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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0
- Thread starter n3ophy7e
- Start date
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DexterMeth
Bluelighter
^Keep it up boss 
Vaya
Bluelight Crew
Feeling pretty bent up right now! Had a horrible, physically/emotionally painful day at work, a thankless day full of sweat, blows to the body, traffic and just too many goddamn people on this world. That kinda feeling, that kinda day. But, hey. It's all good.
You know why?
I cruised past those five liquor stores on the way home. I hurt my larynx by screaming in the car to let out some of my rage; my feet hurt like hell; my arm has several autistic adolescent's teeth marks in it; my car's outta gas; I lost my debit card and can't buy cigarettes after 10 years of smoking; I have a meeting to go to tonight (AA) and I'm tired and want to isolate but committed to it a while ago.
But I didn't drink.
And oh, lord, did each one of those liquor stores look like an oasis amongst the deadly dunes of the Gobi Desert. But I'm home, I'm safe, I'll be with the right people, and by the grace of a power greater than myself, I didn't drink.
*sigh*
"No problem is so bad
that a drink won't make it worse."
Wishing you all my greatest love and strength, Dark Siders.
~ Vaya
You know why?
I cruised past those five liquor stores on the way home. I hurt my larynx by screaming in the car to let out some of my rage; my feet hurt like hell; my arm has several autistic adolescent's teeth marks in it; my car's outta gas; I lost my debit card and can't buy cigarettes after 10 years of smoking; I have a meeting to go to tonight (AA) and I'm tired and want to isolate but committed to it a while ago.
But I didn't drink.
And oh, lord, did each one of those liquor stores look like an oasis amongst the deadly dunes of the Gobi Desert. But I'm home, I'm safe, I'll be with the right people, and by the grace of a power greater than myself, I didn't drink.
*sigh*
"No problem is so bad
that a drink won't make it worse."
Wishing you all my greatest love and strength, Dark Siders.
~ Vaya
n3o-- I don't often come in here, as I've never been in this particular boat, but I just wanted to congratulate you on your sober time, and wish you all the best in staying that way through your current troubles. Don't ever stop being awesome, m'kay?
Vaya-- you're a FAR stronger man than I. Much respect to you.
/slinks out
Vaya-- you're a FAR stronger man than I. Much respect to you.
/slinks out
sarcophagus.heels
Bluelighter
Things haven't been going very well for me. I put down a fifth of vodka yesterday...god, I remember when that amount of alcohol would've landed me in the hospital, but now I'm totally fine. Well, relatively speaking - I've had a horrific hangover all day. It's a good thing I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow, 'cause I've been a mess.
stardust.hero
Bluelight Crew
Wow, so true! What a great quote.
Great work man. How many days have you been sober? My last drink was three years ago. There will not be a next. I did detox and go to treatment on my own accord. In treatment, within the first 5 minutes, I asked "how come I can exercise discipline in pretty much all walks of life save this one?" The counselor replied that I needed to a 90 in 90. I got all excited just thinking about it and then he explained to me that it was going to 90 meetings in 90 consecutive days. I went to AA every day for about a year.
Looking back, I don't think you need to devote your life to a spirtual higher power to stay sober. I did get through almost all the steps with my sponsor. The amends was a good idea. You may not need additional incentive to stay sober, but you're going to get a LOT of it listening to people whose lives were affected by your addiction to alcohol.
I mentioned the 90 in 90 because I think it is a valuable thing to do if you've not already been 90 days sober and/or haven't made it to 90 meetings. (I don't think it has to be super rigid; it could be 90 in 120.) There's also some support for the notion that your brain needs a minimum of 90 days to start rewiring itself around the destructive feedback loops that caused the alcohol addiction pathology in you. There is value in the simple discipline instilled by just "showing up". Fantastic work.
Looking back, I don't think you need to devote your life to a spirtual higher power to stay sober. I did get through almost all the steps with my sponsor. The amends was a good idea. You may not need additional incentive to stay sober, but you're going to get a LOT of it listening to people whose lives were affected by your addiction to alcohol.
