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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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I had such a craving to get drunk last night it wasent fucking funny. I had taken about 16-20mg's of clonazepam to calm myself down and about 8 zopiclone. I grabbed a beer from the case my dad had but i put it back at the last second. How the fuck i resisted drinking that i'll never know.
 
Alright dudes, just thought I'd pop my head in 'ere as I had rather boozy monkey on me back that thankfully im fairly under control with now, but it were a long fuckin road with lots of slip-ups along the way. So all tohse of you tryin, dont give up cuz everyone messes up the important thing si to keep tryin' :)
 
"dont give up cuz everyone messes up the important thing si to keep tryin'"

its true, a relapse here and there happens, its part of recovery. when people cant accept that they just have to try again, but rather let 'it' win, its sad to see.
 
Well haven't been here for awhile...

my october wasn't completly successful but it was a major improvement. I am no longer drinking every night and I do not drink as much when I do. I am working out much more often and making way better gains (even cut my bodyfat down to 11 but I am skinny as it is). I have been much more productive at work and am more confident when it comes to the opposite sex.

The big difference is the not daily drinking. I am really proud of myself for pulling this off.
 
Didn't drink or do any drugs today :), went to Bible study about 2 hours ago, was pretty cool.
Since my car is totaled, and they have Bible study here at my school every night I'm going to start going to it. Since every time I tried to beat my addiction and alcoholism by my self it never works, so I need something other than me to get it.
 
Fell the fuck of the wagon tonight. I was doing great. Went from drinking everyday all day, usually like a 1/5th of vodka a day, to only drinking on the weekends like 6 drinks a night. Physical w/d sucks. God damn.
 
Sup mr. man I can't tell u how many time's I've fell off the wagon. They might as well make a "short wagon" for my crazy ass.
shit happens, we make mistakes. It's good u relised that u made one, that takes true character. Yeah the DT's suck, I'm going through them now sober, and lemi tell u it does suck. All I have to help is some IB Prophin.
Dude hang in there.
 
"The big difference is the not daily drinking. I am really proud of myself for pulling this off."
- phactor

awesome, it definitely is one of the more challenging things in life for too many people.

i appreciate and read still about good beer, wine/wine making, and mmm cognac. i did take a sip of a nice super tuscan, which i swished and spit out and cooking with wine is essential. no more - alcohol almost won, i gave up the fight, its not worth the misery, for me anyway.

its the same with cocaine, i was twice as wild with that, in a seriously FTW way. then id have friends who would bump off a G in the sock drawer through out the week, that would be nice but, not here.
 
^interesting... yesterday i was just thinking to myself that alcohol was like cocaine for me, in that it leads to a binge.

i realized that, for me, i have to be as careful with alcohol as i do with cocaine. okay if im planning for it in a special occasion type way, but not an, i'll just have one type of thing anymore...

i hope one day to be able to enjoy one or two glasses of wine, say with family or girlfriends, over the course of the evening, but i know i haven't come far enough yet for that.
 
How come when I did cocaine I always thought it would "sober" me up. I think to my self "sure drew just do twice as much as I'd do sober, rite?" Oh shit how I was wrong. At least I don't shoot-up anymore :\. So I did about a 1.5g line, thinking sure I'll be sober. hell no, it put me in a black out!
Woke up in jail, wrecked my car. Everything I ever worked for went right down the shitter in less than 24 hours.
So guys Cocaine doesn't sober you up, no matter how much you think it will.
It's nothing like the super diesel coffee in a AA meeting. The shit landed me in handcuffs.

As for today
I had a bunch of strange dreams, about my father dieing, a cat I adopted died, like all my dreams were around death. I feel really strange right now, like did this stuff really happen??
Since I have no phone I'm freaking out about my dad because it seemed so real.
and whats messed up is I was going to kill my self in my dream, how twisted is that?

I'm sober for now, <3
 
Darky, Nightmarish fear and guilt ridden dreams were one of the most 'orrid things about rattling off booze, espescially as the exhaustion and insomniahas you so fucked you just wish you could sleep but the knowledge that youre body wont rest if you could and your mind would give you a subconscious ego-kicking throughout.

They do chill out a bit, my non medically-approved suggestion is to smoke fuckloads of weed.
 
Yeah weed would be fucking dandy right now but I made a commitment to myself that if I stop the drinking I'm going to stop everything else, I'm not hating weed, but for me being a addict I like to do stupid things on weed such as get stronger drugs, and eventually go back to drinking.
For now I'm fighting thorough the DT's, and the insomnia, I took my last Remron last night, and all I have to chill me out is like that Unisom stuff, and my Trazadone.
Man I hope everything will be alright.
 
Yeah, but I don think you necesarrillyknow if you've hit it yet or indeed if you are already climbing out the other side. 'moments of clarity' are frequent in the life of a boozer but you know most of them evaporate into the ether by mornin.

By that I mean that youre not always that conscious of your path, and even if it feels like youre still fucking up, sometimes that thought in itself is a first step toward escape.
 
I was just curious because in the past I've told my self that this is my rock bottom, and it just keeps getting worse as the relapses go on.
The thing I need to work on the most in my recovery is my spirituality, anyone have or had any experience with this? I don't meant to get all religious just what you've done and whats worked for you. :)
 
Sorry no spirituality for me, never was religious, never really brought up with religion and certainly never found strength in it.


I guess finding new faith in myself helped me, self-belief, reckoning there was just a chance that i wasnt destined to end up 6 feet under at 25 or if i was it would be through a more awesome experience than sitting drinking shit alcohol being a cunt to everyone and waking up in my own piss =/

Even that took a lot of time to realise and even longer to actualise.

I guess I was officially pretty fucken bad for about a year (had been driinking daily for 3 years previous to that point) and then at that last moment of ultimate lowness, which (unfortunate as it may be for any really desperate biographers out there) I cant remember......MY recovery after that, about 18 months it was of fucking up most days then weekly then once a month sorta thing.....

....and now its been probly about 8 months since i last fucked up.

(by fuckedup i mean drink to the point of blackingout, no memories of the night, missing possessions random drinkers injuries, incredibly nasty hangover/badly resparked taste for it)

I still drink probly more than I should, and still have to exercise the sort of self control and caution that my non-drunkard friends find bizarre....but its my personal proudest moment and its summat that if you can rattle through will earn yourself mad respect, from folk like me who know, folk who understand and most imnportantly from yerself ;)

E2a: Perhaps you keep thinking rock bottom is getting worse and worse because your own value of what you should be is actuasllyy getting higher and higher? If you see what I mean, it's not necessarrily a bad thing...
 
It just sucks, the shakes the sweats the shits, holy shit, and I figured how the hell could a 21 year old become an alcoholic? Like at AA meetings I never see anyone my age, everyone's 40+. So how the hell did I become a alcoholic so young?
I could blame my family because everyone is a alcoholic, or I could blame the liquor store, hell I could even blame you. But it's time I start taking responsibility for my actions. It sucks, holy hell it sucks ass, but I gotta do it. I cant keep living like this in the shadows cut-off from the world.
I have to find out who I am, do I want to be Prisoner #240538532 or do I want to be Drew?
I gotta man up and do this. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be harder if I'm drunk.

I'm powerless over everything in my life. Now I just have to believe that the big man up stairs is going to not overwhelm me with decisions, and will guide me to the right path.
one second at a time.
 
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