I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner but actually it sounds like you're not able to fully metabolize alcohol and its remaining in acetlyaldehyde form. I could be wrong, it's been years since I've had a biology class but maybe I was wrong about the pancreas...perhaps the liver isn't producing enough dehydrogenase. I remember feeling that way after one or two drinks when I was taking Antabuse and alcohol was getting stuck in the acetlyaldehyde form.
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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 7.0
- Thread starter neversickanymore
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I don't know why I didn't think of this sooner but actually it sounds like you're not able to fully metabolize alcohol and its remaining in acetlyaldehyde form. I could be wrong, it's been years since I've had a biology class but maybe I was wrong about the pancreas...perhaps the liver isn't producing enough dehydrogenase. I remember feeling that way after one or two drinks when I was taking Antabuse and alcohol was getting stuck in the acetlyaldehyde form.
QuE-dAwEiRd1
Bluelighter
Could be right.but whatever it is,I'm scared for life!alcohol will not enter my body again.tried,tested,failed lol.Something changed when I reached the age of 18 (legal to drink in south africa)guess my body just wants to do illegal stuff(kidding*)but seriously,after I turned 18 my body rejected alcohol.its 11years later I'm healthy as can be but still no alcohol for me.
manboychef
Bluelighter
The line between social drinking and problem drinking becomes crossed when one continues to drink in spite of negative consequences.
closeau
Bluelighter
Said well man botched. That's exactly right
closeau
Bluelighter
I didn't write botched. I wrote said well man.,this is the only website that does this to me
closeau
Bluelighter
I typed said well man. That's exactly right and when I hit post it threw the word botched in there. Only thing botched are the programming. I was referring to man itches post. I remember when I went Omer my line. I woke up and peeked out the window andvdidnt see my car.,I put shoes on and went out and looked and it was parked up on the curb all the freakin way down the parking lot. I'm lucky it wasnt towed. So I drive it to where i.e. I.e. Should be and went in and took a few shots of vodka all before 4am. Problem? Yes. And I grabbed that bottle. Drinking despite negative consequences. That's when it really god bad for me. The worst era of my life. I'll never go back! I once heard a guy in a meeting saying he wasn't afraid Of booze he had a healthy respect for it. Well screw that my friends. I'm positive I won't drink but that shit scares me to death. The obsession returning, omg I would be dead. I usually don't look up when asking for help now I am. Only something stronger voice than me could take that vile obsession from me.,And thank God he did. I don't feel like drinking or anything I just had an outburst of emotion. Y'all have a safe sober weekend
manboychef
Bluelighter
@closeau: I have a fear of the bottle now. When I drink liquor, bad things happen. I love the way it feels going down and I will keep drinking it until it is gone or I cannot physically drink anymore. Beer and wine I have no problem, I cannot drink them as fast.
polymath
Bluelight Crew
Like I told you earlier, I've had to use some old antabuse pills my dad gave me, lately, because the supply of disulfiram to pharmacies here in Finland has been interrupted for some time. Yesterday morning I had been up all night because I had been programming a physics simulation and I was too excited about it to go to sleep. At 5 am I decided that I had to take my morning medications. Then I noticed that in the old antabuse bottle, there was one tablet that shouldn't have been there. It was not disulfiram, and I almost immediately identified it as a tablet of zopiclone, which my dad had been scripted for insomnia many years ago. I don't know how it had ended up in the wrong bottle of pills. Of course I took the zopiclone tablet because I needed to get some sleep, and it literally knocked me on my ass because I hadn't used any GABAergics for 4 monts and I had no tolerance. After waking up 5 hours later I was still feeling a bit out of it from the sleep pill and had a poor coordination.
I don't know if this counts as a "relapse", in principle it does because it's not only alcohol I have had a problem with, I also tend to lose control if I use any other GABAergics... It would have been a bit extreme to flush the zopiclone tablet down the toilet, though, given that I actually had bad insomnia at the moment.
Maybe I'm taking this incident too seriously, I haven't had any alcohol/drug cravings today so nothing disastrous really happened...
I don't know if this counts as a "relapse", in principle it does because it's not only alcohol I have had a problem with, I also tend to lose control if I use any other GABAergics... It would have been a bit extreme to flush the zopiclone tablet down the toilet, though, given that I actually had bad insomnia at the moment.
Maybe I'm taking this incident too seriously, I haven't had any alcohol/drug cravings today so nothing disastrous really happened...
samm2
Bluelighter
Anybody here use a drinking diary---logging any and all drinks in a diary of sorts?
Find it helpful and useful for seeing and being honest with onrself. Forces oneself to being mindful of drinking as you need to measure and count your drinks at all times.Yes, count them no matter how many! and don't lose count! no cheating(you closeau)
Probably not helpful though with total abstinance though.
Helps set & create limits also.(probably not possible with everyone,but being honest if you fall helps)
Happy 4th of July (for all in the states, you Finlanders stay away from those vodka-drinking Russian girls(joking))
stay safe and sober.
Find it helpful and useful for seeing and being honest with onrself. Forces oneself to being mindful of drinking as you need to measure and count your drinks at all times.Yes, count them no matter how many! and don't lose count! no cheating(you closeau)
Probably not helpful though with total abstinance though.
