-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3
- Thread starter n3ophy7e
- Start date
- Status
Day 60.
My cravings have gotten so much easier to handle but they exist. I actually feel like I am getting over a bad relationship. I was in love not with the drugs and alcohol, but with the ability to "escape". Over time that ability to escape got harder and harder and soon all I was doing was chasing that escape without ever getting there, no matter how and or what I used. I then got stuck at that point for years. I did not think I would be able to end my substance abuse ever. I had basically resolved that I would forever be using. I tried to pretend that I was happy with my drinking. Nobody knew how hard I was struggling to trying to control it because in reality I was a total slave to it and couldn't even stop it for a fucking day.
I sometimes just long for drugs and alcohol. I will be walking in downtown Chicago and see people drinking and having a fun time and feel sooooo sad that I cannot do that. I often get pissed that I just do not have the ability to drink and use responsibly. I still kick around the idea that I will sometime be able to moderate my drinking, but in the back of my head I know I cannot. This keeps the thought of drinking from progressing to far. If it does then I am off to a second meeting or making a phone call. Other days I do not even think about using and drinking. I am coming to peace with the fact that I cannot use substances anymore. I can meditate, work out, eat, laugh, go to meetings, call my parents, call my friends and relatives, write, draw and do so much more, but I cannot use drugs and alcohol. Its over. (Sorry I need to keep reminding myself)
I have never worked so hard at anything in my life then my sobriety. It is the best decision I have made in my life so far. It is not easy and is very consuming, I am often so tired at the end of the day. The tiredness is not the same as an alcohol induced sleepiness, it is a natural sleepiness from hard work. I feel proud of myself finally and this is only because I am finally fucking doing what I am supposed to be doing. I basically went directly towards abusing drugs and alcohol. At 27 years of age I am already in late stage alcoholism and drug dependence.
Anyways, I Sent off a few emails about positions. I am going to most likely get on a very short term disability (2 to 4 months at the most) and work and or voulenteer. Service work is very important. As many of you know, I was a small cog in the massive Illinois foster care system. My work as a caseworker gave me a great excuse to drink and use. However, I was using that job to prevent myself from looking at my own problems. I have a ton of shit to work out still. In order for me to be able to dig into this part of myself I had to quit working that job. It was destroying me as much as my substance abuse and unresolved issues were.
Now when I do service work I actually feel like I am helping someone. It is a completely unselfish act, however it benefits me greatly. I understand that I am only responsible for myself, I can only control myself. I do not have to try to save the world anymore. I am not responsible for someone choosing not to grab my hand when I extend it. All I am responsible for is the extending part.
I am not so angry anymore. I am more content with myself. I feel real emotions again. I still am just learning how to live as an adult and thats fucked up because I am 27. I am so lucky I have supportive family and friends. Many do not get the chance I have had, shit I have had multiple chances. I do things that I know are good for me even though I do not feel like it.
It is family week here at my treatment center and the last week that I attend class everyday. It has been going good for me and my family. It will take time to rebuild our trust and for some wounds to heal. We are very good at sharing our emotions though, so most of the stuff is not a surprise.
I am about to met my family and then attend a AA meeting at the treatment center. I will also be picking up my two month coin. I am so grateful to be sober that I cannot put it into words. I have been given my life back and its up to me to live it. That is really fucking scary, but what else am I going to do?
I know I am not alone in this journey.
My cravings have gotten so much easier to handle but they exist. I actually feel like I am getting over a bad relationship. I was in love not with the drugs and alcohol, but with the ability to "escape". Over time that ability to escape got harder and harder and soon all I was doing was chasing that escape without ever getting there, no matter how and or what I used. I then got stuck at that point for years. I did not think I would be able to end my substance abuse ever. I had basically resolved that I would forever be using. I tried to pretend that I was happy with my drinking. Nobody knew how hard I was struggling to trying to control it because in reality I was a total slave to it and couldn't even stop it for a fucking day.
