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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0

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Day by day

Agreed, this forum and being able to gain some insight here have already helped significantly. I can't quite put into words how thankful I am for this.
I know I am a stranger but you have helped me (us) and I thank you kindly for this.

I really hope he and I will be another success story like you and yours; indubitably there will be up's and down's but I'm going to keep believing and doing all I can to help us through this.
He is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I do mean this, wholeheartedly, in every way; He is The Great Love of My Life and I'm one hell of a fighter when I have to be. This is coming in handy at this stage of things.

Kind wonderful Lady, thank you. and to your wife, what a gem of a person. My hat is off with a deeply respectful bow to you both.

Being able to connect to another couple that went through something so very similar is just another example of the goodness all around.

I will let you know how things go with us and again, truly, please feel this, thank you so much.:)
 
junegreenjeans said:
Dear Allein,

when you decided to seek out the addiction counselling did you decide that all on your own or did someone or something help you reach that moment you decided to fight for your life? Back then, when you were still there, did you find you became super defensive when loved ones expressed genuine concern and if so, any advice for the partner of a drinker?
I don't know what to do here.
Really uplifting to read your story man; agreed, the carnage simply isn't worth it.
good on you and all the best
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Apologies for not responding sooner, the last week or 3 have been a bit rough round the edges !

MY drinking and drug use was totally out of control, coke, Mephedrone MDPV and a bottle of whiskey a day wasn't sustainable, bearinf in mind I ws holding down a fairly challenging job throughout.

I was suffering depression with almost constant thoughts of suicide as well as a scary de realisation, I'd been ill for years but never had any treatment for these problems partly due to me not seeking it and partly due to uncaring doctors ignoring obvious signs of problems.

Eventually my partner persuaded me to make an appointment with a mature female doctor she had recently seen ( in truth I think she had discussed me wither but I've never asked her about it)
That doctor immediately realised I was in very bad shape, and may well have saved my life within 30 minutes she knew about my drink and drug problems and how desperately depressed I was as well as how disconnected I had become from reality ( I was seriously questioning whether anything was real at quite a deep and seemingly intellectual level but it wasn't in a positive way and I was frightened and anxious ) I will always be grateful to that doctor, she reassured me that I would not always feel this way, things would get better, I would probably continue to need to address my mental health but that help was available and she would ensure I got it, she even gave me her personal mobile phone number in case I really need to talk.

Unsurprisingly, given my state I was admitted to secure care about 2-3 weeks later, I went in voluntarily as I no longer felt safe, whilst there I didn't drink I had a little medication to avoid wds. On release it wasn't long before I went back to drinking and added in Benzos, I still wasn't coping well and my doctor had retired and ADs weren't working.

Winding on a good while I got a new and better GP and requested CBT, as part of the induction I talked about my drink and benzo issue and was told I would have to be clean of drink for 4 weeks prior to starting CBT so they referred me to the local addiction counselling center. I was tired of all thr drinking and Valium by then I knew it wasn't helping me move forward so, with the help of the Hather Ashton Manual drew up a benzo taper with a day in it where I stopped drinking, with the support of a drugs counsellor I was successful with that and I haven't fallen back into drinking since, apart from one occation where I brought a bottle had 2 shots and tipped the rest away I have totally abstained.

I have relapsed twice on Benzos, the last taper being about a year ago, I've been using a bit of Xanax recently but it's not got out of hand as yet and I hope it doesn't, I try to only get a few at a time and leave a couple of weeks between using but I know I'm playing with fire with this one.

tart is to stop hating I have no real words of wisdom to offer on quitting the drink but I good start is to stop hating yourself for it, self loathing is my worst enemy.

