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alcoholism thread [merged]

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am i an alcoholic if i find it difficult to abstain from alcohol? I've had 2 drinks a day (one at lunch, one at dinner) for the last 8 months or so.
 
Finally went to NA meetings, been sober for 6 days, i feel like crushing skulls.
 
For, I think, over a month now I've been drinking 6-10 beers a day every day (UK beers, ie, 500ml), much more at weekends. I've missed maybe 1/2 days a week now and then to concentrate on university work for a bit, but then slipped straight back into it without getting much work done if any. My motivation and attention span have all gone to shit, I can't focus on anything difficult to understand for more than a few minutes without getting bored and pissed off. Spent too much money too quickly.

I don't drink from when I get up, however. I typically start drinking in the evening and then just binge.

I realise that since I'm now drinking at the expense of my degree and possibly fucked up this term it's bordering on becoming a problem. I'm definitely drinking for the wrong reasons, I almost definitely have some developing borderline personality disorders I need to sort out.

I think I'm gonna stop. Haven't drank anything today and I'm so sober it's awful. Can't work because I can't concentrate, didn't want to go out coz I'll just get drunk again. Just been watching TV bored and depressed as shit. Feel like I need to learn to be sober again.
 
Currently in uni IT suite open 24 hours,everyone is Indian or Chinese or not giving a fuck.I am sitting here drinking my gin and coke as I have been doing all day.Tomorrow I have work.Saturday will be readjustment day.I have been an alcoholic since 1995.It comes and goes.I am also a GBL addict.I cause no harm to anyone but myself on GBL, on Alcohol I fuck up all and sundry.I need to go to Italy for the GHB program........or the Ibogaine programme.
Meanwhile PHD students are discussing quantum physics next to me.
 
Newmoonrecord said:
am i an alcoholic if i find it difficult to abstain from alcohol? I've had 2 drinks a day (one at lunch, one at dinner) for the last 8 months or so.
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The amount that you drink is not a very dangerous amount, but the warning bells should start ringing when you feel that you can't get through the day without drinking. You could see those 1-2 drinks a day gradually turn in to 4 drinks, 6 drinks, 10 drinks etc etc. Then before you even know what's happened, you really are an alcoholic.

Just keep yourself in check, and try to go at least 3 days per week without alcohol.
 
And remember, never look at it as "Something you are going to have to quit forever". Shits scary when you think about it.

One day at a time. :)
 
My once-dedicated alcoholic roomie is now 10 days into sobriety+ AA meetings. Or so I'm led to believe.

Not me .. Even with a large quantity of my doc, I've still wanted to drink every other day, resisting only on tuesdays+thursdays apparently

But while I have the job and he the car, we're both battling trying to get back our long-lost last women .. More emotions I try to suppress for convenience. Like my clients 40/hr a week.
 
Hi everyone. I don't come to the dark side much, but I feel it's time for me to reach out and contribute here.

I have definitely come to the place of accepting my problems with alcohol and want to change.

Well, maybe I should clarify that. I guess it was over a year ago that I came to "this place" and stopped drinking. I was sober from alcohol for a year, just the occasional marijuana use. Then I did some ecstasy a few months ago, which led me down a bad road *really dirty meth filled pills* and that somehow led me RIGHT BACK TO DRINKING AGAIN.

Oddly enough, that slippery slope was almost straight down this time. I hit my bottom within two months, lost my job, lost a lot of self respect, lost almost everything.

But I believe it was for a reason. I feel really empowered right now. It's a choice. I hate alcohol. Why would I choose to use it? I have to look at what triggered me to get back into it before. Boredom and desire for social acceptence and "fun" (except, the things I do while drunk are far from "fun"). I've never really understood my drinking like I do right now.

I'm not against all substance use. FOr me, no drug has ever hurt me like alcohol.

Anyway I just wanted to reach out to everyone here, and state that I don't want to drink ever again.
 
notDeja, that is really cool. You should be (and most likely are!) extremely proud of yourself!! I wish you all the best with abstaining from alcohol forever <3
 
Do I drink because my girlfriend left me, or did she leave me because I drink?