I sometimes just long for drugs and alcohol. I will be walking in downtown Chicago and see people drinking and having a fun time and feel sooooo sad that I cannot do that. I often get pissed that I just do not have the ability to drink and use responsibly. I still kick around the idea that I will sometime be able to moderate my drinking, but in the back of my head I know I cannot. This keeps the thought of drinking from progressing to far. If it does then I am off to a second meeting or making a phone call. Other days I do not even think about using and drinking. I am coming to peace with the fact that I cannot use substances anymore. I can meditate, work out, eat, laugh, go to meetings, call my parents, call my friends and relatives, write, draw and do so much more, but I cannot use drugs and alcohol. Its over. (Sorry I need to keep reminding myself)
I have never worked so hard at anything in my life then my sobriety. It is the best decision I have made in my life so far. It is not easy and is very consuming, I am often so tired at the end of the day. The tiredness is not the same as an alcohol induced sleepiness, it is a natural sleepiness from hard work. I feel proud of myself finally and this is only because I am finally fucking doing what I am supposed to be doing. I basically went directly towards abusing drugs and alcohol. At 27 years of age I am already in late stage alcoholism and drug dependence.
Anyways, I Sent off a few emails about positions. I am going to most likely get on a very short term disability (2 to 4 months at the most) and work and or voulenteer. Service work is very important. As many of you know, I was a small cog in the massive Illinois foster care system. My work as a caseworker gave me a great excuse to drink and use. However, I was using that job to prevent myself from looking at my own problems. I have a ton of shit to work out still. In order for me to be able to dig into this part of myself I had to quit working that job. It was destroying me as much as my substance abuse and unresolved issues were.
Now when I do service work I actually feel like I am helping someone. It is a completely unselfish act, however it benefits me greatly. I understand that I am only responsible for myself, I can only control myself. I do not have to try to save the world anymore. I am not responsible for someone choosing not to grab my hand when I extend it. All I am responsible for is the extending part.
I am not so angry anymore. I am more content with myself. I feel real emotions again. I still am just learning how to live as an adult and thats fucked up because I am 27. I am so lucky I have supportive family and friends. Many do not get the chance I have had, shit I have had multiple chances. I do things that I know are good for me even though I do not feel like it.
It is family week here at my treatment center and the last week that I attend class everyday. It has been going good for me and my family. It will take time to rebuild our trust and for some wounds to heal. We are very good at sharing our emotions though, so most of the stuff is not a surprise.
I am about to met my family and then attend a AA meeting at the treatment center. I will also be picking up my two month coin. I am so grateful to be sober that I cannot put it into words. I have been given my life back and its up to me to live it. That is really fucking scary, but what else am I going to do?
I know I am not alone in this journey.
Last edited:
I think I lasted 2 weeks or so. ex was parked in my FUCKING parking lot last night, invited herself over to my brothers girls place. She KNOWS she isnt allowed here, but came anyway. I calmly went up and asked she not come around because I dont want to have to see the truck she cheated on me with TWO of my friends in parked in my parking lot. She kept saying immature shit like 'im gonna throw a punch' blah blah *face palm* she's so dumb I swear to god lol
her new boyfriend seemed cool, had that same 'omg' look of disgust every time she opened her mouth. Like STFU you moron you are wrong and shouldn't be here. He will be done using her for sex soon enough.
needless to say, i drank last night. drinking now. lasted so long. oh well.
her new boyfriend seemed cool, had that same 'omg' look of disgust every time she opened her mouth. Like STFU you moron you are wrong and shouldn't be here. He will be done using her for sex soon enough.
needless to say, i drank last night. drinking now. lasted so long. oh well.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
n3ophy7e you should check out http://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au/ . They use a different approach towards tackling alcohol addiction, it's more about what you need to do rather than just dicussing how you drank, which is what happens at AA.
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 690
I've been drinking tonight; not because I have a good reason, but simply because I had the money. I'm fairly drunk and I have a couple more good beers to drink and the BIGGEST problem, as far as I'm currently concerned, is that I'm not gonna leave anything left for tomorrow. So tomorrow, I'll have to worry about how to get alcohol for the day all over again. It is not a good feeling waking up with no alcohol or money when you're an alcoholic. It is always the very first thing on my mind when I wake up and throughout the day. "How will I afford to drink today?" Because I don't have a job. I am pathetic. I know the nicest thing to respond with is, "Nah, man, you're not pathetic." But it's true. I've fucked up in life. I could've done well but I didn't because of my lame insecurities and weaknesses. Whenever I'm told by people that I should quit drinking, I look them in the face and I look at their lives, and I think, "Hell, if I had your life, I'd have no reason to drink in the first place!"
