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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

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I was reminded yesterday that it's been a year since I had a drink :)

I had my last bottle stood empty on the booze shelf until last month, the shelf that had a full and open bottle of scotch on it without fail for far to long, I found it useful to have it there, I guess it filled the space.

Best wishes to all on the path to a better place<3
 
It's been three or four days since I felt like I didn't want to drink again. Once I was sober I hit the gym again and did some running, swimming and chest. Next day I did some running and squats. I've laundered my horrible sweaty bedsheets today so I have a fresh bed for sleeping in tonight. Everything's picking back up again and I got a phone call today that might get me a job so I went to see them (sober) and all was well.

I went to the pub immediately after going to the job place to celebrate and had two pints of Staropramen, then went to the supermarket and bought a bottle of decent wine, which I drank slowly all afternoon. Then I went out tonight and had a pint and a snack in the pub and got some more beers on my way back home.

It's amazing how I thought I'd never drink again three or four nights ago when I was lying sweating in my bed by here I am quite happy and having a beer. I saw a cute girl on the street that I know from AA and she asked if I'd just come from a meeting and I said no I hadn't been to a meeting for a few weeks and that I was going to buy some beers from the corner shop.
 
I've no idea what the point of that post is up there. I think it's just a record to give me something to read if I end up overdoing it again and drinking to the point where I wish I didn't exist. :)
 
ComingBackForMore said:
a switch up to natural substances or a little herb, may do your body some good.

I have never believed people can go throughout life without some sort of medicine if they are suffering. In my mind, it's about making sure you don't die. I'm not a abstinence kind of person and truly believe nobody should be.
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I understand you're just trying to help, but for someone who is using a substance as an escape, recommending weed as a better alternative is horrible advice imo. I also disagree with your mentality towards coping. Yes, some people need pain killers for pain, but there are much healthier ways to remedy emotional pain that "a little herb". Therapy comes to mind.
 
Chill out Carl. If someone has a serious mental or physical problem then sometimes taking a milder substance might help them to gradually sort themselves out.
 
I stopped drinking for a few days, but then it got out of hand again, and I have to stop because I have things planned for next week to get my life back on track. I'm thinking of going to the AA meeting tonight that I used to visit a few months ago. I don't want to drink anymore, and need to get in a more positive, forward-thinking state of mind. I hate waking up not remembering when I went to bed. I hate not remembering entire days going by. I hate constantly having to worry if my liver has finally given out. I hate alcohol. I really do. I want to drink but I hate it. Currently I'm at the point where I'm planning on quitting yet at the same time about to head to the store for some beer. The last few days, it's always been, "I'll quit tomorrow." I keep putting off those first few days of sobriety.
 
Sorry to hear about your struggles, blahman.. Reading your posts over these last few months has been quite gripping. I sincerely hope it has a happy ending. I want you to quit.
 
I appreciate the support, Cyc. I've decided to give sobriety another go. Today is day one. I've got a lot of things planned for the next year or so, and alcohol plays no role in it. First thing I need to do is see a doctor and assess the damage I may or may not have done to my body since this last relapse. Then I'll look into finding a support program (Rational Recovery, AA, etc.) because going it alone didn't work out so well last time.

I'm very grateful for all the support you guys offer on this site. There are some very good folks on here.
 
Carl_Sagan said:
I understand you're just trying to help, but for someone who is using a substance as an escape, recommending weed as a better alternative is horrible advice imo. I also disagree with your mentality towards coping. Yes, some people need pain killers for pain, but there are much healthier ways to remedy emotional pain that "a little herb". Therapy comes to mind.
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Oh come on. I've been in therapy for two decades. It does not teach you to cope with this modern society. It's somebody to listen to your problems. We all need something, whether it be a coffee in the morning, or some tea in the evening. It's totally normal, natural, and real. I think telling people to use less physically damaging substances to be very beneficial.

If your liver is failing, get off the booze and try something else. That's my opinion. This idea of other types of coping skills is ridiculous, for those who are really in the hole. Those eating off the silver platter of luck, can eat up and shut the fuck up. That's not reality to all humanity.
 
blahman8000 said:
I appreciate the support, Cyc. I've decided to give sobriety another go. Today is day one. I've got a lot of things planned for the next year or so, and alcohol plays no role in it. First thing I need to do is see a doctor and assess the damage I may or may not have done to my body since this last relapse. Then I'll look into finding a support program (Rational Recovery, AA, etc.) because going it alone didn't work out so well last time.
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Back to day one here too Blahman. Back at the addiction unit yesterday, just waiting for the last of last night's alcohol vapours to burn off before taking my Antabuse. Really want it to stick this time. Felt so good after a coupla months sober last time out and can still barely understand how and why I fell off the wagon and been in some serious binging territory in full-on self-destruct mode again the last coupla months. So obvious that my darker moods are made infinitely worse by the booze but still I insist on damaging my mental health this way. Looking forward to the happier, brighter head-space I was starting to enjoy so much last time out and getting back involved with the social things I was getting into before the money I needed to pay for them began to vanish into the off-licence till again.

Last time out I was pretty much lock-step with N30, just a day behind her counting the days sober. I found it really useful for a while, really helped with my motivation, like I'd somehow be failing her if I bailed on being sober. Dunno if that's something that could be useful for you too or not, but I'll keep up-dating a bit more regularly than I have been doing.
 
Sepher said:
Back to day one here too Blahman.

