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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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LH, I totally realize this and have researched quite a bit about this. I know, you don't get good REM sleep on alcohol, but the allure is, not lying there in bed, trying to sleep and not have the day, week life, running through your head. Alcohol knocks you out, however false the sleep is, it feels like the real thing (yeah, yeah, the real thing) until the clock hits 2 or 3 anyway.
 
Been 2.5 days since my last drinks, 1st break since? Weeks/months.
Felt so horrid I had to leave my job today; felt fantastic/horrid yesterday too .. Can't tell if I need to quit drinking/various drugs, or if I'm just sick with something. In which case I need a drink to kill the germs .. But not this week.
 
justsomeguy said:
when i quit for any lengthy period of time, i go super paranoid crazy :(

damned if i do or don't i guess.
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Have you tried any other method of dealing with your paranoia other than self-medicating with alcohol?? There are plenty of other potential ways you can manage it dude. And to be honest, the drinking is probably making it all worse in the long run anyway <3
 
Inability to get good sleep is the grandfathered-in and mother of all excuses for alcoholics.
I swore it was my main reason, my brother does now, and it pops up here in "martwonies" like beer caps football sunday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and call b.s. on grounds of faulty alcoholic reasoning.
There may be SOME exceptions, but I know for myself that before the concept that I was even an alcoholic entered my head, I was still drinking a lot.
I know that my drinking a lot made it hard to sleep without booze, and since I was not an alcoholic it must have been a sleeping problem- a problem that, amazingly, tying a few on before bed seemed to alleviate.
Because we hear about it so often from people who are at the stage of just starting recognizing that drinking is having negative effects on their life (no shakes, empties under the bed yet, 4am "tie-downs"), I'll venture to guess that sleeplessness is one of the earliest and most widespread symptoms of PHYSICAL DEPENDENCE to alcohol.
 
TippyCup4Life said:
I'll venture to guess that sleeplessness is one of the earliest and most widespread symptoms of PHYSICAL DEPENDENCE to alcohol.
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I never realized how much I wanted that drink right before bed until I didn't have it.

Now that I know...it doesn't make it easier to not have the drink but at least I understand the feeling.

LH how you doing these last few days?
 
Ryka said:
LH how you doing these last few days?
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Hi. I've been a good lad since last Sunday: no booze and doing training. I'm now faced with a weekend off work with very little to do. My body needs a day of rest tomorrow after some serious gym/hiking this week, which culminated in a 5 mile boot run/hike with 15kg backpack on today. That's going to make it harder tomorrow, as I've been using daily/twice daily exercise to keep my mood up.

I want to make it through the weekend without a drink. It's raining here and I haven't got a load of money this month, but enough to get by.

There's an AA meeting on in Salisbury tomorrow morning but I'm reluctant to go, even if the weather's ok, as the girl I spent the summer with may be there and I might get a bit messed-up inside.

What can I do to keep my chin up? Even just all day Saturday?

Ryka said:
I never realized how much I wanted that drink right before bed until I didn't have it.
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I tend to get down at night and the temptation to drink to sleep makes night-time a vulnerable time for me. There is a shop/bar 100m away: the shop's open 'til 10pm for beers and bar 'til 11pm. It's so tempting to go and get a four-pack from the shop and have a couple of pints in the bar before walking the very short distance back. I'm drooling now at the thought of it and very very tempted to do that tonight as a reward for all my physical effort this week. My body's starting to get very toned and my abs are starting to show through where my beer belly once was. It's only 2:30pm here now and I feel like getting beers already.
 
LaserHosen said:
I tend to get down at night and the temptation to drink to sleep makes night-time a vulnerable time for me. There is a shop/bar 100m away: the shop's open 'til 10pm for beers and bar 'til 11pm. It's so tempting to go and get a four-pack from the shop and have a couple of pints in the bar before walking the very short distance back. I'm drooling now at the thought of it and very very tempted to do that tonight as a reward for all my physical effort this week. My body's starting to get very toned and my abs are starting to show through where my beer belly once was. It's only 2:30pm here now and I feel like getting beers already.
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That's great to hear about your body, LH. Alcohol is one of the worst drugs for getting in shape, so when you remove it for a while, you notice your physique can be manipulated MUCH easier. Keep going, man! Get that washboard look ;) I know it's kind of vain and all, but it's a good staple of a person who cares about taking care of his/her body.

Regarding the drinking at night, I know what you mean. That's why I've been forcing myself to get up at 6 or 7am the past week or so, meaning that I'll be crashing by dinnertime naturally. Alcohol will seem less important in the forcing sleep process. Fridays and Saturdays suck, sure, since everyone's in party mode and :X I know tonight I'm just going to hang out with my sister and her friends (a sober group) and have fun at a place without an alcohol presence. It's all I can do...