The point is, why should I quit drinking when IT'S ALL I'VE GOT? Clearly I wouldn't be posting here if I didn't want some help. But I just don't know what else there is. I can't picture life without drinking. It seems so fictional. My life is complete shit. I can't say how much more painful it is than anyone else's here, but I can say that it's probably more pathetic than almost everyone's who is reading this. No job, no school, no school, practically no friends, nothing. Just booze. Only booze. Nothing else.
The point is, why should I quit drinking when IT'S ALL I'VE GOT? Clearly I wouldn't be posting here if I didn't want some help. But I just don't know what else there is. I can't picture life without drinking. It seems so fictional. My life is complete shit. I can't say how much more painful it is than anyone else's here, but I can say that it's probably more pathetic than almost everyone's who is reading this. No job, no school, no school, practically no friends, nothing. Just booze. Only booze. Nothing else.
68 days clean and sober for me. Still cannot believe it. Life is so much better without drink and drugs. I can handle things much better. I have way less anxiety and depression. I have noticed that my emotions actually match the situations I am in. I am feeling things that I haven't felt in over a decade. Its very hard at first, but later it feels like a miracle when you remember what its is actually like "to feel". Still feel like I have been given the gift of my life back.
Started my independent living program last week and its going good. Its based more on trust then a "halfway house" would be. I'm going to start to do a bit more volunteer work. I am also looking for an easy job right now. Anyways, the program I am in is amazing. It is a professionals program and is very different then any other place I have been. If people want to know more then feel free to PM me.
I'm actually visiting my parents right now and things are going very well. My relationship with my parents has improved. We had a "family week" at my program. It was very tough work but it helped out so much. I am so grateful to have supportive family and friends.
Anyways, it is the hardest thing I have ever done but is the best choice I have made in a long time. I have no idea what my future holds in regards to substances. But today I choose to not use. I hope to continue to be able to make that choice.
Picked up one of these, I was so proud of myself.
anyone know how some of the others on this thread are doing? I often wonder how people like Mariposa, Red Leader, Panic etc are doing.
In my experience, AA is much much more then "discussing how you drank". In fact, the amount, type, length etc of what you drank or used does not matter. The only thing you have to want to do is to "quit drinking".
Anyways give smart recovery a try n3ophy7e, but I strongly urge you to give AA and or NA an open minded shot. Go to a few different meetings if you don't like the first. What do you have to lose? I personally didn't like the SMART recovery groups I went to very much and have found AA/NA to be much more flexible.
When I was willing to give AA an honest shot I noticed that they helped very much. I take the good from it and leave the rest behind. I find that I have to make my recovery into "my own". I am currently running a very strong program and I know without a doubt that is what is making the difference for me
You create your own picture, you have your own palette. AA/NA can provide some color to the picture but you are the painter.
Started my independent living program last week and its going good. Its based more on trust then a "halfway house" would be. I'm going to start to do a bit more volunteer work. I am also looking for an easy job right now. Anyways, the program I am in is amazing. It is a professionals program and is very different then any other place I have been. If people want to know more then feel free to PM me.
I'm actually visiting my parents right now and things are going very well. My relationship with my parents has improved. We had a "family week" at my program. It was very tough work but it helped out so much. I am so grateful to have supportive family and friends.
Anyways, it is the hardest thing I have ever done but is the best choice I have made in a long time. I have no idea what my future holds in regards to substances. But today I choose to not use. I hope to continue to be able to make that choice.
Picked up one of these, I was so proud of myself.
anyone know how some of the others on this thread are doing? I often wonder how people like Mariposa, Red Leader, Panic etc are doing.
In my experience, AA is much much more then "discussing how you drank". In fact, the amount, type, length etc of what you drank or used does not matter. The only thing you have to want to do is to "quit drinking".
Anyways give smart recovery a try n3ophy7e, but I strongly urge you to give AA and or NA an open minded shot. Go to a few different meetings if you don't like the first. What do you have to lose? I personally didn't like the SMART recovery groups I went to very much and have found AA/NA to be much more flexible.
When I was willing to give AA an honest shot I noticed that they helped very much. I take the good from it and leave the rest behind. I find that I have to make my recovery into "my own". I am currently running a very strong program and I know without a doubt that is what is making the difference for me
You create your own picture, you have your own palette. AA/NA can provide some color to the picture but you are the painter.
