I have had serious trouble with alcohol. Started drinking at 12 and was seriously heavily drinking 4-5 times a week at 17, a few beers then litre of vodka straight at a time with too many 10mg vals to count. I then got totally off it when i found kratom.....well, for a short while.
Ive had seizures and things, get extremely bad pains in my lower left side and both sides really and slice my hands open on major binges, been told to stop drinking as theres already signs of damage in my liver (which is actually harder to do than alot of people think....it takes a good lot longer than i thought to damage yourself but thats more beer and the weaker drinks, where ive been more of a spirits man the past 8 years)....done all sorts of stupid things....nearly everyone in my family is an alcoholic. My dad was one, my mum is one, her brother died of alcohol OD, her other brother is alcoholic, i could go on and on about her sisters driving off a cliff but this isnt about that.
I last had a proper grandmal seizure in march and didnt drink at all until my birthday in june. Since then, ive been creeping back to the point of not even sleeping, jst staying awake as long as possible drinking bottles of rum and tins of cider. I just finished a 96hour binge on rum and cider and had the worst hangover. What cures it? Alcohol.
Im currently on my 7th beers of the day, had a glass of wine, glass of port and few drams of whiskey. The worst part is, im stealing this from my mother and i feel like a shite doing it....but i have such a strong niggling voice telling m to jst do it, she isnt here jst now. If im drunk...i wont and dont care. I hate who I am when I drink.
I wouldnt say im still the person i was before, literally waking up at 5am to pour a glass of rum quickly through the shakes and keeping this up all day only to pass out again at 2am and awaken after the knockout at 7am and repeat.
The funny thing is when im drunk im perfectly coherent and if you looked at me, youd never tell i drink so much and had issues with it. Admittedly, im still only a young lad...
Its a horrible poison and really destructive of all the drugs ive done on numerous occassions (heroin, crack, meth etc) its by far the worst.
Im planning on totally quitting and getting a job ASAP as soon as new years is over. Im not getting back into that life. My excuse for drinking today is that im coming off a relapse of opiates and need it to help withdrawals. I know when i bullshit myself and im certain of my ability to do this in new years, but this could just be the intoxication talking.
Sorry for rambling my boring shit. More of a blog entry than anything i guess, for my own value, no use to anyone
pretty embarrassing
Admittedly I'm cheating with disulfiram, but whatever works I suppose. That hasn't stopped me in the past for long. I wouldn't want to drink even if I stopped it now, that's the next step though...
