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Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

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@gav. Wow. I never thought my coming here would be inspiring. Quite the opposite. Thanks. (I'm on summer vac, being a professor and all. It compensates for a shitty salary and no raise for the last 3 years.)

@cloudburst. As a veteran drunk, lemme tell you those first two drinks are the killers. When you're sober, you think, I'll just have 1-2, no big deal. What you forget is that half the reason we drink when we party is to knock down the wall of inhibitions we walk around with all day. That includes our inhibitions about drinking more than we should. So after 2, we think, Hell, why not have some more? And then you're smack on the path to disaster.

It might be drink 14 that gets you saying stoopid shit and pissing people off and sleeping with the wrong people and puking in the shower--but it's drink 2 that sets you on that path. The trick is finding a way to avoid those first two drinks.
 
Thanks so much for the advice, you guys. I know I'll be reading this and reminding myself of such points mentioned before I enter a liqour store. Maybe the one good thing I got out of (mandatory, non-alcohol-related) AA meetings is to observe what sort of behavior and attitude toward buying booze should and should not be. Nothing beats alcoholism in the hell factor, that's for sure. And I sincerely hope those of you afflicted with this terrible beast can learn to live again, at least when you're ready, however way you choose to do it.
 
Learning to live again is right. That fuck-up Charlie Sheen says the sober life is boring, and everyone thinks he's a twit, but the fact is he's right, in a way. Any drug that acts on your GABA receptors (the ones that make life enjoyable) convinces your body to stop producing its own GABA. So when you first sober up, you got next to no GABA at all. This makes life flat, dull, depressing.

Right now, I'm in the place where I'm trying to get by on those new low levels and retraining my body to make more. Just doing the same old shit is not going to cut it.

I don't even know how to watch TV without a buzz. I'm reading a lot more, though, which has the added benefit of keeping me away from the people I'm most likely to snipe at when I'm cranky.
 
Seven days sober. Bit of a milestone. I suppose I could have done it without the lorazepam, but for me anyway sleeplessness is a profound incentive to drink. Having it there has helped enormously. Having a limited supply has also helped me not turn into a benzo abuser -- so far.

It also helps (if you want to think of it that way) that dealing with mood disorders for many years helps me know when I am thinking or saying things that don't quite connect with reality.

What I mean is, when I'm really down and wanting a drink anyway, if someone says something I might perceive it as an insult or attack, when maybe it wasn't intended that way at all. If I snap something back, I could just make it worse. Then comes an hour of circular thinking: was I right or wrong? Oh shit. Etc.

I always have moments of this, and CBT has helped me to notice them. It's all just escalated right now. So when I find myself uncertain, I'm quietly excusing myself. Taken to extremes, I could easily turn into a caveman. Obviously I don't want that. So with luck, this stage of the process will, not such much go away, as settle down to where I can manage it less drastically.

Still. Seven days. w00t!
 
im a very proud of those of you who can do it. i have immense respect and awe for all of you. even when if you slip up you should be so very proud that u attempted such a challenge.

i probably wont post on this thread anymore bc i have been trying my best for about 3 months now and nothing much has changed. but my struggles, and they have been intense, have made me realize you are all dealing with something so tough it deserves infinite respect.

good luck and carry on.
 
Miskatonic said:
Seven days sober. Bit of a milestone. I suppose I could have done it without the lorazepam, but for me anyway sleeplessness is a profound incentive to drink. Having it there has helped enormously. Having a limited supply has also helped me not turn into a benzo abuser -- so far.

It also helps (if you want to think of it that way) that dealing with mood disorders for many years helps me know when I am thinking or saying things that don't quite connect with reality.

What I mean is, when I'm really down and wanting a drink anyway, if someone says something I might perceive it as an insult or attack, when maybe it wasn't intended that way at all. If I snap something back, I could just make it worse. Then comes an hour of circular thinking: was I right or wrong? Oh shit. Etc.

I always have moments of this, and CBT has helped me to notice them. It's all just escalated right now. So when I find myself uncertain, I'm quietly excusing myself. Taken to extremes, I could easily turn into a caveman. Obviously I don't want that. So with luck, this stage of the process will, not such much go away, as settle down to where I can manage it less drastically.

Still. Seven days. w00t!
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That's great! I remember what it was like (when I was addicted to heroin) how hard it was to get past day 2 or 3. I didn't find that benzos helped at all so I didn't use them during this point of my life - if lorazepam is helping you out, that's great! :)

Eventually you can forego the lorazepam when you feel ready. But for now - just focus on maintaining a natural good feeling without drinking.

