^^Agreed - I think we can all agree that some people can handle their shit and some people cannot, and that applies to any drug. Yeah, someone with an active meth addiction who hates drama? *glares*
I was debating on whether to post this... fuck it.
I am 5 days sober. I got sober this time because my boyfriend - now estranged boyfriend - said if I kept drinking and taking Adderall, he'd keep gambling to the point he'd have to borrow money from me and abusing Adderall to work overtime to pay me back. I walked out of his apartment, not drunk or high... and I stayed that way. I later called him and told him I wanted to get better, but that it was for me and not him and that he is no longer allowed to play codependent games with me.
I went to AA on the advice of a friend. And I walked out feeling less like shit than I have in a long time. Although my Adderall is prescribed, taking it with alcohol is such a no-go for ANYONE who wants to, well, not lose their shit. I don't miss it much at all. I've now been to 3 meetings, all coed, every age imaginable, no creeps or people panhandling like the meeting I went to in Berkeley. CaseFace - I hope you don't go to the meeting I did. I was terrified to go back and rightfully so.
Anyone who's known me in TDS awhile knows that I have strong criticisms of the 12-step program. But maybe I really AM powerless over alcohol. I can sustain periods of sobriety for awhile, but when the shit really hits the fan like it has been for me lately, I run right to the bottle. And I want to get rid of that. I have now met a good number of people who want me to participate in a program that has helped a lot of them. I am still struggling with the idea of not smoking medicinal herb anymore, but I am not struggling with not drinking as much as I thought I would. I don't need dogma to tell me I can't drink like a normal person. Rather than pooh-poohing these people who have the same problem as I do and have felt the same pressures that I have, I'm instead allowing myself to keep an open mind.
The holding strangers' hands in a circle is a little unnerving but I cannot isolate myself and drink my problems away as I usually do. Whether AA is the answer or not, I refuse to continue living that way. What is better for me overall - going to a room to talk to people in the hope we all get better or to take a drink and face adverse consequences?