6 days sober for RL.
 
You're just ahead of me on the wagon RL. Well done!

I've thought a bit more and realised I wanted to stay sober to sort out the damage I've done to my nervous system and phsychology over the years. I'm a moody, introverted git nowadays and hoping that'll change after a while. Switched to not craving at the moment, but I wonder if that'll change by 8pm? :(
 
Ive got 6 days sober as well RedLeader :D

I feel fine physically now , I was craving alcohol at a few points today but it went away after awhile. Ive been waking up really early as well so it will help me get through the nights earlier. Ive been in a much better mood since I stopped drinking Im really not sad at all right now. And when bad shit happens Im able to handle it much better sober.

I got into a couple of heated arguments the other night and afterwords when I was all pissed off I calmed down really quickly. Where as if I was drunk I would have been fuming for hours and the fight would probably have been much worse. So far this vacation from alcohol has helped me in more ways than I thought it could. I'm going to keep this going for as long as I can.
 
LaserHosen said:
Agreed. I will be 34 in a few months time and have been drinking since I was 14/15. I'm now pretty sure that I'm an alcoholic. I had to drink at 6:30 this morning to make sure I stopped shaking for work at 8 am.

I'm quite shy and reserved I think and from when I discovered alcohol I think I loved the ability to give me confidence, but all it's doing nowadays is giving me anxiety. I feel like I'm agoraphobic now because all I want to do is lock myself away from the world and lie in bed drinking vodka/wine/beer and watch TV.

Drinking is ruining my life. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I have managed to eat earlier and got 30 minutes sleep but I know I am in for a night of sweating and shaking and not much sleep :(

I haven't had a drink for about 4 hours and it is 8pm here in England and I'm determined not to drink tonight and try and sleep. I feel so tired all the time but can't sleep. Feel like crying but can't cry. It is definitely alcohol that is doing this to me, as I am really down all the time now. I am going to start going to AA again and try and turn my life around when I get dried out. This is a really bad place to be so if you think you might be pre-disposed to alcoholism do something about it now because I wouldn't wish anyone to be as depressed and worried as I am right now. Alcohol sucks man. :(
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story of my life.
 
This thread breaks my heart. Everyone, (including me), who pledges to do this withdrawal or other methode. Seems we cannot sleep. I ask, again, why is not sleeping such a bit factor in alcoholism?
 
ttownlcb2 said:
This thread breaks my heart. Everyone, (including me), who pledges to do this withdrawal or other methode. Seems we cannot sleep. I ask, again, why is not sleeping such a bit factor in alcoholism?
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Alcohol fucks up your ability to sleep right because you don't go into REM sleep. Also you tend to wake up more in the night. If your quitting your nerves are going to be shot so sleeping is going to be damn hard without some kind of sleeping pill to help.

Alcohol works on the gaba receptor just like benzodiazepines and the Z drugs suck as zopiclone, zolpidem and zaleplon. Though alcohol works abit differently and is alot worse drug then either of these. So when you go off alcohol the level of gaba your brain produces drops alot. Hence why terrible insomnia, seizures and extrememly bad nerves are common in severe alcohol withdrawal.
 
it just hit me, the shape i was in last november, the lies, the hiding, the fear, the people affected, the jails, the DT's, the depression.

i thought being so close to a year would feel good, no, its fucking scary. 100x better none the less, but i guess it feels like i just woke up from a loooooong night after a loooong nap and am having those first "OH SHIT WTF HAPPENED?!?" feelings.

it still blows my mind remembering walking into the store as usual, getting a 24pack of 16oz pbr's and putting that in my jeep, then going to the bar next door and having a porter, then going out to my ride, having a smoke first, then rolling another cig, riding a few hundred yards reaching for a lighter not feeling it look down then BOOM! i smashed some canadians lil mini suv thing to shit.

they just wanted my info, but a witness called the cops, and after 2+ hours of driving around with the trooper looking for a working breathalyzer, i blow a .27 he was as shocked as me, he seemed like he thought that after all that time and my demeanor that i was probably just bellow.08 and would have to take me home. no, .3 can get you in a coma, .35 yikes .4+ its hard to be alive.

at the scene i must of been a .3 surely, carrying 24 rotten pints home with me! and im sure i intended on finishing those off, im up late and the sun hadnt set at that point, it was maybe just before 4pm. plus i take 4-6 mgs klonopin a day, back then sometimes much more. yep, that would been the night i think. if those canadians werent trying to take the short cut home, and provided my jeep with a dead end, i cant imagine how things would be today, probably not so great hehe uhhhh.


fuck i could go on and on, just about that lil ol' season that year...