Last time out I was pretty much lock-step with N30, just a day behind her counting the days sober. I found it really useful for a while, really helped with my motivation, like I'd somehow be failing her if I bailed on being sober. Dunno if that's something that could be useful for you too or not, but I'll keep up-dating a bit more regularly than I have been doing.
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[sigh] day 1 here too. only because i've spent all my money. i feel like i've failed my old sponsor from years ago even though i haven't spoken with her in years. i also agree that trading substances is a bad idea. i've done it a few times and it doesn't help. if anything it made me worse. my brain doesn't allow for moderation at all - ever
 
Sepher and harlans - So I guess we're in this together. I think it would be a good idea to keep up with this thread, for both our own sakes and each others. It's always encouraging to see other people succeed with their recovery along with you. I'm on day 2 right now, having cravings still but there's no way I'm going to drink. I feel a lot better than I did yesterday. My stomach area was in really bad shape. I'm about to schedule an appointment with a doctor. Hopefully I didn't fuck my pancreas up or destroy my liver for good.

harlans, I can definitely relate to being incapable of moderation. Regardless of what substance I'm using, I'm addicted to it from day one, and I abuse the shit out of it. Even as a teenager when I first discovered weed, I was getting high all day and night. With every substance, I use it constantly until I run out, and the more I do this, the more I feel like I need it. I've considered switching to weed, simply to allow myself to adjust to better health, but quite frankly I don't always react very well to weed anymore. Paranoia and the like. Plus I'll just be stoned off my ass at all times.
 
Sepher and harlans - So I guess we're in this together. I think it would be a good idea to keep up with this thread, for both our own sakes and each others. It's always encouraging to see other people succeed with their recovery along with you
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So it would seem fella. :) Kinda serendipitous perhaps that we're all setting out at the same time, and will be experiencing similar things as each day goes by. What I said about not letting N3o down my last time out earlier, I knew I wouldn't really be letting anyone down but myself and was simply projecting the disappointment I'd feel for slipping but mental sleights of hand like that are useful for me sometimes. Useful enough for me to give it another go anyways. ;)

harlans, I can definitely relate to being incapable of moderation. Regardless of what substance I'm using, I'm addicted to it from day one, and I abuse the shit out of it. Even as a teenager when I first discovered weed, I was getting high all day and night. With every substance, I use it constantly until I run out, and the more I do this, the more I feel like I need it. I've considered switching to weed, simply to allow myself to adjust to better health, but quite frankly I don't always react very well to weed anymore. Paranoia and the like. Plus I'll just be stoned off my ass at all times.
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Same here guys, very much so. Looking back right to the very beginnings of my drug and alcohol use I'm not sure I ever had much control over any of the substances I was using at the time and would always use to excess. Never seemed to find my limit with anything, it being simply running out of funds that would finally put the brakes on a run. The alcoholism's the second time now I've lacked or lost control over a substance so completely as to end up in addiction, think it would be wise to avoid risking a third time of it with anything else. Think I'm gonna see how it feels to be properly straight headed a while. Not done that for years, and years and years so maybe there's a novel buzz to be had from that for a change if I can just give it long enough to kick in? ;)
 
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Sobriety is a novel buzz, my emotions end up rollercoastering up and down, since I'm not used to feeling normal human emotions anymore. That's me, anyway. Good luck!
 
Does anyone have any tips for sleeping?

I must've had about 5 hours sleep in the last three days. I'm still drinking and feeling really nervous. I don't want to stop drinking as it might make me go into withdrawal. I'm taking Thiamine tablets so hopefully that will help with the shakes.

My main problem is that I feel absolutely shattered but I can't sleep. I haven't taken anything apart from vodka, white wine and beers for the last few weeks but I can't understand why my eyes are rolling in my head like I was on MDMA or something and I feel absolutely tired but I still can't sleep.

I booked myself in at the doctors and I have to go for a blood test in an hour. I went to McDonalds last night and finished off six cheeseburgers because I hadn't eaten all day and I hoped that having a good feed would help me sleep. It didn't work very well and I'm gonna have to go to the shop and get some immodium as I've been on and off the toilet since about three a.m. Life aint so cool at the moment.
 
Well I managed to hold it together and give a blood sample. Then I went to the pub for a pint and ate a cheap burger. I've just returned from the the supermarket having bought a bottle of vodka and some immodium, so hopefully that'll dort my digestion out.

One thine I did notice though when I was walking around in a daze is just how much I hate and fear people when hungover. Alcohol is very powerful in creating a FEAR in you that you just want to lock yourself out from the world. Hopefully when the doctors get the results of my blood sample back I'll get some professional help.
 
Your doc talk about what he's thinking about treatment-wise Laser or is he waiting for the results to come back before discussing your options just yet? Maybe more to the point you got anything specific in mind as far as what help you think you need that might work for you?

You thought about Antabuse? I'm kinda hesitant to recommend it sometimes cos if someone's inclined to try and manipulate the meds or is determined to drink regardless of the consequences it ain't gonna work, and the results of a bad reaction can be potentially dangerous but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. If something that will help you break the pattern and get to somewhere a bit more stable mentally and emotionally and feeling more together is what's needed it could be a big help.

Oh, and quick update as promised earlier: Day two, no booze, and counting. ;) Craving comes and goes, some pretty powerful, but nothing I can't handle. The overwhelming feeling today is one of relief. :)
 
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