Oh, round two has began
As for my recent dancings with the devil, there is good news and there is bad news. I'll start with the good. In twelve hours' time, I will have abstained from alcohol for one calendar week; my personal best since the first week of February. Furthermore, if I did take days off between early February and the beginning of this streak, it was never for more than 48 hours, so this is significant. Mentally, I am feeling pretty strong on this sobriety streak. I really am looking forward to a streak which I can properly think of in terms of weeks/months, and not days.
Physically, this one has been rather difficult, but in other ways. Before it's been the shakes and the electric pulses and such. But this time I have been getting extreme gastro-intestinal discomfort over the past week, despite doing my best to keep hydrated and well-supplemented. Both my spleen and my liver regions are giving me pain (in the sense of little piercings and such - like ordinary indigestion only perpetual). This hasn't subsided in the typical 4 days or so that I am used to physical alcohol WD symptoms going away, so it has me a bit nervous. If it dosen't clear up by the end of week two, I am defintely having a doctor check it out. It may be not related to alcohol, and be some type of not-serious infection. In a twisted way, I am almost hoping that
Also, I don't know if anybody else gets this, but I am getting a bad taste naturally forming in my mouth. A recognizable one that I tend to get after benders, whereas it feels like my poisoned organs are evaporating a bad oder, which in turn affects my natural breath. It's pretty ineffable, though - I wouldn't know how to really describe it other than "you know what I mean." Again, another thing I am used to having vanish after 3-4 days, but this time around is still with me on day 7
I've mitigated the mental aspect of this pretty well with benzos, 5-htp and vitamins. Also, my fitness routine, despite my organs feeling poisoned, is really launching to a new level now that I am sober, which is giving me confidence and helping me burn steam. I can only hope that I can keep counting off the days, and then hopefully weeks. I know I've made false promises to myself before about sobriety, and for God's sake would it be nice to get drunk, but I am not going to give in.
I bought a 12-pack of beer last Friday evening and only drank 2 of them (though I had other alcohol). The remaining ten have rested in my apartment since. And actually this is helping me - I think knowing that I could have access to alochol is enough to make me not panic. I tend to get into the worst benders when I start a habit of buy-drink-buy-drink, etc. Not stocking up, so always kind of going back for more.
I hope everyone else is holding up strong. I am headed out to a festival this evening, and will be surrounded by alcohol and drugs. And I am going to try and do it sober - this will be a test, but I don't plan on failing