Last edited:
AfterGlow
Bluelighter
I made many attempts where I drove to the meeting... and kept driving! Then I drove there and parked... but would drive off again. Then I got out of the car and started walking to the building... but turned around and left! The day I finally went in, I didn't stay. Then I sat in the back and listened. And on and on... until I finally decided to make a commitment because I HAD to quit drinking! And nothing else I tried worked for me. I'm glad I was persistent even tho it scared the shit outta me. It now seems like ages ago. If I hadn't stuck it out, I'd either be dead or out in the streets now. Best of luck in your journey, n30!
I recently went to my first (and only) NA meeting. it took me weeks of thinking about it before I finally did it. I would use the on-line meeting locater and then find an excuse not to go or I would procraste until it was too late.
When I did go, I was embarassed and nervous. When I got there I could not find the room and had to ask someone. I felt so dirty admiting I was going to an NA meeting.
I sat in the back and listened. The only time I spoke was when they asked if this was anyone's first meeting.
There were a lot of real nice people there. in fact one of the reasons I never went back was because they seemed too nice for me to relate to in my current state.
It was not for me, but I hope it works out the way you want it to.
My first AA/NA meetings: I would walk in, sit in the back with all the other people there just to get the papers signed. Immediately start trying to pick out the one person worse then I was. I would then focus on them and tune them out. I didn't want to get noticed and people could tell. I remember hearing a guy say "When I got sober I used to go in an pretend to buy a sixer to scare my kids". Now I realize he was talking about being a dry drunk. But then I was like "I WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT... WHAT AN ASSHOLE!". Of course I was joking around about going to cop on the westside with my friends (I hadn't reached that point yet).
Years later, after almost dying and leaving detox, the day before going into recovery. I walked into the same place. They asked if it was anyones first meeting since the last drink I raised my hand and said my name and identified that I was an addict and alcoholic. Everyone clapped and said welcome. I felt a relief. Then when time got around to share, I told my story and people were supportive. Gave me phone numbers to call after (which I didn't call of course). Basically it felt like admitting defeat, that I was powerless.
Then I got to my treatment center in Chicago and found out just how great some meetings could be. There can be such an energy going around rooms. Intentional healing communities are very cool things. These meetings really taught me how to take the best and leave the rest.
Also, working a program has taught me that I can actually accomplish things. Going to that meeting, calling that sponsor, doing a 90 in 90 etc, these are all things that show me I can accomplish things. If I can accomplish things then I know its possible for me to actually stay sober. I never thought this to be possible.
Anyways I am off to a meeting, please feel free to PM me anytime.
Years later, after almost dying and leaving detox, the day before going into recovery. I walked into the same place. They asked if it was anyones first meeting since the last drink I raised my hand and said my name and identified that I was an addict and alcoholic. Everyone clapped and said welcome. I felt a relief. Then when time got around to share, I told my story and people were supportive. Gave me phone numbers to call after (which I didn't call of course). Basically it felt like admitting defeat, that I was powerless.
Then I got to my treatment center in Chicago and found out just how great some meetings could be. There can be such an energy going around rooms. Intentional healing communities are very cool things. These meetings really taught me how to take the best and leave the rest.
Also, working a program has taught me that I can actually accomplish things. Going to that meeting, calling that sponsor, doing a 90 in 90 etc, these are all things that show me I can accomplish things. If I can accomplish things then I know its possible for me to actually stay sober. I never thought this to be possible.
Anyways I am off to a meeting, please feel free to PM me anytime.
Last edited:
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 690
I've thought about attending meetings but never made the effort. I feel like attending my first meeting would make it official and indeniable that I am an alcoholic, and that I will never be able to moderate. Period. It's a step that I haven't been able to make.
I can imagine that it's nice, though, to have something positive in your life and to share a positive experience with a group of people. It's been years since I've done that; well, since I've done that sober.
I've probably been drunk once or twice in the past week. Of course, mainly because I've been broke. I certainly haven't wanted to be sober. My dad went to bed with six Molsons left in a case downstairs, and I just had one. Thinking about swiping another, even though I know I can probably fall asleep and get by without it. It's just irresistable. Of course, he notices every time I grab a beer, but it's just two beers. Come on.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Some liquor stores around here are open, and it's the last chance I can grab some booze for tomorrow night and Christmas. My family's coming over for Christmas, and I have no idea how I can be around them without a buzz to get me through the day. I don't like the holidays. I need to find some way to make some money tomorrow so I can at least grab a twelve pack for the next two days. Maybe after all this, I'll make it my New Years' resolution to moderate my drinking. Or maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking moderation is possible. I guess I'll find out.