All my very best wishes to all <3
 
Allein said:
remember we all have our issues and failings they make us who we are<3
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SO so true Allein, we all need to remember this. Thank you <3

Allein said:
I wonder what others say in social situations when offered a drink, I've found it quite hard and have avoided a number of opportunities to further much needed social interaction.
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This is a huge issue for me too, living in a society in which the culture encourages drinking and frowns upon sobriety (Australia). I am currently living at my parents place and even here is not safe for me, I am triggered constantly. I have been sober (and clean off codeine) for 6 days, but today I feel like my strength is waning. I have been rock-solid in my sobriety the past week, and I am so proud of that. But the little addiction voice is already trying to justify a drink to me. I hate it.


blank bones said:
I have 11 days clean today, so little that I feel a little disingenuous using the past tense about my drinking already, so I really hope I am not bragging about my self control either.
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11 days is an excellent achievement blank bones! Is it now 23 days??

blank bones said:
One question I would ask is do you feel like you have a strong connection with your psych? I tried maybe 4 people over the course of around 6 years before I found one I could really open up to emotionally, as that is something that has never been easy for me. But finding the right one really made a huge difference. It is just something possible worth considering.
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I have an excellent relationship with my psych and yes it has helped immensely. I can safely say I wouldn't be sober, and I possibly wouldn't even be alive if it weren't for the help of my psych.


june and CartmansKitty, thank you both so much for sharing your stories <3
 
N3o- isn't 6 days more then you've probaly had in a while? I got 7 days no opiates today and 3 days no alcohol and I'm holding on but its hard. I'm not giving up tho and don't you either.

I even quit weed starting next Monday as my first day no smoking since at least march 2012. :)
 
n3ophy7e, thanks for the encouragement! It is 23 days without alcohol. I bought a gram of weed a couple of times, however, and I am still not sure how I feel about that. My main priority is to keep away from drinking, but even when I have just had a gram in the house I still found that it had a little too much of a hold on me and I use it more often than I should. And although my body feels fine when I smoke, my mind is a little more foggy and closed off from other people for a couple of days any time I indulge it seems. I probably should give that up to, but saying goodbye to it forever is probably harder than giving up alcohol for me. I actually like the feeling it gives me a lot more than alcohol, even if alcohol is more addictive and numbing when in emotional pain, is what it comes down to I think.
So I havn't really decided what to do about that yet.
 
Dear Allein, Thank you for sharing your incredible journey. The folks on this site are helping with their insight and it is appreciated in a most heart felt way.
Our journey will have ups and downs and I am certain a strength will be drawn from what I've learnt here. Thank you and I wish all of you the very best road of sobriety.
Yeah man, self love isn't it. Indeed it is.
Keep it going and take good care of that heart.
 
smokemctoke420 said:
N3o- isn't 6 days more then you've probaly had in a while? I got 7 days no opiates today and 3 days no alcohol and I'm holding on but its hard. I'm not giving up tho and don't you either.
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Thanks so much man, I dunno how you remember that but yeah I haven't been sober for this long in at least 12 months! I'm now on my 8th day, I made it through yesterday :) You keep holding on too smokemctoke, take it one day at a time <3


blank bones said:
n3ophy7e, thanks for the encouragement! It is 23 days without alcohol. I bought a gram of weed a couple of times, however, and I am still not sure how I feel about that. My main priority is to keep away from drinking, but even when I have just had a gram in the house I still found that it had a little too much of a hold on me and I use it more often than I should. And although my body feels fine when I smoke, my mind is a little more foggy and closed off from other people for a couple of days any time I indulge it seems. I probably should give that up to, but saying goodbye to it forever is probably harder than giving up alcohol for me. I actually like the feeling it gives me a lot more than alcohol, even if alcohol is more addictive and numbing when in emotional pain, is what it comes down to I think.
So I havn't really decided what to do about that yet.
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23 days without alcohol!! Go you :) That is awesome dude. I reckon just focus on one thing at a time. If you try to quit everything all at once you're (in my experience) more likely to cave in to something. It's like me with alcohol, and my eating disorders. Whenever I go sober, my ED comes back for a little while as a coping mechanism while I'm getting sober. It serves a protective function so I'm not too bothered about it. Kinda like you and weed?? Perhaps when you've been comfortably sober for a long time you can consider cutting out the weed too?
 
