Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

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hello stranger

^MISKATONICGood to hear that your still hard at it.. 2 weeks is a very good effort.im still struggling.but tapering off.but its stims as you know..however i do tend to drink alot when im coming down or eager to get on it..

Good go hear from u mate. Take care everyone.
 
I act like such a fool when I go out now. I get wasted and totally humiliate myself. I'm a fucking joke to all my friends. I drink because I just cannot deal with my life and who I am without booze. I can't. I'd rather just die than face myself. Especially lately.

I don't have any money. I have a few chugs of beer left in the 40 of Natty I have sitting in my room. Alcohol is like medicine at this point. But I must want to stop if I'm posting here.
 
I hear you, blahman, and it sounds like you do want to stop. It's a pisser, ain't it? Not to like oneself on it OR off it. I hate my life sober because (1) I also have used drugs as medicine, and (2) I've spent so much of my waking hours toxed up that sober seems really flat and dull, like going from color to black-and-white.

#2 gets better on its own with time. I've been through this and I remember, it really does.

#1 sometimes requires therapy. I don't know you so I can't recommend it either way. Finding the right therapist can be a bitch, too, but it's not impossible.

Wanting to die is one of those snowball moods. Once it gets too big, it gets out of control, and then it gets bigger and bigger, and your head works faster and faster. Mine does anyway. But it really is possible to stop it before it gets out of control. A good therapist (if you haven't tried that yet) can help show you how.
 
Thanks for the response, Miskatonic.

You're right that wanting to die is a mood that can just grow and grow until it's out of control. Fortunately, the idea of suicide itself has never made a lot of sense to me. Even though I have frustrated thoughts of going through with it. I do have these sudden desires of picking up a gun and just getting it over with. But with actual thought, I realize that suicide is not a solution, it's just an end. Things can't feel better when you're dead.

I hear ya on life seeming black-and-white when sober. That's exactly what it's like for me. And yes, I've experienced it getting better during a short period of sobriety a couple years ago. But this instinct of just saying "fuck it" (which I'm sure we all have experience with) and feeling unable to deal with my life anymore has kept me drinking.
 
So i have realised that i actually have a dependency on alcohol. I guess 2 solid years of drinking nightly after work will do that to ya .. my love is wine, preferably white but ill take red if that's all that's left.

But yeah .. a few things have happened lately that have made me realise i need to snap out of it and get healthier. I had a miscarriage after Easter. Didn't even know i was pregnant, but i would only have been about 3 weeks along the doc said. So yeah, i didn't get attached to the baby because i was unaware; but with going through that i have realised that maybe this is a sign to start looking after myself, and stop getting plastered every night.

Since trying to stop the drinking, i have found it actually kinda hard! I have realised how much i have turned to it on a daily/nightly basis for comfort. It helps me relax, helps me feel positive and it helps me sleep. Without it i am left feeling a bit anxious now, and im not sleeping well. I keep waking up all through the night.

Hi lovely, I think it's a good thing that you're posting in this thread because you're acknowledging that this has become a problem for you. I remember you and I discussing this a few months ago and I'm glad you've come to the point where you want to do something about it <3

Would you consider mentioning it to your doctor? They could perhaps refer you on to a drug and alcohol counsellor, or maybe a psychologist. After all, they say that drinking isn't a disorder in itself, but rather it is a SYMPTOM of underlying issues (that you might not even be aware of!). If you decide to see a psychologist make sure you get a referral from your GP because you might be able to claim it back on Medicare. Otherwise it's expensive.

Otherwise, what else do you have planned to try and cut down, or even quit drinking? Have you thought that far ahead?