Can't get over the ex... can't stop thinking about all the times I fucked up because I was drunk. In all reality it was not that one thing, it was many things, she did many dumb things as well. But the dumb things I did were almost always when I was drunk. I keep thinking if I didn't do this or drink this it would be different. It wouldn't have but I keep thinking.

Another story is that the day after we broke up for good I learned my grandfather had died from drinking. Killed himself slowly over two years, leaving las vegas style. I don't want to end up like that. I really don't. Has been a couple rough weeks but it is bizarre that 3 beers helps. Almost went to an AA meeting last week, instead my boy talked me into going to a concert to drink and pick up women thinking it would make me feel better, and it did. For about three hours...

I want to tell my parents that I need help but I'm ashamed. I have always been the independent one, the semi successful one who did things on his own...
 
Last nite the rockbottom roomie decides 10 days is enough; he's not an alchy. Draggin me right down with him, tho I hate the road so much
I feel and wear the damage to my health&wealth, but its not enough to slow me down ..

I wish I could ban myself from liquor stores & stick to the illicit; liquor destroys man's willingness to live.
 
n3ophy7e said:
notDeja, that is really cool. You should be (and most likely are!) extremely proud of yourself!! I wish you all the best with abstaining from alcohol forever <3
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Thank you. I just am worried about being able to stick to it. It's really scary, the way I have such drastic consequences SO fast from drinking.

When I drink, I absolutely cannot control myself. I never have any desire to moderate, moderation always feels pointless to me. I'm a creature of extremes. For me it's either dont touch alcohol at all (like I managed to do all that time) or raging alcoholic "party girl".

I guess being "that girl" at the party is funny/cute once in awhile, when you are young. Everyone is "that girl" once in awhile, you know, the girl who is slurring her words, stumbling around, hanging all over whatever guy is closest to her, calling everyone names like "babe" and "hunny" and telling everyone she loves them, etc. Drinking too much happens to everyone once in awhile and for some people it means laughing about it the next day with their friends..

Except for me, I was "that girl" and then some, EVERY time. And to extremes. I'm 110 pounds and I drank 2.5 bottles of red wine on the night I hit my bottom. I started getting wasted after about .05 bottles so that should tell you how wasted I was by the end of the night. It's crazy, but alcohol unleashes some sort of sinister force within me that can't be stopped. I wish I could say "getting crazy" when I'm drunk was limted to stumbling around and hugging everyone and saying I love everyone. But no, when I drink, I do horrible things, like have sex with people I don't even know. I had sex with someone I literally didn't even know him at all, I simply walked up to him, grabbed him, dragged him outside and screwed him in someones car. I still don't even know who he was! It hurts me SO much, because it's not that I don't respect myself, I DO respect myself and alcohol takes me to this place where that respect is just gone, theres no respect for my body, my character, my safety, my reputation, my morals, NOTHING. All gone.

And like I said, this happens every time I drink. I've done such horrible things. I've had sex with other womens husbands and only realized it with horror slowly sobering up at 5am and basically bolting to my car to get out of the situation, disgusted with myself.

I've driven drunk, GOD I've driven so drunk I could barely see, I'm so lucky, there aren't words for how lucky I feel I am, it SCARES me. It's hard to explain, I mean the past is the past and I survived it and nothing can change that but it SCARES me so much now, thinking about these things I've done. I once drove through the small city I live in the middle of the night, RAGING drunk, way over the speed limit and I just blew through every red light, tempting fate because of the thrill it gave me. I knew I could die and that turned me on, at the time. God...

I've been so drunk I thought it would be amusing to put cigarettes out on my arm and awoke with extremely painful burns the next day..

I've had alcohol poisoning so many times..