I'd suggest to get some exercise if you haven't already - it'll really improve the way you feel. Whenever I don't feel great, after I go for a long walk, I'll feel a lot better. :)

kaleidoscopeeyes said:
im a very proud of those of you who can do it. i have immense respect and awe for all of you. even when if you slip up you should be so very proud that u attempted such a challenge.

i probably wont post on this thread anymore bc i have been trying my best for about 3 months now and nothing much has changed. but my struggles, and they have been intense, have made me realize you are all dealing with something so tough it deserves infinite respect.

good luck and carry on.
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Have you gone to a doctor and asked for help?
 
yeah. they want me to go to rehab. i dont have the money to go. plus id have to miss all that time of work. i know that my health is more important overall but i guess i have a lot of excuses that can all probably be easily dismissed..

im just scared
i dont wanna change my entire life an thats what id have to do

to be honest

sounds lame as fuck writing it out even
 
kaleidoscopeeyes said:
yeah. they want me to go to rehab. i dont have the money to go. plus id have to miss all that time of work. i know that my health is more important overall but i guess i have a lot of excuses that can all probably be easily dismissed..

im just scared
i dont wanna change my entire life an thats what id have to do

to be honest

sounds lame as fuck writing it out even
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Just go to a doctor, and explain you need to do something on an out-patient basis.

They can help you by prescribing diazepam, or oxazepam, or chlordiazepoxide, at dosages which will help alleviate ethanol withdrawal symptoms, and keep you on a path where you can take medicine and function. Then you can eventually taper off of them and you'll feel a lot better.

This sort of process is a lot more affordable than going to rehab. :)
 
MISKATONIC-- that seven days is the start of a life of sobriety for you.. I can see in a few weeks the tip toeing around the family ,and secluding yourself so you dont snap at them will be a thing if the past.. You can live lifethe way you were meant to..

Go det your pHD. Its what you wanted all along,use this chance to do it ,and use the pHD to keep you away from the drinj..let them feed off each other..

My thoughts are with you.your a gentleman and a scholar( thought id add that for a giggle) dont let the drinj control your life.Glad to have met u the day first day u posted here.

Ive had enough of the binges..im giving it a good lash this time.Captain H as we spoke in the pm im going to get my adhd tested..get my life sorted..im almlst 2 days sober..walking a fine line,ive hit rock bottom a few times now,but i know the next one coming will fuck me good. SO im going to not let it beat me..

KLEIDESCOPEEYES- dont give in mate..i manage to find an excuse everyday. iLL find an excuse for the excuse.dont let it get the better of you. ITs easy to give in..But tak the stories and experiences of the others on here..

Chin up. stay strong,stay busy and all the best...
 
thank you captain heroin and gavatron@oz.

i am going to see my doctor and counselor on thursday ( i always go to my counselor but the dr. visit will be something new) to speak with them both about the situation and i wlll be be up front about everything.
 
@Gav

Very glad to hear you're sober and looking for a diagnosis. As I understand it, ADHD is very mysterious. No wonder you've been self-medicating with stims.

@kaleidoscopeeyes

Yes, you must be up front about everything. Even if you haven't used for a while, they still need to know. I had a shrink who used to talk about "the chemical milieu" in my brain, because drugs/meds can screw with your neurotransmitters for a long time after, and the treatment has to match that. Be ready for a doc to judge your past behavior and make sweeping generalizations about anything you've been on. If they start judging you as a person, run for the hills.
 
Cheers miskatonic..
im using diazepam,and got a few xannax bars too.but i kno how bad benzo addiction can be..worse then meyh if my counsellors right.

Kaleidoscopeeys..Be upfront with the doc, nothing bad can come of it..like miskatonic said,they only know a stereotypical version of the addictiin you have. One that a book delivers.. Im sure ife taught me doctor more about meth than he learnt or ever knew..

Good luck to you my friend..keep posting.the people here have alot mkre knowledge,and experience as well as time to guide you,however theres some things onky a doctor can help with..

Take care everyone..
 
was trucking along fine, had a week + with no drinks, then last saturday everyone was celebrating the end of the term.

i really had no desire too, but found myself first with a high gravity six pack, then house party, then bar, then blackout.

woke up in my bed, with all my equipment (keys, phone, wallet, etc); i hadn't drove that night because i knew i was going to get hammered. no idea how i got home, however. check my bank statement and my bar tab was a lot more than i really thought it could have been. maybe i was buying other people drinks, no idea.

its the same bullshit - the tight chested, shameful and anxious terror the next day (that has carried on to today). what did i say? who did i piss off? what sort of vandalism did i get away with? blah blah blah.

ldjafl;kfjckla;caksjelkrm;aelw;mreklw;jlk;cmal;smcladscds


-------

the part that really destroys me is obsessing over the unknowns. just OBSESSING ggrrawwrrrrr
 
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So i have realised that i actually have a dependency on alcohol. I guess 2 solid years of drinking nightly after work will do that to ya .. my love is wine, preferably white but ill take red if that's all that's left.