Personally, I have been neglecting this thread for far too long because I am so ashamed at the complete and utter lack of progress or anything resembling follow-through on stuff I've said in this thread before about my own drinking problem. Every few months I come in here and say I'm ready to quit and this and that and yada yada bullshit bullshit. I am stuck so firmly in a massive rut in life, depression is the main culprit and it is so debilitating that I cannot even motivate myself to do anything to get help. It is so frustrating. Every morning I wake up and I think to myself "Right, today is the day I make some positive changes in my life".....then that day passes by way too quickly, and the next morning I wake up hungover again and still have done absolutely nothing to change my situation. I am bored, I am alone, I am depressed, I have so much self-loathing and shame at the state I've allowed myself to get in. And not only that, but the fact that I've been this way for about 5 years, and STILL haven't done a goddam thing about it. I'm all talk 8)

My GP suggested in-patient rehab to me 12 months ago and at the time I felt desperate but when she said "rehab" that little addiction switch clicked back on in my head and I thought "I'm not that bad...yet".
But I AM that bad, I need to admit it to myself, and I need a swift kick up the arse to actually fucking do something about it.
 
i would go to france this summer, fast.

but i cant because of me drinking a couple+ years ago, BUT, i wouldnt have a chance(in france) if i was drinking still... so i must continue not to, and this only becomes more obvious after enough time.

dont think about drinking, stop yourself at if; I personally noticed that once I started eliminating the if's from my vocabulary and then life, that I started having a new sense me in my vocabulary.


understanding again;-) and yes it is endless... me-mys3lf* & I, can do more for you then anything; as selfish as it sounds, it is very useful for everyone.
 
i would go to france this summer, fast.

but i cant because of me drinking a couple+ years ago, BUT, i wouldnt have a chance(in france) if i was drinking still... so i must continue not to, and this only becomes more obvious after enough time.

dont think about drinking, stop yourself at if; I personally noticed that once I started eliminating the if's from my vocabulary and then life, that I started having a new sense me in my vocabulary.


understanding again;-) and yes it is endless... me-mys3lf* & I, can do more for you then anything; as selfish as it sounds, it is very useful for everyone.

Selfishness is useful for everyone. :) I just think the best way to interpret that is to realize that we all need our private space, time, etc. - and that when we have these things we are less likely to battle with cravings, etc.
 
Sometimes when I look at the situation in the US... it's hard to believe drugs users are put in jail and us problem drinkers can drink ourselves into oblivion. IDK whats right but it would seem we could get at least a bit of consistancy out of our lawmakers. But then thats not going to help those of us who have one or both problems. I've always been able to moderate my alcohol dependence with other drugs but it gets more and more difficult.

Geez... I didn't realize it's 5:10pm, now I can either go down to the "19th Hole" or else make myself a few here... which I'm doing more often these days and is pathetic.
 
In terms of destructive power, alcohol is right near the top.

But I enjoy a glass of wine or two so much with dinner!

The best thing would be if I'd never started at all. Then I wouldn't know what I'm missing.
 
as with every drug,no one intends to become an addict,

when u have a glass of wine with dinner you dont plan on becoming a half bottle of spirits a night drinker.

When you try stims as a social drug you dont plan on becoming a tweeker that hybernates alone,up for 5-6 days straight..

If we saw the troubled waters ahead im sure no one would keep on rowing the boat. Hinde sight is a prick of a thing.
 
I just took 3 shots of strong, cheap vodka, and chased them all with beer. It is 5:33 AM. I recently woke up. I have the hiccups. My stomach is burning. Yes, I'm a fool.

I might not remember posting this later when I wake up from this, but I want to say to anyone reading this that alcohol is not worth it. If you're going to have fun and have a few drinks, go for it. But alcohol is not a good way to address your problems. I am a mess. I've had the shakes. I've had withdrawals. I've had seizures. I've made a fool of myself. I no longer have any friends. I drink and a lot of the time, I don't even like being drunk. I want to be clear-headed. But I feel awful when I'm sober. In fact, I feel awful all the time. I no longer have any friends, and I'm a reclusive drunk. I am a pathetic human being, and I might always be this way. I have no excuse because I was raised by good parents whom I still live with, and I'm 23 years old and they still support me. I am pathetic. With or without alcohol, I am pathetic. But alcohol has reduced me to worse.

It's too much. It's really too much. I cannot live like this. I drink, I cry, I hiccup, I drink, I drink.. I have no job, I have no friends. I don't have anything. I've ruined my life with the assistance of booze. I don't blame the booze. I blame myself. I hate myself for GOOD REASON. I am a piece of shit. I am a bad person.
 
I have this thought ALL the time man. I wish I'd never started drinking.
It was never going to happen that way for me though, not a chance.