I mentioned the 90 in 90 because I think it is a valuable thing to do if you've not already been 90 days sober and/or haven't made it to 90 meetings. (I don't think it has to be super rigid; it could be 90 in 120.) There's also some support for the notion that your brain needs a minimum of 90 days to start rewiring itself around the destructive feedback loops that caused the alcohol addiction pathology in you. There is value in the simple discipline instilled by just "showing up". Fantastic work.
It'd be a LOT easier to stop NOW once and for all, provided that's what you wish. In the last 2 days I've written some crazy posts on addiction (one post to still come, anytime now). It may be useful to you. Understanding stuff about addiction in general may have some bearing on YOUR use. It sounds like you've got a lot to live and love for. It's not worth devoting even the tiniest iota of your time to alcohol.
Vaya
Bluelight Crew
bluedom said:
Yeah, not at all. This is the part most people get hung up on, though, I've noticed over the years. It's merely about giving our the burden of trying to control our wills and our lives in every aspect, all the time. Remember, sobriety is more than abstinence from drugs and alcohol. It's requires a complete psychic change!
I agree it is primarily about giving up control and self-absorbedness. I suspect (which is true in my case and most cases I'm familiar with) that the harder you struggle against the addiction using willpower, etc. the more reinforcing the addiction becomes (this is the pathology). Consequently, the "higher power" is potentially a strategy where you can adopt the position of want to be drug free while still not "actively" struggling against it. I use the Chinese finger puzzle analogy where the solution is to bring your fingers together rather than pull it apart.
I'm an atheist. My "higher power" varied all the time but the only thing that I believe what matters is that it isn't the part of you that is trying to free itself from the addiction. This separation perhaps facilitates recovery (who knows, these are not studied in a controlled manner at least as it pertains to AA). My "higher power" included my family, friends, my mom, science.
In my case, I tended to pick higher or external powers that were also motivating in arresting my addiction. My mom worked the best here. Even now when I think about my drunk days and think about my mom's potential reaction to it---she does not know I drank (much, if at all) and it'd break her heart---it reminds me of how fortunate I am to have been able to get out of the trap when I did. In other words, some higher powers were better at different times in reinforcing my mindset to stop and not restart.
The main thing AA offered me was support. It was unconditional, nonjudgemental, and it was replacement and gave me something to keep me occupied (instead of being drunk) while my brain healed and rewired.
I'm an atheist. My "higher power" varied all the time but the only thing that I believe what matters is that it isn't the part of you that is trying to free itself from the addiction. This separation perhaps facilitates recovery (who knows, these are not studied in a controlled manner at least as it pertains to AA). My "higher power" included my family, friends, my mom, science.
In my case, I tended to pick higher or external powers that were also motivating in arresting my addiction. My mom worked the best here. Even now when I think about my drunk days and think about my mom's potential reaction to it---she does not know I drank (much, if at all) and it'd break her heart---it reminds me of how fortunate I am to have been able to get out of the trap when I did. In other words, some higher powers were better at different times in reinforcing my mindset to stop and not restart.
The main thing AA offered me was support. It was unconditional, nonjudgemental, and it was replacement and gave me something to keep me occupied (instead of being drunk) while my brain healed and rewired.
harlans
Bluelighter
37 fucking days! was sober for 5 yrs and went back out HARD. no alcohol at all since my last hospitalized detox! feeling pretty good about it. just hope my dr will renew my temazepam script - they curb the cravings, but i know they have the potential to be a problem in their own right. anything not to drink. it's always taken hospitalization for me to quit - usually after a suicide attempt because booze makes me feel like i have to die. it's just so crazy. i'd get drunk and then feel compelled to kill myself. so stupid. it's just amazing how ALCOHOL puts me right under it's thumb so easily! I mean, i quit speed on my own - no prob. but booze booze booze sings a siren's song to me - to lure me to my death
harlans
Bluelighter
"No problem is so bad
that a drink won't make it worse."
yes yes yes - a perfect sentence. it should be my mantra
~ Vaya[/QUOTE]
that a drink won't make it worse."
yes yes yes - a perfect sentence. it should be my mantra
~ Vaya[/QUOTE]
^^^
That' fantastic n3ophy7e 10 days is a long time I was drinking at least 1/2 a liter of whiskey a day standard + beers for nearly 3 years but have now been dry since July last year, I don't count the days any more just the months.
