and me being an old man with nothing but curiosity.
The unsatisfied curiosity is a bitch. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I can't stop thinking about sex. I think about different parts of a woman's body wanting to know how it feels and tastes. I wonder about the scent of a woman and what it feels like to be welcomed by her to explore her body. But then I feel dirty. I feel like a pervert as if I have something on my mind that a woman would never allow for me. I feel like I've violated women somehow.
Other times I think about general life with a woman that I love and loves me back. I imagine how it feels to talk about our day, laying in bed together pondering our lives together. I think about how it might feel to have a goal to work towards together and what it is like to make plans and commitments with each other. Then I feel embarrassed in that I am day dreaming about something that a woman would be repulsed by; the thought of being stuck with me.
I think about these things but as I continue trying to meet someone that would see potential in me, I cant help but think that if I ever get to be so lucky, then what??? How in the hell would I know what to do? I am almost 40 years old. I don't feel like a woman is going to want to have to teach me skills that life experiences should have already fine tuned.
Am I destined or doomed to being a lonely loser for the rest of my life?
I have been trying with no success to find friendship, love or just plan mutual lust/sex litterally for years with no success. I am not a virgin. Out of the thousands and thousands of rejections I've experienced in my life, I have gotten "lucky" twice and met a woman that was vulnerable at the time I happened to approach them. Both times they were women that had been recently dumped and cheated on. But the problem with that, is as soon as their confidence was back and they felt better about themselves they bolted. One was a little more respectful about it. She didn't string me along treating me like shit while cheating on me. She had the decency to talk to me and let me know everything that was wrong with me before she left me for another guy. So in retrospect, I think lucky is the wrong word to use. Those experiences were very painful.
I'm 36 years old and I look back on my life and see so much that I have missed out on. I have difficulty going to sleep at night. Not only from being dreadfully lonely but I think back on the experiences that I observed eveyone else having. I would literally think back on my entire life and remember as a child seeing boys having girls that had a crush on them and wishing I had that experience. I think back on my teenage years and recall other guys experimenting sexually with girls and me wondering what it was like, what happened, what does that mean, how did it feel? I think back on my college days witnessing guys hanging out with girls, just having fun, laughing and talking. Having them sneak into their dorms and just simply being cared about and desired. I think about my life now. I've never had a girl/woman tell me she loves me. I've never experienced someone fighting for and working for my companionship or just wanting my presence. I've watched friends grow in their relationships and matured into men that are now married with kids. All while making some major mistakes yet somehow holding on to the love that an amazing woman has for them. I've never experienced that. I'm 36 years old and I am still curious about sex, lust and love.
This is a scary feeling. I have anxiety attacks because I all I can see is my life passing by and me being an old man with nothing but curiosity.
The unsatisfied curiosity is a bitch. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I can't stop thinking about sex. I think about different parts of a woman's body wanting to know how it feels and tastes. I wonder about the scent of a woman and what it feels like to be welcomed by her to explore her body. But then I feel dirty. I feel like a pervert as if I have something on my mind that a woman would never allow for me. I feel like I've violated women somehow.
Other times I think about general life with a woman that I love and loves me back. I imagine how it feels to talk about our day, laying in bed together pondering our lives together. I think about how it might feel to have a goal to work towards together and what it is like to make plans and commitments with each other. Then I feel embarrassed in that I am day dreaming about something that a woman would be repulsed by; the thought of being stuck with me.
I think about these things but as I continue trying to meet someone that would see potential in me, I cant help but think that if I ever get to be so lucky, then what??? How in the hell would I know what to do? I am almost 40 years old. I don't feel like a woman is going to want to have to teach me skills that life experiences should have already fine tuned.
Am I destined or doomed to being a lonely loser for the rest of my life?