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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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Laserhosen, it sounds like you're doing great. Exercise is fantastic so that's great you were able to go for a swim.
What does tomorrow bring you?

panic in paradise said:
yeah, um heheh 2 martini's, in drank speak.

now, whats a spoonerism?!? *feels stupid*
Click to expand...

A spoonerism is when you transpose the syllables of 2 words to make them 2 new words, classic example: "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy" =D
It can be intentional, as a play on words, or it can be unintentional, i.e. a slip of the tongue.
 
Bought a bottle of whiskey for tonight. Just something to get me over this long fucking night until i can hopefully get my morphine tomorrow. God i suck.
 
^^ No you DON'T suck PA, you do not suck at all.
Meds come tomorrow, hang in there man <3 <3 <3
 
How's everyone doing in here lately??
I hope you're all staying strong and having success over your demons.
Much love and strength to you all <3
 
Since thursday i havent touched a drop and i even poured the rest of the whiskey i hadent drank down the sink. God it's been more then a few years since i did that. So i think with any luck i may be able to stay off the booze for awile.

So ya fuck alcohol for now anyway.
 
Oh, round two has began :)

As for my recent dancings with the devil, there is good news and there is bad news. I'll start with the good. In twelve hours' time, I will have abstained from alcohol for one calendar week; my personal best since the first week of February. Furthermore, if I did take days off between early February and the beginning of this streak, it was never for more than 48 hours, so this is significant. Mentally, I am feeling pretty strong on this sobriety streak. I really am looking forward to a streak which I can properly think of in terms of weeks/months, and not days.

Physically, this one has been rather difficult, but in other ways. Before it's been the shakes and the electric pulses and such. But this time I have been getting extreme gastro-intestinal discomfort over the past week, despite doing my best to keep hydrated and well-supplemented. Both my spleen and my liver regions are giving me pain (in the sense of little piercings and such - like ordinary indigestion only perpetual). This hasn't subsided in the typical 4 days or so that I am used to physical alcohol WD symptoms going away, so it has me a bit nervous. If it dosen't clear up by the end of week two, I am defintely having a doctor check it out. It may be not related to alcohol, and be some type of not-serious infection. In a twisted way, I am almost hoping that :(

Also, I don't know if anybody else gets this, but I am getting a bad taste naturally forming in my mouth. A recognizable one that I tend to get after benders, whereas it feels like my poisoned organs are evaporating a bad oder, which in turn affects my natural breath. It's pretty ineffable, though - I wouldn't know how to really describe it other than "you know what I mean." Again, another thing I am used to having vanish after 3-4 days, but this time around is still with me on day 7 :(

I've mitigated the mental aspect of this pretty well with benzos, 5-htp and vitamins. Also, my fitness routine, despite my organs feeling poisoned, is really launching to a new level now that I am sober, which is giving me confidence and helping me burn steam. I can only hope that I can keep counting off the days, and then hopefully weeks. I know I've made false promises to myself before about sobriety, and for God's sake would it be nice to get drunk, but I am not going to give in.

I bought a 12-pack of beer last Friday evening and only drank 2 of them (though I had other alcohol). The remaining ten have rested in my apartment since. And actually this is helping me - I think knowing that I could have access to alochol is enough to make me not panic. I tend to get into the worst benders when I start a habit of buy-drink-buy-drink, etc. Not stocking up, so always kind of going back for more.

I hope everyone else is holding up strong. I am headed out to a festival this evening, and will be surrounded by alcohol and drugs. And I am going to try and do it sober - this will be a test, but I don't plan on failing :)
 
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Well, yesterday afternoon after lots of thinking over the last few weeks...I've decided it's alcohol or not. For now there's no social drinking for me, no... I'll just have a beer, just one drink. I'm going to abstain for a while...I'm not sure how long a while is...I'm not setting a time for myself...I've not taken any substance into my body (aside from caffine in a few cokes and I might smoke a clove cig tonight) for 24 hours.

I came to this decision after Thurs afternoon...talking with my neighbor...after a few drinks (and upon reflection) I really sounded like an idiot when I replayed the conversation.

I'm doing well and really feel at peace right now...not like this is a chore (staying sober) for the first time in a long time.
 
Been up and down big time. I'm doing everything right, going to work, doing a good job. Working out, eating healthy, but I'll be damned if I do not end every night drinking at least 3, often 4 to 6 beers a night.

Sometimes I wish I could just get a quarter of herb, a few benzos and just power through WDs. Tapering works good but it always gets hard around the weekend. Everyone I live with drinks to some degree and usually around the weekends go hard. I have always been more of a maintenance drinker.

I'm probably going to be laid off on the 17th. Not looking forward to it, but it may be a blessing in disguise. I work in the foster care system and its making my sleep worse. Its so difficult to deal with some of the shit I see daily. I'm also all setup for a LSAT review course and plan on starting law school in a year at the latest.

Went to see phish last weekend. Got tanked the first night. Stayed pretty sober (3 beers over the course of like 5 hours) the next. Guess which night I had more fun? The second night.

Going to Vegas over the weekend and meeting my best friend since second grade out there. Hopefully I can get it out of my system.
 