IDK but based on what I see here you seem to have [which I know isn't much]it under control as much as any real alcoholic can. There's obviously different levels of dependence. I went to a few meeting at one point in my life and met a guy who was sales manager and only drank one day a week on fridays. Based on what he said, he really tied it on then but geez... one day a week. I'm sure he must have got into some kind of trouble when he drank otherwse he wouldn't have been there??

I know I'm an alcoholic but rarely drink over 8-10oz of vodka and wait till around 5-6pm. But do it everyday. I wonder if they have some kinda scale as to how bad it is? If so, I'd rate myself as a 7-8 and i'm just basing that on a good friend who drinks all day and night.... only time he isn't drinking is if he is passed out or has an appt with his Dr who gives him a script of oxys... which he sells.

Does anyone know if the addiction or alcohol specialists/counselors have a measurement or scale based on how much, how often, liver condition, consequences and/or other factors?
 
I just took 3 shots of strong, cheap vodka, and chased them all with beer. It is 5:33 AM. I recently woke up. I have the hiccups. My stomach is burning. Yes, I'm a fool.

I might not remember posting this later when I wake up from this, but I want to say to anyone reading this that alcohol is not worth it. If you're going to have fun and have a few drinks, go for it. But alcohol is not a good way to address your problems. I am a mess. I've had the shakes. I've had withdrawals. I've had seizures. I've made a fool of myself. I no longer have any friends. I drink and a lot of the time, I don't even like being drunk. I want to be clear-headed. But I feel awful when I'm sober. In fact, I feel awful all the time. I no longer have any friends, and I'm a reclusive drunk. I am a pathetic human being, and I might always be this way. I have no excuse because I was raised by good parents whom I still live with, and I'm 23 years old and they still support me. I am pathetic. With or without alcohol, I am pathetic. But alcohol has reduced me to worse.

It's too much. It's really too much. I cannot live like this. I drink, I cry, I hiccup, I drink, I drink.. I have no job, I have no friends. I don't have anything. I've ruined my life with the assistance of booze. I don't blame the booze. I blame myself. I hate myself for GOOD REASON. I am a piece of shit. I am a bad person.

Your not a bad person piece of shit... just a young person trying to find a happiness and ltrying to feel good. just like most all of us drinkers... booze isn't working but seems to be a better alternative than not drinking. Dude... I once had 5 1/2 yrs sober because I felt exactly like you do now. I'm not qualified to offer advice to anyone on this but go to your local in or out patient rehab. IDK your finacial situation or your family staus but reach out because someone is there for you and will help.
 
Hi lovely, I think it's a good thing that you're posting in this thread because you're acknowledging that this has become a problem for you. I remember you and I discussing this a few months ago and I'm glad you've come to the point where you want to do something about it <3

Would you consider mentioning it to your doctor? They could perhaps refer you on to a drug and alcohol counsellor, or maybe a psychologist. After all, they say that drinking isn't a disorder in itself, but rather it is a SYMPTOM of underlying issues (that you might not even be aware of!). If you decide to see a psychologist make sure you get a referral from your GP because you might be able to claim it back on Medicare. Otherwise it's expensive.

Otherwise, what else do you have planned to try and cut down, or even quit drinking? Have you thought that far ahead?


Hi, yeah all is going really well it's been more of a habit than a physical addiction I have realised. I have narrowed myself down to drinking once during the week and then mainly on the weekends and i have not had any major side effects or withdrawals. The only annoying thing is i haven't been sleeping as well because my body is used to sleeping when tipsy or drunk. But otherwise i am proud to say i have got a grip of it pretty quick, but i have always been like that when i have sensed a dependency on something forming. Thank god for camomile tea is all i can say.

Im planning on starting a dietary detox diet on Thursday just to flush my body of all the toxins and have a nice fresh start.

I just weighed it up to myself in my mind how silly it is that i was drinking as much as i was. It has caused me to gain weight, it's not doing my organs any good and it's killing my braincells. It's one thing to go out and party it up, but i asked myself why the HELL am i drinking this much? I think boredom has a lot to do with it so i am teaching myself how to sow and making myself do crafty things i could never be bothered doing because i was getting drunk instead.

I definitely feel like a glass of wine when i get home from work, but i know now that i don't need it. Which i am relieved.