I've done really violent, mean things to people, like destroyed peoples property for no reason, harrassed innocent people who just happened to be nearby (once I was in a bar and I decided some girl there was a "slut" and I followed her trying to pick a fight with her and calling her a whore til she left, I'm lucky she didn't punch my lights out), and to this day I feel so terrible for doing that to this random girl who never did anything to me. :(

I'm sharing all this because I am working on forgiving myself and I feel an important part of that is really laying it out there, being like THIS IS WHAT IVE DONE, not locking it away in some shame box inside, because I know I didn't mean to do those things, but alcohol will only bring out the worst in me, it always has, always, in fact ever since I had my first drink I have been experiencing those "day afters" full of regret.

I want to forgive myself. But I'm not quite there yet.
 
MynameisnotDeja said:
I want to forgive myself. But I'm not quite there yet.
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u will forgive urself oneday!
wat u hav bn courageous enough to tell us above r no worse than things i hav done (not drunk mind u, on other substances or for them)
i hav yet to fully forgive myself but im getting there :)
i am an over-the-top, slutty drunk unfortunately
i seem to know wen to stop drinking and i dont crave drinking but wen i do get drunk i am annoyingly talkative, hug evryone and later hav sex with randoms
once i was drunk and high on coke, i got invited out to a bowling/ice-skating night to celebrate my friends bday, and my brother and i happen to share this friend mutually
sadly, this friend, john is also a slutty drunk, and liam, my bro, had a new gf - quite a posh one (was not impressed with his friends)
anyway fast forward a few jim beam and cokes later (a few???) and were driving back in the posh gfs car (liam stayed at a friends near the entertainment centre) and me and john were in the back with another friend of liams
next thing u know, john and i r naked and feeling each other up
wen liam found out he hit the roof
the gf had told us to get out of her car so we put our clothes back on, exited and staggered back to johns house where we finished wat wed started, between drinks and lines of coke
now i cant even drink a 6 pack of beer without nearly passing out - damn u valium!
but it means wen i drink im really careful to never hav more than 2 standard drinks atm cos im so freaked by how i become wen im drunk
well that was kinda an essay....sorry
just a tale of how a non-alcoholic can still get fucked around by the stuff!
 
My job is gettin bad quick .. I'm eager to drink but had to forcefully remind myself that its Tuesday .. And it sure isn't going to help me @ work. The last few hangovers reminded me o' that. No more drugs during business hours either.

My alchy homie @ least landed a super-lame job, and is drinking .. No more than I.
I at least can't let him win the battle to quit!
 
shit man, when ever i start to get the shakes....


welll recently i was drinking a case of beer, or a 12 pk and a btl of vodka, for 5 days i decreased my comsumtion until i had a 12 pack for the day, then i sweated, shook, and shattered for 2 days the drank 2 24oz brrrs.

after a day or two of less of the worse i had i more 24oz.

then the physical addiction left....

the mental part, you have to be a hammer head and beat that shit.

.....but its different for everyone, it can be lethal if you have gran mal seizers.
 
The psychological factors are definitely more problematic for me than the physical ones.

Physically there are issues - I do get withdrawals if I don't drink or smoke, I can't sleep without one or the other - but I find that I can deal with that side if I just minimise my drinking (i.e. two beers will allow me to sleep as easily as twenty), but none of this sorts out the psychological side, obviously. My awareness that I *can* be physically okay with less to drink does not necessarily end with me, you know, having less to drink. Ugh.

Just gotta beat that shit down, like you say.
 
For the past 2 weeks just about I've been drinking a lot more than usual, and on my own, which isn't totally a new thing for me, but I've never gotten totally drunk before on my own. I'm stopping now though, one day before NYE, lol, though hey, I may have a few tomorrow night. This morning was terrible, it literally was the worst hangover I've ever had, I've never thrown up the next morning, but this morning I hurled 3x, though the first time was obviously the only explosive one. That was at 7am, it took me until 330pm to manage the strength, and ability, to get out of bed without sheer nausea. I was starving, my stomach was in pain, but I could not bring myself to eat until about 430pm. I feel great now, just 5 hours later, but man, I was afraid I would need an ambulance or something this morning. I didn't even drink that much. Probably 200mL of Rum and 2 beers. Still though, that was horrible. I had a short fling with alcohol the past few weeks, but I'm afraid it has shown its true colours to me yet again.
 
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