I'm up to 11 days. I'm at my parents place tonight (which is where I live, but I spend half my time at my boyfriend's place), and my brother and his family are here too, so we're having a family dinner. I can already hear them opening wine bottles and beers and pouring drinks in to glasses. I was already craving alcohol before this but this is just ridiculous. I really cannot deal with this :( They have no idea how hard this is for me. I just wanna scream and cry.

Being at my parents place is my biggest trigger, and I fucking live here. This is not good.
 
I find when I get clean form opiates for at least a month, where it becomes a choice if I use or no, it isn't the opiates that really fuck me. It is the alcohol. It is so hard to consider a life where I never drink again. Even typing that spiked my soul right now. I'll go on a wild drinking binge, and then it is just a hop and leap to the opiates again - usually as a damned hangover remedy.
 
Hey guys! Just checking in!

N3o - I saw your post, and it brought it all back for me. When I lived at home, I'm convinced that both my mother and step father were functioning alcoholics. So, each time my mother would flag up my alcohol issues, and tell me I had to stop - I would come home from an AA meeting, or whatever, to find them both sitting there with drink. That was the hardest thing ever. Inevitably, after a few weeks, I would cave, and I would be back to drinking again, and my mother would get my step father to kick me out. This went on for over a year this cycle. (My step father once tried to kick me out into the rain one night at 11pm when he was as pissed as a fart himself.) Looking back now, being in that environment, I was setting myself up to fail each and every time.

Do your parents drink every night? Is there anyway you could talk with them about triggers, and how hard you are finding it in these early days to be around people that are drinking?

From personal experience, every time I spoke to my mother about it, it fell on deaf ears, and I would be told she wasn't going to stop what she was doing because I had a problem.

Would moving out be an option if your parents didn't want to help you? Keep going N3o (and everyone else) - the first few weeks/months are hell, but, once you get out of there, life is waiting- and it is good. <3

Motherofearth - Every single attempt I had at giving up alcohol used to be marred by my refusal to accept the fact I could never drink again. In fact the attempt I had a few months before I finally gave it up lasted just three weeks. In the space of two days, I was worried about how Christmases, birthdays etc were going to be. I thought they would be a right miserable affair. In fact, my nightly entertainment revolved around me getting as smashed as I could. I thought I could never enjoy life again.
I've now been sober 5 years. Life is better. No hangovers, I remember what I have said/done the night before. No more checking my mobile to see who I've drunkenly called/text. No more trying to piece together what I did yesterday.

I remember Christmases, birthdays, and do things I always wanted to do - my last birthday I went go-karting with all my friends, instead of sitting in a pub! When I go on holiday, I actually enjoy myself. Whereas before, I used to wake up every morning/afternoon hungover, and wouldn't actually feel ok until later that evening/night, where I would do it all again, and come back, and say I had a great time.

That was not life. Now I don't care if I can't ever drink again. It is a small price to pay for what I have now. So please, don't go drinking. Really, sit there and think about if you want to spend the rest of your life afraid to live without a chemical. Keep strong guys! <3
 
And. (Sorry for double posting.) Remember - take it one day at a time if you have to. At one point, I was taking it one minute at a time. Just getting sober from alcohol is a feat in itself. Take the feeling that you have at the minute, and do something else. At the moment, you are free. Alcohol is shit. It makes you feel shit, and ultimately, it turns peoples lives to shit. Take the control back. Make it wait. x
 
Yes, alcohol was involved in every loss I'd had in my life for a long time. Until I got on the smack, that is. Now, I just sit around and dread not being able to have a scotch at my wedding one day. Things like that. I suppose that is where the one day at a time comes in, but my mind is electric and I can't wield its coils w/ any semblance of control. It's gonna think what it's gonna think.
 
It does get better. I got married (last December), and, while all my friends/partner were having a drink, I didn't. And, I wasn't bothered either. I was bothered however, by my best friend constantly asking me if I was OK with everyone drinking. Lol. It was a massive bonus too that I got to seeing everyone making a tit out of themselves the more they drank. It was brilliant that I put my WIFE to bed when it used to be years of it being vice versa. The icing on the cake was that I didn't wake up the next day feeling really shite like my wife and best friend did!!