APatcher
Greenlighter
I was an active-alcoholic from 1995-2005. I was able to quit drinking with the help of God who was working through the people in AA. I am overwhelmingly grateful for the people who helped me and the AA meeting places that gave me a primary purpose in life. I now have total relief from the effects of alcohol, such as: hangovers, spending the night in jails, being strapped down in hospitals, mental wards, detoxes, DUI/DWI, public drunkenness, withdrawals, DTs, etc.
I tried to quit drinking so many times by myself, and it was the most painful thing on earth -- It was like hell on steroids. I had no people for support or guidance. I was alone until I went to AA.
Nowadays, my doctor is prescribing me Klonopin because I have schizoaffective disorder. I have anxiety with panic attacks as well as paranoia. I also have severe side effects from the other medications I need to take. Klonopin cures the side effects and helps with panic attacks and the paranoia. I have been taking the Klonopin for 5 years.
Anyway, I feel so guilty because there are some people in AA that think you are not sober if you take a medication like Klonopin because it is addictive for some people (and it is a controlled substance). Klonopin is a benzodiazepine pill, which is similar to Valium. But I don't feel drunk from it at all, and I have no desire to take a whole bottle of Klonopin.
(1) Are there any alternatives to Klonopin that are not addictive and not a controlled substance? I would like to find a non-addictive medication for anxiety/panic.
(2) Should I just keep taking the Klonopin even though there are people at my AA meeting who talk about their Klonopin addiction and recovery? The doctor says it is my decision.
Unfortunately, I feel too guilty about this issue to talk about it in meetings. Also, I don't want to talk about prescription drug stuff in AA meetings because it is controversial. A lot of people do not like drug-talk in AA meetings.
I tried to quit drinking so many times by myself, and it was the most painful thing on earth -- It was like hell on steroids. I had no people for support or guidance. I was alone until I went to AA.
Nowadays, my doctor is prescribing me Klonopin because I have schizoaffective disorder. I have anxiety with panic attacks as well as paranoia. I also have severe side effects from the other medications I need to take. Klonopin cures the side effects and helps with panic attacks and the paranoia. I have been taking the Klonopin for 5 years.
Anyway, I feel so guilty because there are some people in AA that think you are not sober if you take a medication like Klonopin because it is addictive for some people (and it is a controlled substance). Klonopin is a benzodiazepine pill, which is similar to Valium. But I don't feel drunk from it at all, and I have no desire to take a whole bottle of Klonopin.
(1) Are there any alternatives to Klonopin that are not addictive and not a controlled substance? I would like to find a non-addictive medication for anxiety/panic.
(2) Should I just keep taking the Klonopin even though there are people at my AA meeting who talk about their Klonopin addiction and recovery? The doctor says it is my decision.
Unfortunately, I feel too guilty about this issue to talk about it in meetings. Also, I don't want to talk about prescription drug stuff in AA meetings because it is controversial. A lot of people do not like drug-talk in AA meetings.
SubDude
Bluelighter
^ first off be careful when using the G work at BL... unfortunately you can get attacked for that...
Taking prescribed klonopins is totally irrelevant to your sobriety and not anyones business in aa or na. Congrats on your recovery from this horrible disease.
Taking prescribed klonopins is totally irrelevant to your sobriety and not anyones business in aa or na. Congrats on your recovery from this horrible disease.
Lolie
Bluelighter
While people often report copping the attitude you've described, AA itself maintains that it's not incompatible with other treatments for alcohol abuse (which often include benzos) and that it has no opinion on issues other than helping people get sober.
That might be true at an organisation level but it's certainly not true at an individual group level - in individual groups you'll find plenty of people who have opinions on how the steps and the traditions should be interpreted, and it's at that level which substance abusers encounter the organisation.
AA does not pretend to be a medicine-based programme and I think it's important to remember that when considering their attitudes towards the use of drugs of dependence in a medical context. In the immediate post-Prohibition era when AA was formed, the current prevalence of psychoactive medications could not have been imagined.