i dont want one or two drinks, because when they wear off it feels nasty, and because i drink more to make that go away, and then i drink more to make that go away, and then i drink more to make this go away, and then i drink more to make her go away, and then i drink more to make him go away, and then i drink more to make it all go away, and when ive drinkin it all away, i guess thats when life is supposed to be its easiest...
 
it still blows my mind remembering walking into the store as usual, getting a 24pack of 16oz pbr's and putting that in my jeep, then going to the bar next door and having a porter
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This is one of the lowest feelings known to an alcoholic. Stopping at a supplier on the way to the bar to stock up on alcohol, because you know you don't have enough at home. God, this was me so many times. I need to maintain a level of sobriety in order to drive home "safely" from the bar, but in turn that means I need more troops back at home in order to get the euphoria I am chasing tonight... Heck, I've even "taken extended restroom breaks" ("I think I ate something which did not agree with me...") while out with friends to run to my car, NASCAR-it to the local gasoline station, buy more "troops" for later, and make it back to my table in ~5 minutes. Again, a true staple of being an addict of alcohol :\

I remember being at a casino with my ex-girlfriend. We had been drinking and playing the nickel and dime machines, and overall having a good time. Naturally, I was being a lying and evil bastard and ordering myself more drinks behind her back...Anyway, toward the end of the night, we both stopped at the restrooms before we got a taxi, and they had these little insert-a-coin breathalyzer machines. She was really eager to try it. "I feel really drunk...I wonder where I'm at!" She blew I think a .13. I felt buzzed and good, but not "really drunk." Blow...wait.... .20 on the button. She just looked at me like...we've been going up to the bar together...how the...And of course I made some excuse about the whiskey I was drinking being higher in content than her vodka...total BS, which her naive-about-drinking mind bought :( But yes, two things from that 1) alcohol makes good people into deceptive bastards 2) .20 should make you feel on top of the world, not "kinda buzzing."

To the rest of your story, simply wow :( I guess the proverbial "dodging of a bullet" comes to mind, but I really am glad that everybody came out of that story without it being as bad as it could have been.

I mean congratulations seriously on making it nearly a year. But ya, I guess reality's message is that the grass might be greener, but do you really like the color green?
 
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Just like to share my story, not much but hay.

I was never much of a drinker.. i was never "addicted" to alcohol , i liked going out and getting shit faced though, i quit weed and smokes for alcohol it was going great for a few months..until one night i got caught driving around blew .18 at the station . Got a big fine and lost my license for 6-9 months cant remember...(then went back onto the smoking merry go around)

Thats been almost 2-3 years ago and since then i can count the amount of drinks i had on 1 hand, haven't been drunk since, dunno if its any achievement but i feel kind of pleased about it. I dont go out to pubs or clubs anymore, i always refuse a drink when offered, i hate the people inside aswell after i realized whats going on in there, got very depressing :( .Just reading some of these posts.. fuck it must be bad what yous going though.

Make me some sober friends plz bluelight? good luck to ya all (l)
 
i used to refuse to even take a sip and drive out of fear of getting stopped for some odd reason and the smell just prolonging the cops stay. OR even when i ran out, i would just go to bed, but that last run it didnt matter. your nascar experiences are oh so familiar, and amazing, the lengths and effort people will put into obtaining that level in your blood stream is outstanding. its such a relief to not be in that situation/state of mind.
 
^agreed, no matter what problems I have right now, they pale in comparison to the horrific states described above. I still live with flashbacks to those times often; that "wtf wasssszat?!" bewilderment, combined with the overwhelming relief that you survived that often pop up in my mind.
My 5 year run was like a waking nightmare that I now feel disassociated from. When I think about it, I often relate to it as almost like some kind of demonic possession.
Since it has ended my sense of time has slowed, and those years feel like some sort of wormhole.

PIP, that first year was tough, but watch now and you will really start to notice things coming back to your personality very rapidly the next 12 months. Like a forest devastated by fire...a human soul is governed by the same rules of nature I feel. I experienced that drastic a recovery from devastation, but certain seasons had to pass first.
I think I know how Mt. St. Helens may feel, trading peaks for valleys!
 
"as almost like some kind of demonic possession. "

yyyyep, those exact words cross my mind often....

"Like a forest devastated by fire...a human soul is governed by the same rules of nature I feel. I experienced that drastic a recovery from devastation, but certain seasons had to pass first.
I think I know how Mt. St. Helens may feel, trading peaks for valleys!"

perfectly put, and right up my alley again, when looking for insight i always go to nature first, because we are that, and carry some trait of anything on this earth so being able to look deeper into the soul is easier for me, when i become truly aware of how we are nature.
 
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