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Nothing's worse than feeling like a maintenance drinker amongst social drinkers (okay, there are a few worse things... :) ). What I mean is, when you go to the bar with friends, and everyone's had, say, 4 drinks. You're feeling physically buzzed, but it's such a familiar feeling that you're still the same mentally. In contrast, everyone else is laughing and letting loose. You want to be like that, but you know that it would require both an amount of money spent, the risk of looking like an alocholic to your friends and a nasty hangover. Given that alcohol so easily affects our emotions, I often shut down and end up feeling horrible in such situations. Hence when I do go to bars, I'm sure to go with people who can hold their liquor ;). Er, or I just be responsible and not go out at all :)
 
My weekend has consisted of getting drunk.

On Friday I felt a little bit rough but nothing too bad but I made and excuse at work to go somewhere at about 1030 (we finish at mid-day on a Friday usually anyway). I live on an Army base in England to give you an idea of how my story goes.

I went straight back to my room and had a couple of beers to make myself feel better (only a short walk from work and I had my mobile on me incase anyone wondered where I'd got too). I proceeded to get drunk.

Saturday morning I felt like shit/feelings of ending it all and once I came around/went to toilet/drank a couple of pints of water I thought: "well, it's Saturday, I've got the entire weekend to dry out so that I'm fresh on Monday morning, there's loads of Glastonbury coverage on BBC TV and radio, why not have a couple of drinks?". So I had a couple of drinks.

For the events of Sunday just copy Saturday. I'm now lying in bed on a Monday morning feeling like shit and wondering when my alcoholism will stop. My weekend has consisted of chatting shit to mates on MSN, watching TV, drink driving backwards and forwards to the shops to buy more vodka/wine/beer/cider and not much else. I'd like to think I live a glamourous hedonistic lifestyle, but I don't really: it's just pants.

I've tried local AA meetings and I have numbers I can call but it bores me and I don't want to be "brainwashed" into thinking that alcohol is evil. It's just a fluid. Sitting in a glass. It's me that's evil.

Anyway. I'm not sure if this helps anyone. It's just an honest bit of blogging really.
 
I wish I had an answer. My drinking involves so many things: stopping the shakes, confidence, drinking for fun, drinking when annoyed, drinking when sad. The list goes on. If this is the way my mind is gonna work forever I might as well be dead. I want to change but I have no idea how to.

Both my parents were alcoholics. My mum is tee-total now and she's turned her life around. My sister is cool, the disease seems to have escaped her. She can have a couple of glasses of wine and leave it.

Are there any alcholics out there who have been in the situation as I am. I just think about drinking all the time and it doesn't even matter about the taste. I'm just drinking for the effect.

Well anyway I need to get ready for work so I'll check this thread later today. Thanks for listening to my drivel! ;-)
 
My kidneys are pounding. I'm thinking of starting a blog to get a handle on my alcoholism. Where is the best place to start? Wordpress?
 
^It sounds like you could do with a break, like a holiday or something. It's hard to stop drinking when you're working because you never really get enough time off to recover completely. If it's at all feasible you could take some time off, go see your GP and do a home detox with benzos for a week or so. Then treat yourself to something you want to do which doesn't involve drinking, maybe for another week, preferably with someone you feel close to (not someone who will be drinking). This would give you some time to reflect and some time to try and relax away from the pressures of normal life.

It might not be possible but it's just a thought.

Edit- you can write a blog here in Bluelight. It might help you.
 
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well I thing a break would do, but I am such an arse I would probably end up getting brunk on my break. I've just been to tesco and bought 4 cans of special brew. I hope I'll feel better tomorrow :(
 
^ I guess you've got to work out what your aim is. Do you want to cut down, or quit altogether? How much do you want this? I know it's cliche, but it might help to draw up a list of the positive and negative aspects of drinking. In my experience, it's only when the negatives far outweigh the positives that you'll have any chance of quitting. Cutting down is probably harder than quitting depending on your level of addiction, but you could always take have an extended break from drinking (I'm talking 6 months or even a year or two) before trying to keep it to a less destructive level e.g. just weekends or once a week. For some people, of course, it's all or nothing and to avoid being an active alcoholic they have to quit forever.
 
As for me...last night I went out with a good mate of mine, one of my former (and sometimes current) drinking buddies. I ended up taking benzos to compensate for the lack of alcohol, and now I have a benzo hangover...ugh. Well at least it'sa few furlongs better than how I would be feeling if I'd drank last night. It's now 5 weeks since I last drank. It's fucking hard, but I'm trying to allocate a certain period of the day for my cravings. When I start to think about alcohol, I just think to myself, 'we'll think about that later' and then when the time comes it's not nearly as bad and I can think more rationally. Now this kind of bullshit advice doesn't normally work for me, but it seems to be doing this time.

N3o- if you're reading this, how are you doing? <hugs>
 
I can't seem to get by in life without alcohol. I drink most nights away and I drink alot , somestimes 20 beers and 20 shots of liquor. I take all kinds of drugs all the time and live very recklessly. I fill like I have a hole in my heart sometimes and I pour liquor down my throat to fill it up. It's not like I'm unhappy either I just like the way it makes me feel. It makes me smile hard as shit when Im completely smashed. I'm pretty sure this is killing though , but who want's to live for ever.
 
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