It makes perfect sense. Truly. Much along the lines as I noted previously i.e. that last little bit (even if it be 0.25mg at the time) is the hardest. No question in mind.
Truth: in spite of my behaving myself and taking less than prescribed it's probably the reason why I'm sitting with bottles and bottles of this shit in the cupboard! In other words: even although I've been behaving and have had no need to keep filling repeat prescriptions (we get six months here at a time) that's not stopped me from filling those prescriptions just in case. Point is: my initial reason(s) for starting this shit again in the first place, a year or so ago, still prevail. And at the risk of tarnishing my image here (

): I don't have the guts to sit without them. So I get it. Only too well.
I appreciate that. Very much. Not looking to score points here. But have also learned to consider the sources from where criticism comes.
And if the truth be told: there's still one or two things about myself that I don't get or don't quite manage to box nice and neatly. Who knows. Maybe I don't ever find the answers.
Whatever the case: it truly is my pleasure though I assure you.
Yeah well. Therein lies the danger I suppose. I thought 12mg per day was a lot. But it took about 4 years to get to that level. And I wasn't even using them to get fucked. Or, seeing as I'm being so totally honest and laying myself bare, is that really the truth? In hindsight? Was my going to my doctor and saying that these things are not working for me anymore, and which resulted in another new prescription at a higher dosage, as a result of the effects no longer being there? Bearing in mind that was also a tough period for me? And in just thinking about it now (it's been a while): it just so happens that things slowly started coming right just at around the exact same time as I discovered I was dependent on these things and started tapering. Coincidence? I'll never know. Was I the same person on said 12mg per day as I was off of them or as I am today on 1mg/2mg per day? My perception is that yes I was. But I've been told that wasn't the case i.e. slight, almost imperceptible, differences apparently e.g. not being quite as sharp or having less urgency in getting things done (to name but two examples). In other words and just because I wasn't fucked out of my bracket on these things nor perceived myself to be abusing them and felt normal (obviously due to tolerance) doesn't necessarily mean that all was well even although I thought otherwise.
The above being said (and one of the reasons I don't go around berating these things and throwing the baby out with the bathwater): there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that had it not been for these things, both back then and now, I doubt very much I'd be sitting here typing this post to you. For damn sure this past year and thanks to the fallout of this pandemic: I'd have probably gone off of my head by now (if for no other reason than not sleeping) (and to be honest: given that they take a few hours to wear off there's no doubt in my mind that as sober and as normal as I feel the therapeutic effects are indeed carrying on for most of the day albeit that I'm not even aware of it).
Still. +50mg per day an upwards? I dunno. That's a lot. I mean to say: I'm inclined to think that even tolerance has its limits. Apparently not. Well. That's the question I guess. As we've seen: the OP not the only person on these doses around these parts. And maybe therein is the biggest danger of all with them i.e. the user may perceive themselves as being just fine when in reality that's not really the case. And maybe that's a good reason for all of this discussion and a reason to be really understanding of some posts that may come down the wire from time to time!
Yeah. That's a big problem actually. Both from the point of view of somebody who already has a major problem with high dosages and from the point of view of somebody that wants to or needs to get off of them. And of course the ever present danger of running out of legit pharma. and then having no choice but to resort to fake or counterfeit stuff (with the inherent dangers associated and of which we're all acutely aware of) or suddenly ending up with nothing. All the more reason for the OP to take this all seriously really.
Let's face it: given the side-effects of these things it'd not be a stretch for somebody to buy Fentanyl laced benzodiazepines and make the assumption that they're the best shit they've had. Ending up with an opioid dependence problem being mistaken for a benzodiazepine dependence problem. That's a very real possibility. Suppose the only telltale sign would be itching or a supposed allergic reaction. And I'm not sure if that'd apply to everyone so by no means a fail safe.