But yeah .. a few things have happened lately that have made me realise i need to snap out of it and get healthier. I had a miscarriage after Easter. Didn't even know i was pregnant, but i would only have been about 3 weeks along the doc said. So yeah, i didn't get attached to the baby because i was unaware; but with going through that i have realised that maybe this is a sign to start looking after myself, and stop getting plastered every night.

Since trying to stop the drinking, i have found it actually kinda hard! I have realised how much i have turned to it on a daily/nightly basis for comfort. It helps me relax, helps me feel positive and it helps me sleep. Without it i am left feeling a bit anxious now, and im not sleeping well. I keep waking up all through the night.

But yeah, i have decided tonight with how rough the last 2 weeks have been that i need to just 'cut down' not go cold turkey. I have had 2 glasses tonight... im actually out of wine now so that means i don't get to buy anymore until the weekend. Man, i never thought the day would come where i had to actually think about it this way.

I don't know if it's a psychical or emotional addiction. And i am definitely not out of control. It's a very low key dependency right now, but i think i need to get a grip of it now before it becomes more than what it is.

Life is good, i have nothing to run away from! But i guess it's been a rough last few years, especially leading up to my wedding and house buying and stuff. That's when the issues started with my mum and sister but that's all sorted now, but i am still left with he habit of relying on alcohol.

It's definitely think maybe its more of a habit at the moment. Though i do feel a instant sense of relief once i take the first mouthful... i craved it tonight. Its been a big week at work, a lot of politics going on in the office that i seem to be caught in the middle of, and also the miscarriage the week before hasn't made things easy.

Ah well, such is life. Im sure ill get on top of it all, i didn't realise i have been drinking solidly every single night for the past 2 years.... time passes so fast and certain things definitely do catch up on us without us fully realising until it's almost too late i guess.
 
drugfukkdrockstar said:
So i have realised that i actually have a dependency on alcohol. I guess 2 solid years of drinking nightly after work will do that to ya .. my love is wine, preferably white but ill take red if that's all that's left.

But yeah .. a few things have happened lately that have made me realise i need to snap out of it and get healthier. I had a miscarriage after Easter. Didn't even know i was pregnant, but i would only have been about 3 weeks along the doc said. So yeah, i didn't get attached to the baby because i was unaware; but with going through that i have realised that maybe this is a sign to start looking after myself, and stop getting plastered every night.

Since trying to stop the drinking, i have found it actually kinda hard! I have realised how much i have turned to it on a daily/nightly basis for comfort. .
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The Miscarriage does sound like a wake up call alright, am glad it didnt cause you too much pain but it definitely is a big deal!
I have a cross addiction with alcohol and wine too is my preference(mainly red). I cannot drink one or two glasses of anything and I prefer to drink alone or with a few select people occasionaly. It is a huge comfort for me but I slip far too easily into relying on it.

It's good that you realise the dynamics of whats going on with it and are willing to address the issue DrugFuk.
The past couple of months I was drinking daily and eating very little so it has taken a big toll on my mental/physical well being. However I have managed to cut down to drinking every second, fourth or third day- the more I cut down the more my tolerance decreases and that means I dont need to drink as much, when I do.

The restlessness and anxiety should settle down after a while; just remember to look after your diet and excercise.
Maybe going for a blood test to the Docters might help check out if you are lacking anything also at the moment.
Do take care. <3
 
Thank you for your support <3

Yep, next week getting back into the exercise so things will start to look up!

Hope everyone else in here is doing ok?
 
drugfukkdrockstar said:
Thank you for your support <3

Yep, next week getting back into the exercise so things will start to look up!

Hope everyone else in here is doing ok?
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I have had a horrible year (thusfar) but I am doing OK nonetheless, trying to remain happy.

I don't have a problem with alcohol but I was addicted to heroin for about a year and some months so I know what it's like to realize you have a problem on your hands, but don't worry, there is a lot of help out there. There are also tons of caring people who have gone through the same thing, you aren't alone. :)

Exercise is definitely a huge plus and always helps my mood to be positive. Even when I just feel bad/anxious/unhappy, after walking maybe a half hour, hour tops, I feel a lot more back to my old self. :D
 
'Lo, all, haven't posted for a while, but I'm still going strong. Getting to sleep is still a problem, but not a catastrophe.

drugfukkdrockstar, you and I seem to have similar experiences. I think the science of addiction is not as well developed as it might be, so us evening bingers are harder to classify, and I think a lot of us are out there, ruining our livers as much as anyone else. (If you haven't missed 1 night in two years, tho, I think that says something.) If you have success cutting back to just a few per night, that's great. I've personally tried that, and it didn't last. 2+ weeks sober is as long as I've gone for a long time, and I don't think I'd be here now if I hadn't gone cold turkey. But we are not the same people (in case you hadn't noticed).
 
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