Helps set & create limits also.(probably not possible with everyone,but being honest if you fall helps)
Happy 4th of July (for all in the states, you Finlanders stay away from those vodka-drinking Russian girls(joking))
stay safe and sober.
I think you should take it seriously. There seems to be a lot of rationalization going on. First, you were actively working on a project that you seem excited about - I would not necessarily count that as extreme insomnia as it doesn't seem you were very interested in sleep. It's not as if you were actively trying to sleep and were unable to do so. Secondly, while its not alcohol you said you had a problem with GABAergic drugs, so I think this does qualify as a relapse regardless of the consequences, albeit a minor one.
Case in point, after I quit Xanax I found one a few months later in a jacket pocket...while tempted I did still flush it as I resolved myself to not taking them anymore. Was it extreme, perhaps, but given my history with benzos and booze extreme measures had to be taken to get myself sober, so extreme measures are always options to me to keep myself sober.
In your situation I think you certainly put yourself at risk as you said you tend to lose control with GABAergics - it's possible you could have had more dire consequences by taking the pill. It's possible you may still as it completely leaves your system (not familiar with the half life), you may still get cravings etc.
I think you know the gravity of your actions, otherwise you wouldn't have written this post. I think you're doing quite well and by no means should beat yourself up over it, though I also think you understand the risk you took. I think you need to be more mindful in the future as you will undoubtedly have more opportunities in the future, and need to establish boundaries with yourself now should the situation present again.
You are early in your recovery, I don't think staying up all night is a wise action for you. I think it clouds your judgment and does put your sobriety at risk. I think you got lucky this time, but may not be so fortunate in the future. I hope I don't sound harsh as that is not my intention. I have been in your situation and understand the struggle and pain of stopping GABAergic substances and just don't want to see you move backwards in your progress. I wouldn't reset your sobriety count (if you do this) to day 1, but I would treat this as a big warning signal that you are not as sound in your sobriety as you may think you are. Tread carefully my friend, and get so real sleep tonight! I wish you the best!
polymath
Bluelight Crew
^ Thanks for your advice. I know that if I or anyone else who's been an alcoholic/addict starts making any slightest compromises with the desire to get intoxicated, they're very quickly going to be as deep in the addiction as they used to be. That said, I've never been physically dependent on benzodiazepines or similar drugs, the reason why I say that I tend to lose control with any sedative drugs is that when I tried to use Lyrica for anxiety I noted that I wasn't able to keep to the prescribed dosage and always ran out of the pregabalin early. 3 years ago my alcohol addiction was so bad that I was almost always drunk if I only had money to buy booze (alcohol is about 3 times more expensive here than in the USA), but I wasn't using any other substances at the moment.
FnX
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2009
- Messages
- 749
Thanks, the important take-away for me from this is "it depends on the individual". Some questions have no clear answers no matter how much we wish for I guess, got to use that good old critical judgement. It's kind of obvious I suppose, but when you worry about someone it's not hard to miss the obvious sometimes.
closeau
Bluelighter
What do you mean no cheating samm2? Diss or friendly joke?
samm2
Bluelighter
Joking of course.......as why diss? I thought the vodka drinking russian girls explained that but of course I would never diss you.
closeau
Bluelighter
Cool b
SergeKolpa
Bluelighter
I don't know guys and girls. Yes, some people cannot drink a drop for the whole of the remainder of their lives. There are benefits to being T-total. Ok, the question is how are you going to enjoy your life being T-Total? Most importantly how are you going to socialise without breaking a bank? Those holidays, museums, cinemas, restaurants, day trips are in general several times more expensive than a pub. And those places are nowhere near as effective as bars and pubs to meet new people and friends. You come to a pub every week or fortnightly, you meet friends, catch up with things, you go out with your work mates on Fridays to relax, you go to clubs to meet new people. Life is blossoming. In reality it is extremely rear when you go to a gym with your work colleagues.
HOW can you get all that social life in any other ways? For me it is the trickiest question of all. I am not the person to find acquaintances through boring local council meetings or going to a church, I am an atheist, full stop. Yep, I know one of the answers is to drink non-alcoholic drinks but still go to pubs and clubbing. Please, come up with creative ideas of how to socialise on a regular basis without drinking? (volunteering etc. does not count, and no, I hate knitting)
In my humble opinion an answer to this question is a cure for social alcoholics.
HOW can you get all that social life in any other ways? For me it is the trickiest question of all. I am not the person to find acquaintances through boring local council meetings or going to a church, I am an atheist, full stop. Yep, I know one of the answers is to drink non-alcoholic drinks but still go to pubs and clubbing. Please, come up with creative ideas of how to socialise on a regular basis without drinking? (volunteering etc. does not count, and no, I hate knitting)
In my humble opinion an answer to this question is a cure for social alcoholics.
polymath
Bluelight Crew
Why not go to a yoga club, or maybe hunting club if wild nature is your thing...
The problem with alcohol and social life is that once you have developed a real alcohol dependence, like I had at one point, and during your benders you need to start drinking immediately after waking up every morning, there's nothing social about it anymore. In that condition, you probably can't even take enough care of your personal hygiene to be able to go in public and meet people. Most "social" drinkers haven't gotten to that point in their addiction yet, but addiction is a progressive disease and it will eventually get that bad if you have a genetic predisposition for alcoholism and you keep drinking regularly.
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