So yeah thankfully quitting alcohol is not required, i know i can have the balance now.

I feel a bit silly for posting in here now, as i think my crazy hormones from having a miscarriage led me to think i was maybe worse than what i was. But then again 6-8 glasses of wine per night probably isn't something to take lightly. Im just amazed i have not felt that many withdrawals and it hasn't knocked me around emotionally. As of next week i will be cutting out my one a week night drink too as ill be on my detox diet then, so maybe that's what will be the tester.
 
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^^ Don't feel silly hun, you needed support and you needed to get your thoughts off your chest so you posted in here. We've all done the same thing :)
It's great to hear you're doing better with your drinking, good for you love! It's awesome that you feel that you've got control over it again. Keep it up <3

IDK but based on what I see here you seem to have [which I know isn't much]it under control as much as any real alcoholic can.
You definitely have a point man, thank you for the reminder that I'm actually doing okay <3
See, I've still got a job, a house, a solid loving relationship, friends, and I'm getting good grades at uni. So yeah I guess I am holding it together pretty well.

However, when I get home in the afternoons, all I do is drink, alone. That's not normal, nor is it healthy.

You're absolutely right that there are varying degrees of problematic drinking and dependence etc. But whether a person drinks 3 glasses of wine every single day and feels they can't live a day without drinking, or whether someone drinks 40 shots of vodka every day and would literally die without drinking, they both still have a problem with alcohol. Know what I mean?

Does anyone know if the addiction or alcohol specialists/counselors have a measurement or scale based on how much, how often, liver condition, consequences and/or other factors?

Yeah man there are all sorts of different questionnaires and scales relating to alcoholism and level of dependence etc. I suspect that for counselling purposes they would probably all pertain to the psychological aspects of the addiction e.g. "do you drink in order to cope with stress" or "do you drink to feel more comfortable in social situations" etc etc, not the physical/medical aspects of the addiction. Therefore I'm not sure if they are as detailed as predicting one's liver condition because liver health/damage can be caused by hundreds of other things, not just alcohol. So it would be impossible to accurately predict liver health based on subjective alcohol consumption alone. However, if you go to see a doctor about alcohol addiction, they will most likely arrange to have your liver function tested (by blood test).
 
^Thanks for the info. I think My Dr VA gives some kind of Liver enzyme test 1-2 times a yr but she only knows I'm on K-pins and Subs. At one point I was told I had hep C but then they said the levels were below having the diagnosis?? Only once did my dr say my liver enzyme test looked high. I think that was the last one she did since I see her twice a year for PE and sometimes she has the nurse fill up 3-4 vials of blood and other times only one?? Anyway, I do sometimes get pains from the area where my liver is.... I have to keep my alcolhol intake a secret otherwise they will cut me off Subs....
 
^^ That's great you get your liver function tested regularly :)
Do you have any plans to cut down your alcohol consumption? What is your current level of consumption, if you don't mind me asking?



I just came in here to announce that I've been accepted in to a research program for alcoholics (which is coincidentally run by the Psychology department at my university! I study Psychology but I've checked and none of my professors are involved in the program, phew! That would be very awkward).
The program will involve weekly 1-hour CBT sessions for alcoholism AND anxiety, for 12 weeks. I also have to then give feedback on how well the sessions helped me and stuff, like, giving them data for their study. Everybody wins! :)

It's just the weirdest thing though....whenever I'm drunk or hungover I constantly think "Right, I'm ready to quit, this has got to stop". But now that I've actually been accepted in to a program and the possibility of me quitting alcohol is very real and imminent, I'm freaking out and second-guessing it all.

Maybe I'm NOT ready to quit.
Maybe I never want to quit.
Will I honestly never be able to have a drink again after this??
What if I want to drink again one day....will I be able to drink in moderation?

I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm angry that I didn't get my shit together and find a program like this YEARS ago. For 6 whole years I have been drinking dangerous levels of alcohol and have probably taken about 8 years off my life. This has gone on for far too long, but I'm still not ready to quit.
But I'll never be ready.....if I keep waiting to be "ready" I'll never quit.

Wish me luck everyone. I think the program starts in a couple of weeks' time.
 
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