"Broaden you social circle", "Have confidence", "Volunteer", "Attend some type of class" ...
These are all buzz words/phrases people and self help books throw at you. I happen to think they are words that people who don't truly understand absolute loneliness and rejection use, and understandably so, because they don't know anything else to say. At my age, I understand a lot. I've tried everything under the sun. I just don't appeal to the opposite sex. That is as plain and simple as I can put it. Thank you for you response. It really is appreciated
Hey, these may be buzz words, but honestly it's impossible to meet people if you don't spend time where other people do. "Broaden your social circle" is very general, I will try to be more specific. What are your hobbies? What do you like to do in your free time? Is there any cultural centre where you live? You could join some writers' club for instance. Or start reading books in a park. The point is you have to go where people go. It's certainly not easy to go to a club or pub alone, so you've got to know your best options.
I'm 24 and I've felt alone my whole life. I had sex and I felt alone after anyway. I used to be addicted to strong opioids and benzodiazepines at the same time, so I was almost like a living dead, which certainly impacted the way I perceived life and the world around me, it isn't just depression in my case, but low mood is your worst enemy here. It's not just that you crave sex and lust, what you're missing is love, friendship, and intimacy, and it's natural that you need these. I've never perceived sex as a purely physical act and I'm repulsed when a girl wants to trade herself for something or treats me like a thing. I can't have sex with a girl only because she's pretty. It's our culture and media that simplify it all, perhaps it's easier for some people to partially or fully skip on emotional and spiritual part of sex. Certainly the physical part is important but it's also much more powerful when you're sharing it with someone who is dear to you and you can be open and honest with them. Men having sex with a lot of women is hardly a virtue if they know no love. Sex may be a beautiful calming experience charging with energy and can even open your consciousness to a higher level if your partner sees it the same way you do. It's not going to happen with any person, you need to be able to completely let go.
You need to change your attitude because you're not going to draw people's attention when you're sad. You need to be able to offer something positive. Have you tried self-hypnosis or meditation? Self-hypnosis is much easier to achieve than many people think. After I quit benzodiazepines, I had serious problems with depersonalisation and I couldn't find any way back to normal life. Through self-hypnosis and meditation I began sensing my life and the world much more deeply, and I was able to find out a lot about myself and how to fix myself so I could have confidence back. I was literally an emotional wreck after years of running away from problems into drugs. The only way I could be with people was without any bonds, I developed a wrong idea about some stuff throughout all those years. I thought it was better not to show my feelings because when I do, I risk being laughed at for being weak. Showing feelings was equal to being weak for me. How can you find friends and love without showing feelings in the first place? Every human being needs friendship and love, but our culture made us feel ashamed of it, which is simply wrong.
You need to be aware that you control your life and nobody else. If you don't agree with it, then make it your mantra and start repeating it to yourself during self-hypnosis because it's true. People can affect your life but eventually it's you who makes decisions. You can build your confidence through such positive affirmations, with time as you get to know much more about yourself, your self-esteem will automatically become higher. You're the most important person of your life because every day you perceive everything with your own mind and body, and not someone else's. Thus you need to start everything with yourself, deep inside.
Take care and update us on your progress. If you can't talk to anyone in person, you can always talk to someone on the Internet. Sometimes when I feel lonely and I've got no-one to talk to, I just come here and by reading posts I can feel presence of people, sometimes small things can change everything. No human being is born to be alone.