I had to remind myself - if I hadn't have given up alcohol, I wouldn't have been getting married in the first place.

Sure, I'd be a liar if I didn't say that I don't wish I could just have a drink like everyone else, and leave it at that. It's knowing that you can't though. It's like an allergy. That's how I've come to look at it. Some people are allergic to peanuts, I'm allergic to booze.

I know it's a cliché, but, today is the start of the rest of your life. xx
 
CartmansKitty said:
It does get better. I got married (last December), and, while all my friends/partner were having a drink, I didn't. And, I wasn't bothered either. I was bothered however, by my best friend constantly asking me if I was OK with everyone drinking. Lol. It was a massive bonus too that I got to seeing everyone making a tit out of themselves the more they drank. It was brilliant that I put my WIFE to bed when it used to be years of it being vice versa. The icing on the cake was that I didn't wake up the next day feeling really shite like my wife and best friend did!!

I had to remind myself - if I hadn't have given up alcohol, I wouldn't have been getting married in the first place.

Sure, I'd be a liar if I didn't say that I don't wish I could just have a drink like everyone else, and leave it at that. It's knowing that you can't though. It's like an allergy. That's how I've come to look at it. Some people are allergic to peanuts, I'm allergic to booze.

I know it's a cliché, but, today is the start of the rest of your life. xx
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It's like they say, I'm allergic to drugs and alcohol, when I use or drink I break out in cuffs.
 
Warning: Possible triggers. I'm not following any program. And I'm using kratom to quit alcohol. Don't like it then skip on.

I'm trying to switch over to kratom and just use that instead. I used kratom a lot when I was quitting cigs and it really helped. Now I've been maybe 3 months without any nicotine. Whether kratom has anti-addictive properties or rather it's just another drug to distract myself I don't know. And I don't care to know. It worked and I'm off the cigs. I stopped the kratom CT which caused me no symptoms because while my use was heavy it was only for a few weeks.

I only drink maybe 6-8 drinks a night most of the time. Sometimes I skip nights even with no withdrawal symptoms. It could be worse. I am trying to simplify my life right now and I don't need alcohol to run the show. I think I'm starting to get sick of the stuff. Same thing I did with every other drug after too much abuse. I still want to drink but just for taste\potentiation not to get hammered.
 
Doing alright CartmansKitty,

Day by day right? I need to take care of myself. I find that since I met my sweetheart and his sweetheart (beer), it has taken a toll on my health. Where once my mornings were spent stretching and juicing, now they are spent cleaning up empties and cigarette buts. A labor of love but i'd be fibbin if I made the claim that this wasn't draining me. EAch day.
I'm drinking more myself too. Stashing beers in the basement rafters or drinking them myself just so he runs out and goes to bed.
Often I lay in bed and fall asleep while sweety drinks till 2-3a.m; I awake early and clean up the mess. He sleeps until 2 or so p.m, gets up, refuses any breakfast but takes the O.J (which is good for they need vitamin C and sleep), then he retreats to his back shed after going to the shop for more and emerges about 4 hours later.
When his Family has shown up for visits he tries to hide his beer drinking and I see him struggling with the shakes and the sweats. Breaks my F___ing heart. Just rips it.
If I had a magic wand, if I could take his pain away and somehow magically clean his blood out so the initial withdrawal wouldn't be so intolerable, I would. But I don't and I can't.
I am worried that this alcohol thing is draining my once vibrant life force and I must protect myself.
The notion of putting my foot down and risking fall out is simply something I cannot do, at least, not at this moment. He can be reckless. If he did something to himself it would ruin me, I know it would.
He tells me he will cut down. This will be a slow process. I fully know I may be delusional regarding this matter but what does one do when the love of their life is imprisoned by booze and seems to like being in prison? Crikey. Glad I found this site and good folks to share with and gain insight from...
This will indubitably continue to be a roller coaster ride. Glad I have a great seat belt.

Hope you and yours are doing great!
take care and i'll drop in later.
We are ok.
 
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