I still have other issues to deal with but that one big one off the list and my liver thanks me every day
I never really accepted how ill it was making me until I stopped, I'll spare the details but my bowels were in a right state and this was probably one of the reasons I had an internal bleed whilst on Sertraline.
Alcohol, unlike other "real" drugs crept into my life over a 10 year period after I gave up tobacco and hash which had been a 15 year heavy habit. When work got bad and I went down hill into acute depression there was that bottle waiting for me.
I don't even think about it much anymore, I just don't drink at all, ever. In many ways its made my life so much easier I don't have to worry about timing last drinks and driving and people love to go out with you because you can drive them. I was never a social drinker anyway it was always a solitary affair just me and the booze.
Keep on going every day it will get easier and easier and you are now at this moment a non drinker all you have to do is keep it that way.
All the best wishes in the world
That' fantastic n3ophy7e 10 days is a long time I was drinking at least 1/2 a liter of whiskey a day standard + beers for nearly 3 years but have now been dry since July last year, I don't count the days any more just the months.
I still have other issues to deal with but that one big one off the list and my liver thanks me every day
I never really accepted how ill it was making me until I stopped, I'll spare the details but my bowels were in a right state and this was probably one of the reasons I had an internal bleed whilst on Sertraline.Alcohol, unlike other "real" drugs
crept into my life over a 10 year period after I gave up tobacco and hash which had been a 15 year heavy habit. When work got bad and I went down hill into acute depression there was that bottle waiting for me.I don't even think about it much anymore, I just don't drink at all, ever. In many ways its made my life so much easier I don't have to worry about timing last drinks and driving and people love to go out with you because you can drive them. I was never a social drinker anyway it was always a solitary affair just me and the booze.
Keep on going every day it will get easier and easier and you are now at this moment a non drinker all you have to do is keep it that way.
All the best wishes in the world
Sepher
Bluelight Crew
Congrats N3o, that's great. Pleased for you!
I'm only one small step behind you N30, this being day 10 with 9 full days of no booze at all under my belt. I've gone longer, but not these last 6 - 9 months or so. I'm patiently waiting for monday to come round then I can start counting in weeks instead of days. I've always said I don't suffer from physical withdrawals but this time I think I was verging on them. Felt really hyped and jittery the first coupla days, and just generally shit. Acamprosate and a gram or so of weed helped a lot I think, though I don't intend making a habit of a joint a night to help me sleep. Would like to say I feel great for it, but truth is I feel pretty crap at the moment. Not sleeping great, tired and headachy, and just stressed out with life in general. The cravings have been pretty bad but maybe there are hints that they're subsiding a bit over the last day or so. Hope so. Thank G*d for Antabuse is all I have to say, cos I'd have crumbled by now without it. Still, for all that I'm starting to feel a bit more positive than I have in a while. 9 days, will soon be 10, then will be 2 weeks, and then . . . who knows. Not even thinking that far yet cos I know I'm still baby stepping at the minute. We shall see.
Cohesion
Bluelighter
Don't want to junk up this thread but I'm really struggling with cravings right now. They are happening earlier and earlier in the day.
Still holding out till 5pm...
Still holding out till 5pm...
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sarcophagus.heels
Bluelighter
^ I'm with you, mami....don't want to break up all the resounding successes in this thread, but things aren't so rosy at this end, unfortunately.
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