Some people are happy to take what works from AA and ignore the rest and others feel committed to working it down to the smallest detail. While I think that anyone taking benzos for anxiety can benefit from learning drug-free ways to lessen stress and manage anxiety, I don't believe that they should do so in order to please the members of an organisation which isn't at all qualified to assess, treat, or speak to mental health issues. And it's downright irresponsible to encourage people with serious mental health issues to discontinue their maintenance meds.
Yes, there are other drugs which can be used to treat schizoaffective disorder and they probably aren't yet on AA's shitlist, but they have significantly higher risk profiles than klonopin. If what you're currently taking works for you, it would be against your own best interests to stop taking it in order to gain the approval of someone else.
If you do decide to stop the klonopin, I recommend that you learn stress and anxiety management techniques before you start tapering off it.
That might be true at an organisation level but it's certainly not true at an individual group level - in individual groups you'll find plenty of people who have opinions on how the steps and the traditions should be interpreted, and it's at that level which substance abusers encounter the organisation.
AA does not pretend to be a medicine-based programme and I think it's important to remember that when considering their attitudes towards the use of drugs of dependence in a medical context. In the immediate post-Prohibition era when AA was formed, the current prevalence of psychoactive medications could not have been imagined.
Some people are happy to take what works from AA and ignore the rest and others feel committed to working it down to the smallest detail. While I think that anyone taking benzos for anxiety can benefit from learning drug-free ways to lessen stress and manage anxiety, I don't believe that they should do so in order to please the members of an organisation which isn't at all qualified to assess, treat, or speak to mental health issues. And it's downright irresponsible to encourage people with serious mental health issues to discontinue their maintenance meds.
Yes, there are other drugs which can be used to treat schizoaffective disorder and they probably aren't yet on AA's shitlist, but they have significantly higher risk profiles than klonopin. If what you're currently taking works for you, it would be against your own best interests to stop taking it in order to gain the approval of someone else.
If you do decide to stop the klonopin, I recommend that you learn stress and anxiety management techniques before you start tapering off it.
i hate the holidays. Having to watch all my relatives drink, while they forbid me from doing so. I know i shouldnt drink but im of legal age and its my fuckin health. Im not hurting anyone else. I dont think i have an alcohol problem. it just pisses me off when people try to dictate my life. I mean who gives a fuck if i have hep. a few drinks isnt going to kill me. I just wish i would of kept my health problems to my self.
monchi
Bluelighter
hello peoples...
ive been away for some time, mostly because ive been drinking quite regularly...
there was a time that i could maintain days and weeks of sobriety, but recently, ive been drinking almost everyday. some times i even wake up in the middle of the night and feel the need to pour a drink and have a smoke... how sick is that???
just typing that kinda stops me in my tracks.
im not the person i want to be. which is why i haven't been here.
merry christmas bluelight, loves ya all...
ive been away for some time, mostly because ive been drinking quite regularly...
there was a time that i could maintain days and weeks of sobriety, but recently, ive been drinking almost everyday. some times i even wake up in the middle of the night and feel the need to pour a drink and have a smoke... how sick is that???
just typing that kinda stops me in my tracks.
im not the person i want to be. which is why i haven't been here.
merry christmas bluelight, loves ya all...
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
merry xmas monchi.
i know the feeling, being cozy in your head and bottle-
a bottle necked view on life.
then you say it out loud or something and you get a 3rd person perspective and some hindsight in a flash.
remember the feeling of, wtf am i doing?!? and dont let it shame you, but give you a quick kick in the ass of motivation.
i know im not drinking new years, and thats a re~leaf.
i dont know exactly what ill be doing then now,,,, but, i will know what im doing, at that time then..
i know the feeling, being cozy in your head and bottle-
a bottle necked view on life.
then you say it out loud or something and you get a 3rd person perspective and some hindsight in a flash.
remember the feeling of, wtf am i doing?!? and dont let it shame you, but give you a quick kick in the ass of motivation.
i know im not drinking new years, and thats a re~leaf.
i dont know exactly what ill be doing then now,,,, but, i will know what im doing, at that time then..
SubDude
Bluelighter
Panic... your one word thread is closed...
Lolie
Bluelighter
Been there with the middle of the night stuff and the starting drinking at 4am if that happened to be the time I woke up for the day. I don't think I was ever fully sober during that time because I was always "topping up" before the day before's alcohol had a chance to fully leave my system. There was simply no time of the day or night which I considered to early or too late to drink. Crazy times.
- Status